Seven Minutes in Heaven
by tuesdaymidnight
Summary: High school senior Edward just found out that his long-standing crush on classmate Jasper is mutual, but he is mortified that their first kiss may occur inside a closet. Little does he know what that one kiss will ignite. AU, AH, OOC. E/J Slash. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

**A/N:** This is Edward and Jasper slash. I'm just trying my hand at this little one-shot of fluff because I'm inspired by all of you wonderful writers who have paired our boys together in such delicious ways. Rated M... because neither horny teenage Edward nor I can just stop at a kiss. ;) **Update:** Apparently I can't just stop at a one-shot either!

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I ran my hands through my hair, trying not to squint at my companion in the tiny dark room. It was a nervous habit, as natural to me as breathing. It was only a few years ago that I realized my father has the exact same habit, and that somewhere along the way I unconsciously mimicked the motion. The only difference was that he was one of those lucky few whose hair remained blond throughout adulthood. Mine was a peculiar bronze color, as if it were possible that my mother's mahogany hair color was actually mixed together with my father's blond in my DNA.

I was running my hands through my hair this time because I _was_ nervous. Extremely nervous.

I was not entirely sure how I ended up here, alone with Jasper, without dying of embarrassment along the way. We weren't really friends. He was friends with my twin sister and my older brother. Ever since my brother Emmett started dating Jasper's sister Rosalie, he was thrust into my life, shaking up my world. And then my twin sister Alice had to go and befriend him and they became nearly inseparable, increasing my torture exponentially.

You see, Jasper was it for me - my Mr. Rochester, my Mr. Darcy, my Mr. Knightly. That is, if I had been a character in a Bronte or Austen novel... well, and a woman. Alice knew I was gay before I did. She always knew everything about everyone, whether we told her or not. I always felt different from most of the boys my age, that was certain, but it wasn't until adolescence that I began to understand that part of the reason for my feeling different was not angst or my intellect or my preference for Classical music over the obnoxious hip hop that took over the very white town of Forks, Washington. No, I was different because it wasn't bikini clad woman sprawled out over sports cars that got me all hot and bothered.

My object of arousal came in the form of one Jasper Hale, with his dirty blond hair, the inch of height he had on my 6'2" frame, his broad shoulders and chest, both accentuated by his perfect army brat posture, his toned legs, and his perfect, round, firm ass... he was my undoing.

The worst part was that the attraction did not end at the physical. If it were just a physical attraction then I could have tolerated it. I could have ignored the constant erection I had around him, finished high school without incident, gone off to college in a city where being openly gay didn't make me a freak, and find other gay men to go on dates with, kiss, and with any luck have sex with. But of course, nothing was ever easy in the life of Edward Cullen. No, Jasper had to go ahead and be absolutely perfect. Easy-going, often quiet, but made it worth it when he spoke with his rather biting wit and gentle self-deprecation. It was so easy to be around him, which made it even harder for me to avoid becoming his friend. Luckily with school and music and track and cross country I was fairly busy, and he was on the wrestling team with Emmett in the winter, during my off season, so we were able to maintain a casual acquaintanceship.

It was too much torture to be around him anymore than that.

So how did I end up here, alone, in a closet with Jasper Hale, for seven minutes supposedly of heaven? One word – Alice.

Here we were, two weeks away from graduating high school, and I had successfully made it through four years of maintaining for the most part a public heterosexual façade, of successfully not forcefully throwing myself at Jasper, of quietly coming out to my parents and older brother, and my handful of close friends, who were all nothing but supportive. Yet somehow, in the course of an evening, my older brother and his girlfriend, already home from college for the summer, my best friend Bella and her boyfriend Jake, my sister and her flavor of the month Riley, all knew not only of my sexual preference (granted they probably all knew or had some idea anyway) but also of my insatiable crush on Jasper.

But it didn't end there. No, in a bittersweet twist of fate, with a pinch of Alice thrown in, it didn't end there.

I should have been elated I supposed, because a few months after starting to get an inkling that Jasper was a very closeted homosexual, I found out through this ridiculous game of Truth or Dare that not only were my desperately hopeful guesses correct, but that he, Jasper Hale, my object of worship and unrequited devotion, had a crush on me as well. The heavens should have parted and angels should have sung. But no, instead what should have been a very private confession, which should have happened during a beautiful sunset or some shit like that, happened during a semi-drunken game of Truth or Dare in my parents' basement in front of my family, best friends, and Alice's current boy toy.

Mortifying didn't even come close to covering it.

To make matters worse, Alice, stupid, just-trying-to-help Alice, _dared_ me. Because I could not handle any more truthful confessions, she dared me to play Seven Minutes in Heaven with Jasper. I had kissed a few girls over the years, partly to keep up the façade, partly morbid curiosity, but I had never, ever kissed a boy. Did I mention that Forks has a population of roughly 3200? The odds of me finding another gay male in my age bracket that I was remotely attracted to were close to zero. Of course, Jasper ruined those odds, not only was there another gay male in my age bracket all this time, but he had a crush on me, and I had spent hours upon hours of my life fantasizing about growing old with him. The last thing I wanted in the world was for my first kiss with Jasper, potentially the love of my life, to happen in a closet on a dare from my sister.

Alice didn't get it; it wasn't a big deal to her. She dated through most of the boys at Forks High School over the course of four years. She wasn't slutty, most of the relationships didn't go beyond kissing (or at least this is what she told her somewhat over-protective twin brother), but she didn't understand that not all of us could share ourselves so freely. She never really understood that it wasn't simply a crush that I had on Jasper; no, because if I were being completely honest, then I would have to admit that I was in love with him.

So that's why I was running my hands through my hair in the dark, damn near tearing it out, wanting to ravage the boy fidgeting nervously beside me, while simultaneously wanting to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to." Finally, he broke the ice with a touch of rejection in his voice that pierced through me like daggers.

"No, no, it's not that Jasper, it's not that at all. Jesus this is so embarrassing." The words spewing uncontrollably out of my mouth.

"What is it then?" I could not read his voice, the rejection was now replaced with a mix of disappointment, embarrassment, anger, and, or maybe I was just flattering myself, unadulterated lust.

I paused. Over-thinking and over-analyzing had never gotten me anywhere, and censoring myself around him wasn't going to help. If there was one thing I understood by observing everyone else I knew in their respective relationships over the years as I played third, sometimes fifth wheel, it was that you had to be honest. Wait, relationship? I was getting way ahead of myself, nowhere did making out in a closet amount to being in a relationship with someone. So I stopped, took a deep breath and my words rushed out.

"You have no idea, Jasper, how long I've admired you from afar, wanted you, not just physically, though that too, of course, but all of you, wanted to be with you. And then I find out during a game of fucking truth or dare that at least a tiny portion of my utter attraction to you is mutual. But I didn't get to revel in it, process it, see it in your eyes, take you out on a date or just hang out with you or anything, before I get shoved ironically _into_ a closet with you by my idiot sister. Shit, I've never kissed a guy Jasper, I don't want my first kiss with you to be in a closet, in the dark, because of some bullshit plan of Alice's to get us together."

The silence was deafening.

It was probably only a few seconds, but after pouring my heart out in one long breath, each second with no response was excruciating. I couldn't stand it any longer.

"Jasper?"

"Come on," was all he said and he grabbed my hand, opened the door and pulled me out of the closet. I struggled to keep up with him as we walked back into the room where our bemused friends were all coupled off in various stages of pre-coitus.

Of course Alice was not distracted enough to ignore our entrance.

"That definitely was not seven minutes."

"Thanks Alice, really, but we have to do this our way," Jasper huffed and hurried us past her as a profoundly confused looked emerged on her face.

I'm sure my own bewildered expression matched that of my twin as again I had to hurry to keep up with Jasper, hand still clutched in mine, as he all but pulled me up the stairs.

I was too stunned to say a word as he continued to lead me outside, out of the confines of my parents' home and into the warm May evening. I gulped down a few deep breaths, unaware how suffocated I felt in that basement. He said nothing as we walked a few blocks through residential Forks. I wasn't sure he had a destination in mind, but I could only follow him complacently, trying to savor how soft and warm his hand felt clutched in mine and thank my body for somehow saving me the embarrassment of sweaty palms. After a few minutes, we stopped, and I finally looked up, out of my reverie, to see that we were at the playground at Forks Elementary. I looked at Jasper then as we stood side by side, and he just shrugged, dropped my hand, and walked over to the swings.

He sat down and I took my place next to him. I was finally able to see his face clearly for the first time since the madness of this evening had begun. I watched his features soften and wistful expression began to form as he looked out at the playground equipment. Because his family moved around a lot, he was robbed of a few childhood pleasures that could only be found in a small town like Forks. Though I could sit and gawk at him for hours, I took the courage I had found in the closet and spoke.

"How long have you known?"

He turned, the first time really looking at me. "Known that I was into guys? Or known that I was into you?"

A groan escaped my lips before I could get out the word, "Both."

"If I'm really being honest, probably since we first moved to Forks, but... I didn't let myself see you that way."

"Well, I wasn't really even out then," I mused, half to him and half to myself in remembrance of his first days at Forks High.

"Yeah, but it was more than that though. You've got to understand, Ed. I didn't even think it was an option when I was growing up. I mean, I didn't even know that people _were_ gay. So when I hit puberty and all my friends were becoming obsessed with trying to score Playboys and bad pornos, and then realizing that tits and pussy did nothing for me; well, I thought there was something wrong with me."

"I guess I kind of felt that way for awhile too."

"But that's not the end of it for me. I was really close with my dad before I started making all these discoveries. So, when I thought there was something wrong with me, of course I went to him..."

"Oh no, Jasper."

"Well, he figured it out right away. He's not a bigot, not really. I can't blame him. He just had his only son's life planned out for him and that life didn't include a life partner instead of a wife, or adopted children that wouldn't carry on the Hale gene line. So, he kind of let me continue thinking that there _was_ something wrong with me. Until eventually it became undeniable. I'm gay. That's all there is to it."

I didn't know what to say, so of course the lamest thing possible spilled out of my mouth,

"I'm really sorry you had to go through that."

He got up from the swing suddenly and I was afraid that I had blown it by pressing him too far. His gait was slow as he walked away from the swings. He paused and turned around, as if asking me to follow him, and then continued forward to the play fort on the other side of the playground.

I rose from my swing slowly and gingerly followed his retreating form. I tried not to laugh as I watched his 6 foot 3 inch frame climbing the wooden ladder that led up to the top of the fort. I followed him up the ladder, surely looking equally as ridiculous. As I reached the top I was tempted for a brief nostalgic second to turn left and go down the slide, but instead I turned right and ducked into the walled look-out tower. I found Jasper was sitting there with his legs crossed, starring absently into space.

I sunk down to sit Indian style across from him.

"Jasper?" my voice shook.

"Yes, Edward."

"Can I kiss you now?"

"Yes."

I leaned forward toward him as he leaned toward me. Our knees touching. And then our lips met.

It was a simple kiss, gentle, perfect. Deeper than a peck, open mouth but no tongues. His wide lips so soft and tender against mine. I sighed.

Perfect.

But horny teenage Edward was not satisfied, because a split second later I was attacking him. I pushed him back until his back rested against the wall of the fort while I settled for straddling his now-extended right leg. I took a deep breath in a vain attempt to calm my racing heart beat and then pressed my lips, more roughly this time, against his. He responded just as I had hoped.

When I needed a breath I took the opportunity to unbutton the top buttons of his shirt as I began to trail lingering, wet kisses down his neck. Buttons no longer an obstacle, I opened his black shirt to reveal, in all its glory, the beautiful chest that had tortured me for the past three years. A moan escaped my lips and suddenly I became a fury of hands and lips as I attacked the taut pectoral muscles and glorious washboard that I had unearthed as well. It wasn't until I heard a small groan that I realized the body I was worshiping was really there, alive, with me. I drew my lips up to his ear and whispered into it,

"Jasper, you are so fucking hot I can hardly stand it."

As if it had a mind of its own, my tongue darted out and gently traced the rim of his ear, which elicited the sexiest noise I had ever heard in my life. I silently thanked Alice for reading _Cosmo_ articles out loud to me.

I felt my shirt lift from my body and up over my head and then it was I who became the object of _his_ eye-fucking. I followed his gray-blue eyes as he took in my chest, my abs, the straining bulge between my hips, and then his hands darted out and I felt my body turning, lifting off his leg that I had been unconsciously dry-humping, until those strong hands settled me between his legs, my back facing him.

"You have no idea how you've tortured me," his voice almost like a purr.

I could feel his eyes ogling me even though I could not see his face. I was about to say that I had every idea how it felt to be tortured this way, when a pair of moist lips touched the base of my neck right below where my hair ended.

I shivered.

"You have no idea how fucking good you look when you are walking away," his low voice hung in the air, warming me from the shiver his lips had just educed.

There was another soft kiss on the back of my neck, and then the barrage came, trailing down my back, pushing me forward, bending at the waist so his lips could reach lower and lower. I thought I was going to explode.

"Jas-" I hissed.

"Need. More," was his response.

His left arm came up across my chest and pulled me back until my back was flush with his glorious chest. A split second later his right hand came from out of nowhere and I could only gasp as it shoved down into my jeans, under my boxers, gripping my painfully hard erection. I fumbled with the button and zipper of my jeans; I had to give him more room. I lifted slightly, to push my jeans down a bit, and as I did so I felt positively naked when his hand disappeared from my cock. My whimper was cut off by the hand returning, this time warm and wet, presumably with his sweet saliva.

He started stroking slowly up my cock, his hand gripping me firmly. At first I was startled at the sensation of having another hand wrapped around me, but the shock quickly wore off. As I felt his thumb rub up underneath and over my head, I just gave in to the pleasure.

My hips starting bucking up slightly in rhythm to his strokes, even as he changed the pace, alternating between fast hard strokes and then slower tantalizing ones. I ignored the pain that the post-consumer recycled plastic lumber was causing from the friction I was creating with my motions. I could feel the top of my ass grinding against his own rock-hard dick that was pressed between us. I couldn't help it, instinctively I rubbed against him, on pace with the rhythm set by his hand.

Now, I was a pro at jerking off. I _knew_ how to get myself off and make it feel good. If someone could be said to be skilled at masturbating, it would be me.

This was so much better, I couldn't even compare.

After an almost embarrassingly short amount of time I could feel my balls begin to tighten and a flutter in my stomach as the blood in my body rushed away from my extremities. I wanted to hold it back. I never wanted his surprisingly skilled hand to ever stop touching my always-present erection. But then the pulsing waves of orgasm forcefully overtook my entire body and I lazily wondered why I ever wanted to prevent this feeling from happening.

Only then did I feel something warm and wet against my back, and couldn't hide the smirk on my face at knowing that it felt as good for him as it did for me.

Always prepared, like the Eagle Scout he was, Jasper pulled out a handkerchief to wipe off his hand, and to clean up my back and his stomach from his own release. Lacking the energy and desire to leave this moment, I did the only thing I could and leaned back once again into Jasper's chest.

I felt his arms wrap around me as his lips once again pressed against the base of my neck.

"Say something," his breath warm against my skin.

"I don't... fuck... couldn't string together... coherent sentence if I wanted to."

"So you liked it?"

Serious about my lack of ability to speak, I leaned to the side and turned my head, attacking his lips with mine once more. He met my assault with gusto and we continued to make out as I turned my body to face his. It wasn't long before my crazy teenage sex drive kicked in and I could feel my dick start to harden once again, as if forgetting the mind-numbing explosion that had just occurred, but I wasn't mentally ready for another round yet. I was too busy savoring the incredible difference between feeling this solid masculine figure against me over feeling the soft curves of a girl. Breast and hips were fine I supposed, but they just never felt this right.

Jasper seemed to have the same idea as me, as his hands began tracing lines all over my body. His lips frequently letting mine go in order to plant them on a different area of my body. He found a sweet spot behind my ear that made me groan. I found that he most definitely enjoyed the feel of my lips on his Adam's apple. He elicited a moan from me as his tongue traced my collarbone. I got him back as I tugged gently at his nipples with my teeth.

And so it went.

I could have stayed there forever, seated in Jasper's lap, his body flush with mine, just feeling and learning each other. But despite the warmth our bodies created and the unseasonably warm spring weather, at some point we realized that our shivers weren't just from pleasure. So we decided that we should probably head back to my house, and got up to leave our fortress.

I shrugged back into my shirt, but didn't make it two steps before I doubled over with laughter.

"What? What's so funny?" I could sense some panic in his voice, so I quickly tried to explain.

"Well, first of all, what we just did," I gasped. "Children _play_ here. We just violated every future game of cowboys and Indians, or whatever, that the kids of Forks will ever play here."

I could see the corners of Jasper's mouth start to turn, his eyes sparkling.

"Second, I was freaked out about kissing you inside a closet, and we ended up in a playground fort that has some very distinct closet-like features."

Jasper had started to chuckle at this point.

"And third," I gasped, having difficulty getting the words out. "There is no way Alice won't be able to tell exactly what just happened between us, because there's nothing that could stop me from walking around with a shit-eating grin on my face for at least the next week. Not to mention I'm probably _glowing_ right now."

And then laughter overcame him as well. We eventually were able to get a hold of ourselves and made it down the ladder.

We were still laughing at the absurd chain of events as we walked back to my house then, trying to prepare ourselves for the inevitable Alice attack. I wanted to ask him what this meant, if his attraction to me ended at the physical, if he wanted to do this again, or even if he wanted to go on a date. But I couldn't ruin the moment with my own neuroses. As we got nearer to the house he slipped his hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze, as if sensing my internal freak out, and that was all I needed.

For now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

**A/N:** I have been persuaded and motivated to extend this story a little further. It won't be a full-blown saga, but I have at least another 3 or 4 more episodes in mind for the continuation of Edward and Jasper's burgeoning relationship. (**Update:** It may not end up being a saga, but it will definitely be longer than 3 or 4 more episodes!) This chapter is more fluff. I like fluff. Especially sexy fluff. There will soon be a slight shift away from the fluff and a complication will enter the picture... but only because it has to get a _little_ worse before it gets better ;).

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It was going to be the first time we had been alone since that night at the playground. That torturous game of Truth or Dare that had turned into one of my deepest desires come true; I was sure it would be one of my fondest memories that I would carry for the rest of my existence. Sometimes when I lay awake in bed at night I could feel his lips on mine, as if the sensations Jasper had kindled would never completely leave me.

Graduation had come and gone in a flurry of friends, relatives, caps, gowns, memories and nostalgia. My parents, mostly mom, had thrown a graduation party for Alice and me. Our relatives from Alaska had shown up. Even one of my dad's old friends from the years he spent in Italy came, though it was just coincidental that Aro had been in the U.S. at the time. I never figured out what it was Aro did for a living, but I always assumed it was something unsavory. Regardless, he gave Alice and me each $500 as a graduation present, and I wasn't about to question where it came from. Even though we did take in a nice haul, the party was ridiculous really. It wasn't as if we had won the Nobel Peace Prize or something. We had merely endured four long and tortuous, coddling years of book reports, math tests and pep rallies, and lived to tell about it.

Nevertheless, one good thing came out of my mother's enthusiasm. There were so many people crawling around our house and backyard that I could slip away unnoticed, so that night during the party I was able to briefly corner Jasper, again ironically in the pantry this time, for a few minutes of making out and feeling one another up. When his lips connected with mine, I couldn't explain it – it just felt like they were exactly where I was supposed to be. Connected to him in an intimate yet loving gesture that transcended every other worldly want and desire I possessed.

I had every intention of spending the rest of the summer attached to those wide soft lips, and having them shroud me with attention.

Of course my plans were foiled.

Unfortunately empty nest syndrome had hit my mother with full force and she smothered all three of her children, though Alice and me especially, with way too much motherly attention. She and Alice would drag me on shopping excursions under the guise of buying new clothes and dorm room supplies for college. I didn't understand why I needed new clothes. We were both going to school in Seattle, a mere 140 miles from home; it wasn't as if the weather was going to be any different to necessitate a new wardrobe. In addition to shopping there were movies, lunches, and sniffling through photo albums that inevitably ended with mom wailing about her babies being all grown up.

Yet somehow Alice, little, manipulative, sensing-her-twin's-sexual-frustration Alice managed to get our parents out of the house for an entire night, under the guise of an anniversary present from their three loving children. Of course, we _were_ happy for our parents' strong marriage after seeing so many of our friends experiencing their parents' messy divorces, but we were also grateful to have some time for ourselves. I was positive that it was not a coincidence that Emmett had somehow convinced Rosalie to go camping with him until Sunday or that Alice was spending the night at the Rez, under the guise of staying over at the Swan's house.

Sometimes I loved that damn pixie of mine.

Alice had finally realized that through Bella's boyfriend, she had access to a whole new set of boys to paw her way through at the La Push Reservation. She was currently seeing Jake's friend Embry. I tried to warn her about serial dating her friend's friends, but somehow none of the boys Alice dated and discarded ever seemed to hold a grudge against her.

I think she must have taken over all of the charm in the womb.

Regardless, I had the entire house to myself for approximately 20 hours and miracle of miracles I wasn't scheduled to work until Sunday afternoon.

I wasn't really cut out for retail, but in such a small town, I was lucky to have a job at all. Every summer I worked at Newton's Sporting Goods. I worked in the sports section, so most of my job entailed screen printing letters and numbers onto the back of little league and softball uniforms, helping fit kids for cleats, and setting up Forks' elite with new tennis rackets and golf clubs. For a summer job it wasn't so bad.

The down side, of course, was that I had to work under the same roof as Mike Newton, the obnoxious leech of a horny teenage boy, whose only seductive move was to annoy a girl to death until she finally gave in - out of pity or exhaustion I wasn't sure. I don't know why he felt he had to try so hard. He was a good-looking guy, not my type really, but very boy-next-door. I just didn't get why he felt like he had to come on so strong. He was not terribly fond of me after I had to step in between him and his hopeless attempts to get Bella to go out with him sometime during sophomore year. Though I think he assumed it was because I was interested in Bella, because when she started dating Jake, Mike's murderous glances stopped being directed toward me. Apparently I was on his level now in his mind, as we were both "rejected" by Bella. If only he knew. Unfortunately, this now meant in his simple-mindedness that we were friends, and maybe in an alternate universe we could have been.

I couldn't really complain though, because if tolerating Newton was the worst part of my job, I had it easy compared to Jasper.

_His_ father thought that back-breaking physical labor was the most beneficial type of work for a young man of 18 to do. I could agree with him to some extent, I believed in sound in body, sound in mind, but working at the docks in Port Angeles seemed a little much*. I had a small suspicion that even though his father had outwardly accepted his son's sexuality, he still thought it was a choice on Jasper's part, and that somehow hard labor would shock the straight back into him. Apparently he had never thought about all the sweating, well-muscled men Jasper would be working around. Or the lonely fishermen and seaman that docked temporarily in Port Angeles. Even though I had no real claim on Jasper except in my own imagination, I couldn't help feeling a little jealous. Mostly because of thinking about the possible temptations Jasper would encounter, but partly too because there was nothing at Newton's Sporting Goods to tempt me. The possibility had struck me that Mike was a closet case, but I was not at all interested in testing those waters.

I only wanted Jasper.

He would get up at 4 o'clock on Monday morning and drive to Port Angeles where he would work a full 8 hours loading and unloading vessels that came in to port. He usually stayed all week with his godparents who lived in Port Angeles. His godfather was a retired Army Officer that Jasper's father had served with during Desert Storm. I had met him after our graduation ceremony and I couldn't imagine that staying at his house would have provided a whole lot of opportunity for fun. I wouldn't have been surprised if he made Jasper run through a morning PT regimen. Assuming he wasn't too fatigued, Jasper would drive back to Forks on Friday afternoons. It left him exhausted nearly all the time. He went to bed shockingly early even on weekends, so I was only able to see him on the occasional weekend afternoon that my mother didn't usurp. Because his time in Forks was so rare, those afternoons were usually spent along with Alice or Emmett or Rose, all of whom were also clamoring to spend time with him. Needless to say, it left me pretty frustrated, and by the lust-filled looks he would shoot my way, I'm fairly certain he felt the same.

But this Friday night was different. The 4th of July was Monday so Jasper had a three day weekend, an extra day for him to catch up on sleep.

I was almost painfully nervous now, my hair a mess from my tugging at it. I had made out with Jasper exactly twice, and other than briefly in the pantry I had never even laid my bare hands on him anywhere below the belt.

Now I had a whole night alone with him.

Thinking about the possibilities this evening could bring was enough to send my overactive brain into overdrive. I'm sure I was wearing a hole through my mother's area rug in the front entryway to the house as I trekked back and forth from one edge to the other.

The knock at the door roused me from my pacing.

I approached it cautiously, took a deep breath, focused on my bare feet and swung the door open.

"Hi," I said lamely my eyes still down at my toes.

"Hey."

I made the mistake then of looking up. Before me stood Adonis.

He was already well-built, but his summer job had only increased the definition and bulk of his chest, arms and back. It was as if he left for Port Angeles that first Monday morning a boy, and came back a full-grown man. A man who was staring at me as if I were something to eat. I wanted to talk to him, relax for awhile with him, but his glorious chest was my automatic undoing. All rational thought escaped me and horny Edward emerged in all his glory.

His t-shirt became a casualty. I vaguely registered the sound of fabric ripping, but I couldn't be bothered with the triviality of apparel.

And then my hands and lips were all over his chest and his neck, until finally his lips forced themselves onto mine. My shirt soon joined his in the foyer and his hands were reaching for my belt when it registered to me that we could be a lot more comfortable if we were lying prone.

I practically dragged him up the stairs and into my bedroom, but it was he who pushed me roughly onto the bed and climbed on top of me. Our jeans and boxers and his socks and shoes were shed rapidly and unceremoniously, and soon his strong thighs straddled me. I almost lost it when Jasper started dry-humping me, his engorged manhood rubbing deliciously against me. We settled into a rhythm of thrusts all the while attached in a kiss fueled by shared pent-up frustration at our summer of separation.

Before my mind was completely lost to oblivion, I made myself take control of the situation.

"There's something I wanna try," I whispered, trying to uncover the boldness lurking underneath all the over-analyzing I had accomplished during my pacing earlier.

I sat up and urged him to roll over onto his back. He lied still then, watching me wide-eyed as I spread his legs far enough apart so I could settle myself between them. I met his eyes, licked my lips and went for it.

In one swift motion I leaned forward and closed my mouth around his cock, taking him as deeply as I could.

Jasper gasped at my sudden movement, bucking his hips up involuntarily. I released him from my lips for a moment, but only in order to lick around shaft, making it lubricated enough for my lips to slide up and down it with ease.

The guttural sounds emanating from his lips were so primal, untainted by the insufficiency of words to capture the pleasure he was feeling.

That _I_ was making him feel.

I looked up to meet his eyes, seeing the blissful, hungry expression in those gray-blue orbs was almost too much for me. I couldn't wait. I had to remove my left hand from its position cupped around Jasper's balls and wrap it around my own cock. I was about to lose myself again in my ministrations when I felt Jasper shifting, leaning over to the side. It wasn't until he grabbed my leg, pulling me toward him that I realized what he was doing. I never let my lips and tongue leave his shaft as we maneuvered into our new position, but as soon as I felt his warm breath nearing my now positively throbbing erection, I had to stop and let out a groan.

As much as I enjoy watching him watch me, there could be no greater feeling in the world than having him suck me off as I sucked him. I was fighting not to climax as quickly as I had on the playground, so I focused on the feel of Jasper in my mouth instead. If I could make him cum first, then maybe he would not associate me with being a two-pump chump.

He seemed to like it most when I pulled my head back so only the tip was in my mouth and then swirled my tongue around it, before once again taking him as deep as I could. I tried to relax my throat as much as I could, and with each down stroke, I was able to take him in even further.

The downside was that the moans he was making with increasing fervor against me were not making it any easier to hold myself back.

But this time fate was finally on my side as I could feel him tense in front of me.

Only then did I finally give in and let myself feel the exquisite sensation that was emanating between my legs. I wasn't entirely sure what he was doing with his tongue or his lips or how it could possibly feel good to have his teeth drag across the one place on my body I had never wanted anything resembling teeth near, but it felt nothing short of amazing, and it only made me work on him harder.

Finally there was a brief lapse of contact when he pulled me out far enough to say "I'm gonna..."

And then he came.

I increased the suction as much as I could, and had him as fully in my mouth as possible. I could feel the hot liquid pouring down my throat. I couldn't understand why Alice had complained about swallowing, the idea that the indication of Jasper's orgasm – an orgasm that I had given him – was inside me, well, it made me feel kind of powerful.

I was still riding my high from his climax when my own came - suddenly. I looked down and saw his dirty blond curls, his eyes clenched shut, and the suction of his cheeks, and I was done for. I was hardly able to give him any warning before my whole body stiffened and colors danced before my eyes. He kept me gripped between his lips as I continued to shudder. I was starting to soften slightly when he finally let me go.

He sat up slowly and grinned at me, full of satisfaction and pride.

I crawled toward him and collapsed on his chest silently. We laid together, blissed out, words not needing to be spoken.

It was our echoing stomachs growling that revived us.

"No one's here but us?" Jasper questioned.

"Not until morning."

He looked at me knowingly and pulled us both out of the bed. Naked as the day we were born, he led us downstairs to the kitchen.

After some perusing through cabinets and the fridge, Jasper settled on chocolate ice cream. He went to the cupboard to grab a bowl, but I stopped him and pulled two spoons out from the silverware drawer.

He grinned at me, opened the container and dug his spoon in.

I thought there could be nothing sexier in the world than a naked Jasper, but a naked Jasper eating ice cream was an altogether different level of sexy.

He stuck his tongue out and caught a drip of the creamy chocolate that was starting to run down the spoon.

I let out a moan, having nothing to conceal my arousal.

He looked at me devilishly and then ever so slowly brought the spoon to his slightly open lips and pushed it between them. With a blissful look on his face, his lips closed around the spoon while he savored the flavor of the frozen chocolate treat. He made a small humming noise then and just as slowly pulled the now empty spoon out of his mouth, his parting lips the most beautiful blush color from the cold of the ice cream. His tongue darted out to lick the rosy flesh and then he swallowed exaggeratedly.

Fuck. Me.

"That was a dangerous move Jasper Hale." How I managed to keep my voice steady I will never know.

He raised an eyebrow at me, as if to say, "Prove it."

I moved around him as gracefully as I could with my raging hard on and opened the refrigerator, reaching for the chocolate syrup I knew I would find in the door. Lucky for me my older brother had a childish fondness for chocolate milk.

I could feel Jasper's eyes on me and I smirked at his own erection, standing proud as he leaned back against the kitchen counter. I put a hand on either side of him on the counter and pressed my naked body fully against his. This time we both moaned.

My tongue grazed his ear and then I reached for the bottle of chocolate sauce, overturning it to let some dribble out and down the front of his hard body. I licked all the way up and down his chest and tight abs, lifting the chocolate from his skin as I went, until I was on my knees in front of him. I flashed my tongue into his belly button where the final remainder of syrup was beginning to pool.

His whole body started to tremble.

I made Adonis tremble.

He composed himself long enough to grab the bottle of chocolate from me and with the most wicked of glances, drew a snake of chocolate from the head to the base of his penis.

I could have teased him and lightly lapped the chocolate with my tracing tongue, but I couldn't handle anymore teasing. So using what I had learned from our encounter upstairs, I relaxed my throat as best as I could, and took him more deeply than I thought possible, the entire line of chocolate fitting into my mouth.

What could only be described as a raspy scream came from the god I was worshiping and his fingernails started digging into my shoulders. I closed my lips down as tightly as I could, then I pulled them back, erasing the chocolate mark and swirling the underside of his dick with my tongue as I went.

I was only able to repeat the movement three more times, sans chocolate, before he came. Nearly toppling over me in the process.

I smirked up at him. His eyes were clenched tight and he was still gripping onto my shoulders for dear life. His legs were quaking so I reached my hands around his thighs to steady him. He opened his eyes then and they met mine.

"Give me... a minute... damn Ed," he panted.

My knees were starting to ache a little from the position, but I would have stayed that way forever if he needed me to. I began to massage the back of his thighs where I held them, it was almost an unconscious motion on my part, but me murmured a noise of approval and finally released his hold on my shoulders. I leaned back as he offered me a hand to help me up.

"I take it you approve?" I asked slyly.

"Very much," he nodded. "So much that I think I should return the favor."

Even though we still had not eaten anything substantial, he cocked his head in the direction of my bedroom. As we made to leave the kitchen, he grabbed the bottle of chocolate syrup.

The rough, animalistic passion from before was replaced by a sensuous, playful game. And it was like that first night at the playground, exploring each other. Only this time there was no territory my lips and tongue didn't traverse.

From head to toe, tonight he was mine.

* * *

**A/N:** *Present day Port Angeles does not receive a lot of shipping traffic any longer, so Jasper's job most certainly would not exist. But, for the story's sake, I ask that you humor me... the lovin' made up for the oversight, right?


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I just want Edward and Jasper to get it on.

**A/N:** First, I have to thank every last one of you for reading, reviewing and putting this story on alert. This chapter's a bit different, as in, actually containing plot, character-development, and a heart-to-heart... keeping my fingers crossed that you'll keep reading. I promise the full monty next chapter. ;)

* * *

I couldn't sleep, or rather, I didn't want to. I wanted to enjoy this moment.

Jasper's arm was draped over me, his bare chest pressed into my back as we spooned in my tiny dorm bed. His breath was shallow but steady; he was practically passed out when I poured him into bed over an hour ago.

This is what I wanted, to lie in bed every night with his body snug with mine. I'm sure if Emmett got his hands on the knowledge that I liked to cuddle, my older brother would never let me hear the end of it. But if I could have Jasper in my bed every night, preferably sober and not stumbling drunk when he came to my room, I would gladly suffer any ribbing thrown my way. I wanted to be his and only his, but as always, I was the victim of bad timing.

After our experimentation during 4th of July weekend, the rest of the summer with Jasper had brought some more mind-numbing rendezvous, including one return to the world of sundae toppings. He stopped working a couple weeks before we had to be at freshman orientation, and we sure as hell made use of those two weeks.

As a joke he changed his ringtone in my phone to the Bryan Adams song that now held new meaning for us.

The problem was we didn't take the time to get to know each other apart from the intense physical connection we shared. With our friends and prying families keeping us so occupied, any time we had alone was spent in some state of undress. Technically I suppose I was still a virgin, but we had done everything else but actual penetration.

I loved him. I knew that much. I was even willing to admit it to myself now, because every insight into his personality I _did_ get made me fall even harder.

He was the only person I knew other than my grandfather who could calculate a pitcher's ERA and could usually do it in his head.

He could sit and watch the History Channel for hours on end and be completely engaged the whole time.

He shared my fondness for 80s New Wave and was in accord with me that everything Simon Le Bon touched turned to gold.

I even found out that one of the reasons he and Alice became such good friends in the first place was that Jasper had a hidden clothing fetish and they often went on day-long shopping excursions together; he just never had the spare money to spend on clothes and his father would have seen it as frivolous. I couldn't tell you why, because I found the trait annoying in my twin sister, but for some reason, with Jasper it was just hot. I wanted him to dress for me.

That's how I realized that I had completely fallen for him.

But I still wasn't sure that he felt the same way about me.

It made me feel kind of pathetic knowing that this could be totally one-sided.

I tried to understand as best I could. His family life was different than mine. I knew Rosalie just wanted her younger brother to be happy, but his parents were from a different generation and not quite as fully accepting of him as mine were of me. I wasn't even sure if his extended family knew about his sexuality. I heard secondhand through Alice that over the summer his godparents had tried to set him up on dates with some eligible bachelorettes from their church in Port Angeles.

He had never told me, but then, we didn't do much talking. We never really were friends.

I also understood that he hadn't come to terms with his sexual identity until a few years after I did. He wasn't ready for a relationship. And here I was, wanting to fucking pick out china patterns, metaphorically speaking of course, because who really pays attention to dishes? If I were being rational about the whole situation, I would probably conclude that I was not even ready for the type of serious relationship I thought I desired.

Logically I understood all of this.

So before we left for school, we decided to keep things open. Most people broke up with their high school sweetheart before college, and it didn't seem like the best idea in the world to start a relationship right before our lives would change so drastically even though we were going to the same school. Neither of us had ever really been out and proud in Forks, so part of me was legitimately excited about meeting new people and being able to ogle good-looking men in public without 3200 people finding out.

But it didn't really change anything, because I couldn't help it.

I wanted to be with Jasper.

I joined the University's Queer-Straight Alliance almost immediately, and I met a lot of people there and in my classes - gay, straight and otherwise. I was growing more and more comfortable with my homosexuality. I participated in protests, I even wore rainbows, though some of the more social activities that some of the QSA members did just weren't my thing. I wasn't really into clubbing or parades, and though I have to admit I was intrigued by the gay rodeo, I didn't want to skip class in order to make the road trip.

I still spent a lot of time with Bella, she and Jake were still together but Jake was finishing up his senior year of high school in Forks. It was nice to have my best friend back after my Jasper-obsessed and over-bearing-mother filled summer. It was so easy to be around Bella, we could always pick up where we left off. She was the only one of my friends who would humor me and go to bookstores for hours on end and watch B-grade horror movies about axe murders and vampires. We even laughed in all the same places.

Of course Alice was worried that Bella wasn't getting out enough and really enjoying college, so I often became Bella's beacon of respite from Alice's crazy lifestyle and we spent a lot of time exploring Seattle together, finding places to hide from my twin. We investigated the art museums and galleries all over the city and even went on a quest to find a coffee shop that looked like the one from _Frasier_. Though even Alice was adamant that Bella and Jake would be together forever, she still didn't want Bella to moon over him all the time and go home every weekend, usually Alice had a way of getting what she wanted, but Bella could be quite stubborn.

So Jasper became Alice's go-to escort to parties. Alice had told me on more than one occasion that Jasper was crazy about me, or "totally stupid for me" in her terms; he was just terrified at the idea of stability. She also claimed that he wasn't entirely comfortable in his own skin yet and he was having trouble adjusting to college life, so meanwhile I should play the field a little and have some fun. I did invite Jasper to go with me to QSA meetings once or twice, but he didn't seem very receptive to the idea. We still hung out, but it was usually in a group setting where the only thing we could do was sneak in a few gropes now and then.

I tried to believe my omniscient twin. If it was meant to be, and Alice said it was, then it would happen.

Eventually.

But Jasper didn't exactly seem to be pining away for me.

The first time I saw him with another guy's tongue shoved down his throat, it was worse than being punched in the gut, worse than rejection, worse than all the time I spent hoping, wishing, that he felt even some semblance of what I felt for him. I'm fairly certain Jasper was three sheets to the wind, but that didn't make it any easier to see. I had been dragged to some house party hosted by a friend of a friend of mine near the end of the first semester and of course Alice had heard about the same party, taking Jasper with her as a potential beard and/or protector. I was bored and the music was shitty, so I was going to find my buddy Alec to tell him I was leaving. I poked my head upstairs and there in a hallway was a tall, dirty blond up pushed up against the wall by some nondescript brown-haired man, even though the brunette was clearly the smaller and weaker of the two. I didn't need a second glance to know it was Jasper.

I'll never know how I was able to get myself back downstairs without causing a scene. I just know that it was the first time in my life where I didn't actually care whether or not I lived to see another day.

So being the brilliant man that I am, I decided to drink more shots of Captain Morgan than I could remember and spent half that night puking in a dorm bathroom stall. Though, during my heart-to-heart with the porcelain bowl I came to two conclusions. One – I was never, ever drinking anything with pirate on it ever again; and two – I should at least make an attempt to play the field, get some experience, even if it just didn't feel right.

Time passed and I saw Jasper less and less. I was busy with my coursework, my new friends, not to mention Bella and Alice, and when I could pry him away from wrestling practice or Rosalie - Emmett, so Jasper and I went back to how we were in high school. Casual acquaintances. Friends of friends. His family even went to Texas over winter break, so I didn't have the possibility of reconnecting with him back in Forks.

It was almost as if I never existed to him at all.

And let me tell you, it fucking hurt.

It hurt immensely, crushed me, sucked away my breath every time I thought about it, and the only thing I could do was tell myself over and over again that I didn't have any claim on him. That he couldn't possibly feel the same way about me. That I should try my luck with someone who was ready, who would appreciate me, who would adore me the way I adored Jasper.

I spent way too much time over the break rationalizing to myself that I wasn't in love. I told myself that I was too young, that no one finds their soul mate at age 18, well, if I was being honest I fell for Jasper when I was 16. People just changed too much as they got older. What I thought would be compatible now would be different five years from now, and there was no reason for me to think that Jasper would grow in a way that met my changing needs, desires and dreams.

I told myself that no one knew who they were at age 19 and I was too young to expect a lifelong relationship to begin now.

I was cynical enough that I almost had myself convinced.

The problem with all of my reasoning, of course, was that I _did_ know who I was. My mom used to tease me that I was born an adult and grew more middle-aged every year. I never even believed in Santa Claus. My twin was the fun, flighty, free spirit. I was the responsible, calculating one. I knew I wanted to go into research medicine when I was six, and that dream never faded or wavered. I actually enjoyed all of my coursework first semester and could never join my classmates in all their complaints.

And it was with even more certainty that I knew I loved Jasper. It was cosmic. And I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't experience it. If I didn't feel it every time he stepped into the same room as me. Or when I gazed into his eyes and could read his expression. Or when my skin still tingled from his touch even long after we parted.

His heart sang to mine.

And he didn't want to be with me.

The worst was thinking that to him I was just some kind of sexual experiment or plaything. How easily it seemed he was able to leave my lips and plant them on another.

It was the mental image of him with his lips and hands and god knows what else all over another man that finally set my resolve.

When we returned for the spring semester, I tried to be more social. When some of my QSA friends went to all-ages night at the nearest gay club, I went along. I surprised myself by having a good time getting lost in the house music and dancing without shame. I even went out on a couple dates, set up by some of my happily taken friends. The most promising of these dates was a sophomore named Garrett. He was a physics major, tall, with dark hair and beautiful olive skin. We had dinner at a little Italian place off campus and then went to hear the Seattle Philharmonic, an evening of Ravel and Debussy. Eventually we went back to his apartment and started to make out, but as soon as his hands traveled down below the belt I freaked out a little, told him that I wasn't ready for this and basically went home with my tail between my legs. He was pretty understanding about the whole thing and we eventually became friends.

But that night while I was in the shower, trying to wash the smell of Garrett's cologne off of me, I had my first ever anxiety attack. I thought I was having a heart attack, my chest felt tight and I was gasping for breath, and the only thing my body was capable of doing was to curl up into a ball. So I sat on the floor of the disgusting dorm shower, terrified, alone, and trying to remember how to breathe. Eventually it passed, but I was traumatized and spent the rest of the night curled up in the fetal position on my bed.

Alice came over the next morning, our twin voodoo informing her of my need for comfort, and I cried on her shoulder for a good solid hour before she forced me to the mall for some retail therapy. She tried to tell me that since I obviously couldn't handle getting involved with anyone else that I should just be patient and wait for Jasper to get his shit together. It really very un-Alice-like. She wasn't a patient person, nor did she really seem convinced by monogamy and yet now she was suggesting that I should settle for pining away for him. When I tried to call her out on it, she just smiled at me and said,

"Everything will work out."

Anyway, I got new jeans and a pair of Kenneth Cole motorcycle boots out of the excursion.

She was right, even if she had altered her stance on the matter. I knew now that I wasn't ready to even think about being with anyone other than Jasper, and so I just resigned myself to let it run its course. Either I would get over him or I'd spend the rest of my life in a state of longing. So I was back in my high school frame of mind once more, avoiding Jasper and trying desperately not to throw myself at him whenever the opportunity did strike.

And for the most part he seemed to be avoiding me too.

What made it worse than it was in high school was that I knew now what I was missing.

When Jasper showed up at my door tonight though, I knew something was different. He was absolutely tanked, but the look in his eyes told me that something terrible had happened that led him to this state.

"Ed..." was all he said to me and he threw his arms around me. I almost fell over with the sudden addition of his weight on mine, but I managed to get us both to the bed.

I had never in my life seen Jasper like this; he looked as though he was going to cry.

"I- I needed to see you," he slurred. "Needed to make sure."

I wanted to press him for information, I was dying to know what the hell he was talking about, but I couldn't do it in his current state. He probably would have no recollection of any of this anyway. So I reassured him that everything was fine, and that he needed to sleep. I helped him undress, because apparently I like torturing myself, until he was in nothing but blood red boxer briefs, but I managed to pull myself away and got him a bottle of water out of my mini-fridge. He took a long swig and then yawned loudly. I helped him under the covers.

I had the foresight to bring my garbage can over beside the bed just in case and was about to take up residence on the futon when his arm reached out for me.

"Please," was the only word the escaped his lips.

I was completely incapable of denying him anything, so I joined him under the covers.

And so here I was, freaked the fuck out, with the man of my dreams clutching me with a death grip.

I must have drifted off at some point, because the next thing I was aware of was warm breath at the back of my neck, my mess of hair stifling a groan that came from the man holding me.

"Jasper?"

"Ed" he croaked out.

I twisted out from under his arm and reached for the half-empty water bottle from last night. He greedily began to drink, but I could see him turning green. He looked at me for a second and then bolted from the bed and rushed out my room toward the bathroom. I grabbed a few things from my bathroom caddy and followed him. I waited by the row of sinks and once the retching noises stopped, I passed him a fresh bottle of water under the stall and voiced that I was leaving him some mouthwash and aspirin if he needed it, but I left him alone to take care of nursing his hangover. There were certain things a man had to do alone.

Eventually he emerged from the bathroom and came back into my room.

"Feeling better?"

"Much."

I couldn't keep it in any longer, it was driving me crazy.

"I know you might not remember, but if you do, I- I have to know what you meant last night, Jasper."

"What did I say?" He looked panicked for a moment, and I braced myself for the worst.

"You said you needed to see me; that you wanted to be sure."

His shoulders relaxed and he looked relieved. Now I was really worried.

"What were you afraid that you said?"

"I guess I should probably start from the beginning."

"O...kay," I was thoroughly confused at this point.

"I- I didn't- well, I still don't- I never. Shit. Let me start over."

I nodded.

"I've never really believed that I was worthy of you," he blurted out.

"Huh?" was my brilliant response.

This was not what I was expecting at all.

"This transition to college has been really hard for me. But you, I mean, I know you over-analyze everything to death, but you always make the right choices in the end. You're like the most self-disciplined person I know, other than my father, but the difference is it comes naturally to you. I admire it in you. It was basically ingrained into my father through years of military training, but you've always had it together, and you just seamlessly adjusted to all of this. To classes, living on your own, making a ton of new friends, joining clubs, being comfortable with coming out."

I opened my mouth to tell him how wrong he was in all of these assumptions, but his eyes pleaded with me to let him finish.

"My whole life has been meticulously organized and planned by my dad. He has always told me when to get up, when to eat, and you never knew this, but he even has fucking lights out. I've never known anything else. When I told him I wasn't going into the service, he was okay with it, especially given my being gay, but he never let up on the discipline. And now, here on my own, I don't have anyone telling me what to do and when to do it. Well, I kind of freaked out, for lack of a better way to put it. It took me awhile to get used to not having my entire day plotted out for me. I realized how much of my identity was lost, because I never let myself question my father. I talked about this with Rose some, and the thing is, my dad wouldn't have been angry with me if I told him to ease up. I just, I never had the courage to."

I wanted to reassure him to tell him that this was a huge adjustment for me too, but I knew it would sound empty.

Jasper continued: "So, I guess, well, I guess I sort of lost it when I got here. I thought I didn't know who I was, and I just didn't feel like I deserved you. I didn't want you to see me this messed up. So I rebelled. I drank too much, your sister was no help in that department by the way, and I let a couple boys kiss me, put their hands down my pants to get me off. Well, and vice versa. I'm a cliché. I'm the kid who starts going apeshit because he's away from home for the first time."

He laughed then, but there was no humor behind it.

"I didn't realize that I was hurting you until Alice let it slip. You just always seem so together. I couldn't image that I, in my pathetic state, could cause a chink in your armor."

His eyes began to well up then, but he shook them away.

"Knowing that, well, it made me feel even worse. So for the past couple weeks I've just been drinking more and more. And then... something... happened last night."

I was too tense to speak, but I resolved to myself that there was nothing he could tell me that would make me love him any less. So I reached out my hand and he quickly grabbed it. He pulled our connected hands into his lap, a movement which forced me to close the gap between us, our knees now touching.

He took a deep breath and shuddered.

"I was at a house party last night, my psychology T.A. invited me. So I went. I was buzzed, but that's no excuse. This guy, James, I found out later he was my T.A.'s roommate, well, I had seen him on campus a few times and he had expressed interest in me before. I had always blown him off. I won't lie to you; I was kind of flattered by the attention at first. But last night, yeah, he wasn't going to take no for an answer this time. He became really forceful with me. He- he pushed me into one of the bedrooms and forced himself on top of me. He knew I was a virgin. I was just a conquest to him. And it wasn't right, it wasn't what I wanted at all. But he made me feel so weak... I didn't fight back. It wouldn't have been rape because I was going to let him..."

A sob escaped his lips then. I just squeezed his hand tightly, the only thing allowing me to keep my sanity was his choice of verb tense, but I needed to be sure.

"You didn't..." my own voice was strained. I couldn't help it.

"No. I stopped him. I... I thought about you, Ed, and how sure of yourself you are and how you would never let yourself be a victim like that. And it just reminded me of who I am, and I realized that I had the strength to walk away from him. So that's just what I did. I guess it never really sunk in before that I am the only one who can decide what I want and don't want. And I... well, I wanted to share my first time with you."

Suddenly he was shy.

He looked up cautiously at me through his eyelashes and continued, "You've probably already... but even if you have... I still want mine to be with you."

Frankly I was kind of shocked by the entirety of his admission. After seeing Jasper at that party last semester I had automatically thought the worst. But a couple hand jobs? That's it? I could deal with this. He was still a virgin. He wanted to lose his virginity to me, with me, together. The whole James situation though was another story. I wasn't mad at Jasper at all for the situation, but I wanted to fucking castrate James and I was amazed that Jasper was able to take the high road and just walk away. But I couldn't deal with that now.

A third option had presented itself to me and I no longer had to get over him _or_ pine for him.

My Adonis had come back to me.

So I lowered my eyes and told him very briefly about my near anxiety attack with Garrett and the real anxiety attack that followed in the shower, reassuring him that I was even more innocent than he.

It was his turn to be shocked.

Which only reiterated how little we really knew about each other.

But it appeased him enough to continue.

"I'm really sorry I came over here so drunk. I was well on my way, like I said, before it all went down. But then I kind of panicked after I escaped James, not only at his power over me and how close I was to... you know, but also at the realization that my whole life I've been living according to other people's rules; so I stole a bottle of liquor from the party and started drinking. I was just kind of wandering around for a good long while. Until something snapped in me and I realized that I didn't want to be drinking anymore. The only thing in this world that I know I want- is you."

He took a deep breath and then met my eyes. His smile was intoxicating.

"So when I came here last night, I just needed to make sure that you were real. You're the best thing to ever happen to me Edward. Growing up and moving around so much, I've always been drifting along. There's never been any certainty, anything solid apart from the discipline. But it was thinking of you that made me get up and leave... this is going to sound stupid to you... but I... in the time we've spent together, just being with you, in your presence, you've always felt so solid... and real. You gave me hope, stability, and confidence that I won't always be drifting. You're like my anchor."

I couldn't speak, so I pulled his hand with mine still entwined, brought it up to my lips and gave it a gentle kiss.

His eyes shined back at mine, tears still there, but no longer of hurt or sadness, and he continued.

"So I was wandering around through campus and I sat down on a bench. I don't even remember what building it was in front of, but I saw this strange green light shining out through one of the windows, someone had probably just left a light on in their office or something. I have no idea what made it green, but it reminded me of your eyes; it was almost the exact shade. I thought to myself that I couldn't live with the disappointment I would see in them if you found out what I had almost done, of what I had done, of who I was becoming. So I decided then and there that I was going to be a better man, be worthy of you. I want to feel like I deserve to be in your life."

I was flabbergasted. So of course I blurted out the first thing that popped into my head.

"What were you afraid you said to me last night?"

He stared into my eyes unwavering.

"I'm not _afraid _to tell you. I just didn't want to do it while being sloppy and stumbling drunk."

"Tell me what?"

"That I love you," he whispered.

* * *

**A/N:** I only intended to wind up with 4 or 5 total chapters of this story, but now I have at least 8 in mind. So if you are willing to stick this out with me, we'll just have to see together how far it goes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I just like to make it NC-17. ;)

**A/N:** Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I'm totally floored by the number of you who've put this story on alert and I love each and every one of you who have reviewed. So long as the ideas keep coming, I'll keep writing. I no longer have a final number of chapters in mind, but I'm fairly certain that I have enough to at least get our boys through college graduation.

Now, as promised...

* * *

I didn't think this really qualified as a date. We both only had morning classes on Wednesdays so we were just going to meet for lunch and then go study together at a coffee shop. But in my overactive mind it felt like the start of something, like my brain had finally caught up with my dick and it wanted more from Jasper than an all-season pass to his spectacular body.

Even though this wasn't _really _a date, it _kind of_ was, so of course I was a nervous wreck about it. Alice, who had shrieked into the phone so loud when I told her that Jasper told me he loved me that I think I sustained permanent damage to my high-frequency hearing, insisted on coming over before classes this morning to dress me.

At first it didn't register to me when Jasper had uttered the three words that I had spoken to him in my head so many times. But as soon as I was able to comprehend anything beyond my pounding heart, I was able to whisper back,

"I love you too."

He had thrown his arms around me then and we just held each other.

"What now?" Jasper asked after awhile.

I was just as clueless as he was about what this meant. I just knew that I didn't want to ever be apart from Jasper again.

"Well, maybe, I don't know. Maybe we could go out together, like on a date. Do people even date anymore?" Of course people dated, even _I _dated, but the embarrassing rambling spewed forth. "I just- I just want to be with you Jasper, I want to know everything about you. And we've always been so good at the physical part, but I really want to know who you are. Underneath it all."

The way he kissed me in response took my breath away. It was so cliché, but having declared our love just made our physical response to each other that much stronger. The only thing that stopped us from progressing any further was my stupid roommate coming home from his walk of shame.

Alec was all right, a bit of a slob, but overall a good guy. I could have gotten stuck with a lot worse. Jasper's roommate didn't even speak to Jasper; he just sat at his computer all day doing god knows what. Alec didn't care that I was gay at all. His sister Jane was a lesbian and I had gotten to know her through some of the QSA sponsored outings. Alec even came along to events sometimes, though I noticed he only seemed to do so when there was guarantee of free food.

But seeing me in only pajama pants and Jasper in nothing but those fuckhot red boxer briefs making out on the futon was probably pushing it. So we broke apart and quickly dressed.

Now a week and a half had passed since Jasper had declared his love for me and I spoke mine aloud. I hadn't seen him much during the week, and that weekend Emmett, Alice and I had gone home to Forks for my dad's birthday. I didn't tell my parents about the change in my relationship with Jasper, partly because I wasn't sure exactly what it was yet, but mostly because I didn't want to answer the inevitable avalanche of questions including how long this had been going on. My mother somehow knew that Jasper stayed over at our house that lovely Friday in July, which confused her to no end because I never hung out with Jasper alone. It probably didn't help that whenever she brought it up I shrugged it off. I'm sure she knew though, Alice's omniscience had to come from somewhere.

I noticed that a lot more people seemed to pay attention to me as I walked to class that morning. Mostly girls, but because I was more attuned with them, I caught a couple guys checking me out as well. Apparently Alice's magic worked; though I was way over-dressed for attending class. I usually just wore jeans, a t-shirt or button-down and trainers. But today, starting at my feet, I was dressed in my Kenneth Cole boots, slim-fitting, boot-cut black jeans with a black leather belt, and tucked into them was a fitted, long-sleeved black button-down shirt that hugged me in the right places. I left the top couple buttons undone. Spring had not yet fully sprung in Seattle, so I had to cover the ensemble with a black trench which I left hanging open. It was a lot of black, but Alice assured me that it worked. She was right; being the man in black seemed to be attractive. But I didn't care about the bystanders, I just wanted Jasper to get hot and bothered.

I got to the restaurant first, and stood outside, leaning against the building, one knee bent with my foot resting against the wall. It was warm enough by then that I shrugged out of my coat and draped it over my messenger bag which rested beside me. When my dirty blond Adonis came strolling up toward me I could see that his eyes were wide. He greeted me with a smile, looked me up and down, and licked his lips. Thank you, Alice. He held the door open for me, and I could feel his eyes on my ass as we went into the restaurant and were led to a table. It was the non-fastfood restaurant that was closest to campus, and the crab Rangoon was delectable.

I was perusing my menu when Jasper's voice uttered words that cut through me like a knife.

"I thought I could do this, but I just can't."

I froze. This was ten, no a hundred times worse that seeing him with that guy at the party. I was about to have a breakdown in the middle of the restaurant but I was too shocked to do so.

It was an eternity of a split second before I felt a warm hand prying my own from the death grip I had on the menu and then squeezing it tightly.

"No, no!" he was speaking very quickly. "You misunderstand me, Ed. Not 'this' as in you and I, 'this' as in Chinese food."

"What?" I'm sure I sounded like an idiot, but the proper synapses just weren't firing.

"I- I don't like Chinese food. I hate it actually. When we lived in El Paso my best friend's parents ran a Chinese restaurant. He and I would bus tables in exchange for food. I just ate so much Chinese food... I can't stand the sight of it anymore. Plus, Hu's parents would complain about a lot of tricks of the trade that some of their competitors used that, uh... circumvented health codes. I know I suggested it, because it's close to campus and Alice told me you liked this place... but I'm sorry, I can't."

The realization slowly developed in me. He still wanted to be with me. He just didn't want to be with me here. And only because he didn't like the food. I wondered if he felt the same way about Thai food. That could be a deal breaker.

I laughed, both at the misunderstanding and at my current train of thought, which helped to ease the tension that was beginning to knot in my shoulders. I couldn't properly express my relief so I just stood up.

"Well, let's go somewhere else then."

Jasper smiled in return and leaned in to kiss me gently on the cheek.

"Thanks babe," his arm snaked around my waist. "Though if you really wanted to stay, I would have choked down some egg rolls for you."

It was just a kiss on the cheek and an arm around me, but it made my heart leap. It was the first time he had shown me any affection in a public place, where strangers could see. I didn't know how long it would take for it to sink in that this was really happening.

We apologized to the hostess on our way out, and settled on an Indian place a few streets over that we had both wanted to try. It was a bit of a walk, but spring thaw seemed to be buzzing in the air, plus it allowed me to hold onto his soft, warm hand for that much longer.

I had told Jasper during a phone call earlier in the week that I was really serious about wanting to get to know him better. He laughed at first, because we had known each other since sophomore year of high school, not to mention that there were certain parts of each other's anatomy that we knew intimately. But after I reminded him that we didn't spend much time together, or much time talking at all really, he readily agreed with me.

"I don't even know what you order at a coffee shop," I had said.

"You're right. I guess it just _feels_ like I've known you my whole life."

I almost melted.

And then he added, "But I do know that there's a little spot behind your left knee that makes you moan when I lick it," the tone of his voice had gone husky.

Had Alec not been in the room at the time, I would have asked Jasper to talk me off.

So after we placed our order, I started drilling Jasper with questions.

"Any other food you don't like?"

"Not really, I guess I'm not fond of beets, but luckily I don't come across them very often. You picky about anything?"

"Oh, there's some weird health food shit of Alice's that tastes like cardboard, but other than that not really. I'll even eat liver and onions."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"My Grandma Hale used to make the best liver and onions. She would always make something else for Rosalie, because she would cry and refuse to eat it."

"Somehow I can picture that."

"My turn," he said. "What's your favorite movie?"

"Wow, we've never even watched a movie together have we?"

"Hmm... alone with Edward in a dark room... I move to introduce weekly movie night into our schedules."

"Motion granted," I laughed. "I guess my all-time favorite is probably_ Cool Hand Luke_, yours?"

"_The Godfather_. _One_ and _Two_. There's no point in distinguishing."

"That was actually my second choice. But I- well, nevermind."

"By the blush on your face, you have to tell me now."

"Okay, fine. Paul Newman was the first crush I ever had."

"He was a fine-looking man," Jasper agreed.

"Who was yours?"

"Well it wasn't all that long ago that I let myself have crushes on men," he qualified. "But it was probably Johnny Depp."

"Mmm... such a shame he's straight," I agreed.

We continued to question one another in that manner for the rest of the meal.

I was feeling full and sluggish after lunch. We lingered on our walk, not really ready to study. Our hands were clasped together, swinging between us and we enjoyed the crispness of spring that emerged in the afternoon air. All too soon we were entering the coffee shop and waiting to place our orders at the counter.

"I'll have a medium soy latte," he was speaking to the barista, but his eyes were gazing into mine the whole time.

I beamed at him, leaned in and planted a kiss square on his lips.

"Sorry," I said to the red-faced girl behind the counter after I pulled away. "I'll have a café au lait, the biggest size you have."

We settled into studying. I took my school work very seriously, and Jasper picked up on my mood so we worked in silence for a few hours, our legs and hands sometimes purposefully brushing up against the other's. A few times I caught Jasper staring at me through his eyelashes.

After I was satisfied with the amount of work I got done, I asked Jasper if he was ready. He jumped up readily and we made the short walk across campus to my dorm.

My dorm room was empty and we were barely inside the door before his body was attached to mine, pushing me back to the futon. I thought after his experience with James that he would be a little gun shy at being physical. He told me that if I were anyone else, he probably would be, but he insisted that he wasn't sure he could exist and keep his sanity if we didn't restore our physical connection. He was clearly trying to establish that connection now, and who was I to refuse? His tongue plunged into my mouth as he pressed me down into the futon, settling himself between my legs and lowering his body on top of mine. I could feel his hardness rub up against me even through our layers of denim. As I was about to press my hips up even further, he sat back on his heals.

I may have whimpered at the loss of contact.

But then, he started ever so slowly unbuttoning his shirt, one by one, gradually exposing my second favorite part of his anatomy. I propped myself up on my elbows to watch. Jasper smirked at my change in position, or maybe at the fact that I was practically drooling. When he reached the last button I couldn't take it anymore, in a matter of seconds I sat up, pulled off my own shirt unceremoniously, finished Jasper's work of pushing his own shirt from his arms, and pulled him back down on top of me. The feel of his bare chest against mine was pure ecstasy.

I was getting lost in the feeling of his lips, the weight of his body over me, and the feel of his arousal rubbing against mine when we heard Emmett's loud voice booming through the hallway.

"Hey Al! Are you heading back to your room? Do you know if Ed's around?"

I groaned, sat up, grabbed my shirt and threw it back on.

I felt Jasper's eyes drilling into me. He had made no move to put on his shirt, which wasn't helping to make the tightness in my pants disappear. I looked at him questioningly and he just shook his head and returned to his position on top of me.

"Let's test their limits," he whispered slyly into my ear.

Then he turned us so we were facing each other on our sides, his back pressed against the back of the futon. We continued our makeout/grinding session, and as we heard the key being shoved into the lock, his right hand lowered to grab my ass. He slid it down my thigh and then grabbed my left leg, hitching it over his hips, and returned his hand to my ass. I could hear the key turning but I couldn't stop myself. He overwhelmed me until there was nothing else in this world. I started dry-humping him rhythmically and he reciprocated, squeezing my ass, pushing my hips even harder into his at the pace I set.

A voice broke out, but we didn't stop.

"Edward are you... oh, shit! Sorry, I... fuck!"

Alec left the room in a flash, closing the door loudly behind him.

I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't stop what I was doing. Jasper's confidence was contagious. If we kept this up much longer I was going to shoot my wad into my jeans.

And then I could hear Emmett's voice, closer this time, "You look like you've seen a... what? Is my little bro ass-pirating in there? Give me the key."

Not ten seconds later Jasper and I were being pelted with pillows, socks, notebooks and whatever else Emmett could grab.

I buried my face in Jasper's shoulder. He smelled divine.

"Damn cockblocker," Jasper muttered.

Emmett just laughed. "Alec, dude, they're not even naked."

I finally got the nerve to look up.

"Maybe he was just respecting our privacy."

Jasper and I sat up, though I didn't want to break our connection, so I threw my legs across his lap and he rested his left hand on my thigh.

The color finally started to return to Alec's face, and he spoke: "We need a signal or something. Sock on the door, Marvin Gaye music, anything."

I knew that his shock and embarrassment had nothing to do with my being gay; I would react the same way if I caught him here with a girl.

"You might want to Scotchgard that futon too, since it's soon going to be covered in man jam if it's not already."

Jasper and I simultaneously threw the pillows back at Emmett's face.

"I'm just saying," Emmett said with a grin. "Now, sorry to ruin your foreplay, but I need to ask you a favor. Rose's big sister is getting married this weekend in San Diego and Rose wants me to go with her."

I was confused for a second until I realized that Emmett was talking about her sorority sister. I was never all that interested in the Greek system. A few guys tried to get me to pledge Delta Lambda Phi but I insisted that it wasn't my thing, frankly the rituals and ceremonies kind of frightened me.

Emmett didn't notice my confusion and kept going. "We're leaving tomorrow morning and won't be back until late Sunday. I need you stop by my apartment once or twice over the weekend to get my mail, feed the fish and water my plants."

"No problem, wait, you have house plants?"

We shared a look and at the same time said, "Mom."

Emmett gave me his spare key, chatted with Jasper for awhile about wrestling and then left me with specific instructions for the care of his ficus. It was a little weird to see Emmett being so protective over a houseplant, but I had a feeling that Rosalie had something to do with it.

So now here it was Saturday afternoon and I still hadn't checked in on his place.

I called and asked Jasper if he wanted to come with me so I picked him up at his room before we walked over to Emmett's place. I loved that it had quickly become customary for him to hold my hand whenever we walked somewhere together; we were almost the same height, so our hands were just naturally at the same level.

Emmett's apartment wasn't very far from campus, so the walk was only about 15 minutes. I hadn't been over to his apartment very much this semester, so I was shocked at how neat and tidy it was. My brother wasn't a slob by any means, but he was the type of guy who wouldn't care if there were dirty dishes in the sink for a few days or dirty socks all over the place. I could only conclude that he and Rosalie were getting serious and he was trying to please her.

I think Jasper drew the same conclusion, "If your brother marries my sister, that won't make us related will it?"

"Well, she'd be my sister-in-law, but I don't think it makes you anything."

"Not that it'd matter, but it'd still be kind of weird."

I nodded in agreement, setting Emmett's mail down on his kitchen counter, which included the latest issue of _Penthouse_ – ah, same old Emmett, then put the watering can under the faucet to fill. I added some plant food and then set about the task of watering while Jasper tended to Emmett's fish tank. I was watering the ficus in Emmett's bedroom when I felt Jasper come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. His lips pressed against the back of neck and I was a goner.

I meant to take things slow, I really did, but it was no longer in my control. My body was taking over and I could deny it no longer. And that big, comfortable bed was just... there.

I cocked my head toward it and gave Jasper what I hoped was a sultry look.

He responded quickly.

His lips were as soft as ever, but there was something different this time, as if I were kissing him for the first time. And in a way I guess I was, this was the first time we were letting ourselves get _really_ carried away without the chance of being walked in on since the summer, before our estrangement, before our declarations of love.

"Emmett is going to kill us," Jasper pointed out, stopping the kiss.

I put my lips back on his, not willing to break the union long enough to answer. It came out something like this,

"Mmm...

Kiss.

"He'll-

Kiss.

"get o-

Kiss.

"verit."

Jasper just groaned and kissed me back in response.

We went slow, which was new for us. Usually tenderness only came after a frantic, primal orgasm or two. But this was pure passionate bliss. We stripped each other slowly, as soon as his chest was free I couldn't help but touch it, lick it, let my teeth graze over his nipples. Eventually we stood before each other, naked and vulnerable. He cupped my chin in his hands and then he tilted my head to the side and brought his lips to my neck. He gently sucked on my neck and then up to my earlobe, before pulling me lightly down onto the bed, and then we were facing each other, on our sides, our legs intertwined. At the same time, we paused, our eyes meeting.

Something in the mood shifted and suddenly everything was right, the stars, the planets, everything was in perfect alignment and I knew I was ready. Jasper was ready. This was it. Even the butterflies in my stomach let up, as if they knew that there was nothing they could do to stop this from really happening.

In a brief moment of rationality I jumped up from the bed, startling Jasper. I went over to Emmett's bedside table and frantically searched through the drawer.

"Dammit."

"Bathroom?" Jasper suggested, catching on. "Unfortunately Rosie may have mentioned something about shower sex to me the other day."

I just shook my head as I took my search to the bathroom. I didn't want to think about Emmett and Rosalie together, especially not because of what I hoped to be doing with Jasper on Emmett's bed momentarily.

I pulled open the medicine cabinet. Bingo. A box of Trojans and a bottle of warming personal lubricant.

I went back into the bedroom as the sound of gentle music flitted through the air. I found Jasper stretched across the bed, lying on his stomach, messing with his ipod, which he had put into Emmett's docking station.

He looked so beautiful with his hair curling into his eyes, biting his lower lip as he concentrated on putting together a playlist. My eyes followed down his body, the elegant curve of his neck, his broad muscled back, stopping to linger my gaze on his perfect, firm ass. He looked over at me then and I held up the findings of my scavenger hunt. His eyes lit up and he slowly crawled across the bed toward me on his hands and knees, he eyes blazing with lust.

"Fuck, Jasper. You are so goddamn sexy," I could hardly form the words.

"It's all for you," his voice lowered in the way he knew drove me crazy.

I pounced.

My lips were on his in a split second and then I moved on to his neck and his chest, pressing hasty wet, open-mouth kisses all over his body. I met his eyes and they were laughing at the onslaught of my attack. So I stopped and hovered over him, resting on my forearms, then leaned down slowly to wrap my lips around his Adam's apple the way he liked.

"Mmm..." he sighed. "How do you want to do this?"

"I don't know, I always kind of assumed that I'd bottom, but I don't really know why, the alternative isn't exactly unappealing." Even I was getting annoyed at my inability to be straightforward. "I mean, I don't think it matters to me. I want to do everything with you. But what do you want?"

"Well, I do like the idea of drilling that tight ass of yours,"

I groaned.

"But Ed, I- I need you to- I need you to be inside me. Now."

And then he was everywhere, the only thing any of my senses could register. Hearing those words was the final spark I needed to ignite the fire that was slowly fueling inside me. I locked my eyes on his while grabbing one of Emmett's spare pillows, I folded it in half and slid it under Jasper's hips, bringing the promised land up to a slightly better angle. I scooted down and traced my tongue around his entrance, then licked slowly up to his balls, putting each one in my mouth, then continued up his shaft, ending with a swirl around the head.

I met his eyes once again and that was all the reassurance I needed.

If pure love and desire ever existed anywhere in the world, it was right here between me and Jasper.

I surprised myself by the dexterous ease I used to sheath myself with the condom, I spread what seemed like a lot of lube on my cock and positioned myself for entry.

"Are you ready?"

Jasper nodded and spread his legs further apart, feet on the bed.

With the help of the lubricant, I slowly pressed the tip of my cock into his hole.

Jasper exhaled.

"Does it... hurt?"

"Not really," a beautiful giggle escaped his lips. "It just feels... weird. But not bad weird."

He looked up into my eyes, they looked bluer today than usual and more intense than ever.

"Not bad at all..." he trailed off, smiling.

I took that as my sign to continue. So I slowly started rocking my hips back and forward, pushing in a little further each time. I was concentrating so hard on not hurting him that it wasn't until I was almost fully inside him that I finally opened myself to the sensation of his tight walls around my dick. The only thing that stopped me from cumming right there was the feeling of latex wrapped around me. Jasper was so warm and so tight, I couldn't even begin to describe the sensation. Words were inadequate.

Once I was fully in I stopped for a moment, then receiving no complaint from Jasper, I slowly pulled out, shifted my hips slightly and plunged back in. Apparently I had made the right adjustment because Jasper's response was immediate.

"Fuck. There. Right there. Faster. Oh don't stop," Jasper was already panting underneath me, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head.

I picked up the pace a little, but I didn't want it to be over too soon. I leaned forward so I could connect my lips to his. Then I straightened back up and settled into a rhythm with the music drifting through the room, taking his cock in my hand and pumping it with the beat. We didn't speak, other than the sporadic panting and moaning. The feeling was exquisite but as I held his gaze my heart began to swell. I needed to be closer. I stopped the ministrations of my hand, intending to make up for it later. I moved his hands from where they had settled on my ass, pushing me gently in and out, then interlaced the fingers of my right hand with his left and pressed it down into the mattress above his head. I mimicked the motion with my left hand and his right, leaning forward until our torsos connected.

Being so close to him like that, feeling his own pending release building between the friction of our bodies, thinking about how he was so willing to give himself to me, how he needed me, how he loved me.

It put me over the edge.

"I love you, Jasper," I whispered at his ear, and then with another thrust I came, with such intensity that tears welled in my eyes. As my body pulsed I vaguely registered Jasper tense and release below me. I pulled myself slowly out of him, and collapsed. I was partially on top of his body, and I still had the condom on, but movement was impossible. I buried my face into his neck, and let the tears fall.

I think Jasper understood my reaction, because I felt his hand gently stroking the back of head and heard him whisper back,

"I love you too."

We stayed like that for a long time. The light in the room had started to fade with the sun when we finally got up to clean ourselves. When I walked back into the bedroom I realized that it reeked of sweat and sex. For a split second I thought about just leaving and facing Emmett's wrath later, but my conscience got the better of me. And I began to strip the sheets off the bed. Thank god Emmett had a washer and dryer in his apartment.

Jasper laughed at me as he joined me in the bedroom.

"You don't have anywhere important to be for the next hour and a half do you?" I asked, as he helped me carry the linens to the washer.

"Wherever you are is the important place for me to be."

Who knew Jasper Hale was so romantic? Once again he nearly brought me to my knees with his words.

We ended up spending the rest of the evening in Emmett's apartment, raiding his fridge and taking advantage of his Wii. It was late when we walked back to the dorms. We got to my building first, so Jasper walked me to my room, giving me the good night kiss to end all good night kisses as he left.

The next evening as I was walking over to Jasper's dorm, I got the phone call I anticipated.

He didn't even say "hello."

"Why are there clean sheets on my bed?"

"What are you talking about, Em?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. There are clean, downy fresh sheets on my bed. And don't pretend you don't know, because I never, ever make my bed this neatly. Only you make perfect hospital corners. Now come on, I can only think of one reason why my little brother would wash my sheets and remake my bed."

"You mean your little, no-longer-a-virgin brother?"

"Dammit, Ed. I can't even be mad at you now. I'm not saying that I'm not still pissed that you used my bed for your ass party, but I'm proud of you man. Please give me absolutely no details about pitching and catching, but how was it?"

"Thanks, man. It was awesome, amazing, transcendent. The air literally tastes sweeter now."

Emmett laughed. "Welcome to the land of the sexually active," he paused and I could almost hear the wheels turning. "Shit! Now I can't make fun of you or Jazz about your v-cards anymore."

"Yeah, but think about all the buttplug jokes you can make."

His voice brightened. "You're right! You really _are_ an ass jockey now!"

"Is that all Em?"

"Yeah, yeah, I need to make another phone call. 'Night."

"Good night, bro," I said as I knocked on Jasper's door.

"When you answer your phone say 'Ass jockey speaking,'" I blurted out, before pulling him in for a kiss.

"What?" he said, just as his phone rang.

He looked at the caller ID.

"Ass jockey speaking," he said with a smirk. He laughed at Emmett's response then said, "Yeah, he's right here."

I let them finish their conversation, and as they discussed whether or not Rosalie should find out about our use of Emmett's bed, I stripped down to my t-shirt and boxers and settled myself in Jasper's bed.

I heard him say, "Later, man." And then he climbed up the loft ladder and straddled my waist.

"Going to bed already?" his voice was playful. "You know, Felix probably won't be back tonight, now that he found himself a girl he doesn't spend a whole lot of time here."

"I was counting on it."

I lifted my hands and ran them through his hair as he came forward until we were face to face.

"Are we even going to put in a movie under the pretense of watching it?"

Jasper laughed and silenced my question by taking my lips in his.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I just want them to be much, much dirtier.

**A/N:** I'm still shocked that you are still reading, reviewing, favoriting, and alerting this story. You are all absolutely fabulous and are giving me the motivation to continue. I hope you continue with me. A bit more plot and character-development in this one... with a lemon twist ;).

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Summer had always been my favorite season. The warmth, the feeling of luscious green grass between my toes, the buzzing sounds of night insects and bullfrogs - some of my fondest memories of my childhood occurred during the long lazy days of summer.

Summer department store sales had never been a part of these memories until now.

I'm fairly certain that this is what people referred to as the "honeymoon phase" in a relationship. Jasper and I had been annoying everyone around us – friends, siblings, roommates, total strangers – with our sappiness and affection for about three months now. We limited public affection to things like hand-holding, soft kisses and, well, the occasionally groping under a table. But behind closed doors it was no holds barred. I'm pretty sure that Jasper's roommate Felix had seen my dick on more than one occasion. Which at one point in my life would have embarrassed me to no end. Regardless, I think Felix was happy to move out at the end of the semester.

Behind dorm room doors I was starting to become a bit of an exhibitionist.

I just couldn't get enough of Jasper. I could feel myself becoming totally irrational when he was in my presence. He could overwhelm me so much that I just lost any sense of my ties to the world apart from him. This summer I had decided to go ahead and take two summer classes, and got a job working at one of the campus libraries. Because Jasper's grades had tanked his first semester, he was also on campus re-taking a few of his Gen Ed courses. Only two dorms stayed open during the summer, and it was obvious to Jasper and I that we should room together.

It was at the same time a fantastic and terrible decision.

Fantastic for obvious reasons, but terrible for my ability to study, or read, or concentrate on anything other than Jasper. I was grateful that I was only taking two classes.

Neither of our sets of parents questioned this living situation, and our siblings stayed shockingly silent on the matter. I didn't know if my mom and dad would disapprove of me rooming with my boyfriend, but I was not about to test those waters. Though I _was_ fairly certain that one of the reasons why men and women were not allowed to room together in dormitories was because of an antiquated act of authority to keep their genitals separated. Finally, being gay had an advantage in society.

We quickly realized that so long as we followed all of the written rules of the Residence Hall Handbook, no one could say anything to us.

So we became increasingly obvious about our relationship. It wasn't entirely conscious; we were just really comfortable around each other, and it starting spilling over into the more public areas of the dorm.

If I couldn't wait until we were inside the room, I'd press Jasper against the door and kiss him in the hallway, even though I was well-aware in my more lucid moments that our kisses could be borderline pornographic. One day Jasper came out of the shower with his towel slung obscenely low on his hips, and rubbed up against my ass as I was brushing my teeth in the men's bathroom. We just didn't care if anyone saw us.

We did occasionally got called derogatory names; the name tags on our door only lasted about three days before they had "faggot" and drawings of penises scrawled all over them. The first time the name-calling happened I was upset and angry, and I was surprised that Jasper kept a more level-head about it. When I asked him why it didn't upset him he said,

"Sure, it hurts my feelings a little, it's a shame that in the 21st century people still don't get it, but I know that they're just ignorant meatheads. Anyway, the joke's on them. I've found the love of my life and they are wasting their time picking up VDs from bar skanks."

If anything I think the harassment made Jasper even _more_ willing to show his affection toward me, so the joke really was on them.

I knew it could be a lot worse than occasional name-calling. I do think we were harassed less than some of my gay friends because neither one of us fit very well with the generic "gay" stereotype. We were both athletic, liked to watch sports and play video games; neither of us liked show tunes, gaudy clothes, banana hammocks, Cher, Barbara Streisand, or Madonna - well, that's not entirely true, I did think that Madonna had a few good albums; neither of us spoke with the overly-mocked and oft-exaggerated lisp that none of my other gay friends even remotely had. Even though people never spoke about it in the same negative way, I think we both fit into the "straight" stereotype, for the most part. Some would say that my love of art and classical music put me in questionable territory, which was ridiculous, although I _was_ anally neat and, if I do say so myself, a fantastic cook. And, of course, Jasper was exceptionally well-dressed.

It was because of his fashion obsession that I found myself in a mall on an all-day shopping spree with Jasper, who had received some money from his Grandmother for his birthday. Apparently Grandma Hale was in on Jasper's secret.

Even though I hated shopping I was happy that Jasper let me into this little part of himself that was mostly unknown to the people in his life. Jasper always looked good to me, but it was only recently that I started to pay attention to the _way_ clothes looked on him. Usually I was more concerned with getting them off of him, but I had to hand it to him – my boyfriend knew how to dress, and he looked damn good.

And now I was starting to see the benefits of shopping with Jasper. Shopping was torturous when your twin sister with the energy of a hummingbird on crack forced you to try on twenty pairs of skinny jeans that were damn near impossible to get in and out of. But shopping when you got to see your boyfriend try on twenty pairs of skinny jeans was just plain hot. After he came out and modeled pair number twenty-one for me, Jasper had to shove me out of the dressing room when I tried to follow him in. Not only did he take shopping seriously, he pointed to the camera in the ceiling.

"This is one of my favorite department stores. I am not getting kicked out for a quickie in a dressing room." Unfortunately his forceful tone only made me harder.

At that moment the sales girl poked her head around the corner and asked if we needed anything.

"Maybe a cold shower," I muttered.

She just laughed and said, "I'd have trouble keeping my hands off him too."

The final stop on our shopping spree was for my benefit, my massive t-shirt collection came almost exclusively from Goodwill stores, much to my twin's chagrin. She forced me into designer jeans as recompense. But it had been awhile since I added a good outdated Mariners logo t-shirt into my wardrobe, and Jasper was sweet enough to compromise and come with me.

We were about to walk into the store when Jasper stopped me by putting a hand on my chest.

"Don't you dare tell Alice about this," I couldn't detect any humor in his voice.

"I thought vintage was acceptable," I said slowly, still not entirely sure that Jasper was being serious.

"A vintage boutique is okay, but Goodwill? You have no way of knowing where any of this comes from. Usually the good pieces get snatched up by the employees before they're put out on the racks. It's usually not worth the trouble of sorting through all the rags."

Wow, he _was_ being serious. No wonder he and Alice got along so well.

"Okay, okay, I won't say a word. If you buy anything I'll even let you keep it in my closet so I can take the fall for you."

"That's why I love you." And he kissed me gently on the lips.

We entered the store and Jasper made a beeline for the men's suits. I chuckled as I walked over to the table of "gently worn" t-shirts.

I got lost sorting through the hodgepodge of discarded clothing, pleased at finding a work shirt with the name "Will" embroidered on it and an old Seattle SuperSonics Western Conference champions t-shirt. I felt his presence before he spoke, and I turned to find a three-piece suit being shoved into my face.

"This would be perfect for you."

"Wait? It's okay for me to wear this stuff but not you?"

"I didn't make the rules. I just follow them," he shrugged.

"But-

"Just try it on, sexy."

I was powerless to refuse the man who called me "sexy" with that sultry purr.

He forced me over and into the dressing room, and I stripped off my jeans and t-shirt.

I checked myself out in the mirror and frowned. My abs had lost a bit of their definition and my upper body a bit of its mass especially in the shoulders and biceps. I groaned inwardly. I had been so busy with classes and activities and lately Jasper, that I hadn't been running regularly like I used to. Jasper still found time to go to the gym to lift and looked as godlike as he ever had. I wondered if _he_ noticed that I was starting to get a little doughy. Was he still as attracted to me as he used to be? How much further could I let myself go and still have him find me sexually appealing at all?

"Show me," hearing his voice made me feel guilty for not taking more attentive care of myself.

I finished buttoning the vest and slipped on the jacket. Then I opened the dressing room door and stood leaning against the frame. Jasper exhaled loudly.

"I need to give you a reason to wear suits more often."

"I've gotten flabby," I couldn't hold back a pout.

"You have not," Jasper reassured, as he stepped in toward me and gave my ass a squeeze. "I've noticed that you have stopped running though, you used to love running."

"I know, I know, I should start again. I just got so caught up in school and everything, I stopped taking that time for myself."

"With Emmett gone for the summer, I don't have a lifting partner anymore, you should come with me."

The thought of Jasper sweaty and in workout clothes made the suit pants tighten.

"I don't know if that would be a good idea..."

Jasper looked slightly hurt, so I quickly countered.

"The gym isn't the best place to be sporting constant wood."

He laughed then, and shocked me by stepping in even closer and palming my cock through the suit pants as he pushed me back into the dressing room. I almost gave in until I heard a crying child somewhere in the store.

"I'm not getting kicked out of my favorite store either," though my raspy breath gave me away.

"Regardless, you're buying the suit," he murmured into my ear.

After a serious make-out session in my Volvo in the Goodwill parking lot, and Jasper showing me how absolutely attracted he still was to me, I felt better and agreed to go with him to the gym after our classes got out the next day. Since it was Sunday and there was no food service on campus, we stopped by a local sandwich place on the way home for dinner. We had neglected our homework all weekend so I insisted that we study for a few hours before releasing any of the ever-present sexual tension.

We were both working at our desks, facing in opposite directions, when I heard a pencil snap and what sounded like a book falling to the floor.

I spun around in my chair.

"Are you o-

"What the fuck am I doing here?" he interrupted me.

I was shocked and immediately defensive of his outburst, but I quickly tried to tell myself that it surely had nothing to do with me.

"What do you mean?" I tried to keep my voice steady.

"This- this whole college thing, I'm not cut out for it."

"But you're such a smart person..." my voice trailed off, I wasn't entirely sure what to say.

"Being smart doesn't do much good when you have no clue as to what you want to do with your life."

Then he stood up in a huff, grabbed a rain jacket and left me in the room with my jaw hanging open. I wasn't sure what brought up the outburst or what was lurking behind it, but it killed me to see Jasper so upset. So I did the only thing I could do – grabbed my own rain jacket, my phone and keys and took off after him.

I caught up to him at the front entrance of the building, it was pouring down rain and he was standing in the entryway donning his jacket and flipping up his hood.

"Jasper," I whispered.

He turned around at me, the fury still intense in his eyes. I bit my lip, trying not to cry or yell or say the wrong thing, and then his eyes softened.

"Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't yelling at you, I just don't want to talk about it right now."

"I know you weren't yelling at me, I'm just worried about you. You don't have to talk about it, but at least let me keep you company."

"I'm not going to do anything stupid, Ed."

"And I'm going to not do anything stupid _with_ you."

"Fine, but I'm not going to talk about it."

"Fine."

So we walked in silence, side by side, our hands shoved in our pockets. I let Jasper take the lead and eventually we were wandering around campus, until he stopped.

"That's the bench," his voice startled me as it broke through the silence.

He turned then, to look up at the building.

"The green light..." he murmured.

Indeed there was a room in the building that seemed to be emanating a strange jade green light.

I respected Jasper's brooding silence, and so we stood together side-by-side, the light rain rolling off us, looking up at the window with the green light. I couldn't tell you what was running through Jasper's mind. Despite our increased closeness the past couple months, despite the fact that we really were making an effort to get to know each other, and despite that we spent nearly every waking moment together since summer session started three weeks ago, I was still rarely able to tell what he was thinking. Most people were simple, had very few variations in their trains of thought, but Jasper's thoughts seemed to travel along multiple strands simultaneously. He often surprised me when he voiced what he was thinking. Sometimes it frustrated me, but usually it just made me love him even more, as if it was reassurance that I could spend the rest of my life with him and everyday be able to learn something new about who he was.

Right now, I wasn't sure why this glowing green beacon in the humanities building had so much power over him, but I knew it was important. Plus, it was this spot that was a catalyst for his new place in my life, for him coming to my room that night when he declared his love.

I was grateful for this eerie green light.

It was the rain that got to me eventually, not the silence.

I shivered.

Jasper must have noticed because he grabbed my hand and then pulled me out of the rain and under the awning of the building. He sat down on the steps and motioned for me to join him. His anger seemed to have dissipated and he was looking at me thoughtfully.

"How did you know you wanted to go into medicine?" he asked.

"When I was six-years-old my grandmother died. You know how my dad is; he doesn't pussyfoot around the truth when it comes to children and medical information, so he explained to me that she had cancer."

"I'm sorry," Jasper murmured. He was close with his own grandmother.

"I asked my dad why he couldn't heal her and he told me that medical researchers hadn't developed the right type of treatment that would help her. So I became determined then and there to find a way to heal other people's grandmothers."

Jasper had a small smile on his face as he looked at me, shaking his head, but the expression on his face was one of pride.

"And as it turns out, I really love biology and the work I've been able to do so far."

He leaned in and kissed me gently, cupping the right side of my face with his hand.

"You're amazing, you know that, right?"

"I just wish I could have had more time with my grandmother," I answered. It was the truth. She was the first person I ever knew who died, and even though he didn't voice it, I could see how frustrated my dad was that he couldn't save her. I think a small part of him still thought of himself as a failure of a son.

Jasper grabbed my hand and squeezed it, then leaned his head on my shoulder.

"You must have wanted to be something when you grew up," I tried to broach the conversation I knew he needed to have as innocently as possible.

He sighed and lifted his head. "Well, we're a career military family. Rose was going to go into the Air Force and I was going to be a marine."

I stored the image of Jasper in full marine dress for my next jerk off session and instead tried to imagine my brother's blond bombshell of a girlfriend in military fatigues with her hair cut short.

The expression on my face must have been a familiar one, because Jasper laughed and said,

"Yeah, once she hit puberty and started getting ogled by every straight, red-blooded male in the county, even my dad thought it would be a bad idea."

"So when exactly did you decide against going into the service?"

"Well, I mean, it partly had to do with my discovery that I was gay. I would have had to hide who I was, and even though I never really broadcast my sexuality before, well, before this, I never really hid it either. But it was more than that, I think. I just couldn't see myself blindly following orders for the rest of my life. I mean, for years I did whatever my dad told me to do, and you saw how well I reacted to being free of that..." he trailed off, as if not wanting to remember his first semester antics.

"Why do you feel like you have to know what you want to do right this second?" I was worried that somehow this all had something to do with me.

"Because that's why you go to college, isn't it? I mean, you want to save people from cancer and this is the first step to achieving that. I should know why I'm here."

I wanted to tell him that it didn't matter to me in the least if he had some master plan for what he wanted to do with his life, because it didn't. I knew that he would figure out what he wanted, and in the grand scheme of things it didn't matter if whatever that was required a college degree. It didn't matter if he never really found the "one thing" that he should do with his life, because it just didn't work that way for everybody. But it almost seemed as if he needed me to take on that role of guide, of support in this particular endeavor, so I bit my tongue on my current thoughts, not knowing if it was the right thing to do or not. Instead I said,

"There's a career counseling center on campus, maybe they could help."

"I know, I know, that's what my advisor told me when I was registering for classes, but I guess- I guess I don't want someone else to tell me what I can do. I think I need to figure it out on my own."

"You will, just keep an open mind in your classes; it will probably come to you when you don't expect it."

"I guess," but he still sounded disappointed in himself.

"I know you'll figure it out," I added.

He gave me a small smile and then stood, reaching out his hand to pull me up. We walked back to the dorm in relative silence, but this time the tension wasn't so strong. Though I got the feeling that Jasper was still stewing under the surface.

"I think I'm going to take a shower," he said absentmindedly as we returned to our room.

He didn't even tease me as he undressed quickly and threw on his bathrobe and flip-flops, grabbing a towel and his shower caddy and hurrying out of the room.

He looked so preoccupied that I knew I had to do something.

It took me about 30 seconds before I realized what that something was.

I grabbed a few necessities out of my makeshift, dorm room medicine cabinet, then stripped down and wrapped myself in a clean, fluffy towel.

The hallway was silent as I trudged down to the men's bathroom, the sound of my flip-flops slapping on the tiled floors echoed behind me. I pushed open the bathroom door and quickly checked the stalls for any sign of occupancy, and then I crossed over into the shower area. Only one shower was running.

"Jasper?"

I took off my towel, took a deep breath, and slipped behind the curtain.

He turned, startled, until he took a good look at me and a big grin crawled across his face. It made me feel better about the current state of my physique. He wouldn't look at me like a piece of meat unless he was attracted to me, anyway, it gave me the confidence to continue with my plan.

"It's two o'clock in the morning, no one will know," I said plainly.

"Know what exactly," he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"About how you fucked my brains out in the shower," I leaned forward to coyly whisper in his ear.

I returned upright and pulled my left hand from behind my back to show him the condom and lube I had smuggled in.

Less than a second later my back was pressed up against the shower stall's wall with Jasper's entire slick, soapy, wet body rubbing against mine, his lips at my neck.

"Oh, I'll fuck your brains out," he growled into my ear.

He spun me roughly and put my hands against the wall. He pulled my hips back until I was bent at the waist. He wasted no time, because suddenly I felt a finger rubbing against my prostate. I tried to stay cognizant of the fact that we were in a dorm shower, but I was only partly successful in suppressing the moan.

He grabbed my ass roughly, trying to spread me as wide as possible. I thought he would just plow into me, but he started slowly, even in the heat of passion he didn't want to hurt me.

"It's okay," I whispered. It did hurt a bit the first couple times I bottomed, and, like Jasper had said that first time, it definitely felt "weird", but once I understood so long as I relaxed that it wouldn't hurt... well, then it felt amazing.

After he filled me, he paused.

He felt my body relax.

And then with no more hesitation he pulled out until only his head was inside me and then slammed back in. He grabbed my hips and pulled them back to meet his with each thrust. The pace he set was fast and I got lost in the rhythm. The slapping of skin reverberated against the tile walls, and if anyone happened to come into the bathroom at this point, they wouldn't be able to convince themselves that the sounds were of anything else. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except the connection between the two of us that was beyond words, beyond Jasper's frustration, beyond my attempt to appease his frustration, and maybe even beyond our love for each other. It was pure sensation.

It was only when Jasper told me that he was close to cumming that I realized I had been stroking myself along with his thrusts. I let myself get lost once again in how good it felt, how good it would feel for him to explode inside me, and that was enough to push me over the edge.

I came hard, almost as if my semen was violently forced from my body. I had to put my hand back on the wall to steady myself.

"Fuck- Ed- you feel so..." and with that I could feel Jasper release inside me.

He leaned forward and rested his torso against my back, wrapping his arms around my waist, panting hungrily in my ear. My legs were like jelly, and it felt like my arms against the wall were the only thing keeping us from crashing to the ground. I waited for him to catch his breath.

"That was exactly what I needed," he whispered into my ear as he slowly pulled out of me and slapped my ass playfully. "I love you," he added, almost shyly, which seemed incongruent after the way he had just manhandled me.

I turned and threw my arms around him, "I love you."

We washed ourselves as best we could, though we quickly found that dorm showers were clearly not made for two people to bathe in.

"What is it with us and tight spaces?" I said, thinking about the closet and playground fort that started this all.

Jasper laughed at me, which I didn't understand until I caught the double entendre. I just rolled my eyes at him, kissed him, and stepped out of the shower, grabbing my towel and wrapping it back around my waist. I trudged back to our room, flinging my towel off of me and into my hamper. Why Jasper chose to dry off in the shower was beyond me, I'd towel off a little, but I preferred to air-dry.

I turned on the box fan that sat in the window of our un-air conditioned dorm room and let the cool air flow around my damp skin. I could feel the water evaporate from my skin, my whole body still sensitive after the release Jasper and I had just shared.

Once I was sufficiently dry, I went to the dresser and was pulling out some boxers to sleep in when he came into the room, in his thin, untied bathrobe. Not saying a word he snatched the boxers out of my hand and led me to the bottom bunk of our stacked beds, shedding his robe on the way. He pulled me down onto the bed, arranging us so he was on his back and my head was resting on his shoulder, my arm thrown across his bare chest. He pulled his opposite arm around me. I stretched my neck out so I could kiss his cheek then returned to my position lying naked in his arms.

I knew that our conversation hadn't really solved anything.

I knew that he was still in a state of despair at not having anything resembling a life plan.

I knew that neither of us was perfect and that I would continue to be supportive of Jasper as we both figured things out.

But I did know that together we could weather the rain.

* * *

**A/N:** I don't know how I feel about this chapter... was it okay?

I also don't know if I can keep up with my Tuesday & Saturday posting schedule, but I'll do my best to keep up. I am sort of unhappy with what I am currently doing with my life, so I tend to screw around a lot when I should be working, which on the bright side enables me ample writing time. Hah!


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... but I do put them in "adult situations."

**A/N:** Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who continue to read and review, as well as add this story to your alert and favorite lists. I'm fairly new to the fanfiction world, and I'm a bit of a nervous wreck at having other people read my writing because I want to please each and every one of you, so your support really means a lot to me.

* * *

I looked around the room and laughed as Charlie and I set the couch down, it was the last heavy piece of furniture that we needed to carry up the flight of stairs to the apartment. He looked at me like I was crazy, and then inquired.

"You are willingly letting your 19-year-old daughter move in with a boy. I just can't get over it, Chief," I teased.

Charlie grinned, "When's your next parade, kid, I might join you in the march."

It was the perfect situation for all of us though. Jasper and I had wanted to move in together, but I think we both kind of knew it was a bad idea. At least, I thought it was a bad idea and he respected me enough to agree. He could distract me like nothing else as was obvious by our shenanigans over the summer. If there wasn't anyone to hear us, or see us, or walk in on us in our own apartment, well, I wouldn't have reason to leave the house... or put on clothes.

Since Jake was moving to Seattle for art school, Bella had wanted to live with him, but her father put his foot down. And anyway, the art school was on the waterfront so it would have been impossible to find an affordable place that didn't involve a pain-in-the-ass commute for either or both of them. So I asked Bella to move in with me. With our twin connection in full force, Alice had asked the same of Jasper. Jake was perfectly accepting of the idea, and it was an agreeable situation to Charlie, because he knew that I had absolutely no dishonorable intentions with his daughter, but was still masculine enough that I could provide any protection if needed. So long as Charlie didn't think about all the dishonorable things I would be doing to _Jasper_ on this couch, all would be well.

I think my parents felt the same security with Alice and Jasper living together. Given Alice's history with dating, the odds of her randomly deciding to live with some guy and then have it fall apart a few weeks later was likely. Jasper, on the other hand, was a sure thing.

_My_ sure thing.

I had waited until after summer school was over to let it slip that Jasper and I were dating. The fact that we roomed together over the summer made it look kind of suspicious, but my parents didn't say anything. It made me feel like they were finally starting to respect me as an adult, though I felt a little guilty for hiding it from them for so long. I had been successfully dodging my mother's questions for the past few weeks that I had gone back to spend in Forks after summer term. Luckily she was easily distracted if I directed the conversation toward things I needed for my new apartment. But I knew I couldn't put it off forever.

As if on cue, my phone rang.

"Hey Em, what's up? You guys need help moving Alice in?" Alice had conveniently found an apartment for her and Jasper in the same complex as Bella and me. So we had moved all of our things down together, sort of like a mass migration from Forks.

"No, no, we're all done. Your boy is like a pack mule... a fudge-pack mule!" Emmett laughed at his own joke.

"Then why are you calling me, breeder." I had started returning the favor with the name-calling.

"Just a heads up... Mom's been asking Jasper... questions." He said 'questions' in a very suggestive tone.

"Uh... what kind of questions?"

"The mechanics of anal sex. What do you think? No dipshit, she's been asking about your relationship. Frankly, it's nice to have her off my back for a change. You know she's already been asking for grandkids."

Despite the maturing process that I could see Emmett undergoing thanks to Rosalie, Emmett as a father was kind of terrifying.

"Oh god, thanks for the warning."

"Yeah, and she wants to take us all out to lunch. You've been warned, asslicker."

"I love you too big brother," and I smacked a kiss into the phone.

Emmett snorted and hung up.

I started pacing. I wasn't sure why this of all things turned my brain on overdrive.

Bella, Charlie and Jake came in then with the last set of boxes. I let them know that my mom was coming over and wanted to take us all out to lunch. I knew Charlie couldn't pass up a free meal. Plus, I was hoping that having a lot of people around would take the heat off me. I don't know why I was so reluctant to talk to my mom about my dating Jasper. It wasn't that I wasn't proud of our relationship or deliriously happy, I just didn't want to admit a few things, like how long I had been pining over him; the circumstances under which we found out about our mutual admiration and our subsequent first kiss; the way we snuck around the summer after high school; the reason why Emmett's chocolate syrup had vanished from the fridge; how hurt I felt when freshman year started and Jasper pulled away from me; or how we spent this summer happily making our dorm mates uncomfortable. It was just more than I could tell her, and I was worried about her sneaky ways of getting information out of me. I was closer to my dad than my mom, he was a lot more like me. He would have quashed some of her nosy inquiries, but he was unable to take off work to help us move.

I was brought out of my panicked reverie by a knock on the door and Emmett's best Sloth impression,

"Hey you guys!"

Jake was closest, so he swung open the door, only to be immediately put into a headlock by my oaf of a brother. Jake had been in Emmett's weight class on the wrestling team in high school. Emmett had treated him as something of an understudy, so for the past two years Em had harassed Jake about maintaining his own undefeated record at their weight class.

My mom, followed by Alice and Jasper, who were in the middle of what looked like a fairly intense discussion about fabric swatches, stepped around the wrestlers and into the living room of our new apartment.

Judicious as always, my mom spoke, "It's starting to look good in here, maybe some curtains, a couple rugs... it's a shame you can't paint the walls."

"Mom!" I interrupted her train of thought. I didn't want our apartment to turn into a page out of a Pottery Barn catalog. Neither Bella nor I really cared about interior design, plus, it was just a generic apartment occupied exclusively by college students for the past twenty years.

My mom stopped and rolled her eyes at me, then turned to meet Bella's eyes and finally Charlie's, giving them both a warm smile. "You'll join us for lunch won't you? My treat."

So that's how I found myself at a table in a local pizza joint, sitting next to Jasper, my left hand in a death grip on his right knee. My mom sat to my right at the head of the rectangular table, Alice was across from me, Bella next to her, followed by Jake, Charlie at the opposite table head and Emmett completed the rectangle sitting next to Jasper. The three men at the other end of the table, and shockingly Bella, were having a conversation about sports that I didn't catch the beginning of, so Jasper and I became the focus of my mother's attention.

"So," she wasn't going to let it go. "Jasper never got around to telling me, how long have the two of you been... dating?"

"You're shameless, Mom."

"A mother knows, dear, and I can see the change in you. I've never seen you so happy, and I noticed it long before you told your father and I about your relationship."

I blushed, but snuck a glance at Jasper out of the corner of my eye and couldn't help but grin.

He _did_ make me happy.

"Well, uh..." I started.

Jasper squeezed my hand, lifting it slightly from the grip I had on him and broke in, "Since March, Mrs. Cullen. I apologize for not telling you sooner. Keeping it from you and Dr. Cullen was never my intention... but you know my parents..."

He trailed off and looked up at my mom. She smiled warmly and nodded sympathetically.

He continued, "They know and accept that I am gay, but it's still all very theoretical for them. To actually see me with a boyfriend, well, you can see why I'm a bit hesitant."

He had never spoken this aloud to me, but I sort of assumed that he was reluctant to take the plunge and appear as a couple with me in front of his parents. Nevertheless, I didn't want my mom to blame him for our nondisclosure, so I spoke up.

"Plus, and I know this was kind of childish on my part, but I didn't know if you would be okay with us rooming together this past summer if you knew."

My mom chuckled.

"First, Jasper, please call me Esme. 'Mrs. Cullen' was my dear mother-in-law, and I have known you as Emmett and Alice's friend for years. Second, I can't speak for your parents in particular, but as a parent myself I know that I would appreciate knowing about my child's significant other," she turned and looked at me with narrowed eyes. "And not have to guess and then pry it out of his twin."

"Alice!" I admonished.

"You know she has a way of unlocking my vault! And anyway she asked me outright, I couldn't lie!" Alice squeaked.

I gave her a look, letting her know I wasn't truly mad, and she first frowned in return to scold me for not just telling mom and dad in the first place, finally offering a smile in forgiveness of my pigheadedness.

Jasper shook his head and said incredulously, "You two and your silent twin talk."

My mom continued addressing Jasper, "But, I understand your reluctance."

Our sets of parents were about 10 years apart in age. My mom got pregnant when she was 18 and being the responsible man he is, my dad proposed and they got married as soon as _he_ turned 18. She miscarried that pregnancy, though my dad told me later that it was that traumatic experience that brought them closer together as a couple. And they'd been together ever since. Two years later Emmett was born, and Alice and I followed the next year. They were fairly progressive in their beliefs and because of their own mistakes as teenagers, were more understanding with us than most of my friends' parents seemed to be. Jasper's parents were a bit more traditional in their views, and I think Jasper made a good point; knowing that their son was gay was one thing, seeing him in a gay relationship was another.

"And just so you know, even if my son screws this up, we'll always think of you as family."

"Hey!"

"You know I love your father, dear, but you have inherited a lot of his neuroses. I completely understand if you get impatient with him, Jasper; if you ever need some tips on how to deal with him, you know how to reach me." She winked, and I wondered just what she, Jasper and Alice had talked about as they were moving in this morning. If my mom and my boyfriend ended up in cahoots, this could wind up very bad for me.

She asked a few more, thankfully non-sexual, questions, about our first date, about whether or not we ran into any trouble when we were together in public. She got very defensive when we told her about the obscenities written on our door this summer and told us that we should have complained to the residence hall manager.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Emmett broke through our conversation.

"Eddie's a big baseball fan, he must have an opinion on what makes a good _pitcher_."

I rolled my eyes at him. Could he be more obvious?

I didn't humor him though, and launched into a boring rant about the merits of a quality baseball pitcher. I only meant to punish Emmett with my long-winded explanation, but it actually ended up sparking a debate and the next thing I knew an hour had passed and we were heading back to the apartment.

My mom went through and gave all of us a round of hugs.

"Thank you for telling me everything, Edward. If you ever keep something so important from me again, you're in for it."

"Mom, I'm almost 20 years old, you can't threaten me."

"I have baby pictures, sweetheart, and pictures of you playing in the bathtub, of you with spaghetti sauce all over your face, of Alice playing dress up with you."

"I'm gay. Seeing pictures of me in makeup and a dress isn't all that shocking."

"What about your awkward middle school years?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

I shuddered.

"Fine, fine, all major life events will be shared with you in a timely manner."

"That's my boy." She reached up and kissed my forehead.

Even with the threats, after she and Charlie got back on the road, I felt a lot better. Now that she knew as much as she wanted to know and would fill my dad in on the details, it just solidified our relationship even more in my mind. The only thing left to do would be to tell Jasper's parents, but I wasn't going to push him. I had only met his parents at a few school functions. His dad, and once in a while his mom, used to come watch him at wrestling meets. I usually tried to avoid sitting near them though, for fear that they would somehow pick up on my attraction to their son. I wasn't ashamed to admit that I was a little intimidated by his dad; he just seemed so serious and stern with his military posture. Yet, he was never the type of parent who would yell at his son or berate him if he didn't win a match. He was polite and obviously proud of Jasper. Still, it didn't particularly endear him to me. After all, I was the guy who was boning his son, there's no way he would like me.

Jasper and Alice didn't linger long in our apartment. Claiming that they needed roommate bonding time, Alice pulled Jasper away from my arms, and launched into a soliloquy about furniture arrangements. Jasper shot me an apologetic look on his way out, though secretly I think he liked the idea of decorating and arranging an apartment.

Jake didn't stay much longer either, his classes started before ours and he wanted to get completely unpacked and settled before they did.

"I'll leave you two to your 'roommate bonding time,'" he snickered as he left.

Neither of us felt like unpacking so I hooked up the TV and DVD player while Bella ordered Chinese food.

We sprawled out on the couch watching a cheesy action movie that probably belonged to Emmett and having easy conversation.

"I can't believe Jasper doesn't like Chinese food," Bella said between bites of lo mein.

"It boggles the mind how someone could _not_ like crab Rangoon," I replied shaking my head. "Hey Bells, are you sure Jake's okay with this?"

Bella smiled at me, "Perfectly okay. I know it's hard to believe, but he likes you, Edward."

"It sure took him a while."

Bella and I both laughed. Jake's dad and Charlie were best friends, so Bella had known Jake since they were kids as well. But since he lived on the La Push Reservation she didn't see him very often until he started attending the Forks school system when he was a freshman and we were sophomores. He pined after Bella for almost two years before making a move, instead spending those two years actively trying to make me look like a fool in front of her. Of course, it was either play along with his game or tell him why he shouldn't view _me_ as competition. It was only after they started dating that I finally clued him in as to my sexual preference. He was kind of mad at first that I hadn't just told him outright, but I pointed out that if he had just made a move sooner he could have saved himself a lot of time and energy, because I never actually was competition. Anyway, he was a good-natured guy and figured that since he got the girl in the end, it didn't matter. He and I had actually started to become close friends.

Anyway, he was good for Bella, and balanced her out the way Jasper balanced me.

We were a lot alike, so inevitably Bella and I settled into an easy pattern as roommates.

Though both of our significant others had their own places, it seemed to end up that everyone – including Alice, Emmett, and even Rosalie – would congregate in our apartment.

I think it had something to do with the fact that both Bella and I liked to cook, as well as bake, and we both liked taking advantage of the kitchen after living for a year in the dorms without one. We were amassing an impressive collection of cookbooks, picking up a new one from the discount rack whenever we went on a bookstore excursion. We couldn't afford all the finest ingredients by any means, but we were able to do a great deal of experimenting. We learned how to make Thai and Indian curries, Vietnamese spring rolls, chile rellenos, perfect guacamole and a variety of baked goods.

At least once a week, usually more often, we would take turns cooking a multi-course meal for everyone, trying to outdo the menu of the previous feast. Bella stunned us with a three-course meal of tortilla soup, enchiladas, and flan. I responded with French cuisine to up the ante.

Luckily I was back on a running schedule and the occasional lifting session with Em and Jasper, or I would have turned into a blimp.

Most nights either Jasper would sleep at our place or I would sleep over there, we both had full-size beds now, which were a welcome change from the tiny dorm beds I had gotten used to the past year. They were much better suited for any and all activities other than sleeping. Even with roommates we still found a lot of time to be alone and I more often than not fell asleep satisfied. It didn't seem to matter where we started out when we fell asleep though, because whenever I woke up in the morning we were tangled together, as if like magnets attracted to one another even in sleep.

All in all my second year of college was starting out amazingly well.

If only it could have lasted that way.

It was about three weeks into the semester when I first started feeling overwhelmed. I was taking 19 credit hours, it was only 6 classes and a lab, but I could see now that it was going to be a lot to deal with. The hardest course on my schedule was the dreaded organic chemistry, which wouldn't have been so bad if I weren't also taking Physics I, two biology classes, an English elective and abnormal psychology. My advisor didn't even bat an eye when I registered for these courses, so I assumed that I could deal with it.

But I wasn't dealing with it very well.

I could feel myself growing irritable, but I tried not to take it out on anyone else.

I don't know if I was fully succeeding.

Intuitive as he was, Jasper could sense that I needed to unwind, so he had planned a date for us tonight.

I only had morning classes on Friday, so when I got home from my last class I called Jasper, needing to know what I should wear for our date.

"Dressier than a t-shirt and ripped jeans," he laughed. "Really, just don't look like a hobo and you'll be fine."

He was implying that I _could_ look like a hobo.

"And you won't tell me where were going?"

"Nope." I was sure he was smirking.

"Fine," I sighed, my voice heavier than I intended.

"Hey, I haven't seen you much this week, are classes going okay? You sound a little stressed."

I knew that I shouldn't freak out about this, especially around Jasper because he was sorting through his own issues with school, but I just couldn't help it.

"I don't want to lay this on you. I'm sorry. You have your own shit to deal with. I'm just worried. If I don't get an "A" in organic chemistry then my GPA will sink and I'll never get one of the undergraduate research internships next year."

"Don't hold back for my benefit. Letting it fester in you is only going to make it worse."

He was right, I knew he was right, but I still couldn't help but feel guilty.

"And anyway, organic chemistry is a tough subject. If you're having trouble I'm sure there are tutors and study groups available. It will be fine."

When Jasper said it, I almost believed him.

"Thanks," I said weakly. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Of course."

I had all afternoon free and wouldn't need to get ready for our date until 5 or so, so I set to work, trying to knock out some of my homework so I wouldn't have to spend my entire Saturday and Sunday on it. Organic chemistry was the worst, so I thought I would tackle it first.

I could name alkanes, alkenes, alkynes, aromatics and polymers. I could draw structural diagrams of molecules until the cows came home. I could even figure out redox equations with a little time and patience.

But how the fuck was I supposed to read integrated spectral data?

Not long after I started, I was getting stuck in the spectroscopic method and there was no hope of escape.

I couldn't concentrate on it, and then my over-active mind started to wander.

I thought about what would happen if I failed this course. I would have to take it again, but what if I just was not capable of understanding any of this? I would just fail it again and again until they either kicked me out of the University or at least the Biology Department. What would I do if I couldn't major in Biology? There's no way I would get into med school. And if I never got into med school, then I'd never get a research job. I'd have to spend the rest of my life as a failure – to myself, to my father, my mother, Jasper. He was so proud of me when I told him why I wanted to go into medical research. What would he think of me if I had to drop out of school? He would still love me, but would I really be the same person he had fallen in love with?

The air was starting to feel thinner, my shoulders tensed, and I could feel my chest starting to tighten.

Then I noticed that my heart was racing.

I knew this feeling.

So I started taking deep breaths, or I tried to anyway, but they came out more like gasps.

The focus of my panic turned. What if I couldn't calm down? Would my heart be over-worked from the frantic pace at which it was beating? Would I have tachycardia permanently? Would I need a pacemaker? No, I would probably hyperventilate first, my breath becoming shorter and shorter.

I had to get out of this room.

I somehow managed to walk out of my room and into the bathroom. I was lucid enough to start drawing a bath for myself. Whenever I had a fever as a child, my mom would draw a bath for me, the hot water forcing my body to relax. I climbed into the tub with the water still running. I tried to stretch out, to let the hot water envelop me, but my body wouldn't cooperate. My legs were involuntarily curling up, and I unconsciously brought my knees into my chest. So there I sat in the middle of the tub, my arms wrapped around my knees, rocking back and forth.

It wasn't helping.

The pace of my shallow breathing increased.

I was panting at this point. My heart was racing faster than ever. My body was under so much stress I was either going to go into shock or die.

I was scared.

I was going to die, naked in a bathtub.

"Edward? Are you okay? You've been in there a long time." Bella's voice scratched through my stream of thoughts.

But the only thought that would register was the fact that I was going to die.

I must have made some noise, because I heard a gasp and then heavy footsteps.

Going to die. Going to die. Going to die. Going to die.

"He's in here," I could hear Bella's voice talking to someone.

"Can you open the door, babe? It's me."

"Jas- Jasper?" my voice was raspy at this point from all the gasping for breath.

"Will you let me in?"

"I- I- I don't- don't think I can move," I managed to get out.

My last words were going to be: "I don't think I can move."

"Okay just sit tight, I'll be right back."

I heard a muted conversation about tools and hinges and lock-picking, but I didn't really comprehend any of it. The water had gone tepid and I was so cold, but I couldn't move apart from the rocking. If I moved then it would all become real. If I just stayed really still then it would be like I didn't exist. I could hide if I didn't move. Death couldn't find me if I was hiding.

I don't know how he did it, but eventually I was aware a new noise of metal against metal. And then the door swung open, and my beautiful man was suddenly at my side, leaning over me. His arms were around me in another instant, and even though I was all wet and about the same size as he, I realized I was being lifted, cradled. I felt safe then, and I threw my arms around my savior's neck, burying my face into his perfect chest.

"I'm getting you wet," I managed to squeak out.

"Shh..." was his reply.

He carried me into my bedroom, gently setting me down on the edge of my bed. He produced a towel from somewhere and began drying me off.

Once I was dry he stood and walked over to my dresser.

As soon as he broke our physical contact, my knees were up and I was rocking back and forth again.

"Going... going... to die." My teeth were chattering.

Jasper rushed back to me and climbed onto the bed; he positioned himself behind me and grabbed me under my armpits. He scooted us back until he was resting against the pillows that were propped up against the wall at the head of my bed, and I was in between his legs, my back against his chest. He leaned forward and pulled the covers over us then wrapped his arms around me.

And he held me.

"Shh..." he murmured into my ear again.

I could feel his heart beating, slow and steady in his chest. I could feel his chest slowly rising and falling behind me.

Slow and steady.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Eventually my breathing slowed down to match his.

It was then that I started to cry.

I was coming out of the panic attack, but I felt so horrible. I felt horrible about feeling so inadequate at organic chemistry. I felt horrible because of the pressure I was trying to put on myself this semester. I felt horrible that I was so terrified of failing and becoming a disappointment to everyone who believed in me that I was starting to turn into bundle of nerves and stress.

But most of all, I felt horrible that Jasper had to see me this way.

I turned until I was curled into a ball, sitting sideways against him.

"I'm such a bad boyfriend..." I wailed. "You were so proud of me but I can't- I can't-"

"Don't say that, don't ever say that," his voice was calm, but I could register the passion behind his words. "You are the best boyfriend."

I sniffled, "No you are," I said into his chest.

He laughed gently and pressed his lips softly into the spot on the back of my neck.

"You don't have to be perfect all the time. If it gets to be too much, it's okay to ask for help," he murmured. "You're perfect for me, and that's all that matters."

"I ruined our date night," I said sadly.

"We can still have a good night," he said. "Will you come out to the living room with me?"

I nodded.

He helped me into pajama pants and a t-shirt as if I were a child. But I couldn't complain about the tender attention he showered on me. I felt loved.

Even in spite of my meltdown, he loved me.

He put his arm around my waist as we walked out into the living room. Bella was pacing back and forth the length of the room. When she saw us emerge she rushed over to me and threw her arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"I was so worried," her voice was shaky. "You weren't answering." I wondered how long she had knocked on the bathroom door.

"I'm so sorry," I could feel the tears starting to well again.

"No, no, I'm just glad you're okay."

I hugged her back, and after I released her she wrapped her arms around Jasper, thanking him too.

"Come," Jasper commanded, as he led me to the couch that was covered in pillows and blankets. He settled me into the corner of the couch, tucking me under a fleece blanket, then set to work arranging the pillows behind me.

There was a knock on the door, and I didn't even need to turn toward it to feel my twin coming toward me. She handed a grocery bag to Bella and then jumped onto the couch, throwing her arms around my neck.

"Don't you ever do that again! If you start feeling overwhelmed, even an inkling of it, call me, call Jasper, call Bella... we're all here for you."

"I know, I know, the panic just took over and I couldn't think clearly."

"Are you feeling better now?" she asked, pulling herself off me.

"A bit."

"Good, because I brought ice cream."

"Rocky Road?" I stuck my bottom lip out as I peered up at her.

She laughed at my childish antic, and responded with a "duh."

The four of us spent the rest of the evening sitting in the living room, eating ice cream and watching the most innocuous movies possible. The day's events had exhausted me and it wasn't long before I started getting tired. At first yawn, Jasper sprang up and scooped me up into his arms. I tried to protest, but the chorus of "aw"s from Bella and Alice silenced my words.

He tucked me into bed, then stripped down to his underwear and got under the covers with me, curling his body around mine like a second blanket.

"Thank you for being here for me, love," I whispered to him.

"Always," he whispered back.

Jasper spent the rest of the weekend in my apartment, barely leaving my side the entire time, and I have to say I didn't mind in the least. We did our homework together, and he sat with me quietly reading a book, as I continued to work even after he had long finished his own. He helped me out in the kitchen as I prepared meals, playing sous-chef. He even showered with me, though that was partly for his benefit, and may have resulted with me on my knees and my lips around his cock. He tried to protest, but I figured a blow job was the least I could give him in return for basically saving my life, and anyway, he returned the favor.

By the end of the weekend I felt a lot better, as if Jasper's love had encased me like a suit of armor, protecting me from the threats the outside world was hurling at me.

Monday morning I found a graduate student to tutor me in organic chemistry.

He hated integrated spectroscopy too.

* * *

**A/N:** Whew, that was difficult to write. I know that panic attacks are experienced differently by different people, but that's about how they go for me - absolutely terrifying. How'd I do?


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I just want to play dress up with them... and then undress them.

**A/N:** Thank you all so very much for your reviews and for adding this to your favorite and alert lists! Each and every one makes me positively gleeful and truly encourages me to keep going. This chapter is approximately 95% lemons and fluff... I thought I'd let some of the family come out to play, and anyway, Edward and Jasper could use a break from their stress.

* * *

For some reason my firecracker of a twin loved Halloween. She convinced Rosalie to put us on the list for the party that her sorority was throwing in tandem with some fraternity on campus. Apparently it was one of the biggest parties of the year, and because Rosalie "went to so much trouble" to get us on the list, Alice thought she could guilt all of us into going.

Of course it worked.

Somehow my twin convinced me to let her dress me for the occasion as well. She told me that she knew what Jasper would like to see me as.

Of course, that worked as well.

And Alice was always more than happy to dress me up. She was majoring in marketing, but I was sure the pushy pixie would finagle her way into the fashion world.

Alice wouldn't tell me what she had planned for me until she burst into my apartment the day of the party. She had snagged a pair of cowboy boots out of Jasper's closet for me, which I'm sure he would scold me for later. She then paired them with a tight pair of jeans, leather chaps – where Alice found them I would never know, and I'm not sure I wanted to know, a plaid shirt, hat, and even a lasso. I drew the line at the spurs. The finishing touch was a red bandana tied around my neck, though as soon as Alice left the room to adjust her fairy wings, I took it off and stuffed it in my back pocket, Springsteen style.

She glared at me when she noticed, but she could tell that I was nearing my limit so she let it go for the time being.

"Come on! Don't you want to see your date?" she started to drag me out of my apartment, an impressive feat, considering I probably had a good 65 pounds on her.

I was torn between wanting to see what Alice and Jasper had cooked up and wanting to hide in my apartment for the rest of the evening. I never really liked Halloween all that much and felt ridiculous dressed as a cowboy in the middle of Seattle. I had an irrational fear that I would show up at the party and no one else would be in costume. Alice could probably pull off being dressed as Titania, Queen of the Fairies, in a room full of people in normal street clothes, but I was never comfortable standing out in a crowd.

"I promise you'll thank me," Alice said sensing my reluctance. "It was his entirely idea, but I helped get everything together."

Now I was intrigued.

We reached their apartment but before Alice could put her key in the lock the door swung open.

I nearly fainted.

A few weeks prior Jasper and I had taken up residence on the couch in my apartment, his head in my lap with me running my fingers through his hair. He had asked me how I would feel if he got it cut.

"You'd be sexy even if you were bald," I had answered. "Really, I do love your hair, but I think I could get used seeing you go all GQ on me."

He laughed and pulled me in for a kiss.

Now I understood the purpose of that conversation.

Before me stood Luke. Cool hand Luke. He was wearing a loose denim shirt with the buttons partly done up. A big silver chain with a bottle-opener hanging from it was resting between his perfect pecs. On his legs he wore loose fitting jeans, complete with stripes and a white band sewn up the leg on each side. And his hair, his dirty blond waves had been cropped just long enough that they still curled slightly at the end. His fair skin was even a darker than normal shade, as if he had been doing hard labor out in the sun all day.

There was no maybe about it, I _was_ drooling.

I would have been embarrassed had a mesmerized look not been plastered on Jasper's face too.

I loved it when Jasper checked me out. Resuming workouts had brought my body back to a more desirable figure and being with Jasper was giving me more and more confidence to show it off. I had no idea that Jasper had a thing for cowboys, but it made sense as he was living in Texas when he was in the throws of puberty.

When his scanning reached the lasso, I was shocked at the spark that seemed to ignite behind his eyes. Now _this_ was a useful piece of information. I wondered if he was thinking of tying me up, or of me tying him. Thinking about Jasper tying me up and having his way with me was enough for my tight jeans to get impossibly tighter. I tried to blink the thought away or there was no way we were going to make it to the party.

Alice's presence was making it difficult for me to greet Jasper the way I desired, so I tried to lighten the obvious sexual tension,

"It was either this or Dr. Frank-N-Furter."

Jasper laughed, "Next year. And if you talk nice, I'll go as Rocky."

Jasper in nothing but those tiny gold lamé shorts? Nope, not helping the erection.

Alice looked at me and then to Jasper, then back to me.

"My god, you two. You're like bunnies, two gay bunnies. At least stay at the party for an hour. And if you make it two hours, I promise I won't come back here until morning."

I kissed the top of her head.

"Well, what are we waiting for, let's go," Jasper stepped between Alice and me grabbing each of our hands. "Should we wait for Bells and Jake?"

"No, they're at Jake's place right now. Jake has a friend coming into town and I couldn't get him on the list, so they're going to sneak in later," Alice must have had tracking devices on all of us.

I ditched the lasso, and then we took off, deciding to walk across campus to the party since it wasn't particularly far, and by the time we would be able to find a place to park it would take the same amount of time. Plus, even though I wasn't much of a drinker, I was hoping to unwind a little, if only to make me feel more comfortable wearing a cowboy hat in public.

There were two behemoths standing on the front porch of the sorority house, taking our names at the door and checking for them on a list.

Once inside I took a good look around. The party didn't seem as raucous as I had imagined, though knowing Rosalie, she wouldn't join a sorority that threw raging keggers that got out of control. Even though it was only ten o'clock, there were quite a few people already packed into the kitchen where drinks were being served and in a room that had been cleared out to serve as a dance floor. I was pleased to see that every single person there was dressed in costume, some quite elaborate.

We had only been inside for about a minute when we heard someone shout, "Hey Buttmuncher!" from across the room.

Emmett was dressed as Fred Flintstone. It was an obvious choice as he had the squarish build and dark hair for it. I was about ready to tease him about wearing what was essentially a dress, but I didn't want to interrupt him. He appeared to be concentrating very hard on something as he looked us up and down with a huge frown on his face.

"What's wrong, Em?" Jasper asked.

"I thought you two'd come as something... gayer. Even I can't make fun of Paul Newman."

"What about the obvious _Brokeback Mountain_ joke at my expense?" I said, though I have no idea why I helped contribute to my brother's teasing of me.

"Yeah, yeah, it's just too... easy."

"And it wouldn't have been too easy if we came as Ace and Gary?"

"No, you see, that would have given me the motivation to step up my game."

"I don't know, Em, regardless of my costume, I still take it up the ass," Jasper said bluntly, shrugging his shoulders.

Emmett nearly choked on his beer. Still coughing, he raised his hand in the air and slapped Jasper five. "Not two years ago you would have blushed at hearing someone say that, dude. Though I must say, I'm kind of surprised. I would have taken Eddie for the catcher."

At that moment Rosalie approached us; she was dressed as Wilma, and even in prehistoric cavewoman garb she truly looked stunning.

"I do not want to hear about my baby brother's favored sex positions!"

Jasper leaned down to give his sister a kiss on the cheek.

"You look great Rosie, and for the record, we switch." He winked at Emmett then grabbed me by the hand and led me to the keg.

"Assertive much?" I teased him.

Jasper laughed, "I don't know, something about being with the best-looking man in the room makes me feel like broadcasting my being out and proud even louder."

"I'm not going to argue with you, though you're wrong. You definitely win the title of best-looking," as I said so I snaked my hand around and slipped it in the back pocket of his denim, giving his ass a squeeze.

He grinned.

Neither of us was really big on dancing. I could ballroom dance due to some traumatic lessons that my mom had forced me and Alice into as children, but other than a couple clubbing excursions, I tended to shy away from any form of dancing ever since, unless copious amounts of alcohol were involved. Sure I could have handled grinding up against Jasper for a couple hours, but the ensuing torture of arousal without release didn't strike me as very appealing.

Eventually we decided that we should probably mingle or run the risk of fucking in a semi-darkened corner. Jasper found his friends Paul and Jared that he knew from the gym. They were good guys, both straight, but never made a big deal about Jasper being gay. They had a weekly pick-up basketball game and never were awkward about including Jasper in the supposedly non-homosexual ass-patting that seemed to be a part of playing the sport. But I didn't know them very well and didn't want to be a clingy boyfriend, so I just waved at them and made my rounds of the rooms. Not a lot of the QSA crowd hung out at sorority/fraternity parties like this one, but I saw a few people I knew from my classes.

I was shocked to find Jane of all people taking a break on the edge of the dance floor.

"Fancy running into you here," she said to me. "I figured you'd be at Lambda Phi's party."

The gay fraternity was sponsoring a party tonight, but I'm sure the house would have been transformed into something akin to a gay club, which was only partially appealing. Sure I could essentially molest Jasper in public and no one would bat an eye, but I'd have to fight off a lot of twinks in the process. Even though I would literally fight tooth and nail for Jasper, it wasn't exactly the ideal way to spend an evening.

I shrugged. "Jasper's sister is in the sorority. That's a fabulous costume by the way," I told her.

She was dressed as a Venus flytrap of all things. She was a botany major so it kind of made sense, but then she beamed up at me and pointed across the room at a cute girl with jet black hair and almond eyes who was dressed as a fly.

I laughed.

"She's adorable," I told Jane. "Is she one of the sisters?"

Jane was still beaming as she nodded, her eyes still honed in on the fly. "I went as Alec's beard to their back-to-school party, which is all kinds of creepy in the first place, but he was trying to make some girl think he wasn't interested and I was the best-looking girl he could find on short notice that none of the sisters knew. It kind of backfired on him when he found me making out with Irina."

We chatted a bit longer, but I could tell she was getting antsy, so I said, "Well, it was nice running into you! I guess I'll see you at the meeting next week?"

She nodded and flitted across the room to her fly.

Eventually I spotted Jake dressed as Dracula standing a bit awkwardly staring at his feet near the stairway in the great room, peering at the makeshift dance floor, watching Bella and Alice dance together with some taller person in a devil costume. I couldn't make out who it was given the horns, tail and mask, but I assumed it was a guy based on his height and the way he moved. Jake didn't appear threatened however, in fact, he looked a bit out of it.

"Bored?" I asked him, Jake had enough charm that he could be the life of the party.

"A little, this isn't really my scene."

"Not mine either," I replied, taking a swig of my lukewarm lager.

"I thought your people loved to dance," he smirked at me.

"I thought _your_ people loved to dance too," I smirked back.

"Touché."

We both laughed, but I could tell that something was bugging him. He and I really had gotten closer over the past three years and I was able to read his moods almost as well as Bella could.

He finally raised his eyes to meet mine.

"You're lucky in a way, you know. I mean, I know that you're discriminated against pretty harshly, and you can't get married or anything, but you don't have to deal with a lot of shit that happens to women. You don't have worry about getting Jasper..." he trailed off, biting his lip as if trying to hold back an emotional release.

And then some of the conversations I had with Bella and some of her bizarre actions over the past month were starting to make sense. I gasped softly then put my hand on his shoulder.

"Bella's not?"

"No, but there was a scare."

"So...?"

"It resulted in a... difference of opinion."

"Oh," and then I realized. "You would have married her, and she would have..."

"Yeah."

"Look, we've both known Bella for a long time. She's been my best friend since the 5th grade. And I think that had she really been, you know, I mean, if she had really felt life growing inside of her that there's no way she could have gone through with it. She loves you. Her face still lights up like a Christmas tree whenever you call. She was probably just really freaked out about it because it was so unexpected. And I- I've been having panic attacks about my future lately. I had a really bad one last month; all the stressful energy may have rubbed off on her."

"Thanks, man, it's definitely not your fault in the least though. But I think you're right, that it'd be different if she really were.... pregnant," his voice lowered at the word that both of us were dodging. "I just wish she could tell me all of that, instead of making me feel like a jackass for wanting to marry her."

"She's stoic, you know, sometimes it comes across as distant. She was probably thinking about all of the consequences and was worried about how it would affect your futures, how probably neither of you would be able to stay in school, how you would be able to afford everything. That's what I would be thinking anyway."

I made a mental note to take Bella out to lunch next week. I was being a bad best friend. How could I not have noticed any of this going on around me?

"Sure, sure," Jake nodded. "I know she was trying to act like it wasn't a big deal, but I should have known that she would be thinking ten steps ahead. But still, I mean, I know the timing was all wrong and everything, but do you think the idea of having a kid with me was that appalling to her?"

"Of course not, Jake," I tried to reassure him with what I knew was the truth. "You know she already has your kids' names picked out for when the time's right. Did you tell her that that's how her reaction made you feel?"

"Well... no, not exactly. I mean, I may have over-reacted a little when I found out she was late, so I was so grateful to get the negative results that I didn't think about what it meant until way later."

"You should probably tell her that. She probably thinks that _you_ are appalled at having a kid with her and just offered to marry her out of guilt."

He smacked his hand to his forehead.

"I'm an idiot."

"Just talk to her, man."

"You know, Jasper's a lucky guy, don't let him forget it."

I thanked Jake, but really I felt like I was the lucky one.

I thought Jasper was getting caught up in the party, since I hadn't seen him since we parted, so I didn't even bother to look for him when our allotted two hours were almost up.

As it turned out, I didn't have to.

At exactly midnight, I felt lips in the back of my hair, arms around my waist, and a familiar bulge grinding into my ass.

"Two hours," was all he said, before he kissed me behind my ear.

I shivered.

"Should we find Al- ?"

I cut him off, "she'll know."

"Well then what the fuck are we waiting for?"

He spun me around, wrapped his arms tightly around me then pressed his lips against mine, our mouths parted at the same time and the kiss deepened as Jasper's tongue ran along my upper lip, followed by me swirling mine around his. We broke apart only when we heard a chorus of whistles and "woo"s coming from about five sorority sisters who had congregated on the stairs.

Jasper and I both just winked at them, which received another set of "woo"s and giggles, and then took off out of the house.

What had been a 15 minute walk to the party took only 10 minutes on the way back. And that included stopping once for me to press Jasper up against one of the campus buildings and molest his mouth with my tongue. And a second stop for Jasper to grope me at an intersection as we waited for traffic to pass.

As soon as the apartment building came in sight we lost all regard for public decency, not that we had a whole lot to begin with. By the time we got to Jasper's door, both of our shirts were completely unbuttoned, my belt was undone, and I was fairly certain I was going to have at least one hickey on my neck.

I don't know why the costumes had their effect, but I knew that I was going to get more than one night's use out of this cowboy getup and couldn't believe that I had been embarrassed to wear it in the first place. Right now though, I just wanted to get out of it. We were barely across the threshold of Jasper's apartment before we became an even faster flurry of hands, clawing at buttons and zippers. We left a pile of clothes in the doorway and Jasper had me bent over the back of their couch, his impossibly hard penis rubbing into the crack of my ass.

"Lube. Condom. Now." I grunted out.

He raced into his bedroom and not a moment later I heard a horrible exclamation, "Dammit!"

He came back into the living room, a half-crazed look in his eyes, "How is it possible that we're out of condoms?"

I thought for a moment then furrowed my brow, "Alice."

"We could go without. I mean, pregnancy's not an issue and we've only ever been with each other."

"I know, I know," my eyes glazed over briefly at the thought of being inside of Jasper free of the latex sheath that prevented me from ever fully feeling him. Or better yet him inside me. "Mmm..." I couldn't keep that glorious thought entirely to myself.

Then neurotic Edward kicked in.

"But the risk of bacterial infection and tearing and abrasions, maybe we could if we're careful, use a ton of lube, and completely rule out the possibility of ass to mouth, but careful and gentle is not at all what I had in mind tonight."

Jasper's eyes widened and he grinned at me.

"Let's just run over to your place real quick. Regardless of your health paranoia, I don't want this to be over too soon." Apparently we were on the same wavelength regarding the feeling of going bareback. "Not to mention we're low on lube anyway," he said with a wink.

Not wanting to be apart for even a minute, we both scrambled back into some of our clothes, not bothering with trivial things like underwear or shoes. Bella and Jake left the party even before us and were probably not going beyond talking tonight, if they were even spending it together, so I figured we wouldn't be interrupting anything.

Imagine my shock when I stepped into my apartment and saw a tall, russet-skinned male figure on his knees on my couch, with two bare, feminine legs sticking up in the air on either side of his body.

Though the man certainly resembled him, it took me a second to realize that it definitely wasn't Jake.

It took me another panicked second to realize that the girl underneath him definitely wasn't Bella

"Alice?!" I gasped. I hadn't even seen her leave the party.

The pair parted, grabbing for their discarded clothing in order to cover their nudity, and I finally got a look at the face attached to the body that was drilling into my twin sister. This was going to give me nightmares. Eventually Jasper found the light switch, illuminating the awkwardness in a harsh yellow light.

"Seth Clearwater?" Suddenly it was all coming together, this was the figure in the devil costume from the dance floor, the friend of Jake's who was coming to visit this weekend. What didn't make sense was why Alice was letting him give it to her. On my couch.

"What are you doing here?" Alice's shriek was even more high-pitched than usual.

"Someone, who shall remain nameless, stole the last of our condoms," my voice was anything but steady.

"But- but- you don't need them!" she wailed.

"Infections, Ali, bacterial infections. It's a sensitive area of the body! But nevermind my hypochondria... shit," I was practically fisting my hair into knots in a vain hope that I could somehow yank the images out of my head. I started pacing back and forth frantically until finally I established some resolve.

"Look, I'll pretend I didn't see this, and I won't tell Bella that you and the son of her dad's girlfriend were going at it on our sofa."

Seth's face was still frozen in embarrassed shock but Alice was starting to regain her composure despite the red flaring in her cheeks.

"I think she kind of knows, she gave me her key when they dropped us off. Seth's visiting Jake this weekend, and Bella and Jake needed to talk... so..." she trailed off.

"Did you know about this?" I whipped my head around to look at Jasper, who had a bemused expression on his face.

"No. But a lot of things are starting to make sense now," he shook his head slowly.

"Well I don't want to ruin your evening, and I most certainly don't want this to ruin mine, so how 'bout we go our separate ways," I snatched a few condoms from the box that was sitting open on the end table, "and have some twin time tomorrow. I need to ask you a few questions, missy."

I pointed a finger at my sister.

We all awkwardly looked at each other and then everyone nodded.

"Oh, and thanks for not fucking on my bed," I called out as I shut the front door. I kind of knew how Emmett felt now. Though thank goodness, he never got the visual.

"I think I'm scarred," I pouted to Jasper as we trudged back to his apartment. Then a horrible thought struck me, "Oh god, Seth _is_ 18, isn't he?"

Jasper stopped walking and turned toward me not saying anything at first, but then he licked his lips and put his hands on either side of my face. He moved in closer to me, and rested his forehead against mine.

"I'm pretty sure he is, but don't worry about that now, because I fully intend on making you forget all about it, baby."

His lips were on mine then and he plunged his tongue into my mouth. It was frantic, wet, sloppy and needy. I couldn't get enough. Our lips never parted from each other's as we stumbled back to Jasper's apartment. We nearly tripped over the pile of remaining clothes that was just inside the doorway. I made quick work of shedding my jeans to add to the heap and Jasper did the same. He immediately grabbed my cock in his hand and was stroking it as he walked backwards to his bedroom, practically pulling me along with him, leading me by my dick.

I couldn't remember ever being this turned on in my life, nor could I ever remember relishing so much in the idea of completely losing control.

So I let him take over.

We fell onto his bed and then his lips and tongue were hurriedly attacking all over my body. He added a second bite mark to my neck at the spot behind my ear that I loved. He tugged at my nipples with his teeth. He trailed down and ran his tongue around my belly button. Continuing his blissfully torturous assault, he skipped over my aching, swollen erection, instead moving to my leg and biting my inner thigh. Then he raised my leg to plant a wet kiss behind my knee.

Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, I felt Jasper's finger enter into me.

He leaned over then and kissed me so passionately that I didn't think I'd ever recover, my body would never solidify and I would forever be a yearning pool at Jasper's feet. He had me pressed into his bed and the weight of his body was heavenly. He added a second finger and continued pumping in and out, getting lost in the rhythm as he prepared me for what he was about to do. The heat and friction between our bodies was making a layer of sweat start to build between us. As our cocks rubbed between our grinding hips, I didn't think I was capable of holding back my climax much longer. Finally after what felt like a golden age but likely only spanned a few minutes, he sat up and spread my legs apart. As he removed his fingers from me I felt an empty, gaping lack that was immediately replaced by a larger need for satisfaction.

He was about ready to enter me when I made a snap decision and sat up quickly.

"What?" he looked thoroughly confused.

"Lie back," I ordered, the attention and adoration he had showered on me gave me the desire to take over.

"What are you-?"

"Just lie back, I'm the cowboy tonight, remember?"

His eyes lit up, and he leaned back as I got up on all fours.

He had stretched me enough that I was ready for him, so I quickly grabbed the supplies we had suffered in retrieving and prepared his thickness, and then lowered myself onto him.

And I rode, up and down, reveling in the feeling so I wouldn't clench too tight.

It still wasn't enough. So I tested my flexibility by raising my knees and positioning my feet on either side of his hips, putting me into a frog-like squatting position. It probably wasn't the sexiest looking position I'd ever been in, but it felt so fucking good. I could go that much faster and could take him that much deeper like this. I was basically impaling myself onto his mast.

I was so close to reaching oblivion, but I just wasn't ready for it yet so I stopped for a moment.

Jasper looked at me questioningly as I lifted myself almost entirely off of his manhood. I lost contact with his expression as I pivoted around so my back was facing him. I moved back onto my knees then plunged down once again onto him.

When I asked him if it felt okay, I was answered with a string of "Oh fuck"s.

I felt his strong hands grip my waist as he slowed down my movements.

"Not yet," he murmured, and he held my hips still as he shifted below me.

I felt his warm breath coming closer toward me as he sat up, wrapping an arm around the front of my body. I laced my fingers with his and rested our hands on my chest. The intensity increased exponentially as we thrust together, united again by our proximate physicality, and what started out as passionate sex became a union of two souls with an unbreakable bond.

I was nearly drunk with pleasure when he reached around and grabbed my hardness firmly, and with a few strokes, that was it.

My release was so strong I wasn't sure I was even experiencing reality any longer.

My squirming must have registered around Jasper's dick because there was a scream behind me and as I came down from whatever realm I had reached, I felt him shudder under me.

And that was the last thing I remember.

I awoke to a warm autumn sun beating down on my face, with my lover's arm thrown over my chest. I was lying on my back and he was on his stomach, our legs intertwined in their typical tangle. His face was turned toward mine, the sunlight reflecting off his newly cropped waves. I wanted to lie like this forever, but I knew eventually he would wake, Alice would come home, and the real world would come crashing down on me once again.

But more pressing than any of that, my bladder was in need of release.

I gently untangled myself from Jasper and silently shuffled out of his bedroom. Unfortunately my anatomy decided that it wasn't quite ready for me to pee so I tried to think of things would help soften my situation.

Then I remembered what Jasper and I had walked in on last night. That did it.

After I relieved myself, I decided that it was late enough in the morning to call my twin to arrange some sort of get together, preferably in a public place, where her shrillness could be kept to a minimum. I wasn't angry with her by any means, admittedly I was a little wigged out that she was sleeping with a high school senior, but I was more concerned that it definitely did not seem like the first time they had been together. Alice never kept any of her "boyfriends" a secret from me before, and I had a suspicion that whatever this was, it had been going on for longer than this one night.

I dialed her number, intending on leaving a message, but was surprised when my twin picked up.

"Hi," she sounded meek.

"You still at my place?"

"Yeah, and before you ask, we slept in the living room."

There was an awkward pause as I tried not to picture Alice and Seth sleeping naked in my living room.

"You're not mad at me, are you?"

"What, for using my apartment as a brothel?" I joked. "No, I'm just- I don't know, a little weirded out maybe about seeing you, like _that_. I think I'm more upset that I had no idea there was anything going on between you and Seth. You used to tell me everything Alice."

"Well, Seth and I aren't really together or anything, you know, so there's not a lot to tell," she finished awkwardly, and I got the feeling that there was actually a lot more to tell.

"You like him." I teased.

"I do not!"

"You do too! You _like_ like him!"

"Hmph. Were you calling for a reason, Eddie?"

"I thought I would ask if you and Seth would like to join me and Jasper for lunch. I think I should get to know this kid better if is going to be courting my sister."

"He's not courting me!"

"Whatever it is you kids are calling it these days."

"Fine, fine, but you're buying," I was kind of shocked at how easily she gave in. I was just giving her a hard time, but maybe she really did like Seth.

"Sure thing," I agreed. "Oh, and you better Febreeze the hell out of that couch before I come home."

I pulled myself off their couch and went out into the kitchen to get a glass of water when I noticed our pile of discarded clothes. I wondered if the magic of costume was only potent for one night, but I decided that it was worth a shot. So I grabbed my cowboy hat, picked the chaps and put them back on.

Wearing nothing else, I walked back into the bedroom. Jasper was blinking his eyes awake, and as soon as they focused on me, his mouth dropped open.

"What's this, cowboy?" He had partially regained his composure, though his eyes were positively smoldering.

"We have two hours until we're meeting Alice for lunch."

He reached out his arms for me.

And then I mounted my stallion for another ride.

* * *

**A/N:** I might not make my Tuesday posting next week. I have Chapter 9 nearly done, but I can't seem to get my mojo working on Chapter 8. I'll appreciate any encouraging vibes sent my way! And in case you don't know Cool Hand Luke (or my other random references), there are some links on my profile.

Oh, and this incarnation of Edward would sadly _never_ have the guts to dress up as Dr. Frank-N-Furter. :(


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... but I like to play with them. ;)

**A/N:** Thank you for the encouragement sent my way! Your reviews and story alerts are to me what Bella's scent was to Edward. I savor them. I was able to crank out this chapter over the weekend, so I'm still on track for my crazy Tuesday and Saturday posting schedule. There was a general consensus among all of you that Edward dressed as a cowboy was very, very good thing. Sigh. A girl can dream... and write naughty stories about it.

* * *

Emmett Cullen was turning 21.

And the world would never be the same again.

At first he had planned on doing a bar crawl with some his legal friends, but since Rosalie still had a few months before she came of age and some of the bars wouldn't let in anyone under 21, he changed his plans. I'm not sure why Rosalie wanted to be included in what was sure to be an embarrassing evening, ending with Emmett passed out most likely in a pile of his own vomit. She probably wanted to keep an eye on him and give out dirty looks to any and all women who checked him out, and possibly take blackmail pictures.

Since his plans changed, he extended the invite to Jasper and me, as well as to Alice, Bella and Jake. It was nearing the end of the term and I knew I wouldn't get a lot done over Thanksgiving break, so I almost begged off and told Jasper to have a good time without me, especially since it was a Thursday and I had class the next morning. But it was trivia night at Emmett's favorite sports bar and he insisted on bringing me in as a ringer. How could I refuse my big brother on his birthday?

Emmett had only successfully convinced me to go with him to trivia night one time before. Em and his friends were so impressed by my vast wealth of useless knowledge they nearly carried me around the bar on their shoulders after our table won. Luckily I managed to create a diversion. Then I discovered that a group of my friends, all of whom happened to be gay, had also been playing the trivia game. When I was chatting with them at their table Emmett decided to embarrass me by coming up and gloating that I had played with his team and not theirs.

"You see," he had said to them, putting his arm around my shoulders. "Blood is thicker than... fruit juice."

Thank goodness they all laughed, because I was mortified. I knew that someday Emmett was really going to offend someone. Most people had no way of knowing that that's just the level at which we teased each other. Alice got picked on for being so tiny but remarkably loud. We all picked on Emmett for being a giant and somewhat oblivious to the world around him. When I was younger they both teased me for being a nerd, then a virgin, and now the teasing just morphed into gay jokes. Sometimes the jokes extended to Jasper and to some of my other friends as well. I don't think just anyone could have gotten away with it, but maybe it was glaringly obvious that Emmett didn't have a hateful bone in his body.

Even so, with the addition of alcohol into the equation, I was not particularly looking forward to the birthday outing until I found out that Jasper and I were celebrating too. He and Rosalie had gone home the weekend before Emmett's birthday and Jasper had finally taken the plunge and told his parents that he had a boyfriend. Apparently they were both actually pleasantly surprised that his boyfriend was one Edward Cullen.

In a rare heart-to-heart with Rosalie, she told me that their father had said that I was a "good kid" and that Jasper could "do a lot worse." I took that to be one of the highest compliments I could be given. I think it helped that I could "pass" for a straight person, that they had known my family for years, and that they could probably tell any of their conservative friends who saw us together that we were just "good friends" since we had known each other for almost five years now, but none of that was enough to bother me.

Jasper fudged the details as to the when and how our relationship started just as I had with my parents, but it didn't matter if they knew the logistics, they had accepted me, or at least the idea of me, as his boyfriend.

I knew that were we to spend any time with Jasper's family, physical contact would probably be a no-go, but I tried not to take offense. Emmett told me that Colonel Hale made a show of taking Emmett into the basement to see his gun collection after he caught Em with his arm around Rosalie. Though from what I knew, fathers were generally a lot more protective over their daughters' virtues than their sons.' Still, I was planning to tread those waters carefully when we came to them.

Jasper and I had celebrated privately that Sunday night when he returned... twice. But this was the first time we were able to go out together in public having everyone important in our lives know about our relationship. It felt significant to me. Even though it was impossible and irrational, there was always that thought in my head that Col. and Mrs. Hale could walk into whatever establishment we were in and see us holding hands, or kissing, or touching each other inappropriately when we pretended no one could see us.

To make my evening even better, I found out that my professor had cancelled class the next morning, so by the time Jasper and I got to the bar, I was practically giddy.

We got our black "x"s drawn onto our wrists, indicating that we were not of drinking age, and then I took a quick sweep of the room. Trivia night was always crowded, but it seemed even more so than the time I was here before.

I was combing the room for Emmett when I felt a cold chill as my gaze focused on a fairly nondescript man with light brown hair sitting at the bar. He was seated next to a younger man who looked a little uncomfortable with the brunet's hand resting on the small of his back. I'm not sure why their positioning struck me. It wasn't unusual to see affection between two men at bars near campus, even those that weren't specifically gay bars, but something about the gesture made me uneasy.

I nudged to Jasper, and pointed, intending to ask if he thought there was anything off about the interaction. His response was not what I expected.

Jasper groaned and buried his face in my shoulder.

"I was hoping I could go the rest of my life without ever seeing him again."

I gasped, "James?"

Jasper looked positively ashamed as he raised his head and nodded at me.

I didn't know how to react. I couldn't help the flare of jealousy and a weird feeling that could only be described as territorial, male dominance. I wanted to go up to the brown-haired man and tell him that he was a creep and a domineering asshole and that I won out and got the boy in the end. Of course, he probably didn't even remember Jasper, who knows how many boys he actually did end up deflowering.

Thinking about it that way caused the moment of jealousy to pass and I looked at Jasper with pure gratitude.

"I'm so glad that-

"Me too," he cut me off. We didn't need to say it out loud.

Our lips met in a wistful, loving kiss.

I heard Emmett's booming voice then over the crowd and we headed toward it. We approached the table and sat down, wishing Emmett "Happy Birthday" and nodding at a couple of Emmett's friends from the wrestling team, as well as at Rosalie, who looked like she was doing her best to pace Emmett on the pitcher that sat in front of him. Though I'm sure the half-eaten pile of wings at the table was helping slow the alcohol absorption.

"Where are the others?" Emmett asked, his face full of concern, though I had a feeling the sentiment was directed toward his trivia game and not at the absence of his friends. He didn't need to worry, because moments later Alice pranced through the door with Bella and Jake trailing behind her. The two of them were holding hands and Jake's signature grin was plastered on his face. Ever since Halloween, they had been doing a lot better. It had been a long time since I had seen Bella so jubilant. She had even gone so far as to sneak in a trip to the mall with me, under Alice's nose, to look at some jewelry stores. Not because she and Jake were planning on getting engaged any time soon, she claimed, but that because the idea was solidifying in her mind she wanted to see what was available. I pretended to believe her and made mental notes of what she liked so I could report back to Jake.

He was grateful. I told him that's what gay friends were for.

Alice reached the table first, wrapped Emmett in a hug and wished him "Happy Birthday." After we all got settled, there was some idle conversation about classes and upcoming finals and the embarrassing loss by our football team the week before. I teased Alice about not inviting Seth to come down from La Push on a school night. She smacked me upside the head, though she still maintained that they were just friends with benefits. I was about to make a retort when Emmett silenced us all with a loud clearing of his throat.

"All right," Emmett looked shockingly serious. "Let's get a few ground rules out right now. Don't shout out your answers in case someone at another table overhears. Ed, you'd better sit next to me." I rolled my eyes, but everyone shifted so I could be seated to the right of my older brother. He continued, "We go to Eddie the Human Encyclopedia by default, but otherwise I'm going to delegate your categories. Jake and Bella, you're on arts and entertainment. Ben and Tyler have sports covered. Jasper, you've got history and geography. Alice and Rosie are in charge of current events."

"And what's your role in all of this, Emmy?" Alice was the only one of us with the nerve to ask.

"Me and my catlike reflexes are in charge of putting in the answers, and keeping all of you in line. It's my birthday, dammit!" His grin betrayed his strong words as falsely harsh.

We started up again with our usual banter until it was time for the game to start and Emmett shushed us. I was worried that he was going to make us get up and do some calisthenics to warm up. Fortunately the game started before he got any ideas.

The first question popped up. I saw the words "only," "President," and "Supreme Court Justice."

"Taft," Jasper and I said simultaneously.

"Who?" Emmett whispered.

"William Howard Taft, our 27th president? Really, Em?" I rolled my eyes at Jasper who just laughed at my incredulousness.

Luckily Emmett was so focused on submitting the answer that he didn't respond to my condescending dig at his expense.

The next question came up. It was about chemistry.

"Glucose," I said without hesitation.

Emmett plugged in the answer. Only after having done so did he ask me if I was sure.

"Oh, please, challenge me here," I said with bravado.

The grin on Em's face when he could see me getting into the game was priceless. I immediately regretted wanting to stay home, Emmett's personality was infectious.

The next question was about the most recent perfect game in Major League Baseball, which all six of us men at the table answered in a hushed chorus.

During the first round of questions there was only one answer that I didn't know, but luckily it was about epic poetry and Bella was all over it. Of course she then proceeded to scold all of us for not having read _Paradise Lost_.

Even though I was getting into the trivia game, as the evening wore on, I couldn't help but see James out of the corner of my eye. He wasn't _that_ unfortunate looking, and he walked around with a surety, a cockiness, that I could see would be appealing especially to an impressionable 18-year-old. But he seemed more like a predator than anything else, as if he was not here to enjoy an evening in a sports bar, no, he looked like an animal vigilantly stalking his prey.

I really did try to not pay attention to him, but eventually I realized that he had abandoned the man he was with earlier, and I saw him pounce on a boy who could not have been a day over 18.

As soon as the trivia game ended and we all suffered through Emmett's semi-drunken gloating celebration, I focused my attention on James entirely. I had no idea what the conversation was at the table around me, transfixed as I was on the way he was talking to the boy. He draped an arm over the boy's shoulders and leaned in to whisper into his ear. The boy's eyes grew wide and he smiled shyly up at the brown-haired hunter.

I couldn't take it anymore.

Jasper's eyes grew wide. He had been keeping tabs on me all evening, and I think he sensed the hostility that had been slowly filling me up.

"Ed? What are you doing?"

"Saving that kid's virtue," my voice was cold and hard.

If Jasper made a move to stop me, it didn't register.

I got up from the table and cracked my knuckles. I'm not sure where my boldness was coming from. With an older brother like Em, I had roughhoused a lot when I was younger, but I don't remember ever being in a _real_ fight. The last thing I punched was a speed bag at the gym. So it was an out-of-body experience as I walked up to James, as if I were watching myself as a stranger would. I fed off that stranger's confidence.

His back was turned to me as I approached him where he sat at the bar. I tapped his shoulder.

"Excuse me," I said.

"Do I know you?" he didn't seem as irritated as I thought he should be. I realized it was because he was checking me out.

"I hear you get off on fucking virgins and then hanging them out to dry," I said.

The boy's eyes grew wide and he tried to squirm out from under the arm that James had tightened around him.

"Where'd you hear that from?"

"Your reputation precedes you. You should be flattered. You sick fuck."

He laughed at me.

"Oh yeah? Or are you just jealous that I don't want you because you're used goods."

That was enough for me.

My fist went back, like a coiled spring, and then I released it.

Luckily for me it was a bull's-eye, I hit him right in the nose and he doubled over, blood spurting out of his face. I couldn't help myself, thinking about him hitting on Jasper, kissing him and getting him into bed, so I took the opportunity to land another heavy punch to his stomach, successfully knocking the wind out of him.

I snapped out of my momentary rage, and I could feel a throbbing pain coming from my hand. Then I started to hear the bustle around me as people rushed toward us. Someone shouted, "Call the police!"

And then there were strong, unfamiliar arms restraining my own behind my back. I didn't put up a struggle.

"Care to explain this? Or do you want to wait for the police?" the bouncer gripping me tried to sound menacing.

"Call the fucking police," I spat. I glared at James. "He was going to have sex with a minor." I nodded to the boy who was standing terrified off to the side.

"Are you 18, kid?" the other bouncer asked, his voice softer than the Neanderthal holding me back.

"N- n- seventeen," his teeth were chattering.

I exhaled. Lucky fucking guess.

It was then that I noticed Jasper. He and Alice had come up and were approaching the boy, trying to reassure him. Jasper was telling him that everything was okay, that he shouldn't blame himself, and meanwhile Alice was asking if he came with any friends or if there was anyone she could call.

Even though James was a mere six feet away clutching a towel to his nose, Jasper still sensed this boy's need for someone's empathy and despite his own discomfort was providing that support. I didn't think it was possible, but it made me love him even more.

There was a flurry of activity around me while I was being restrained and it became impossible to focus my attention on Jasper. Though, as the number of people in my field of vision increased, I realized that some of the kid's friends had been located and I was grateful that he was no longer alone. I was surprised at how quickly the police arrived and took down our statements. Because of my accusations against James and the fact that the boy was 17 and in a bar, I was definitely not the person in the most amount of trouble, so the police let me go. They did, however, take down all of my contact information and threatened me about the next time I decided to get into a bar fight.

Yeah, right.

Eventually, the bartender realized that my hand was starting to swell and bleed at one of the knuckles, so he handed me some ice wrapped in a towel and went to get me some gauze from their first aid kit.

Once all the commotion died down, I was politely asked to leave the establishment and I did so without complaint. I was surprised that Emmett and everyone else filed out of the bar with me. It was only a little after midnight, but even after my profuse apologies to Emmett for ruining his birthday and my insistence that no one needed to end their evening on my account, they wouldn't hear any of it.

Someone suggested going to an all-night diner near campus, which was agreeable to me. I had gotten so caught up in the trivia game that I had only eaten a couple wings, and I needed something to distract me and calm down the adrenaline that was still surging through me. So the nine of us crowed into a booth and began perusing the sticky diner menus, making small talk about biscuits and gravy, waffles, and the merits of steak fries over shoestring fries.

After we placed our orders there was an awkward silence around the table. Finally, Emmett spoke the elephant in the room, "I didn't think you had it in you, gaywad. What was that all about?"

No one else knew the entire James story, and for all intents and purposes I didn't know him before this evening. But it wasn't my story to tell, so I decided to ease the tension I could feel emanating off Jasper.

"Queer code," I said matter-of-factly.

"What? You have a code?"

"Creepers who hit on underage boys get hit in the face," I said calmly, shrugging my shoulders.

"You know about this code too, Jazz?" Emmett was still trying to lighten the mood.

"Of course. It's in the handbook. And before you ask, the Gay Fairy leaves you a copy of it under your pillow after the first time you jerk off to Hugh Jackman."

Everyone at the table burst into laughter; Em was laughing so hard he shot coke out of his nose.

Though he had lightened the mood, Jasper remained fairly quiet for the rest of the time in the diner. After we ate, he gave me a pleading look, so I announced that we were going to beg off early. We both apologized to Emmett, but I think he understood that there was more going on than I had shared.

We rode back to Jasper and Alice's place in silence.

As soon as we entered I went into the kitchen and got a glass of water, then I took it back to the empty living room. Jasper emerged from the bathroom with a fresh bandage, sat down next to me on the sofa and silently proceeded to re-wrap my hand.

Despite the tender care he was showing to my wound, the expression on Jasper's face was completely unreadable. It was a mixture of anger and fear and pride and what seemed to me like every other emotion that could register on a human face. I knew that we should talk about this and that it wouldn't be pleasant. But Jasper and I had such a good track record of working out our problems that I hated the idea of letting this be something that caused a fissure in our relationship.

I took a deep breath, then spoke, "You're mad at me, aren't you?"

Jasper raised his eyes to meet mine, and then he took a deep breath as well.

"A little," he spoke softly but some of the anger visibly drained from his face. "I- I guess- I didn't mind that you punched James out, the fucker deserved it, and you really saved that kid from a world of regret. So I mean, part of me is proud of you, but- but- I know that you did it mostly for me, out of jealousy or redemption or _something_ like that."

I bit my lower lip, gazed down guiltily, and nodded. He knew me so well.

"And even though you're really sexy when you're jealous," he paused, then reached out and ran his hands through my hair forcing my eyes up.

There was still conflict on his face, however, that didn't correspond with the small smile he flashed me.

He continued, "I guess I felt a little... emasculated. It's not like James was coming onto me or anything; you were trying to seek retribution for something that happened a long time ago, something that made me feel really weak and pathetic. And- and I don't like you thinking of me as weak."

He pushed himself up off the couch and started pacing back and forth across the room, but I decided I shouldn't press him.

Finally it spilled from his lips.

"And the whole thing just reminded me that- that it could have been me. Was I like that Ed? Do you remember what I was like last year? Did I look so terrified? So naïve? I don't remember him being so desperate and sad. Surely I would have noticed how pathetic he was," he paused and looked at me with a face of stone. "Edward, I have to know the truth. You didn't- don't- pity me, do you?"

I was on my feet in a second and I threw myself at him. He was so startled by the movement that he took a few steps back to steady himself with the addition of my weight. My lips were all over his in an instant, more forceful than I usually was, but I needed him to feel how strong my feelings for him were. I needed him to understand that we were equals.

Eventually I pulled away, knowing that I owed him a verbal response. I cupped his chin in my hand, letting the other rest on his arm. I needed him to look into my eyes and understand that my words were coming from an honest place.

"I have never, ever, not even for a heartbeat felt sorry for you, Jasper Hale. You were nothing like that boy. This James character just preys on the vulnerable, and you were vulnerable in a different way. Not because you were young or weak, but because you were acting out, being reckless. And just thinking about him having the nerve to try to take advantage of you when you were obviously broken, added to the idea of his lips and his hands on your body, well, I wanted to punch his lights out even before I saw him with that kid. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I was near tears, but my words still weren't coming out quite right. "I just- he- he'll never know what an amazing man you are, and it just pissed me off knowing that someone like him exists in this world."

Jasper's gaze didn't waver even after I dropped my hand from his face. He leaned in toward me and traced my spilled tear with his thumb where it had trailed down my face. He closed the distance and gently pressed his lips to mine, taking my bottom lip between his. It was a chaste kiss, but one filled with adoration.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

And I threw my arms around his neck in a tight embrace, clinging to him as if I was drowning and he was my life raft. In so many ways he was.

Jasper laughed at me as I refused to let go even as he began walking toward his bedroom. He had to walk slowly, with me joined to him as I was, and I only let go of him as he sat down on his bed in a movement which forced me to tumble on top of him.

We were both exhausted from the evening's events and so we simply stripped down to our usual sleep attire of skivvies and crawled under the covers. Just as Jasper was reaching to turn off his lamp there was a knock on his bedroom door.

"You two decent?" Alice's voice came out from the hallway.

"Yeah, come in, Ali," Jasper called back.

She came in and hopped onto the bed at our feet, sitting Indian style as we both propped ourselves up against the pillows.

"That was the guy from the party last spring," she said simply.

Jasper nodded. I figured that he would have told Alice the story especially since she was the one who had dragged him to the party, but she and I never really talked about it. It never seemed my place to talk about Jasper in that way.

"Well, for what it's worth, I think what you did was romantic, Eddie. Stupid, but romantic."

She crawled up to the head of the bed and knelt between us, first giving me a kiss on the cheek, and then Jasper. There was a lot more she could have said or scolded me for, but it wasn't necessary. She knew we had already talked about it, so with a yawn she scooted off the bed then and headed out of the room. Reaching the doorway, she turned back toward both of us, her eyes shining with happiness and said softly,

"We should all be so lucky."

She was right.

And we were.

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**A/N:** I hope that didn't feel like filler, because it wasn't meant to be. There is an angsty teaser of Chapter 9 posted on The Fictionators blog in their Teaser Monday section: www(dot)fictionators(dot)com. There is a host of other teasers up as well, so check it out! Such a great way to find new stories!


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... but according to one anonymous reviewer, apparently I enjoy offending people with them!

**A/N:** First, I must give a huge thank you to PerfectlyPersuasive for being a perfectly perfunctory beta, the queen of commas, and for fixing my sentence fail. ;) Second, thank you all so much for your kind reviews and for adding this story to your favorite and alert lists! I never, ever thought I'd make it this far, and I most certainly wouldn't without all of your appreciation. Third, this chapter's a bit long, so I hope you bear with me.

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I could feel him pulling away from me.

I was fairly sure the incident with James was no longer an issue, so I suspected there was some other reason why Jasper was acting odd around me. When we got back from Thanksgiving break, it only seemed to get worse. I got so caught up in the chaos of the end of the term, though; I never had a good opportunity to really ask Jasper what was bothering him. From what I could tell, he was keeping up with his own school work and was satisfied with his performance on his finals. Once we were both finished, we took a day for ourselves and spent it eating, drinking and making love before we had to part ways. We barely got out of bed all day, and it was heavenly.

The rest of winter break was torturous.

Jasper and Rosalie went to Texas again for the entire holiday. Jasper had briefly discussed the possibility of me coming with him at least for a few days, but it didn't work out. Though I really wanted to meet the infamous Grandma Hale, she was recovering from surgery after a health scare, and it didn't seem like a good time to intrude on the family dynamic. Even Emmett wasn't going with Rosalie, a fact that he seemed extraordinarily relieved about.

Jasper and I spoke on the phone every day at first. By the end of break, it had lessened to every other day, and those conversations were devoid of any meaningful communication. The last few times we spoke it was only for phone sex. It was fantastic, of course, but I couldn't shake the nagging thought that our physical connection was the primary thing maintaining our relationship.

If being apart for three weeks caused such a rift between us, what did that say about our relationship? I had always thought that our bond was stronger than that, but it felt like Jasper was losing interest in me.

When we got back to school and into a routine of classes, spending every night together, I slowly started to pick up on the changes and put everything into perspective. I thought back to last semester and realized that more often than not, Jasper had at least a beer in the evening, but it didn't seem like a big deal. After the incident with James on Emmett's birthday, he seemed to need to "unwind" even more, and Emmett was more than happy to go on beer runs at the drop of a hat, taking every opportunity he could to brandish his ID.

I knew it wasn't healthy to rely on beer to relax, but whenever I made any implication that he was using alcohol as a crutch or even just inquired as to how he was doing, he assured me that everything was fine. I really wanted to believe him, so I continually allowed myself be somewhat placated by the denial that was cloaked in his lame responses.

It's not that I had any valid proof on which to base my fears. From what I could tell, he went to all of his classes and kept up with his school work. He went to the gym regularly, and other than the beer drinking, was taking care of himself physically. So I couldn't conclude he was showing any signs of depression or even anxiety really. He started to spend a lot of time with Jared and Paul. I was a little jealous, not because I felt our relationship was threatened by them, but because they were the ones who seemed to be able to make him feel better. Well, them and the Miller brewing company.

Clearly, there was something wrong.

Even Alice was starting to worry about him, but she never expressly voiced her concern to me. She was the type of person who lets people make their own mistakes, but his behavior was growing noticeably different from the Jasper we both knew and loved. I figured if she could be convinced he had a problem, then she would help me do something about it.

I knew that Jasper loved me. I knew that never wavered, but he was in a downward spiral.

It was so obvious that something had been bothering him since last semester, but for some reason, he felt like he couldn't talk to me about it. Or, maybe he didn't even want to face it himself. All of his actions reminded me of the previous summer when he was struggling to find a reason to stay in college. As far as I knew, he was still undecided as to his major; though, he was supposed to declare something by the end of the year. He was still taking a variety of Gen-Ed classes, but he never went to the career counseling center. I think it was still weighing on him.

There had to be more to it though, than just the nearing deadline.

Since he wouldn't talk to me about it, my musings only served to make me feel like a jackass. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't, I was so worried about getting a research internship next year; I couldn't help but lay my worries on Jasper once and a while. He didn't need to hear any of my whining when he was obviously going through something much worse.

I relied so much on him for emotional support, but I couldn't give it to him when he needed it.

I failed him.

The weeks passed, and he was still physically present in my life. Emotionally, though, he was slipping away into a buzzed state of apathy. I tried to be there for him, let him know that I was always available for him if he needed me, but he was a broken record, telling me again and again that everything was fine. I didn't know how much longer it could continue this way.

As the temperature began to warm, it got closer and closer to the one day of the year that held more significance to me than any other. Eventually it arrived, and I woke up that morning with the feeling that something important was going to happen today. Jasper had not stayed with me the night before. I had been up late working on a midterm paper, and he had gone out with Emmett to a local pool hall. When I asked Jasper if he had any plans for today, he said he had some homework to finish, but otherwise was going to play it by ear.

That wasn't what I wanted to hear at all.

I knew that it was sort of manipulative to not mention it to him beforehand. I could have planned something for us to do to celebrate. I figured he would probably not remember anyway, but I didn't because four months ago he _never_ would have forgotten.

I hadn't heard from him all day, so eventually I broke down and called Alice, asking whether or not she had spoken with Jasper. She instantly questioned why I was calling _her_ and not Jasper, so after I made her promise not to breathe a word about it to him, I had to fess up that today was our one-year anniversary.

"He's home right now, I can ask him if he has any plans tonight," Alice offered.

I heard some muffled noise and what sounded like Jasper's voice through the phone.

"Hey Ed," Jasper's smooth voice indicated he had taken the phone from Alice. "Are you studying tonight? I was going to go over to Paul and Jared's to watch basketball in a bit; you know you're always invited."

I tried to muffle my sigh, so instead I made an excuse about school work and needing to spend some time with Bella.

"Okay," he didn't sound phased. "If I get home early I'll give you a call. I missed you last night."

"I missed you too," I said.

It was the truth.

He handed the phone back to Alice and I heard her call out "bye" to him as he left to spend the one-year marking of our relationship with two other men.

"You could just remind him, you know," Alice scolded.

"It's not a big deal, Alice."

"Well, why don't you come over here and surprise him when he comes home?" Alice suggested.

I knew she was trying to help, but it wasn't really my style. What was I going to do? Wait for him naked in his bed with a bow tied around my dick?

Nevertheless, I wanted to know if he would remember, and maybe part of me wanted to confront him about it. So, later that afternoon I went over to their apartment, both to spend some time with Alice and to wait for Jasper to come home. Eventually Alice left to meet with a study group, so I sat on the couch by myself and waited.

And, waited.

And, waited.

I tried to read. I tried to do the homework I brought, but I couldn't concentrate on it. Eventually I ended up watching the very basketball game that Jasper was probably watching, but I couldn't really get into it.

Finally, I heard the key in the lock, and whoever was on the other side of the door was fumbling with it. Eventually, it swung open, and Jasper, my beautiful Jasper, sauntered across the threshold. He didn't look completely smashed, but I could tell he was definitely not entirely sober. His eyes were starting to look bloodshot, and the expression on his face was just... empty.

"Ed," he smiled. "What are you doin' here?"

I swallowed, "I was waiting for you."

"Were you now?"

Suddenly, he was straddling me. His lips were all over me, carelessly being planted haphazardly on my face and neck as he tugged at my shirt. He managed to undo all the buttons and was running his tongue along my collarbone. His warm hands lightly caressed my bare chest. It felt so heavenly; I let myself enjoy it for a moment.

Even though I knew it was wrong.

I couldn't do this.

I didn't want to be with Jasper like this. Not while I was crushed that he had forgotten the anniversary of our relationship. While he wasn't even aware of it. Not while he was tipsy enough that his drawl was coming out. Not while I was terrified about the future of our relationship.

I tried to hold it back, but I couldn't help it. A sob escaped my lips, and then the tears started to fall uncontrollably. It took a second before he noticed.

Then he pulled away and I could see a hint of recognition in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" The worry in his voice was genuine, and he slipped off my lap. Despite it all, he still loved me.

I couldn't answer. I couldn't speak. I was too racked with sobs to breathe properly, let alone form words.

"Ed," he whispered.

Even though I wanted it, I wasn't prepared to have this conversation. Every time I brought up his drinking in the past, he would call me a killjoy, and tell me there was nothing wrong with having a beer or two to relax. He assured me that he had everything under control, and in his mind, I believe he thought he had. His first semester and a half of college was spent binge drinking, going to parties, letting random men hit on him. To him, this was different. He'd only have a few beers in a sitting, he drank at home or his friend's places, and he was in a somewhat stable relationship with me. Yet, this was worse, because at this rate, he'd never really hit bottom.

I was going to have to do it for him.

"I- I- love you so much, Jasper," I croaked out.

"I love you too, Ed, what's wrong? What happened? Did something bad happen?"

"Not- not in the way you think," my chest was still heaving, and it was hard to get out the words.

"Tell me," he demanded, his eyes now frantic, frightened.

"Do you know what today is?" I asked finally.

His face relaxed for a moment, relieved that I wasn't bearing bad news directly. Then he paused, thinking, and finally, "Other than Sunday?"

I started crying again. He really didn't know; it really didn't mean anything to him. I know that anniversaries were kind of silly, but Jasper was the type of guy who _would_ remember. He had bought me flowers exactly six months after we had declared our love for one another.

It took all the resolve I had, but I finally managed to stand up.

He looked shocked.

"When you _do_ remember what today is, call me, and please be sober when you do it."

I couldn't help but get in that last dig.

He began to defend himself behind me, but I shouted over him, "I don't want to fucking hear it. The Jasper I know wouldn't accept being so numb all the time. He would stand up to his demons and fight. I can't be with you when you're like this... so despondent, like you've given up, and the worst part is you don't even _know _you've given up." My words weren't coming out the way I hoped, but my voice was steady and I remained calm even through my anger. "You know where to find me."

I couldn't turn around to look at him, or I would cave in somehow.

So, I left.

Moments after I shut the door, I heard what sounded like glass shattering from inside the apartment, but he didn't come after me.

I stumbled back to my apartment; thank god Bella was staying at Jake's. I didn't need her to see me like this. I collapsed into sobs almost as soon as I was through the doorway. I leaned against the front door as my entire body was racked with my heavy gasps.

I was so terrified. For the first time in our relationship, I didn't know how we would be able to work this out. He had no idea what he was doing to himself, and if what I said to him tonight didn't get through to him, then I don't know what would. I thought about the sound of shattering glass, and I wonder just how angry with me he was. Jasper wasn't a violent person, but I had no doubt the shattering noise I heard wasn't an accident.

I knew that I had to say something to him. I knew he needed help to fix whatever it was he was running from and avoiding, but this was out of my range of experience.

What if I just ruined my relationship? The one and only thing I was always certain of was Jasper's place in my life. This couldn't be enough to sever our relationship, could it?

Eventually, I was able to get up and make my way into the bathroom to splash water on my face. I looked terrible. My eyes were puffy; my normally pale skin was red and blotchy. Seeing my disastrous appearance wasn't helping me to feel any better and the stream of painful questions wasn't easing up. Something had to give.

I opened the medicine cabinet, and I took some cough medicine. Normally, I wouldn't condone such behavior, but anything was better than this. May cause drowsiness? I sure fucking hoped so.

The next morning, I woke up and had 17 missed calls.

All from Alice.

I knew she was worried, so I didn't hesitate and dialed her number.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't be furious at you right now!"

"I just woke up. I took some cough medicine, so I could sleep. Because he didn't... he didn't remember. He came home drunk and didn't remember," my voice broke, and suddenly, I was sobbing. Once the floodgates opened, I started spilling everything.

The only thing that stopped me was a knock on the front door.

"Hold on a sec, Ali." I picked myself off the floor and hurried to the front door. I knew that it wasn't Jasper. I also knew I wasn't ready to see him, but I still hoped in the back of my mind that it was him.

Instead I got 4 feet 11 inches of pixie barreling into me.

I hung up my phone.

"He's a wreck, Edward, a mess. He broke the bathroom mirror; I think he punched it. It was totally shattered, and he was just sitting in this pile of broken glass. Then he locked himself in his room. I tried talking to him this morning, but the only things he would say were 'what did I do wrong?' and 'how did I fuck this up?' I thought you messed things up somehow. I'm so sorry for thinking that now after everything you've told me. I knew that he was in a bad place, but I didn't realize how much he was relying on alcohol to get through it. I believed him when he said he was just having fun, unwinding, but he's really way beyond that. Oh, I'm such a bad best friend," she was wailing now.

We cried together.

"Eddie, I'm scared."

"Me too, but we can't help him if he doesn't want us to."

"I guess I should go back and make sure he's okay," she said finally.

"Ali, it's going to be rough. You can't force him into anything. Just let him know you'll be there for him."

Normally, she would have accused me of being a know-it-all, but she only nodded.

"And, please don't tell him about our anniversary."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, it's not a big deal. It was just a... catalyst. I just hoped that he would remember."

She nodded again, biting her lip. "Call me later, okay?"

"Sure thing, Twin."

I must have looked a mess. When Bella came home later that afternoon, it only took her a glance before she gave me a huge hug and asked me what was wrong. I started sobbing again as I relayed the story to her. She tried to reassure me that I had done the right thing, and that there was only so far I could go before being "supportive" became enabling. But, I still felt like there was something more I could have done, that there must have been a much better way to handle the situation.

A week later, and I still had heard nothing from him. Alice was giving me reports about his behavior, but it seemed that Jasper was avoiding her for the most part too. She did say that all the beer in the house had disappeared, and more did not show up in its place. That could be good, or it could mean that Jasper was hiding it, or drinking elsewhere. I could drive myself crazy with that type of thinking, though; so I tried to have faith in him and hoped he understood my concern.

That Monday, when I can home from classes, there was a gorgeous bouquet of white tulips sitting on the dining room table.

I went into the kitchen to greet Bella.

"From Jake?" I questioned, tilting my head in the direction of the flowers, though it really didn't seem his style.

"They're for you."

"But who would...?"

"Gee, I don't know, maybe your boyfriend?" Bella smirked at me, but her voice was full of subtle enthusiasm and hope.

I walked to the table and snatched the card from the holder.

It read: "I'm sorry you're in love with such a jackass."

I wasn't ready to see him, but I needed to respond, give him a sign, to let him know. So I did the cowardly thing and pulled out my phone, sending him a text that read "Never be sorry for that. I know I'm not."

He didn't send me a text back, but I still felt a little lighter. I didn't know if he was doing anything to work through his problems, but I at least hoped that he would be willing to let me in. I didn't know what it would take, but I knew that it was beyond my control. I could love him, support him, and gently push him to get the help he needed, but I couldn't fix him. So, I had been doing some research about all the programs available at the university, and I was accumulating a list of emails addresses and numbers that he could contact. I just hoped he would be willing to listen to me without feeling judged. He was so worried about me or anyone else seeing him as weak; I didn't know how willing he would be to ask for help from a stranger.

Alice and I had classes at the same time on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we always walked back home together. She came up to my apartment with me, likely in the hopes that Bella and I would feed her. When we got inside there was another bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table, this time purple hyacinths. With it there was a small gift bag and a card. I couldn't contain my curiosity, so I opened the bag first. Inside were two pounds of my favorite coffee. He knew me so well.

I opened the card. It read: "I don't mind weepin' if it'll keep you by my side."

When I laughed, Alice snatched the card out of my hands.

"Why is that funny?"

"It's a line from "Ain't Too Proud to Beg." I hummed a few bars of the Temptations tune for her.

"Aw," Bella read the card over Alice's shoulder. "Jake needs to take a few lessons from Jasper."

"You have to call him now," Alice said with finality.

"I'm not ready yet, and I don't think he is either," I wanted to rush over to him now, but something was holding me back.

"But, he's begging for you!"

"I don't expect you to understand. I'll just know when we're both ready, and it's not tonight."

Alice sighed, but didn't question me. Jasper and Alice were so close; he would have said something to her if he had intentions for our reunion to be tonight.

So the three of us had dinner together, and we successfully avoided conversations regarding my relationship. Soon after, Alice went back to her apartment to do homework. Bella headed off to Jake's for the evening. I watched a little TV before going to bed happier than I had in nearly two weeks, knowing that I wouldn't have to sleep alone much longer.

When I got home from my long afternoon lab on Wednesday, I was exhausted.

There was a tall, narrow gift bag and a wrapped box next to it waiting outside my door. There was a card taped to the box. Again, I opened the packages first, still outside, shivering slightly. Inside the tall bag was bottle of champagne, and in the box were two beautiful, etched champagne flutes that had Alice written all over them. I couldn't help but smile to myself as I finally opened the card.

It read: "To 375 Days of Near Bliss." He had remembered. I idly wondered if today's date would become or new anniversary, or if we would always celebrate every 375 days instead of every year. The fact that I could entertain those thoughts once again made me realize that I was ready.

And the champagne showed that he was ready.

I gathered the packages and carried them inside.

I changed into a pair of slim-fitting jeans that I only wore when I was out in public with Jasper to drive him crazy. I paired them with a soft baseball tee that he had insisted on buying for me. I went into the kitchen and transferred the champagne, chilled from sitting outside, and glasses into a shopping bag, throwing in a box of strawberries from the fridge for good measure. Then, I threw on my leather jacket and headed over to Jasper's apartment.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

It swung open and there was my Adonis. It was as if seeing him for the first time.

The moment he opened the door, he fell to his knees before me, wrapping his arms around my waist so tightly, I thought he might cut me in half. When he actually started to cut off my circulation, I bent forward slightly, setting the bag I was carrying down. I put my hands under his arms, trying to lift him up.

"Thank you for the flowers and the champagne," I said softly, breaking the silence.

"I missed our anniversary."

"It wasn't a big deal."

"Yes, it was," he was solemn.

"Well, that upset me the least out of any of it."

"I know," his voice was barely above a whisper now; he hung his head as he led me to the couch. "How did I let this happen again, Ed?"

"It's not all your fault."

"Don't you dare blame yourself for any of this. I love how dedicated you are to your schoolwork and your goals, don't you know that?"

"But, you think that I want you to be the same way, and that's not it at all."

"You don't want a dedicated, hard-working, successful man who is happy with what he is doing with his life?"

"Stop there. The last part."

"-who is happy with what he is doing with his life?" he repeated.

"I want you to be happy."

"I'm happy when I'm with you."

"It's not enough though, is it?"

"Well, no. I don't want to be dependent on you to feel like my life is worthwhile."

"Please let me in to that head of yours, Jasper Hale." I had to say it, "I'm never too busy to talk to you, you know. If something's bothering you- well, I just wish that you would talk to me instead of the bottom of a beer bottle."

He looked as if I had slapped him in the face, and I immediately wanted to rescind what I said even though it was true. I opened my mouth to apologize, but he cut me off.

"No," he said quietly. "I deserved that. Everything you said that night, Ed, was true. I _was_ trying to make myself numb. If I didn't think about it, then it would go away."

The words "classic avoidance behavior" were on my lips, but I clamped my mouth shut.

"I know what you're thinking, Ed," Jasper laughed. "And just so you know, from now on I think I'm only going to drink champagne, and only when we're celebrating something."

I leaned into kiss him. His lips immediately parted, and we made slow work of reacquainting ourselves with the feel of the other's lips and tongue. I could sense my hornier side wanting to get ahead of the conversation we desperately needed to have, so I forced myself to end the kiss and broke away.

"I have to ask you something, love, and please don't get mad at me for this. I just have to know. You started pulling away even more during winter break. Did something happen with your family?"

Jasper sighed.

"Not exactly," he began. "It's all my doing, not theirs. It just felt like every single relative in my entire extended family asked me what I was majoring in and what my plans were for after graduation. There's no greater conversation killer with people you only see twice a year than to say that you're undecided, and you have no idea what you are going to after graduation. It's not something you could really understand."

I tried not to be hurt by his words, because he was right.

"It got to the point where I just started making shit up to keep the disappointed, disapproving looks from their faces. I mean, half my family doesn't understand why I didn't go into the marines. I'm sure more than a few of them think that my being gay is a tarnished spot on the family record. My aunt even suggested to me that liking boys is just a phase I'll grow out of. So, not only am I the bad seed because of my sexuality, I can't even redeem myself by being driven or successful."

I pulled him toward me so he could sit between my legs and I could wrap my arms around him as he leaned back into my chest.

"What kinds of things did you make up?" I asked, trying to add a light moment into the conversation.

"Oh, I started out with boring things like accounting and marketing - things no one could really ask me anything else about. Then, I told some of my cousins I wasn't at liberty to discuss my plans with anyone, and then mouthed "N.S.A." to them. I think I told the same aunt who said I was going through a phase that I was actually enrolled in cosmetology school and not a 4-year university just to see the look on her face. Eventually I got really fed up, and I told the most conservative of my uncles that my boyfriend was going to be a doctor and I was going to be a homemaker and take care of our kids."

I laughed at Jasper's sense of humor and realized I wasn't as frightened as I should have been hearing Jasper utter the words "our kids." I wasn't ready to have _that_ conversation yet though, so I steered the topic away from it.

"You know maybe you shouldn't focus so much on wanting something to _make_ you happy and just take things a day at a time."

"Mmm," was his response, and I realized Jasper's focus was no longer on our conversation.

His eyes met mine, and I knew I was a goner.

He kept his gray-blue gaze locked with mine as he rose from his seat, only to settle himself on the floor between my legs. He smiled seductively at me, and I knew I was in for it. Jasper seemed to get off on teasing me, and if pressed, I would probably admit to enjoying the hell out of it too. The sweet and slow torture of his perfectly planned touches was both terribly infuriating and terrifically erotic.

He slowly unbuttoned my jeans, letting his tongue follow my happy trail as he did so. I raised my hips so he could slide them off me; he smirked at my lack of underwear. Once the offending article was removed from my body, he ghosted his hands up my legs; his feather-light touch driving me wild. He lowered his face into the promised land, but I knew better. This was just a tease. He complied with my intuition and turned his head to suck gently on my inner thigh. He mimicked this feat over and over; each time moving infinitesimally closer to where I wanted him most. Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, I felt his warm breath on my scrotum. I could almost feel the moisture of his mouth as he got closer and closer. Finally I felt the tip of his tongue on my sack as he licked sensuously around my left nut and then the right; then continued his light tracing up the length of my shaft. He circled around the head and trailed across the slit.

He looked up at me and grinned, knowing full well how crazy he was driving me.

But, he still wasn't finished with his taunting.

His lips travelled back south, gently wrapping around each of my balls. Continuing his journey, he pressed his tongue against my taint. I tilted my hips up to give him access to my entrance and he complied by tracing around the rim, bringing his fingers up to spread me a little before dipping his tongue in.

I had been trying to mute my responses so as not to encourage him too much in his game, but it felt so good, my loud moan was completely involuntary.

Again, right when I thought I was going to combust from desire, he came up for air, and then began to wrap his soft lips around my straining erection.

It felt like every nerve ending in my body had been awakened.

Holding back my verbal response was now entirely impossible.

He continued his almost painfully slow movements. He took my cock entirely in his mouth and pulled up slowly, licking his way as he went up, bringing me almost completely out of his mouth. Then he would repeat the action, sucking hard enough to create the feeling of a vacuum around me.

I needed a distraction, or I was going to explode on the fifth pass.

I started to shift my body until I was lying down completely on the couch. Jasper sensed what I was doing and briefly stopped his ministrations to free himself of his own clothing. He quickly returned to hover over me on the couch; his own glorious hardness hanging over my mouth right where I wanted it.

I licked up and down getting it wet. Then I reached my hands to grab his perfect ass, using my grip to guide his positively swollen mass down into my mouth. I focused on performing my own ministrations instead of the building sensations between my legs. We were so in tune with one another, we quickly fell into a slow rhythm. I mimicked his pace. First, taking him deep and swallowing around the head when his cock was at the back of my throat. Then, guiding his hips up until my lips wrapped around his head, only to plunge his hips back down.

I could tell he was close, and I had been on the fucking edge since he unbuttoned my jeans. Suddenly, he stopped. He sat up and leaned back on the arm of the couch with his knees on either side of my head. He gazed down at me.

"Make love to me. I need you," his voice was calm but his eyes were pleading.

I groaned at the loss of his lips around my dick, but I couldn't deny him, or myself, the pleasure of feeling his tight walls around me.

He pulled me up from my reclined position and we walked hand-in-hand to his bedroom.

My favorite position was generally any incarnation of doggy-style, so I could get as deep as possible into Jasper's tight ass, but right now I needed to see him. I needed to watch him as we brought each other to the height of ecstasy.

So, I pressed him down into the bed, reveling in the feeling of our bodies so close. It had been nearly two weeks since we had last been intimate, and though that wasn't a very long amount of time, it was enough to heighten the passion between us exponentially.

Our love-making was gentle and slow. I savored the feeling of being inside him, with his legs wrapped around my waist urging me forward. Our lips barely separated from each other's, only to occasionally let a moan escape. The love we had for each other was palpable as our glistening bodies were united into one.

He looked so beautiful when he came I nearly cried, and after my own release, I lost control and let a tear or two escape.

It was all at once a catharsis, a union, and a promise.

I had never felt as close to Jasper as I did then.

We were lying side by side, exhausted. The only parts touching were our hands interlaced between us.

"Come to England with me," I blurted out.

"I've probably missed the deadline," his voice wistful.

"I'm sure you can charm your way around it. It might be good, you know, to get away. I can help you with the application tomorrow," I stopped myself. "I mean, I don't want to push you or anything, you should definitely not do this if it's not something you really want, but people do always say that it's a good experience..." I trailed off when I saw Jasper's silent laughter.

Earlier in the semester, I had tried to convince Jasper to fill out the study abroad application with me. I had been accepted into the program at Oxford, but it was only after Jasper began to shut me out when I seriously considered going without him.

"And this doesn't have anything to do with you not wanting to be apart from me for ten weeks?" He was teasing, but there was truth in his words.

I sighed.

"What?"

"Do you ever worry that without our physical connection, I don't know, our relationship suffers?"

"Oh god, I'm so sorry Edward," he buried his face in his hands. "After winter break with me starting to lose control and shutting you out; you must have thought I was just using you for... oh, wow, I really am a jackass."

He turned his head to look at me, and I could see the genuine sorrow in his eyes.

"Of course I'm always going to be attracted to you, Ed; it's like a base need I have to touch you. But more than that, I'm just... better when I'm around you. It's because I love you; because you compliment me; because you're my other half. Really, I'm only half of me without you, but I have never once worried that I was dependent on you like _that_. We could survive ten weeks apart, easy. I mean, it's not like we have to wait for letters to travel by ship across the Atlantic anymore. We're so much stronger than that, even when I'm being a complete fuck-up."

He turned on his side toward me, propping himself up on his elbow, and began to trace circles across my chest.

"You're the only one I'm ever going to want. I don't know how I know, but I do. As surely as I know the sun is going to rise every morning."

Now, I was crying.

Jasper turned to face me, "Don't cry, babe."

"You've turned me into such a sap, Jasper. I just- I just love you so much."

He pulled me to him as he rolled onto his back and wrapped his arms around me, letting me shed my tears onto his lovely torso. I was beginning to drift out of consciousness when his hushed voice murmured in my ear,

"Okay, let's do it. I'll fill out the application tomorrow."

I smiled, because I knew he didn't want to be apart from me either.

* * *

**A/N:** For the record, I don't own "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" either... but Berry Gordy kinda owns a piece of my soul. (A link to the song is on my profile.) Any other Motown fans out there?


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... though I STILL want Edward and Jasper to get it on.

**A/N:** First, I must thank PerfectlyPersuasive for her mad beta skillz and for pandering to my writing insecurities. Second, I have to thank all of you for sticking with me on this story despite the update fail, and for your continued reviews and alert additions. The next couple chapters will be very fluffy... I know you've all noticed this, but I just can't bear to make our boys suffer too much. :)

* * *

I had flown a few times before, but I always hated it. Flying over an ocean was much worse than flying across the country. I felt like such a wuss, and unfortunately, I was not yet old enough to get pleasantly intoxicated at an airport bar before stepping onto a tiny aluminum vessel that flew at 550 miles per hour, 35,000 feet above an ocean. On the other hand, I got to spend the entire flight pressed up against a sexy man with dirty blond hair and gray-blue eyes who kept his arm around me for nearly the entire flight; even though, it had to make him uncomfortable. He even distracted me on the landing with an intense make-out session that I'm fairly certain offended the woman sitting on my left.

Once we made it through the painfully slow queue through customs and retrieved our luggage from baggage claim, we found the sign for our group. The director of the program gathered together a group of 35 exhausted-looking college students and herded us off to the bus that would take us on the hour long trip to Oxford.

Everyone was making introductions, but I was so tired and grumpy after sitting enclosed in a tiny airplane cabin, breathing canned air and having to piss into a metal bowl, that it all passed in a blur. I hoped I didn't come across as too terribly aloof, but the effort it took to paste on a phony smile just wasn't happening. I tried to watch out the window during the bus ride, but I ended up drifting in and out of consciousness. Eventually, though, we arrived at our home for the next seven weeks. The college was primarily contained in what felt like a fortressed building. There was a main gate that opened into a courtyard and passing through it made me feel like stepping into a different world. We were given a brief tour of the dining hall and the laundry room, as well as the rooms where our classes would be held. Afterward, we all waited around the small office at the entrance to pick up our room keys.

Our living quarters were housed in a smaller fleet of buildings across a narrow alleyway, behind another locked gate to which we were also given a key. The buildings in this part of the college looked newer than main portion, but I was sure that still made them older than any building in the entire city of Seattle.

I was happy to find in a serendipitous turn of events that Jasper's room was not only next to mine, but connected to it via a tiny bathroom we were to share. The bathroom contained a toilet, a pedestal sink, and a shower that looked too small for even one human adult male. I supposed shower sex was out for the next two months. After getting a feel for the layout, Jasper and I decided to do some rearranging, moving the desk out of my room and into his and exchanging it for his small twin bed that we brought into mine. We pushed the two beds together, making a decent-sized bed for us to share.

Hopefully, no one would do a bed check.

They were forcing us to stay awake in order to adjust to being eight hours ahead, but I was already about to collapse from exhaustion. In order to encourage this horrible torture, they had set up a "get to know you" dinner with the other students in the program at an Italian restaurant near the college. It began with everyone going around the long banquet table and making a brief introduction. Most of the students were also from Washington, but there were a few from the University of Alaska, a few Italian students, and one from Argentina, which was a pleasant surprise.

It didn't take long for me to realize that I was probably not going to develop a lot of deep, lifelong friendships out of this experience. A lot of the students from UW seemed to know each other and were already breaking off into their cliques. The majority seemed like mouth-breathing boneheads and vapid girls who were probably all planning on seeing how many European countries they could get wasted in and wouldn't get anything out of the trip other than a new Facebook profile picture.

Even so, I tried to be friendlier than I had been on the bus ride, so I made small talk with a girl named Angela who was also from Washington but didn't know anyone in the program. She was extremely shy, but I managed to find out she was in both classes that Jasper and I were taking plus some other minimal information about her.

It didn't take long for everyone to figure out that I was gay and that Jasper was my boyfriend. A few of the students snickered, and some gave the typical offended huff when Jasper called me "babe." It didn't bother me that much anymore, and it made it a whole hell of a lot easier for me to know who to talk to and who to avoid. I recognized the glint in Jasper's eye, and I imagined the owner of the offended attitude was going to frequently be in the vicinity of some intense PDA.

Unfortunately, some of the people we were with weren't happy to stop with merely glaring at us. After dinner, we all trudged back over to High Street and back to our college building, and I was so tired, I had to grip Jasper's hand to be sure I stayed upright. Apparently, this didn't sit well, and the words "fucking faggots" was slurred in our direction from passing students. As I opened my mouth in retort, Kate, one of the girls from Alaska Jasper spoke with over dinner, beat me to it.

"Ignorant bigots," she called out loudly, and then she and her friend Tanya giggled at us and told us we were "so cute together."

I was almost too tired to roll my eyes.

Jasper and I were clinging to each other as we climbed the two flights of stairs up to our pseudo-suite. I was too exhausted to even brush my teeth, somehow managing to strip off my clothes and crawl under the comforter. I was out so fast, I didn't even feel Jasper climb in beside me.

I woke to an overcast day, but when I became cogent enough to realize that I was pressed up against my sexy, mostly naked boyfriend in a foreign country that was ours to explore, nothing could dampen my mood.

I sighed contentedly when I felt his lips brush against the back of my neck, and he pulled me back to close the already infinitesimal distance between us. I felt his morning arousal press up against me and groaned.

"They only serve breakfast for another hour," I said hoarsely.

"Fine, but we're breaking in these beds before the day is over," he said in his low, sexy voice, before hopping out of bed. "I call first shower," he called brightly over his shoulder.

I picked up the pillow and threw it at him, "Tease!" I called back.

When he was finished with his shower, I took my turn. As I exited the bathroom, I found him sitting as still as a statue in the small arm chair in the room, looking out the window. I walked over to him and hopped into his lap. He smiled and leaned in, burying his nose in my hair and inhaling deeply.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," I said. I wanted to ask him if something was wrong, but he looked so calm. I didn't want to disrupt his thoughts.

We trudged over to the dining room caressed in a warm drizzle. We were treated to a proper English breakfast, an incredible spread, including beans and toast, eggs, sausages, mushrooms, tomatoes, cereal, coffee and tea. We sat on long benches in the dining room that was bathed in dark wood and built with high arched ceilings. Huge portraits of the college's founder hung on the wall at the front of the room. I felt like I was on a movie set, and not in what was essentially a cafeteria. I took a seat across from Kate, and we had a pleasant conversation about what it was like to live in Alaska. She gushed about how beautiful Denali was, and by the end of the meal, I was convinced I had to see it for myself someday.

Though the program did plan a few day trips for us on Fridays, after a brief orientation that morning, we were given the rest of the day to explore the city.

As we were leaving the dining room, I saw Angela off to the side, so I asked her if she wanted to come along with us.

"Thanks," she squeaked. I wondered to myself why a girl so shy decided to study abroad, but then again, maybe she was hoping to come out of her shell.

Jasper was able to put anyone at ease, so eventually he started bringing her out of her shell. We found out that she was the daughter of a minister in Port Angeles, and unbelievably enough, she had actually been to Forks.

As we strolled around the city, I was finally able to take a look at my surroundings in a clear state of mind. It was exactly as I expected and, at the same time, not at all as I expected. Neither Jasper nor I were seasoned travelers. I had only ever been to Canada before this trip, and Jasper only to Canada and Mexico. Though, he had promised that next year for Spring Break we'd go to the Yucatán Peninsula.

We meandered down High Street. I took in the cobblestones, the buildings crammed closely together, the vast number of pedestrians, the odd sound the sirens on police cars made. The city was an extraordinary combination of old and new. Centuries-old buildings had been renovated to include modern convenience in very creative ways. I stared at an ATM carved into an extremely old stone building for so long Jasper had to drag me away, so we could check out the rest of the city.

We walked around the area by the college first, and found a path near Christ Church where we could jog in the mornings.

Once we took to the rest of the city, our first stop was Blackwell's books. The three of us spent a good hour reveling in our utter nerdiness until we decided that we should probably see the rest of the city. So, we continued our stroll along Broad Street.

We ran into Demetri and Marcus, the two students from Italy, who were reading a menu outside a kabob place, so we decided to join them for lunch. The two of them were hilarious. Demetri was not originally from Italy but had actually lived all over Europe, and both were very well-traveled. They spoke impeccable English, and they had more stories about awkward American encounters than I would have thought possible. As they began to tell them, I became a little embarrassed, but they assured us that not all Americans were obnoxious and oblivious, nor were Italians off the hook for being ignorant about foreign countries.

"You are all very much more... strict, though," Marcus smirked. "Once I was in the Musée D'Orsay and was going toward the men's toilet and there was an American in front of me. He opened the door and screamed because there was a French woman in there using the toilet. She wasn't upset about it, but women never use men's toilets in America, no? Even when there's no line? The American man's wife was so angry; she started yelling at the French woman for not locking the door!"

Angela looked horrified, but Jasper and I just laughed. So, Jasper decided to tell them about the time Jasper was performing fellatio on me in the men's restroom of the Seattle Art Museum when some guy walked in, even though the museum had been practically deserted.

"...and then Ed said, 'Look, I'm going to finish whether you leave or not, but if you're going to fucking stare, you should at least pay for the peep show."

I was a little worried that Angela would be offended by the story, but she snickered along with the two Italians, shaking her head slowly at our exhibitionism.

It turns out that Angela was also a shopper, so after we parted with Demetri and Marcus, she and Jasper convinced me to do some shopping. They claimed it was to get some living necessities, like laundry detergent and some snack foods to keep in our room, which I could accept, but I was certain that clothing stores would enter the picture.

We walked down to Westgate and eventually found a Sainsbury's where we could buy groceries. We didn't want to be weighed down with bags yet though, so we decided to come back later. We found a Marks & Spencer, a fairly large department store that also contained a small café and grocery section. I tried to suppress my groan as Jasper and Angela made their way toward the clothing department. I told them I'd come find them in a bit and wandered around, through the luggage section, then upstairs to the electronics. I found a few albums that had yet to be released in the states, but with the exchange rate not being in my favor, I decided the expense wasn't worth it.

I finally made my way back to the clothing department and found Jasper in front of a mirror outside the fitting room trying on a pair of slim fitting black jeans and a v-neck sweater that hugged his chest. He later claimed it was the department store line of some designer I had never heard of, but regardless, he looked achingly sexy.

I came up behind him and traced my hands across his chest and down the front of his body, lightly rubbing my hands across his crotch.

"Get it," I whispered into his ear.

He leaned his head back into my shoulder and turned his head to kiss my check.

"I'll think about it," he said. "You really like it?"

I pressed the bulge in my jeans into his ass in response.

Then, a voice rang out behind us, "You'd better not pull another art museum stunt!"

"Sorry, Angela," I said meekly.

"We'll behave," Jasper added, mimicking the tone of my voice.

The three of us laughed, and I was glad that Angela felt comfortable enough to tease us.

They managed to window shop for the rest of the trek back up High Street, stopping only in one chic clothing store, where Jasper got Angela to buy a minidress. I tried on a wool blazer, and the eye fucking Jasper gave me almost convinced me to get it. Our last stop was a stroll through the covered mall off Cornmarket, which was full of food stands, a sinful looking chocolate shop, and few other small boutiques.

That night, Jasper and I christened our bed. I'm sure our downstairs neighbor heard the loud thumping, but I didn't care. At least, we tried to keep our vocalizing to a minimum.

Kind of.

We had enrolled in the same classes, and both were a refreshing change from all my biology and chemistry classes back home. One was a British history course, which nicely fulfilled my world cultures gen-ed requirement, and the other was a literature of Oxford course, which focused on the fantasy stories of Tolkien, Lewis, and Carroll, all of whom wrote Oxford into their work. Both professors were British and truly looked the way I always though a professor would look, right down to their tweed jackets with elbow patches. Our history professor even stopped class halfway through in order to have a tobacco break. Although Jasper didn't smoke, he spent the break chatting with the professor as he smoked his pipe.

After the first day, I immediately saw a change in Jasper. It had been so long since I had seen him so excited about something that wasn't either a sporting event or a shoe sale at Neiman Marcus. As soon as class let out for the day, he started in on everything we had covered in history class, going on and on about the Battle of Hastings and the political situation surrounding William the Conqueror. That night the professors joined us for dinner, and Jasper spent the entire time engaged in a discussion with the history professor.

That weekend, since we never had Friday classes, most of the students had planned weekend trips to various locations around Europe. Jasper and I didn't have enough expendable income to be jetting off every weekend, but we planned on doing some traveling in France after classes were over. Anyway, there was enough in Oxford and the vicinity to keep us busy, so we spent Friday in town and decided to take a day trip to London the next day.

Our first stop was the Ashmolean museum. It was the world's oldest public museum and it was packed to the gills with artifacts. I thought it would probably take weeks to look at everything, so we stayed selective about what we viewed. I was more interested in the art and Jasper wanted to see the relics of past civilizations. So, we parted ways, and I left him to look at ancient coins that all looked exactly the same while I sought out the sketches of Michelangelo and Rembrandt.

When I went back to meet him, he was still looking at all the coinage. The moment I crossed the threshold of the room, an odd feeling overwhelmed me as I realized I was so far away from everything I had ever known.

I didn't think I would be able to do this without Jasper here, so I hurried to him and grabbed his hand, needing to feel his grounding connection.

"Is everything okay?" He was startled out of his contemplation.

"I just- I don't know, being in here standing in thousands of years of human history. It's so... intimidating. I'd be so homesick if you weren't here with me, Jasper."

He turned and kissed my cheek. "I'm glad I get to share this with you, too."

The next day, we rose early and took the bus to the train station to ride into London. Once we arrived, the first place we went was kind of corny, but it was on both of our lists. The night before we had each compiled a list of places in London we wanted to see and then combined them to decide what to do on this excursion. So there we were, at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. Even though I was a little embarrassed, it was surprisingly very entertaining.

It was sort of bizarre at first being in a room full of statues of famous people we didn't know and would never meet, but Jasper and I fully embraced the absurdity when we both caught each other ogling wax David Beckham.

"I never want to share you, ever, but I don't think I'd be entirely opposed if Becks wanted to join us," Jasper mused.

I gave a low groan and nodded in agreement.

We made our way through the museum and got our pictures taken with the Beatles, Justin Timberlake and President Obama. Jasper even made me pose next to wax Albert Einstein.

We had lunch at an amazing hole-in-the-wall Indian restaurant, reminiscent of our first date.

Then, we spent the rest of the afternoon in the British Museum. I was getting a little tired of museums. Jasper, though, always humored me when I drug him to art galleries, so I did the same. I'm certain that I saw the Rosetta Stone and pieces of the Parthenon and the place in the library where Marx often studied, but honestly I spent most of the time there watching Jasper. His eyes would light up when we got to something that obviously piqued his interest. He would bite his lower lip when he was reading the signs and placards. Then his face would scrunch up, and I could only imagine that he was trying to reconstruct the time period in his mind, thinking about what it would be like to conquer the world with Alexander or live in ancient Greece.

When we got back to school after that weekend, our time in Oxford seemed to fly by. Though I was really engaged in both of my classes, I was really enjoying the city itself. My inner nerd was in love with all of the history and culture that was crammed in every crook and cranny.

Most of the students, as I suspected, spent most of their spare time in the college's pub or going out to all the clubs that made up Oxford's night life. Jasper was serious about only drinking champagne and only when we celebrated, so we hardly ever joined them. I was so proud of him for taking his vow seriously, and even though he told me he would be okay if I went to the pub, I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. I could get sloppy drunk at home if I ever was so inclined, and doing it in a foreign country didn't make it any more appealing. We spent a lot of time with Angela, who was not a drinker, and even though Kate and Tanya, as well as Demetri and Marcus did like to imbibe in spirits, they didn't feel the need to do so every night and would often accompany us on our sober exploration of Oxford.

One of the best discoveries we found was a theatre company who performed Shakespeare in the park. The way they used the trees and very minimal set design to bring the plays to life made it very fun to watch, even though, I barely understood a word that was spoken. I could almost see how Bella would seethe with jealous when I told her about the plays we saw.

One evening we even went on a walking ghost tour of Oxford that led us through some of the most infamous deaths that occurred in the city. I didn't believe in ghosts in the least, but even I shivered as the tour guide told us about Jack the Ripper, who likely had walked the very street where we were standing pursuing his next victim. Jasper smirked at me because he knew of my fondness for horror movies and the hard time I gave Bella when she got scared, but he didn't tease me. He just squeezed my hand sweetly.

On Demetri's birthday, however, our group of friends convinced to go out dancing with them. We started in the college pub, and I indulged in an ale after Jasper insisted again that it didn't bother him. He reminded me that he was best friends with Emmett, so he was already used to being around beer but not participating in it. It was nice not having to be 21 to drink. Plus, if I was going to dance, I was going to need to be a little toasty, so I had a second ale before we left for the club. And, a shot of whiskey. And, at least another ale once we got there. And, I think Marcus bought me another shot of whiskey. Taken in Demetri's honor, of course.

I had never actually seen Jasper dance before, other than just messing around or slow dancing, middle school style, so, when I was finally feeling a little fuzzy from the alcohol, I was surprised at how willingly he was to be pulled onto the dance floor. The thing about dancing in a club like this was to look around and realize that everyone looks ridiculous. That was my policy, anyway, so I gave into the beats, clung to Jasper, and just let go.

Jasper looked so at ease while dancing, I could hardly keep my eyes off of his body when he twisted and turned and moved his hips. It only took a song or two before I closed any respectable distance between the two of us and started what could only be viewed as foreplay by anyone who happened to notice us. At first, I just positioned myself so I was straddling his leg and moved my body, basically rubbing my hardening dick into his hip.

But, it wasn't enough.

I turned so my back was facing him and ground my ass into his obvious erection. His hands came up to my waist, holding me in place, our hips gyrating together. We gravitated back to a darker part of the room as I felt Jasper's left hand slip up under my shirt. His fingertips grazed across my abs and then slipped under both the waistband of my jeans and boxers. Ever so slowly, he walked his fingers closer until his hand was fully wrapped around my piece.

I leaned back. "Baby, don't tease," I whispered.

"I wasn't planning on it," he whispered back.

Then he put his right hand to his mouth, coating it with needed moisture, and in a quick motion replaced his left hand with his right.

He was doing this. He was really doing this. He was jerking me off on the dance floor in a night club.

So I did the only thing I could do and licked my own palm, reaching it behind my back and plunged down blindly under Jasper's low slung jeans.

Our hips were still rocking rhythmically to the beat as we stroked each other frantically under our clothes. Knowing that we could be spotted at any second made it that much hotter, and even though, we didn't have a lot room, constrained in our clothing as we were, I was frighteningly close to orgasm after a couple minutes. It was obvious that Jasper felt the same way.

Simultaneous orgasms didn't often happen in our love-making, but when Jasper whispered in my ear "cum for me," it pushed us both over the edge.

I wanted to scream, but I had to settle for a low growl as Jasper bit into my shoulder to hold his own exclamation at bay. We stood in our position, panting for a moment. I looked around the room, trying to see if anyone noticed, but they all seemed oblivious. Sufficiently recovered, my Eagle Scout pulled out the handkerchief he always carried and very subtly wiped away the signs of our indiscretion.

We were both sweaty from dancing, and I probably smelled like the inside of a beer stein, so other than the post-orgasmic glow on our skin and our matching goofy grins, there wasn't really any sign of what had just happened in the dark corner of the discotheque.

Of course, as soon as we joined Marcus, Angela and Tanya, who were chatting at a table in a different room, we got called out on it as their eyes seemed to collectively move back and forth between us.

"Bathroom blowjobs, no?" Marcus asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Dance floor handjobs, yes." Jasper answered back, teasing Marcus' English.

Marcus threw back his head and laughed.

"I love you guys. I'm officially claiming you as honorary Italians," he leaned forward to kiss us each on the cheek.

Even with our new found status, we saved round two for when we got back to our room.

Before I knew it, it was our last weekend in Oxford. I had intended on hanging around the city for a couple days before Jasper and I headed to the continent to spend the last week of vacation exploring. So, I was shocked Saturday morning when Jasper told me that he had a surprise planned for me.

After we finished breakfast, we came back to the room. I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth, and when I came out, Jasper was standing in the middle of the room, holding a duffle bag.

"What's going on?"

"We're going to London today," he said casually.

"We are?"

He nodded.

"And, what will we be doing in London?"

Jasper shook his head, "Nope. It's a surprise."

I knew better than to try to get it out of him, so I just went along.

We walked to the train station. Jasper insisted that we didn't have to hurry, so we strode hand in hand down to Queens Street and Park End. I tried to drink in the scenery. I knew we wouldn't be in Oxford much longer, and it made me sort of sad. Even after such a short time, it really was starting to feel like home. I thought back to the first night when I didn't think I would make any friends and realized how wrong I was. Angela was becoming a close friend to both Jasper and I, and we both fully intended on keeping in touch with the girls from Denali and our Italian friends. Thinking about it all coming to an end, put me into a contemplative mood, which Jasper seemed to sense.

We got on the train and rode mostly in silence. I rested my head on Jasper's shoulder, and he put his arm around me as we watched the English countryside and small towns pass by.

Once we were at Paddington Station, Jasper asked me if there was anything I wanted to do in centre city. I was too anxious to get to the surprise, so we just bought tickets for the tube. Jasper nudged me when we reached our stop, and I followed him off the underground and up to the street. I had no idea where we were, which normally would freak me out to no end, but I trusted Jasper fully.

We walked a few blocks before Jasper stopped us in front of a hotel. He strode to the door and was about to pull it open when I stopped him.

"A hotel?"

"Trust me, babe," he winked at me.

I followed him into the hotel. Jasper began to go through the check-in process and the woman behind the desk exclaimed, "Oh yes, Mr. Hale. That must make you Edward," she continued, looking right at me.

"Oh, um, yes, I guess it does."

I looked from the woman to Jasper and back to the woman again.

What was going on?

We were on the second floor, so Jasper hustled me over to the stairs. There was nothing I could do but follow along, but I was dying of curiosity.

When we entered the room, Jasper set the duffle bag on the bed then turned to me.

"Okay, out with it, love. What's all this?" I couldn't take it anymore.

He strode toward me and cupped my face in his hands. "Well, I know you said it wasn't important, but I still feel guilty for not planning anything on our anniversary. So, I got tickets to see the London Symphony Orchestra tonight."

I gasped.

"You're kidding me!"

He lowered his hands, peered up at my through his eyelashes and asked shyly, "Do you like it?"

I took a half step forward and threw my lips against his, and then wrapped my arms around him.

"You're amazing. I love it. I've always wanted to see the London Symphony." I pulled back from him slightly and scrunched up my face. "But, I can't go like this," I gestured to my jeans and long-sleeved t-shirt.

Jasper snorted, "You think I wouldn't have thought of _that_?" He moved swiftly across the room and opened the bathroom door. Hanging on the hook was a garment bag. He lowered it gingerly and unzipped it.

"How did you? Rent tuxedos? And the hotel... this must have cost you a fortune."

"Don't worry about it, babe," he winked at me. "Now, try it on. There's not a lot we can do about it now, but I want to make sure I got your measurements right."

"You know my measurements?"

He just chuckled at me and gave me what could only be described as a "bitch, please" face.

I tried on the tuxedo, and Jasper slowly walked around me, eyeing me up and down. He seemed pleased with the fit. Actually, he seemed more than pleased with the fit, because he made quick work of extracting me from it. Before I could even react, I was flat on my back on the bed and he was between my legs, plunging his mouth around my cock. I'm not even sure how he accomplished it at that angle, but the moment I felt his lips brush against the curls at my base, I knew I wasn't going to last long. He sensed my need and didn't tease me, quickening his pace and swallowing around my head every time I hit the back of his throat. I had gotten over my embarrassment at the speed at which Jasper could bring me to orgasm a long time ago. It was a testament to his skills more than anything else. So I was unabashed and unapologetic when I came shortly thereafter, reveling in the feeling of Jasper swallowing my hot stream, before releasing me from his lips.

After a moment of recovery, I made a move to return the favor, but Jasper brushed me off.

"Today's about you, Ed, not me."

I shook my head, "No, it's about _us_."

That was all he needed, not that he would have refused once I started.

Once he was satiated, I settled in beside him, and we fell into a comfortable nap.

Upon waking, we took advantage of the slightly larger shower and bathed together. We only lightly touched each other, using lips and tongues and fingertips as the hot water ran over us.

Once we were out and dry, it was close enough to our departure time, so I got back into the tuxedo and had Jasper tie the bow tie for me.

He always wore clothes very well, but fuck me if seeing Jasper in a full tuxedo wasn't the sexiest I had ever seen him. Were seeing the LSO not one of my dreams, I would have been staying in for the evening.

The woman at the lobby desk grinned at us as we passed through. Jasper even shelled out the money for a taxi, so we didn't have to wear our penguin suits on the tube, though Barbican Centre was not terribly far from our hotel.

I was flushed with excitement as we entered the concert hall, like a child visiting the zoo for the first time. I barely blinked as I tried to drink in my surroundings. Once the concertmaster rose and the orchestra began tuning, I was enraptured, and for the next two hours, I lost myself in the notes of Haydn's _The Seasons_.

I couldn't even speak after the curtains closed. I'm sure that there were tears welling in my eyes. I just sat in my seat and squeezed Jasper's hand until I had the strength to get up and leave this magical place.

We had a late dinner after the symphony. I could feel other patrons of the restaurant's eyes upon us as we dined, but I was sure it wasn't out of hostility or disapproval. We were two fairly good-looking young men, decked out in tuxedos, but it was not as if good-looking, well-dressed people didn't come through this area every day. It felt like something more, like people could sense how happy we were, being there together. The waiter even gave us a decadent dessert on the house, because "we looked so much in love."

For some reason, knowing that our connection was palpable to the world around us, made me unbelievably happy.

I thought I would be exhausted, but the nap we had taken that afternoon had done wonders.

By the time we got back to our hotel room, I wanted to thank Jasper properly, and hotel sex seemed like a fantastic way to do so.

I took on an aggressor's role as soon as the door latched behind us and demanded that Jasper strip for me. He complied and with grace, removed each article of his clothing with a natural seduction. First, the jacket came off. Then, the bow tie. Next, the cummerbund. Then, ever so slowly, he undid the buttons of his crisp white shirt. As he spread open the shirt panels, he rubbed his hands slowly across his chest, stopping to pinch a nipple and let out of soft moan.

I bit my lip.

He then unbuttoned his trousers, slowly pushing them to the floor, revealing his muscled legs. The socks were the final article of clothing to go before the beautiful man was standing before me in nothing more than the red boxer-briefs I loved him in. I could see his manhood straining to be released.

He took a few steps closer to me until he was an arm's length away.

Then he spoke, "why don't you do the honors?"

He didn't need to ask me twice.

I reached for the waistband and used it to pull him closer toward me. I rubbed my finger around the underside of the band, moving slowly from one hip and to the other, caressing his soft skin. I hooked the band around my forefingers and gently lifted the band up and over his beautiful cock. It sprang out at attention, and I couldn't help but lean in to run my tongue along it as I pushed the boxer-briefs down to the floor.

I pulled him on top of me then, and our mutual desire crushed our lips together with magnetic force. Our bodies writhed together sensuously. Even though we were both turned on beyond belief, there was no rush about it.

We had all night.

He flipped us so I was above him, and I couldn't help myself, grinding my dick forcefully against his. He took this as a sign that our play was over and moved into a position where I could take him, planting his feet on the bed, legs spread, but I shook my head at him. I wanted him inside me; I needed to give myself to him. Not to show my appreciation for what he had done to make up for his transgression on our anniversary, but just because I wanted him to feel my vulnerability, and I his strength.

We switched positions on the bed and continued our languid kissing until I thought my heart was going to burst.

Just as we were both more than ready to consummate our foreplay, Jasper realized that the small box of rubbers he had brought was actually empty.

Before he could really register his frustration, I blurted out: "So, let's just go without."

"Who are you and what have you done with my Edward?" He asked with a laugh.

"I'm not about to stop that huge cock of yours from filling up my tight-

He cut me off with a vigorous kiss.

He prepared me carefully, even more carefully than usual, which I hardly thought possible. Once I was stretched, and we were both thoroughly coated with lube, he settled at my entrance.

"Last chance," he murmured.

In response, I thrust my hips forward. He smiled at my eagerness and then ever-so slowly entered me. The noise that came out of his throat once he was inside me was positively primal, and when he paused, I knew it was less for my sake and more for his. His motion was slow but rhythmic, and I couldn't believe the difference in how his bare skin felt as he penetrated me. The sensation was like nothing I could have imagined, and by Jasper's reaction, I knew it felt incredible for him, too.

Neither of us was going to last long.

He stopped his motion once again and groaned, "Do you have any idea how fucking amazing you feel?" He bit his lip "Ung, so hard to hold back."

After a moment, he began his slow sensuous thrusts once again, this time spreading some lube on my dick and pumping me at double the speed, rubbing his thumb over my head on every upstroke.

The feeling of his warm hand, his thrusts, the intense expression on his face as he gazed lovingly and hungrily into my eyes and with the sound of the symphony still reverberating through my mind, it was too much to hold back any longer.

I came.

Hard.

Exploding in an ablution of sensation, I could feel my eyes roll back in my head and the tears start to well. The next thing I registered was Jasper's voice.

"Are you okay, babe?"

"So much better than okay," I managed.

I picked my feet up off the bed and wrapped my legs around Jasper's waist, pulling him toward me, so I could crash my lips against his.

"Fuck me, Jasper. I want to feel you cum," I panted against his lips.

"F- fuck," was his only response.

He sped up his pace then, still not thrusting as hard as he could for my sake, but hard enough to keep my body shuddering. It wasn't much longer before I felt him climax; his whole body seemed to convulse with mine as he collapsed, completely spent, on top of me.

It felt unbelievable with his hot release inside me. Until I realized that cleanup is a bit less awkward when everything goes neatly into the condom, but it was a small price to pay and it made the whole act that much more intimate.

Even though the entire evening felt like it occurred in some other realm of existence, a place I wasn't worthy of, I don't think I ever felt more grounded than I did that night as I drifted off to sleep, my lover in my arms.

* * *

**A/N:** I will be reducing my posting to approximately one post a week. This is partly because, well, I'm starting to go insane and no one wants that, and because the chapters are starting to get a bit longer, so they take longer to write and polish. So, you get more, just less often. :)

Also, I have two entries in the "For the Love of Jasper" contest – "Serendipitous Savior" and "The Cop and the Addict" (I like both, but I'm rather proud of the latter. As far as I know, it's the only Jasper/Charlie pairing in existence). Both of my stories are up for voting in the round which started Oct. 11 and ends Oct. 18. Check it out! Even if you don't like mine, there are a _lot_ of fantastic Jasper stories over there!

http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)com/community/For_the_Love_of_Jasper_Contest/72564/

/Author's Note


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... mais, je les adore.

**A/N:** As always, I have to thank PerfectlyPersuasive, for turning my ugly sentences into pretty ones. :) I also must thank everyone who continues to read, review, and add my story to alert lists. It really, really keeps me going, in more ways than one.

* * *

It was a total and complete cliché, but I wanted to spend a week in Paris with the love of my life. I wanted it more than anything.

Our last day in Oxford, a Wednesday, was spent taking our final exams with a final good-bye party that night. I was surprised at how much I was going to miss our new friends. Demetri and Marcus made us promise that we would return to Europe soon and let them take us on a _real_ tour of Italy, with Marcus promising to provide us with public places where we could engage in deviant acts. Kate and Tanya also made us vow to visit Denali sometime, where they would take us rock-climbing. The rock-climbing didn't sound appealing, but I was itching to see Alaska. Kate was planning a trip to Seattle in the winter, and we made plans to meet up with her.

It wasn't as hard to say goodbye to Angela, because we were certain to remain friends once we all got back to campus. I knew she would get along with Bella, and Alice could always use another shopping partner. Knowing that much was a bright spot in the bittersweet evening.

Jasper and I got up early that morning to take the bus to Heathrow, where we boarded a terrifyingly small plane to make the short jaunt to Paris. Luckily, we had had the foresight to ship the majority of our luggage home, only keeping enough for a week, so we didn't have to lug around our huge suitcases.

Traveling lighter, we easily navigated our way out of Charles de Gaulle and took the train into the city.

We stayed in a youth hostel on the left bank, fairly close to where the Seine cut the city into two, and more importantly, close to a métro stop. Luckily, we had our own separate room in the hostel. After hearing some of the garish stories that Marcus and Demetri told about their and some of their friends' experiences, I wasn't about to stay in a room full of bunk beds and world-weary teenagers. The room contained two narrow beds which we pushed together. They were a little uneven in height, but it didn't matter. Even after all our cohabiting done the past year, we still ended up twisted together every morning, so I figured we'd either end up on one side or the other.

Once we were settled, with no jetlag to get in our way, we set out to stroll through the streets of Paris.

As in London, I felt a lot more accepted holding hands with Jasper as we made our way through the shaded streets. We usually never refrained in Seattle, but nearly every time we were off campus we got at least one dirty look. Even on campus we got called a derogatory name or two. But here, it seemed like no one even batted an eye, and I was keeping a lookout for it. Most of the negative reactions were from American tourists. I even heard one middle-aged woman refer to us as "queer Euro-trash," which, frankly, I took as a compliment.

I think Marcus would have been proud.

I felt like I was in the scene of a movie as we made a few walking loops around the area near our hostel. The streets were old and narrow, as they were in Oxford. A lot of the buildings were centuries old, made of stone, with tiny windows. Some of the windows contained window boxes filled with brightly-colored flowers. Even though the very structures of the city were oozing with history, and decadence and strife, it seemed to feel less like an old city the way Oxford sometimes had. It was a metropolis, and people were rushing around as in any other city. There were commercial outlets everywhere you looked, contemporary logos and technological advancements, but somehow it all blended together with the historical structure that made the city so famous. Even though people were rushing around, in austere suits and with stern faces, the mood in the air seemed easier, lighter, as if even though people worked hard they didn't feel stress by it.

As if they took the time to stop and take a breath, and smell the window boxes filled with flowers.

Jasper compromised with me, and on the first full day we went to the Louvre. I knew that I was in for a day of French boutiques next, so I was going to savor it. We hit up the Mona Lisa first, just to say we had seen it, but there were so many people crowded around, I couldn't even get close.

Jasper noticed my face fall.

"We're bigger than most of these people; I'm willing to push and shove if you want to get closer."

I chuckled, "No, it's not that. Look at it."

"Um... yeah?"

"It's so... small."

"What were you expecting?"

"It's the most famous painting in the world. It revolutionized perspective in Renaissance art. I just thought it would be... bigger."

"That's what he said," Jasper whispered.

I laughed and kissed him, my disappointment fading. We strolled through the less crowded hallways, our hands intertwined. Jasper wasn't a big art fan, but he always humored me as I did him in natural history museums. He barely moved a muscle when I stopped, mesmerized by a Titian painting, and stood looking at it for a good 15 minutes.

When I finally managed to turn my head away to him, he asked me what it was about this painting that had struck me.

"The colors," I answered firmly. "That painting is 500 years old, and the colors are still so vibrant. It's almost as if time stopped touching it."

"I've never been much of a religious person," Jasper said. "But, my mom and dad made me go to Sunday school when we were in Virginia, and then again when we moved back to El Paso."

He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and stared back into the painting, and continued.

"I always liked the stories in the Old Testament. They always seemed more like fairy tales, about a world that was long ago and far away, and some of the Psalms are so beautifully written... but, my favorite book was always the book of Luke. Not, just because of the prodigal son and the good Samaritan. I like the way he wrote, about the crucifixion and the entombment and the resurrection, about the multitude leaving the crucifixion, beating their breasts. This looks the way his words always read to me. You can see the devotion on the visible faces. Love comes in many forms, and that devotion and agony and faith in their actions and their body language is definitely love."

He turned back to me, his eyes blazing with his own love.

"I love you, Jasper," I whispered as I curled my hand behind the back of his neck to pull his lips to mine. "More than anything."

"I love you too, Ed."

We lingered another hour in the museum, inappropriately snickering at some of the nude sculptures. Even these marble figures, that were supposed to epitomize the beauty of the male form, couldn't hold a candle to the Adonis that walked beside me. I probably checked out Jasper more than I admired any of the sculptures, but I couldn't help it, my sexy boyfriend belonged with the Greek demi-gods. When I told him so, he rolled his eyes.

"I'm covered in scars from years of scrapes and cuts and grunt-work and roughhousing, I'd hardly say I'm a work of art. You on the other hand..."

His raised our intertwined hands up to his lips and gave the back of my hand a kiss.

"You are as beautiful as the gods."

I blushed.

"Or an underwear model," he added as an afterthought.

I collected my melted heart and weak knees together enough to give him a suggestive wink.

Eventually we made our way back to _Winged Victory_, and it absolutely took my breath. Honestly, if the statue still had its head, I didn't think it would hold the same amount of power as it did. The way the goddess's robes were carved made the marble look like it was blowing in strong, sea wind, and the fact that it was over 2000 years old made me feel wholly insignificant. I didn't think I could look at anymore art after being so floored by the statue, so we took our leave thereafter.

Jasper had taken two semesters of French, so I put him in charge of communicating with waiters, cashiers, and shopkeepers. He was better at reading than at understanding spoken French, because everyone spoke so fast, but I thought he did pretty well for himself. He taught me how to say a few things, so I wouldn't sound like a complete dope. Even though we were obviously American, since we attempted to communicate in the native language, everyone we interacted with was friendly and usually surprisingly patient.

We spent the second day mostly window shopping, though Jasper did go into quite a few boutiques. We couldn't afford to buy much, but in a maroquinerie, Jasper fell in love with a leather jacket. I think my jaw may have dropped a little when I saw him in it. Unbelievable as it sounds, Jasper in leather was even sexier than Jasper in a tux. Even the clerk was ooh-ing and aah-ing over him, and I'm positive it wasn't just to make the sale. I split the cost with him, after he made me insist that I would consider it his birthday present, but the truth was, I wouldn't have let him walk out of the store without it. Not only was I looking forward to fall so I could properly ogle him in his new acquisition, but his face just lit up when he had it on. I couldn't deny him anything when he made that face.

I swear, going shopping always seemed to make Jasper horny, so that night I took advantage of his frisky mood as we upped our total of countries we'd had sex in to three.

The third morning, we woke early, packed a backpack for our day trip, and went to the St. Lazare train station.

The train ride to the Normandy region was a little over two hours. Our stop was at the city of Caen. From there, we took a bus to the stop nearest Omaha beach. The day was covered in a fine mist that reflected the melancholy of the location. There were official guided tours, but Jasper said that he didn't think he would be able to handle a tour. He was more interested in getting the feel of the beaches than in being told historical facts that he already knew.

The beach looked like any other coastline, but there was something intangible in atmosphere that made it feel very solemn. I never really seriously considered the existence of ghosts before in my life, but I could feel with surety some spiritual presence on that beach. Whether it came from in me or outside me didn't matter.

Many of the German fortifications still stood in place on the cliffs, providing an ominous threat to the atmosphere. The gun casements looked over a steep slope down to Omaha Beach, making the sheer bravery of the American attack all the more impressive.

We strode in silence, taking in the location. I tried to imagine what it would have been like on that day in 1944. I was almost grateful that I lacked the graphic images to place myself in combat.

Eventually, I could see Jasper visibly relax from his contemplative and reflective disposition, and I knew it would not interrupt him if I asked him about it.

"What are you thinking?"

"The last time a Hale stood on these beaches, he was stepping off a boat. I just can't imagine what it would have felt like, to serve in that kind of combat, under a direct attack, in a war where so many lives were at stake. The world changed on these beaches." He added in a whisper, "and my grandfather was here."

I squeezed his hand and we stood in silence on the beach.

Jasper's Grandfather had landed on Omaha beach as a member of the 29th Infantry division, and was one of the lucky ones to have survived. I knew that his grandfather had died when Jasper was a young boy, but he obviously had a profound impact on Jasper's life. My mom's father had served as a medic in the Korean War, but he never spoke much about his experience. I made a mental note to ask him some questions the next time I saw him, to try to get him to open up. I understood the reluctance to talk about it, especially to someone like me who had no point of reference to understand what experiencing war was like.

"Do you ever regret not joining the marines?" I asked Jasper then.

"Only in that, I wish I could do something that important for my country. My family's disappointment in me still stings a little, but I feel like I owe something to the men fought here, and who gave their lives to something so much greater than themselves," his voice was hushed. "I'll just have to find another way to do it."

We spent some time walking slowly through the American Cemetery, overwhelmed by the sheer number of markers, and ended the excursion with a climb up the slope to the 1st Infantry Division monument. From there, we hitched a ride back to town with a tour group van, then grabbed a very late lunch and waited for the train.

Exhausted from the traveling, the walking and the emotional drainage, as soon as we returned to the hostel, we collapsed onto our makeshift bed and spent the rest of the evening curled up together until we drifted off to sleep.

We did quite a few touristy things during the remainder of the week, like climbing the Eiffel Tower and visiting Notre Dame, the Arc de Triomphe, and the Sacré-Coeur. We took a train out to see Versailles, the extravagance of which I never could have imagined.

We promised Alice, oddly enough a Doors fan, that we would put a flower on Jim Morrison's grave for her, so we spent an afternoon wandering around the maze of the Père Lachaise, trying to find it. Eventually, we did and took a picture for Alice. The giant cemetery was actually very peaceful. Walking around its quiet pathways, you could almost forget you were in one of the largest cities in the world. We found the graves of Georges Bizet, Molière, Pissarro, and Oscar Wilde, and though we only brought flowers for Jim, we paid a silent homage at each one, and I silently thanked them each for their contributions to the world.

One of the most interesting things we did was take a tour of the catacombs that ran under the city. It was creepy as hell, not just seeing skulls and bones embedded in the walls, but being deep underground in the tunnel of a mass grave was rather macabre. I wasn't squeamish by the fact that the bones were the remains of real people who actually walked this earth, but the astonishing number of them and the somber feeling in the atmosphere was chilling. I could tell that Jasper was mesmerized by the experience. Once we returned above ground, we talked about the significance of the bones of peasants being mixed in with the bones of the gentry, all victims of the French Revolution, and mused about the differences with the American ways of dealing with death.

It was an interesting experience, but it wasn't one that I ever needed to have again.

We sat in a café along the Champs-Élysées, sipping cappuccinos and eating pastries one morning near the end of our week, and I couldn't help the huge grin that wouldn't leave my face.

"What are you so happy about?" Jasper's smile matched mine.

"Oh, I don't know. I'm in Paris, sitting across from the man I love, and I don't have school or work or meddling parents or annoying siblings or anything to get in the way of this moment."

He leaned across the small table and took my lips gently in his.

"Je t'aime," he breathed.

"And, I love you," I whispered back. Jasper speaking French made him impossibly sexier.

Even with the landmark visits, we spent a lot of time just walking around, enjoying each other's company, sitting in cafes, perusing open air markets, watching sidewalk artists and shopping from street vendors. Some people dreamed of spending their vacations at coastal resorts, lying in the sand and sipping piña coladas. It wasn't that all of that didn't sound appealing, but I couldn't imagine a better way to spend a week with Jasper than together in Paris.

Our hostel room had a gorgeous view of the city. It looked out directly onto the street, and every morning since we had arrived, I watched the same old man sit outside an unmarked building in a metal chair, sipping a cup of black coffee, watching the pedestrians pass as they headed off to work. A few people stopped by everyday as they passed by, to greet him or chitchat for a few minutes, and it was obvious he was well-known.

The last full day we had in the city, I was watching the old man sip his coffee when an older woman stepped outside of the building, holding a coffee urn. She didn't say anything to the man, she just poured the rest of the coffee into his half-empty cup. Then, she stood next to him with her free hand resting on his shoulder. He raised his own hand to cover hers where it was placed on his shoulder, then tilted his head up to look at her.

The smile they shared was so intimate, I almost had to look away.

At that moment, Jasper came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Someday we'll be old and gray," he murmured into my ear.

"And I'll be giving you the last of the morning coffee while you read the paper," I sighed back.

"No," his kissed my neck. "My Edward keeps the rest of the coffee for himself."

"You know me so well."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

I turned to kiss him. The feeling behind our kiss expressed that for which we didn't possess words.

I felt his fingers twist in my hair as the kiss deepened. I pulled him closer to me. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I reached under his shirt to feel the smooth skin of his back. Our bodies were flush, but I pressed into his back in an effort to bring him even closer to me. He understood my action, and he moved his hand to the base of my neck, holding us together.

Joined at our lips, we merged into one being, our bodies a reflection of our two souls inexplicably connected.

Eventually, we had to stop for breath, and Jasper leaned his head in to nuzzle the crook of my neck.

Every doubt I ever had that our connection was primarily physical vanished from me in that moment. The intense physical attraction we had for each other could be overwhelming at times; our forays into excessive public displays of affection were evidence of that. But, even before I thought being with Jasper was a possibility, it was always more than his body and gorgeous features that drew me to him. The longer we were together, the more I understood that it was because of a connection, stronger than anything I could ever dare to explain.

I knew it would only continue to grow, so long as we gave in and allowed it to.

And I was all in.

The next morning, we had an early flight out of Paris, so I didn't get to see the old man and his coffee. It was so early, the train to the airport was nearly empty as we took our last look at the city of lights while it flashed passed us. Once we were on the plane and had taken off, my initial panic eased, I immediately fell asleep, tucked up against Jasper's side.

When I woke, I got up to go to the bathroom, pissing into the annoyingly small metal toilet bowl. I washed my hands then splashed some water on my face to help wake myself up from the nap that had helped me pass a third of the flight. As I was patting my face dry with a towel, I heard an insistent knock on the bathroom door.

Ugh, obviously the door was locked with the occupied sign flipped up.

"Occupied," I called out.

"I know," Jasper's low voice called back.

I unlocked the door and stepped back as Jasper entered the tiny bathroom.

"Miss me?" I asked.

He pressed himself against me, though there wasn't really an alternative in the tiny bathroom, and roughly shoved his tongue down my throat.

"I want you," he growled.

"What's gotten into you, Jasper?"

He grinned at me and then spun me around and put my hands up so they were pressing against the mirror. He unbuckled my belt and then pushed my jeans down, revealing my bare ass.

"Fuck," he whispered against my ear, giving my ass a light slap. "Do you have any idea how much you were torturing me back there? You must have been having some dream. You were moaning in my ear, and I could see you getting so hard."

I felt a wet finger shove into my asshole.

"Shit," I hissed.

"You're gonna have to try to be quiet Ed, unless you want everyone in the back of the plane to know how good I'm going to make you feel."

A second finger joined the first and he brushed up against my prostate, my hips bucked involuntarily as I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying out.

"You're ready for me aren't you?"

I think I whimpered and nodded. Something about the way I was being manhandled made me unable to think or speak rationally.

He planted a few wet kisses on the back of my neck, spread my legs a little wider, then he entered my tight hole slowly, as usual, and somehow, he had sheathed himself and lubed up without my being aware. He slowly pulled himself out of me, then thrust back in. Digging his fingernails into my hips, he guided himself in and out. His speed increased, and I forgot where we were. I forgot that we were on a tiny plane that I was sure could plummet into the ocean at any time. I forgot my fears, my disappointment at returning to the real world of responsibilities and obligations. I forgot that there were a hundred other people, sitting complacently a thin wall away. I almost forgot to be quiet until Jasper's hand clamped over my mouth.

"Stroke yourself for me, babe," he leaned forward and ordered into my ear.

He didn't need to tell me twice.

The pounding I was receiving was like being completely ravaged. The frantic, desperate speed at which he pummeled into me was positively primeval. I could hardly keep his rhythm as I used my right hand to stroke my cock. As he drove in and out of me with rapid succession, the soft, pleading words, "need you... so much, Ed," escaped his whispering lips. Then, he shifted our position ever so slightly, and it was like a jolt pleasure, hitting me right where I needed it.

My release was building up in me with such force, I couldn't even give Jasper warning before my whole body tensed and released in a torrent of sensation.

When I bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming, I drew blood.

It was worth it.

Jasper collapsed onto my back after his own release, leaving another bite mark on the spot of my shoulder he favored. He was panting so hard, I thought I might have to perform CPR, but then he grinned at me in the mirror and hissed out a slow "fuck."

I was flushed beyond belief and my skin was practically sparkling in a fine sheen of sweat, which I tried to dab off with paper towels after I cleaned up the evidence of my release. But, there was no getting rid of the freshly-fucked look. Jasper was practically dripping with sweat from what felt like an intense workout and squeezed in next to me to splash cool water on his face. Once I was satisfied with the state of my appearance, I left the bathroom.

I returned to my seat, and Jasper followed me out about two minutes later, looking slightly more composed than he had when I exited the tiny room. I think a few of our fellow passengers noticed, but they didn't say anything. The younger woman sitting across the aisle from us looked like she was about to give us each a high five. I curled up next to Jasper as best I could in the tiny airplane seat in a state of post-coital bliss and settled in to watch a movie.

Two movies and some heavy petting under the airplane blanket later, we were approaching Sea-Tac. To distract me on the landing, Jasper made a game of trying to come up with the most ridiculous words for the male anatomy.

"Knob," Jasper started.

"Schlong," I put in.

"Dong."

"Wang."

"Pecker."

"Prick."

"Love muscle," Jasper winked at me.

"Ding dong," I quipped. "And anything of the ding-a-ling variety."

"Johnson,"

"Stamen,"

Jasper rolled his eyes at me.

"Anaconda," Jasper put in. "Or any other trouser snake."

"One-eyed monster,"

"Joystick,"

"Uh... density,"

"I don't know about that one," Jasper questioned.

"I thought you liked my density," I waggled my eyebrows at him.

Jasper rolled his eyes back.

"Okay, fine. Fluxion," I conceded.

"What's a fluxion?"

"It's something that gets subjected to change," I started to explain.

"Stop using science terms!" Jasper scolded.

"Fine, then, how about 'engorgement'?"

"Good one," Jasper nodded. "Uh... hangdown."

We continued what had become a bit of a contest as we went to baggage claim.

"Whammy bar," I pitched in.

Jasper snickered, "What would that make the balls?"

"Uh... wah-wah pedals?"

Jasper nearly doubled over. I thought he would concede defeat, but then he caught his breath,

"Load transferor," he suggested.

I snorted.

"Purple-headed yogurt-slinger!" Emmett's booming voice rang out. I looked up to find my brother, striding across the terminal with Rosalie, rolling her eyes, at his side.

Jasper and I looked at each other and cracked up.

"How did you-?" I gasped out.

"Are you kidding me? I can sense a penis contest a mile away," he continued. "Did you use baloney pony? Kielbasa? Meat popsicle? Tonsil tickler? Baby maker? Tally wacker? Steamin' semen roadway?"

The three of us stood slack-jawed at Emmett's stream of slang.

"Or, I know, wiener!" he started giggling. "I haven't said that since I was a kid," he remarked gleefully.

"All right, all right, you win!" Jasper embraced Emmett in a big hug then moved on to throw his arms around Rosalie.

"Winner and still champion," I said to my older brother. He crushed me in a hug, lifting me off the ground.

"I missed you little brother, but I'm a little disappointed you didn't come back with a British accent," he set me down.

I gave Rosalie a quick hug. Then, Emmett grabbed both of our small suitcases, and we headed toward Emmett's jeep.

Emmett and Rosalie accompanied us to Jasper's place first to drop off his suitcase and see if the luggage we shipped had arrived. The apartment was dark in the living area, but we were only inside for a few minutes when we heard noises from Alice's room. I approached her door to get a closer listen, and then I recognized the noises.

This must have been Fate's design. My punishment for joining the mile high club was to come home only to hear my twin having sex.

How could she not hear us come in?

I rolled my eyes at my three companions, wondering who Alice's summer fling was this time, and we left quickly and went up to my apartment. Bella was not there, but she had made a welcome back sign that she hung up in the kitchen. After living in smaller quarters for so long, and being trapped on an airplane for most of the day, I couldn't get over how big the apartment felt. I paced around between the kitchen, living room and my bed room until Jasper grabbed onto me to hold me still, telling me I was making him dizzy.

It didn't take long for Emmett and Jasper to start in on a round of Wii tennis, with Rosalie on deck to take on the winner, and I settled onto the couch, enjoying the view of Jasper getting into the game from behind.

There was a knock on the front door. I jumped up and pulled the door open to find my sister standing before me, holding the hand of Seth Clearwater.

Tact was not my friend in my jetlagged state, so I blurted out, "Still?"

Alice shot daggers at me. I threw her an apologetic look, but then raised an eyebrow at her. Twin owed me an explanation.

"I mean, it's nice to see you again Seth," I said as I reached out to shake his hand. "You starting at UW this fall?"

I made small talk with Seth, remembering how much I actually liked the kid. He was two years behind us in school, but he had been on the track team with me for two years. He ran distance events as well. Alice definitely needed to fill me in, but I could see that she and Seth got on together really well. He had an infectiously happy disposition, but was a little more relaxed than high-strung Alice. I watched their interactions for a few minutes, and I could tell that Alice was really serious about him. It would be weird to see Alice in a legitimate relationship, but I was glad she found someone who could keep her interest and match her energy. I was so used to just nodding and smiling at whoever she was with, so it would be weird to actually be able to get to know Seth.

I'd have to do my best to make sure Alice didn't screw this up.

Shortly thereafter, Bella arrived home from work. We decided to go out to an early dinner as a group, so we could tell our stories to everyone at once. Jake met us at the restaurant. I knew I'd have to repeat the stories to my parents, but they would probably receive the PG-13 version of it. We had already uploaded and shared a lot of our pictures from the computer lab in our living quarters in Oxford and at an internet café in Paris, so the girls anyway already had some visual ideas about our trip. Even so, we passed our cameras around to help explain.

I hadn't planned on _full_ disclosure, but Alice caught me winking at Jasper when he talked about the weird dance club in Oxford. She smirked at me knowingly, but didn't push it. I knew she'd force a more graphic account of Edward and Jasper's summer in Europe out of me later. Emmett did pester us until we confirmed our membership into the mile-high club.

"I can't believe you beat me to it, little bro," Emmett shook his head. "I thought Alice, maybe, but you? I've never been more proud." He traced a fake tear running down his face.

They were most amused by the pictures from Madame Tussaud's, and Alice squealed so loud when she saw the picture of our flowers on Jim Morrison's gravestone that the restaurant went silent for a split second. We were both amateurs at taking photographs, but some of them turned out quite well, and I planned on getting some printed out to have physical reminders of our summer.

We were going to spend the night in Seattle and then go back to Forks the next day to see our parents and stay for a week before returning to school. I knew it was ridiculous because we had spent every day together for the past two months, but I was a little sad that this would be the last night for a week that I would get to sleep next to Jasper. I was actually surprised at how well we got on together the past two months. We bickered sometimes about little things, before we realized we were being ridiculous. I knew that I could be a little moody, and I knew that sometimes my moods affected Jasper. He was usually very understanding and was able to calm me down.

We were both so committed to being honest with each other that we hadn't let things escalate to a full-blown fight since our anniversary kafuffle. Even when Jasper was wrestling with his drinking issues and what caused them, he tried to be more open about it. Or, at least he would tell me when those things were on his mind, even if, he didn't want to expressly talk about it. We knew when to give each other breathing room.

We were both exhausted and our bodies were 8 hours ahead, so we crashed in my bedroom at an ungodly early hour, and I knew that I would probably be up and ready to go at 4 a.m. Seattle time.

I was right.

We took our time in the morning getting ready for the drive back to Forks, but even with our leisurely pace, Jasper dropped me off at my parents' house at 10 o'clock in the morning. He came in to say hello to my mom, but he left quickly, anxious to see his folks.

I walked him out to his car, and when he kissed me good-bye, the passion in our embrace contained an element of gloom.

Summer was over, and we had to go back to the real world.

* * *

**A/N:** Link to the Titian painting, _Entombment of Christ_, on my profile. I cried when I saw it in person...

**Shameless Plug Alert:** I just posted an entry in the "Whodunit: A Murder Mystery One-Shot TwiContest" hosted by Wide Awake Rehab. My story is a film noir style detective story, taking place in the 1950s, starring one Detective Jasper Whitlock. It's not slash (I know, I know, what's the point?), but I did try to flex my 50s slang muscle... mostly for my own personal amusement. Anyway, check out the contest! Enter your own! Link: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2091631/Whodunit_Contest


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I also don't own Fight Club... they both own me.

**A/N:** I must first thank the fabulous PerfectlyPersuasive for being my comma fairy and for encouraging me to keep going. Second, I have to thank each and every one of you for your reviews, and for adding this story to your favorite and alert lists. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me that you're still sticking with my story. Third, many of you have discovered this already, but I posted the first chapter of this story from Jasper's point of view under the title _Seven More Minutes_. There will be more where that came from in the future... if you like. Now, without further ado...

* * *

As soon as we returned to school, Jasper went to his adviser and officially declared his major in History.

He was taking a ridiculous amount of credit hours, and even though he had most of his Gen-Ed credits taken care of, he still needed to catch up on history courses. Not to mention, that being in France had made him want to pick up a French minor.

As we got into the swing of the semester, I hardly saw him at all, and I was starting to wonder if he felt this way about me all the time. I spent a lot of time hitting the books over the course of our relationship, and the possibility entered my mind that he thought himself second place. Which, of course, was absurd. It was an internal struggle for me, between wanting to spend every moment of every day with the beautiful man I loved and wanting to get into a good med school.

I knew his added course load would be a hard adjustment; especially since, he had been filling his first two years of college with lower level courses. Not to mention he was trying to make a good impression on his professors. I thought he could handle it, though, because even after the first day he was gushing about some of the material he would be covering during the semester.

So, I didn't know what to think the third week of classes when I heard his shaky voice on the phone say the four worst words in the English language: "We need to talk."

I was a mess before he came over to my apartment. Bella had left to go to Jake's; though, she was clearly annoyed at the track I was surely wearing away in the carpet, pacing back and forth across the living room. She reminded me that Jasper loved me, and that she was 100% sure this wasn't a breakup talk. Even though her words rang true, it didn't stop me from repeatedly running my hands nervously through my hair.

When I heard the knock on the door, I had a moment where I considered not answering it, briefly buying into the "if I don't see it, it's not there" philosophy. He knew I was home, though, so I caved and gingerly pulled the door open.

He greeted me with kiss that spoke to me his love, but I was still concerned as he pulled me toward the sofa. He gestured for me to sit, and I complied, angling myself toward him.

"Before you say anything, please, please, don't flip out, Ed," were the first words that came out of his mouth.

"You're really worrying me here, Jasper."

"Let me preface this by saying that I love you. If there's anything I know with certainty, it's that I love you..."

"But? I sense a 'but,'" the panic started to rise in my voice.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm just going to say it - I think I need a break."

"A break," the words formed on my tongue, but I was stunned. What did that mean? How could he say that after just telling me that he loved me? He loved me but he wanted a break from me? Did he want to see other people? Even after the amazing summer we shared? We had been doing so well and had grown so close. I was approaching full blown panic when two hands appeared at either side of my face, holding me steady.

"Not to see other people, love. You're the only one I'll ever want, the thought of you with someone else..." he grimaced. "I just mean that I need some time for myself, to figure all of this shit out. To see if..."

In my moment of panic I hadn't noticed that he was crying. I had only seen him close to crying two other times in my life. I was the weepy one, but here there were tears streaming down his face.

Adonis was crying.

I threw my arms around him, pulling him close to me.

"To see what? I love you, whatever you say won't change that."

"To see if I know who I am without my identity being caught up in yours."

Even after a year and a half, he still felt inadequate. I worshiped the ground he walked on, and he didn't think he was worthy of me.

He continued, his head against my shoulder, his tears leaving damp spots on my shirt. "You've helped me so much, and I'm starting to get my shit together. But, I really- I need to see if I can do it on my own. I think our relationship is really strong now. I have no doubt about that at all... but, we have to make sure we don't stagnate individually."

I didn't say anything at first. I was having a hard time processing everything. I knew that this was obviously important to Jasper, so I stroked his hair gently, resolving myself to hear him out to try to understand why he wanted this. Though, I was quickly thinking of ways I could talk him out of it.

"I have a lot to catch up on and a lot of things I have to sort through about myself. I just- I don't want you to freak out over my distance while I'm getting my head together."

"Why would you-

He straightened and raised a hand to silence me. "I _know_ you, Ed. I know you better than you know yourself. You'll freak out."

"I'm kind of freaking out now." I couldn't keep it in. If Jasper was being honest with me, I should be honest with him.

"Babe, hear me out, please. This is really important to me," his voice cracked.

I took a deep breath and tried to collect my thoughts.

"I'm sorry. I know, Jasper, and I think I understand up to a point. I know you've had a hard time, deciding what you want to do, and that you had to watch me all this time knowing exactly what I want to be doing. You've been so amazing and supportive of me," I squeezed his hand tightly. "I just want to be able to be there for you in the same way. I want to understand why you don't want that."

Jasper took a deep breath and squeezed my hand back, using his other hand to wipe his eyes.

"You need to understand that I have never, ever resented you for knowing what you want to do with your life and pursuing it with such gusto. But, as I'm sure you suspected, I _was_ a little jealous of you because you were so sure of yourself, so confident. I love that about you, but sometimes I wished I could be more like you. Now that things are starting to fall into place for me, and I have a lot of catching up to do, and I just want the chance to build that surety. To have something to back up my confidence. I know that you would support me in any way you could, but I'd still feel like I was feeding off you. I want the support I know you'll give me _after_ I know I can do it on my own."

He paused and looked at me. I could feel my body tensing, but my silence was enough for him to get the rest out.

"You have your research fellowship, so you're going to be busy. Plus, I'm taking way too many credit hours. I don't want to feel guilty for not having a lot of time to spend with you, and I don't want you to feel guilty, either. I don't want spending time together to ever feel like an obligation."

My heart was still beating frantically; though rationally, I understood what he was saying. I started taking deep breaths, and sensing my increasing discomfort, Jasper started rubbing circles on my lower back.

When I caught my breath, I spoke, "But, you're not an obligation. I _love_ you, I would spend every waking moment with you if I could."

Jasper smiled sadly at me.

"I know that, and you know I would, too. But- but, I have to know that I can do this on my own. That- that I can make it without needing... alcohol to rely on."

Oh. I hadn't considered that.

He continued. "And, I need to feel pride in myself. I need my family to be proud of me. I need _you_ to be proud of me. Pride that's not just a result of your love for me."

I wanted to object that he could do all of that and still accept my daily support, but I was starting to understand. He had some demons to wrestle with that he had to conquer on his own. I didn't want to, but I loved him, so I had to accept it. And then he said something that solidified it for me.

"You'll- you'll wait for me, won't you?" his voice was so timid and shy, my heart almost broke.

I had seen Jasper vulnerable on more than one occasion, but I had never seen him look so, well, so scared.

"Oh, Jasper, of course. Of course, I'll wait for you, baby," because it wasn't even a choice.

Then, I realized something. The truth was, I would wait for Jasper until the end of my life if that's what it took. I'd go to the ends of the earth for this man. I didn't have his sweet words to tell him so, but I tried, saying the first thing that popped into my head.

"I can wait forever if you will."

"Did you just quote Air Supply?"

I had been caught. "It doesn't make the words any less true."

"I know it's worth it all, to spend my life alone with you," he recited back, but I could tell from the look in his eyes that he felt the truth ringing through my guilty pleasure song.

Our relationship was for the long haul.

Even though I had agreed to a break, I needed to know his conditions.

"How much of a break do you mean?" I said, failing to mask the resignation in my voice.

"Well, I was thinking that we should at least get together once a week or something, maybe at weekly dinner with the rest of the group, so we can at least get caught up on what's going on."

"That's it?" my voice was meek. "So, we'll go back to being friends of friends?"

"You are my soul mate, Edward. We'll _never_ just be friends. Think of it more like... a fast."

"A fast?"

"Certain Buddhist monks view fasting as a "dhutanga" practice that's ultimately supposed to be invigorating. They adopt fasting to purify their bodies and clarify their thoughts. They practice self-control and attain high levels of spirituality, so ultimately they're better for it, more grounded."

I pondered this for a moment, and had to admit that if I looked at it that way, it didn't sound as terrible. Yet, it still meant that I would be alone.

The despair must have been written all over my face.

"Ed?" he asked.

I nodded, trying to hold the tears back.

"If you ever, ever, feel even an inkling of a panic attack, call me. I won't let my shit get in the way of that. Please, call if you need me, and I'll be here at your side in a heartbeat."

That set off the waterworks.

He held me on the couch for the rest of the evening and eventually tucked me into bed.

He didn't stay.

The next morning my eyes were so red and scratchy from crying that there was no hiding what happened from Bella. She was a little mad at Jasper for springing it on me, but she admitted that she understood where he was coming from.

"Look at you," she said. "You're good at everything. It has to be difficult for him to think he belongs with you."

"You don't think he really feels that way, do you?"

Bella shrugged.

"You don't feel that way, do you?"

She hesitated.

"You and Jasper of all people should know how flawed I am! I'm anxious. I'm moody. I'm kind of a nerd. Other than running, I'm not really athletic. I'm a terrible speller. I tell really bad jokes."

Bella laughed and gave me a hug.

"But you've got to admit," she smiled. "You look good on paper."

I couldn't help but worry about the way Jasper saw me, though.

Anyway, those first few days gave me a lot of time to think about our relationship.

People always seemed to want to know who the dominant one in our relationship was, who wore the proverbial pants, if you will. It annoyed me to no end; it's not as if every gay relationship has to be a stereotype. We were both a mixture of masculine and feminine Jasper, of course, had his shopping habit and knew more about both men's and women's fashion than any straight man ever would. I even made the discovery one day when I was looking for a lost sock that Jasper had a stash of Vogues, both the U.S. version _and_ the French version, under his bed. I jokingly referred to it as his porn collection.

On the other hand, I was pretty certain if a stranger had to pick out one of us as gay, it would be me. I was much more domestic out of the two of us. I cooked. I cleaned, and I even ironed Jasper's dress shirts for him. I liked art and classical music, which people sometimes mistakenly associated as a feminine quality. But, neither of us screamed stereotype.

When it came to our relationship, Jasper was definitely more romantic of the two of us, but I was easily the more emotional. I blamed Jasper for bringing out all of my emotions, but the truth was I actually did cry a lot when I was younger. I just didn't have anyone to cry to, except for Alice. Jasper was so good at reading my moods that he could always pull me out of funks. He was always willing to talk things out, and he could make me melt with his words.

The only way I seemed capable of showing him any romance was with my touch, directing the spark of electricity that seemed to run between us.

Our sexual relationship seemed to be the opposite of the rest of our relationship. When it came to slow, passionate making love, I usually topped for Jasper. He was so good at showing me how much he loved me apart from the physical, it was almost as if, sex was the only way I adequately could. But when it came to fast, hard, dominating fucking, well, that was the way Jasper usually took me. I didn't know if it was a reflection of him feeling like I was more dominant in the rest of our relationship. Because despite my housekeeping skills, I was in the more "breadwinner" role career-wise, but I hoped not.

When it came down to it, the truth was, we were partners.

I wondered if that wasn't the way Jasper saw it.

The first few weeks passed in a blur. I was so busy with my research internship and classes that I didn't have a lot of extra time. So I plugged away, getting up in the morning going to school, going to the lab, coming home, doing homework.

Lather.

Rinse.

Repeat.

I thought I was doing all right given the circumstances, but I obviously wasn't hiding it as well as I imagined. One evening the second week, or maybe the third, Alice came over for dinner, and she and Bella sat me down, calling me out on my behavior, or lack there of.

"You're a zombie," Bella said.

"I'm getting all my work done. What more do you want?" was the best reply I could come up with.

Then, it was Alice's turn.

"Don't get mad at me for saying this," she prefaced.

I narrowed my eyes at my twin, but then I saw her expression and resigned.

"I promise," I said.

"Jasper loves you. He wants to be a better man for you. He's doing this for himself, yes, but ultimately it's for the betterment of your relationship."

I nodded, because she was right.

I was being selfish, and I knew it.

"Maybe... I don't know," she continued. "You could take this as an opportunity to do something for yourself, too. Not with work or school or anything, but take up a hobby or spend more time with your sister and your best friend."

"Hint, hint," Bella broke in.

Alice smiled and continued, "Something to get you out of the house and out of this moping phase."

I scooted across the couch and gave her a hug, and then Bella came and threw her arms around both of us.

"And, if I hear 'Pictures of You' one more time, I'm gonna kill you," Bella added.

I shook my head at her dislike of The Cure, but vowed to make an effort to spend more time with both of them.

We established a movie night every Sunday, just the three of us, which mostly ended up in us talking about our respective boyfriends. I officially knew way more about Jake and Seth than I ever wanted to, but it was fun to dish about Jasper, even though it always made me wistful when I had to make everything in the past tense. Bella was as horrified as Alice was impressed when I told them Jasper and my forays into public sex acts.

When I told them the Seattle Art Museum story, Alice shrieked with laughter.

"You did _not_ tell some stranger to pay for the peep show!"

"Oh, I did, and had he stuck around a minute longer he would have gotten the money shot."

"Who knew it would take getting a blow job in a public bathroom for you to grow a pair," she shook her head.

I started getting used to being a third, sometimes fifth, and once even a seventh wheel. It was high school all over again, all my friends paired off, and I alone. The difference now, though, was that I knew what I was missing, so every stolen glance, every caress, every hug, every kiss I witnessed was increasingly more painful. I could hardly stand to be around Emmett and Rosalie, but I did my best to hide it.

One of the things I did truly enjoy, however, was spending more time with Seth. I had hesitated at first because of Alice's terrible track record with boyfriends, but he was starting to become like the kid brother I never had. The two of us started running together in the mornings at the school's track, and I noticed that my times were starting to improve, almost to my speeds in high school, because of the way he pushed me. One afternoon, I met him on campus for a late lunch when he informed me that he had to go take a few photos of the latest donation to the music department for the school's paper. He asked if I wanted to tag along, and I readily agreed. I had a two hour break before my last class of the day and didn't feel like doing any work.

It turns out that the donation was in the form of two beautiful Steinway grand pianos.

The music director had already been interviewed by one of the paper's reporters, but he stayed to chat with Seth and me after letting us into the room. Once he found out that I had been playing the piano since I was 5 years old, he implored me to sit down and try out the instrument.

"Really? This piano cost more than a year's worth of rent."

"They were donated to be used in performance, not as objets d'art," he replied. "Go ahead, son."

I sat down before the beautiful black and ivory keys, pausing to give him one last chance to object. Seeing the director's eagerness, I closed my eyes and put my fingers to the keys. Since the only time I played anymore was on my parent's piano, I assumed I would be a bit rusty. But, it all came pouring back, and Chopin started flowing from my fingertips.

When I opened my eyes, Seth's jaw was hanging open and the music director had a smile on his face.

"That was lovely," he said to me.

"I didn't know you could play the piano!" Seth exclaimed. "That was awesome."

"You know, there are practice rooms in this building for students to sign out. You should keep up with your practicing."

"Thanks," I said sheepishly, both for the praise and for being scolded about not practicing. It was like piano lessons all over again. Though, I had forgotten how good it felt to play. I decided to take him up on the offer and come back to the practice rooms sometime.

Gaining a new friend in Seth helped. I had also met up with Angela a few times since returning state side. She and Bella were actually in two of the same classes this semester and hit it off without my having to introduce them.

Even though I did appreciate my new and old friends taking me under their wings and trying to distract me from the gaping absence from my life, it still didn't remotely fill the hole. Seeing him once a week just wasn't enough. I almost gave in a few times and was going to call him because I couldn't bear to spend the night alone, but I was able to stop myself. In one weak moment about a month into the break, I almost feigned a panic attack. But that was low, even for me, so I decided that I should keep the communication ball in his court.

One Thursday night in mid-October, I got a phone call from him.

"Jasper?"

Silence.

"Jasper, is everything okay?"

"Ed..." his voice was at a whisper.

"Jasper what's wrong?"

"Can you come over?" his voice sounded like gravel.

I was out the door before he finished the question.

"I'm on my way."

I knocked on the door and it swung open.

The man before me barely registered to me as Jasper. His hair was in complete disarray. He looked almost feral. He grabbed my hands and pulled me down to the couch.

Then I smelled alcohol.

"I'm so sorry," were the first words out of his mouth.

"Don't apologize to me, love," I whispered. "Why don't you explain what happened?"

He nodded sadly.

"It was just too much, midterms, papers, all the reading I'm getting behind on. I haven't been working out regularly. I have no social life to speak of other than when Alice and Seth drag me out of the house. So, when Paul called and asked me to come over to watch the Thursday night game, I thought it couldn't hurt. And at first I didn't have anything to drink, I just wanted to watch the game and relax a little."

He trailed off and put his head in his hands.

"And, then, Paul's girlfriend Rachel came over and was celebrating her LSAT results, and she poured everyone a shot of whiskey... and I refused at first, I did... but then it was in front of me, and- and..."

His eyes still wild in their expression.

"I've been so good. I've made it seven months, and I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to drink. I didn't feel pressure to drink. They're my friends. They don't care if I do or not. It was just like- like I knew I was going to, so I just gave in. And, I couldn't stop at just one."

I didn't feel qualified to deal with this based on the four classes I had taken toward my psychology minor, but he needed me. I needed to make him feel better about himself, so I crawled onto his lap, straddling him but sitting back at his knees.

"I know that you are okay being around people drinking and not feeling pressured to join, so I don't think that's it."

He idly began to trace circles on my knee with his left hand.

"I don't think it is either," he whispered. "I think it's just easier to blame the booze than to blame myself."

"Baby, don't beat yourself up too much. It's not easy taking on everything you're doing. You can't try so hard for everything to be perfect or come easy. There's always going to be setbacks. You just have to learn from them and move on. Not to mention, when you put yourself down, you're talking about the man I love, and no one talks to my Jasper that way."

"When did you become so wise?" he teased, reaching up to brush a hair out of my face.

"You know I test at genius levels," I smirked.

He raised an eyebrow. "Genius, huh?"

I nodded.

In a sudden whirlwind of movement, I was being lifted and flipped onto my back onto the couch. Then, Jasper's body became like a cage, locking my legs in place with his and holding my wrists together above my head with one of his hands.

"All right, genius," his smile was positively wicked. "Get out of this."

I did the only thing I could and raised my hips up to meet his. I didn't know if this was okay, part of the break included a break from our physical relationship, but the way he was positioned on top of me, I just couldn't help it.

"Ed," he implored me, letting go of my wrists, not knowing what the right thing to do in this situation was.

I was horny and reduced once again to jerking off in the shower for release, if he was looking at me to stop then he was barking up the wrong tree. I grabbed his ass and held him steady as I continued to rub against him, thrusting my hips upward. The denim was getting in my way, so I unbuttoned his khakis and pushed them down below his hips. I unbuttoned my own jeans and pushed them down as Jasper unbuttoned my shirt, but I couldn't wait for any further clothing removal before rubbing up against him again.

My need was immediate. I couldn't stop. My one track mind took over.

Need friction.

Need Jasper's friction.

Need to feel Jasper's body against mine.

Need Jasper to consume me.

I was desperate at this point, and I forced the weight of his body down on mine as I continued to essentially dry-hump him into oblivion. His lips attacked my neck. Normally I would have pushed him to a less visible part of my body to leave his marks.

But, I didn't care.

I wanted him to consume me, and I was more than willing to appreciate the irony and take that literally.

His needs were secondary to me at this point, so I was startled when I heard a familiar growl in my ear.

"Can't hold it in," he managed to get out.

"Let go," I hissed back. "Cum, baby."

I was holding onto to him so tightly, I could almost feel his orgasm rip through him, which forced mine out of me almost violently, spraying into my boxer shorts. His body collapsed onto mine. I couldn't have moved him off of me if I wanted to, so I just wrapped my arms around him and tried to commit the feeling of his body on mine to memory.

Eventually, my body began to grow numb, and, reluctantly, I had to move. He sighed sadly and got off me. I could tell we both feel the loss when we had to break contact. I tried to gather myself together.

"We're still on a break?" I said, raising my voice at the end to make it into a question as I buttoned my shirt.

"It's important to me, Ed," his voice was serious.

"I know, Jazz. I think it's important for both of us."

He smiled at me then and whispered, "You never call me 'Jazz'."

It was Jasper's childhood nickname and what Jasper's family still called him, and, somehow, I never felt like it was my place to use it. Just like I never called Rosalie by 'Rose.'

"Do you mind?"

He shook his head, "I love it."

After a quick clean up and a wistful kiss goodbye, I left Jasper's apartment and walked back over to my own. When I got there, Bella and Jake were curled up together on the couch, watching a movie. They looked so sweet together, his large frame gently cradling her in his arms as she leaned against his chest. I knew they had their problems in the past, but they always worked through them. It was only then that I really understood that the break _was _temporary. It seemed terrifying and surreal before, but I knew that Jasper would find his way.

It was just going to take time.

The weeks trudged on, and I tried my best to keep my head up.

I still saw Jasper once a week when we all got together for dinner.

Bella and I had started cooking those dinners together instead of competing, and it was fun to share the kitchen with her. We would sometimes criticize each other's chopping or sautéing methods. I secretly wondered if Bella thought I was a better cook than she, because she seemed to take great pleasure in telling me when there was a better way to do what I was doing.

Both, because of the time I got to spend with Bella and because that was the only day of the week I was able to see Jasper, I started looking forward to those days more than any other.

After that night at his apartment, I couldn't completely refrain from affection when Jasper was in my presence. We would hold hands at the table, and he would always kiss me good-bye and tell me he loved me. It was the epitome of bittersweet.

But, my nights were lonely.

I wasn't sleeping well, at all.

I would toss and turn.

I would think about Jasper and miss the delicious feeling of his body against mine.

I would worry about him.

I understood why he needed the break, I really did. He knew I loved him. He knew I would protect him. I think he knew that I would always need him. What I wasn't sure was if he knew that, I would always support him in whatever he did, on whatever path his life would take.

He was so used to being a disappointment. Even though I know his parents probably never once uttered the word "disappointment" to him, but he knew what their expectations for their children were. More importantly, he knew that he didn't fit those expectations.

So, I would lie in my bed and stare up at the ceiling, wondering how I could show Jasper how proud I was of the man he had become. To show him that it didn't require "accomplishments" or a "good job," or any of the things he felt his parents pushed him toward. I needed to show him that he made me want to always be better, and despite my own self-assurance, I still needed to feel worthy of him, too.

I was lousy at this sort of thing.

And, it kept me up at night.

I couldn't stand being in the quiet apartment when I couldn't sleep, and because I didn't want to bother Bella with noise, I started going to campus late at night. The music director gave me a key to one of the practice rooms at the music building, so I could go in and play when the department office wasn't open. Unfortunately, I didn't have access to the beautiful grand pianos. Though, the upright in the practice room was in tune and I developed a good rapport with it.

It felt good to rejoin with that part of myself that I had let slip away. If there could be a bright spot during our break, it was that reconnection with my old hobby. I had hated being forced into piano lessons as a kid; though, they were more tolerable than the ballroom dancing lessons. But, there was something that happened when I played the piano. The rest of the world vanished, andI could get lost in making the notes come to life. Though, I almost always had music playing around me, there was something different about creating it. It was probably the only time that I could get Jasper out of my head.

It helped me to remember that there was more than school and relationships. It made me think that maybe there was something to Jasper's worry that his identity was caught up in mine and my identity caught up with his. It was possible that I was starting to lose myself as well. Playing the piano at 3 o'clock in the morning made me realize that I needed the time for myself to tap into my creativity that I had let go dormant. Maybe, our relationship was lacking in balance.

Maybe, I was lacking in balance.

It was an epiphany of sorts.

Even so, it didn't make the insomnia go away.

If anything, it made it worse.

On the bright side, I wasn't moping anymore, and I was surprisingly functioning.

The first month I slept poorly, but after our brief reunion, I started only sleeping about 3 or 4 hours a night.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep it up.

It was a two-way street.

On the one hand, the lack of sleep left me sort of high, which in turn helped me cope a little with the loss of the other part of me that made me whole.

On the other hand, it was almost as if my body was trying to punish me, making our break seem longer by not letting me pass it in a timeless state of unconsciousness for 8 hours every night.

By the time Thanksgiving break rolled around, I had determined that I had not gotten more than 4 hours of sleep in a single night in 38 days.

I remembered the line in _Fight Club_ where the main character said that when you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake.

That's exactly how I felt.

Even with the amount of time spent at Jake's, Bella knew I wasn't sleeping much. My twin could also tell by the dark circles under my eyes, but because I wasn't acting depressed or distraught by it they eventually stopped nagging and trying to give me sleeping pills and melatonin. I knew Jasper's distance wasn't my fault per se, but I still felt like this was penance.

Thanks to coffee and B12, I was able to stay alert during my classes, and dexterous enough to do my lab work for my internship, but I could see myself getting a lot clumsier. One evening, Bella refused to let me chop vegetables for a stir fry because she was afraid I would cut myself.

Then, for Thanksgiving break, when Alice, Emmett and I all drove back to Forks together they both refused to let me drive, even though we took my Volvo.

I was hoping that being at home would cause enough disturbance to my brain that it would help me sleep. I always slept well in my old bed, in the dark and quiet that could only be found in a small town.

Wednesday night, I slept six hours and only woke up once during that time.

It felt like an eternity.

Then, at 5 a.m. Jasper overtook my thoughts, and I gave up on sleeping late.

We were having Thanksgiving with just the five of us this year. My mom's family lived on the other side of the country, and my dad's brother lived over seas. Seth was spending Thanksgiving with his family as well as the Swans and the Blacks down in La Push, and the Hales were hosting all their extended family and close friends that lived in the area. I was certain that Seth and Rosalie would eventually wind up here before the evening was out.

I tried not to be bitter for my happy siblings.

I was only borderline successful.

Thanksgiving was always one of my favorite holidays. We never had a plain old traditional meal. My mom and I would take the opportunity to try out ridiculous gourmet recipes. Alice would over-decorate the table with an elaborate centerpiece, and Emmett and dad would stay out of our way. We'd eat our midday meal on fine china and drink good wine.

This year was no different. My mother had the crazy idea of making goose along with mushroom and wild rice stuffed acorn squash, orange and honey-glazed carrots, a green bean and fennel salad, and sweet potato pie for dessert. My mom and I cooked and baked all morning, while Alice sat at the counter doing something with a hot glue gun and leaves. Conversation was easy, and my mom and my sister were kind enough to steer the conversation away from boys and relationships.

We sat around the table around 1, but before we could eat, it was my mother's tradition to force us to say what we were thankful for this year. Fortunately, it was Emmett's tradition to say something horribly raunchy to ruin the tradition. Last year he was thankful that I had finally gotten laid.

I don't know why mom let him start this year.

Luckily, I wasn't Emmett's target this time. "I'm thankful that Alice finally has a steady boyfriend, so I don't have to be worried about catching something when I use her bathroom."

Alice shrieked and smacked Emmett across the chest. I caught my dad's eye, and we both cracked up. I could even see my mom's shoulders shaking as she tried to hold it back.

Eventually, she composed herself, or so I thought.

"So, it's going to be one of those years is it?" my mother smirked. She actually smirked. "Well, then I'm thankful that your father cut back some of his evening hours at the hospital so the two of us can really enjoy our empty nest."

Emmett spit the sip of wine he had just taken back into his glass.

"Mom!" he whined.

Alice stood and leaned across Emmett to give mom a high five.

"My turn?" I raised an eyebrow as I scanned across my family, receiving consent. "Well, I'm thankful that I've now had sex in three countries _and_ over international waters, so I finally have bragging rights over Emmett for something that he actually cares about."

Emmett shook his head sadly, and this time, my dad gave me a high five. Then, it was his turn.

"I'm thankful that even after 24 years, Esme still enjoys performing fellatio," my dad said matter of factly.

My mom winked across the table.

Emmett just about choked.

I probably should have been weirded out by the turn our giving thanks had taken, but I had already walked in on my sister having sex and witnessed every other possible kind of PDA from Emmett and Rosalie over the past four years. And, I obviously wasn't shy about showing Jasper affection. I was happy that my parents still had a physical relationship.

Alice cleared her throat.

"Well, I'm thankful that Seth is hung and knows how to use it. Because I really like him, and I wouldn't want that to be the deal-breaker."

Emmett's mouth dropped open, my dad shook his head, and my mom just sat there laughing.

"Alice for the win!" I shouted, and I reached across the table for a twin fist-bump.

After that, there was nowhere for the conversation to go _except_ up out of the gutter, so we tucked into the meal and talked about past Thanksgivings, the pending bowl games and NFL playoffs, and how all of our school work was coming along. Emmett was student teaching this year, so he had some interesting stories about the inner city high school students he had gotten to know. The stories of what some of those kids had to go through were heartbreaking, and I could see that even Emmett's eyes were misty as he shared their stories.

After the meal, Emmett and dad were in charge of cleaning up, so the three of us settled in to watch the second football game of the day. Mom, Alice and I appreciated the stereotype reversal.

We stayed together as a family in the living room. The game was a blowout, so we put in a sappy holiday movie and watched it together. Emmett and I couldn't refrain from mocking it, and Alice kept yelling at us to knock it off until Emmett decided that he was hungry again and went into the kitchen for leftovers. I accompanied him, if just to get away from the feel-goodery.

"Do you think goose tastes as good in a sandwich as turkey?" Emmett asked.

I grabbed the goose meat from Emmett and went to work making him a goose panini with sautéed mushrooms and peppers.

I decided to forgo self-control and sat down with him to eat another piece of sweet potato pie.

"Knock, knock," I heard a familiar voice as the front door opened with Rosalie's arrival.

"In here, babe," Emmett called from the kitchen, his mouth full of sandwich.

Rosalie waltzed into the kitchen and jumped into Emmett's arms. I could sense their affection taking a more private turn, so I cleared my throat loudly. They both turned to look at me sheepishly, but I knew it was more out of pity than shame.

I didn't say anything, but looked at Rosalie expectantly. She knew what my inquisitive expression was for and she answered me with my having to ask.

"He's doing okay, I think. He was going to have a talk with dad about a few things as I was leaving. He said to tell you that he might need to call you later,"

I nodded and made sure my phone was on in my pocket.

Alice had overheard my conversation with Rosalie as she flitted into the kitchen. She gave Rosalie a hug, but then turned to me and put a hand on my arm.

"It's going to be soon, Eddie, I just know it."

My parents joined us in the kitchen and began to ask Rosalie how her Thanksgiving was and how her family was doing. I didn't want to hear it, so I slipped out of the room. I planned to go upstairs and mope in my old bedroom with some of my sad bastard music, but there was a knock on the front door before I got halfway up the stairs. I came back down and pulled it open, revealing Seth. He was toting a few containers of Tupperware, one of which contained a giant slice of pecan pie that he handed to me.

"Bella saved it for you. She said it was your favorite," I smiled at him and nodded. It was my favorite, but I knew that's not why Bella sent it. She knew that I would be sad and had Seth bring it to me to cheer me up.

Resigning myself to tolerate my family awhile longer, I led Seth into the kitchen. I tuned out the round of questions Seth received until everyone piled into the living room for more, sappy holiday movies. I didn't want to mope, and I loved being able to spend time with my family. I just didn't feel whole. But, I thought about how kind my family had been to me all day, everyone carefully danced around things that would remind me about the break. So, I decided I could put off my moping until everyone went to bed. Instead, I went to the freezer and pulled out some vanilla ice cream, adding a huge dollop to the slice of Bella's decadent pecan pie still in the Tupperware, grabbed a fork, and headed to join them. Was I comfort eating? Yes. Did I care? No.

Seth was sitting in an arm chair with Alice curled up on his lap. Rosalie and Emmett were practically lying on top of each other on the love seat. My parents were snuggled together under a blanket on one end of the couch. So, I took the other end of the couch, and got up close and personal with my favorite baked good.

My mom had chosen to watch a movie about a bunch of grown children coming home for Christmas, and I was pleasantly surprised, when I realized I was getting into it.

Then, there was a knock on the front door.

"Who would be calling so late?" My mom questioned.

Everyone else looked so comfortable, paired off as they were, that I agreed to answer the door.

I swung it open, and there he stood.

His eyes were red and puffy, and I figured that he probably had a heart to heart with his father. When he changed his major initially he didn't tell his parents. Rosalie was going to be an engineer, and I think he thought they would be disappointed that he was going into the humanities. It wasn't a "real" job to them. It wasn't something tangible. By the tears, I knew that there were still some lingering issues with his sexuality and our relationship that had probably also come out in the talk. Even behind the redness, the expression in his grey-blue orbs told me that it was okay, and he had never been more beautiful to me. Despite how much it hurt being away from him, maybe without him ever really realizing it, I loved him so much.

He threw his arms around me.

Lips were on mine.

I pulled away. I needed to know what this meant.

"No more break?" I asked.

"No more break," he confirmed.

Never mind my family in the next room, my Adonis was _mine_ once again. I pressed myself up against him, snaking my arms under his coat and wrapping them around his waist. I needed to be close to him, to touch him and make sure he was real. Just the feel of him so close sent my hormones raging, and the blood in my body rushed to my crotch. I was grinding roughly into him and he reciprocated, thoroughly, denim against denim.

I could hear footsteps approaching.

"Who is it dear? Oh!"

We turned, and there stood my mom, wrapped in a blanket, staring at us red faced.

"Jasper! It's nice to see you, dear," she managed to compose herself enough to say. "I'll just leave the two of you to your reunion. Perhaps you'd like to go down to the basement, for privacy?"

I loved my mom.

We both nodded, unable to speak without laughing, and hurried down to the basement. As soon as we reached the bottom of the stairs, we both cracked up.

"Did your mom just tell us to have sex?"

I laughed. "I think she did."

"I'll try not to let that spoil the mood," Jasper growled.

He tackled me onto one of the sofas, continuing the grinding motion we had started upstairs, this time horizontally. We tore off our clothes quickly. We were careless and frantic. Relearning the parts of his body I loved and all his erogenous zones would have to wait for some other time.

I wasn't trying to cling to him or hold on to him this time. I knew he was mine, and I needed him to fuck me. I needed to connect with him on the most basic level, so we could build on that essential foundation.

I couldn't help but laugh when he pulled a bottle of lube out of his pocket, always the Eagle Scout, always prepared.

I got on my knees on the couch and let my upper body rest on the back and Jasper stood behind me. Entering me as quickly as he would allow himself to without hurting me, and then he pounded into me.

It was a quickie in every sense of the word. Before I knew it, I was spilling into his hand that was reaching around me. Jasper came moments later, and I smiled, knowing that he had been holding back so that I could climax first.

I felt a weight lift off me afterward and relaxed contentedly back into Jasper's arms as he sunk down into the couch.

I was sure that no one would dare come downstairs until one of us surfaced, but even so, I pulled my boxers back on. I lay back down on the couch, pressed back against Jasper's chest as he held me. I was trying to slow my fluttering heart rate as I lazily scanned the room. When my eyes landed on the closet door I started laughing.

"Mmm..." Jasper said, his lips were pressed against my shoulder, so his voice was muffled.

"Remember that closet?"

He pulled his head back and laughed at me. Then, he sat us both up.

"You know, I think we owe that closet seven minutes."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me, this time toward the closet.

We made out like teenagers against holiday decorations and old coats.

It lasted a lot longer than seven minutes, but assuredly, it was heaven.

* * *

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Also, I'm sure all of you slash lovers know this, but Angstgoddess003 and Pastiche Pen are hosting a Slash One-Shot contest: (dot)net/community/The_Slash_Backslash_Contest/74941/  
I have a couple more entries in my head that I may submit... I need to find another way for Charlie to get laid...


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... or a family as nutty as the Hale clan.

**A/N:** Thank you all so much for your patience on this update. A combination of real life, writer's block and my general state of malaise was holding me back. (I'm horribly behind on my reading, too :( ) I will finish this story and have an outline to do so, it just may take me longer than I would like or would have expected. I have to thank each and every one of you who continues to read, review and add this story to favorite and alert lists. I couldn't do this without all of your encouragement! A special thanks to BeCullen and naelany who went back and reviewed every chapter! You truly astound me.

And, an uber-special thank you to PerfectlyPersuasive for betaing this and cleaning up my wordy messes!

And now, it's time to celebrate Christmas with the Hales...

* * *

I was standing in front of an old ranch house, my stomach twisting in knots, my hair taking another beating with the way I was tugging on it. All because I was spending Christmas with the entire Hale clan.

In Texas.

Thank god Emmett was with me; we Cullen brothers needed to put on a united front.

It was important to both Jasper and I that I meet his family. I was trying not to go in with a judgmental attitude, but I knew that they played a role in Jasper's insecurities. After our reconciliation at Thanksgiving, Jasper opened up a little more to me about his family. He tried to explain to me what it meant to be in the military and about growing up in the shadow of expectations he knew he could never meet. He nearly broke down when he told me that during his heart to heart with the Colonel on Thanksgiving, he found out his Grandfather Hale had been an alcoholic. It was important to me to understand Jasper's roots, and knowing what I knew now made me even more proud of the man he had become. I wanted his family to like me, but at the same time, it was hard for me not to point my finger at the people who crushed my love's individuality before he even knew he had it to express.

Luckily, my Jasper, with the help of a few sessions with a counselor, was starting to crawl out from under the shadow of his family's legacy.

I would have been a nervous wreck anyway without being privy to Jasper's family history.

I was worried about being around some of Jasper's relatives who thought homosexuality was a choice, and an immoral choice at that. Then, I was fretting that I wouldn't be able to keep my trap shut and not tell them off. That thought brought up my concern about being in a state with lax gun control law. This led to my worried that Colonel Hale would pull a shotgun on me if I touched Jasper. Not to mention, I was also freaking out that I'd die if I couldn't be in such a stressful situation and not be able to touch Jasper.

The only thing keeping me sane was the fact that Emmett was there. Emmett and Rosalie were sometimes _very_ affectionate in front of other people. If they could keep their hands off of each other for a few days, then surely I could keep my distance from Jasper.

Plus, Emmett was planning on proposing to Rosalie on Christmas day. He had already asked Colonel Hale for permission, which was reluctantly granted to him on the caveat that Grandma Hale also approved. Somehow, knowing that tough, stern Colonel Hale was a mama's boy endeared the man a little more to me. Though my parents and Alice knew about the proposal, other than the Colonel, I was the only person here who knew Emmett was going to ask for Rosalie's hand.

From what I understood, the daughters and granddaughters in the Hale family were fiercely protected. Though, I found it a bit outdated and sexist, I was glad that some of the heat would be shoveled off onto Emmett. We still had two days before Christmas day, so I was pretty sure I would be up first on the chopping block.

I had only been around Jasper's parents a few times since we started dating, mostly in passing or in public places. My parents had them over for dinner when Jasper and I returned from Europe. The last time I saw them was only a few weeks before; they had been in Seattle for some reason and took Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett, Alice, Seth and me out to dinner. Alice had been friends with Jasper for years and was the only one of us Cullen kids who wasn't intimidated by the Colonel. In fact, she seemed to have Colonel Hale wrapped around her little finger. Maybe, it was because she wasn't sleeping with either of his children, or maybe, Alice's joie de vivre was just that infectious. I couldn't help but wonder if Jasper's parents secretly hoped that Jasper would end up with the other Cullen twin, instead of me.

Even though Jasper assured me that his parents both liked me, it didn't make me any less nervous about being in a whole house full of Hales.

For five, long days.

My own family was planning on having Christmas when Emmett and I returned and when my mom's family could fly in, but it was a little weird not spending Christmas at home. Even after Alice assured us that she would be obnoxiously giddy for all three of us on Christmas morning, it still wasn't going to be the same.

Sometimes, being an adult kind of sucked.

Emmett knew I hated flying but was not about to cuddle with me, so instead he decided to distract me on takeoff and landing by flicking my ear the way he used to when I was a kid. He would taunt me by keeping his finger hovering at my ear, but not touching it, ready to strike, and then pulling the finger back, so when I didn't expect it his hand would dart out and flick my ear. "Sneak attacks" as he liked to call them. It proved effective. I was so busy trying to dodge his assault I hardly even noticed my ears popping, though I think the people sitting around us were more than happy to get off the plane.

Rosalie and Jasper met us at the airport. It had only been a week since I had last seen Jasper, and I was prepared to greet him in a reserved manner to get myself in the mindset I was going to have to be in for the next five days. But, as soon as I saw him, I couldn't refrain, and I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him thoroughly. I was so glad that he and Rosalie were alone and not with any accompanying family members. The dirty looks from the fellow travelers were enough.

Welcome to Texas.

Jasper drove us to his grandmother's house, his hand reaching over and resting on my knee for the entire drive. As we got closer to our destination, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. I wanted time to slow down, and would have been perfectly happy to spend the next five days in this car alone with Jasper.

Unfortunately, time seemed only to speed up, and before I knew it, we were there, standing in front of an old, southern ranch house. My hand was gripping Jasper's so tightly, he had to nudge me to loosen my grip.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"It's going to be okay, babe," he whispered into my ear. The feel of his warm breath against my ear made a shiver run down my spine, and my thoughts began to drift elsewhere, which served both to relax and excite me.

As we approached the door, I tried to let his hand go, figuring it was too much affection, but he gripped it firmly and grinned at me. Before I could argue, the door swung open and my senses were bombarded with Christmas decorations, the smell of apple cider and cinnamon, and a small, stout 80-year-old woman throwing her arms around me.

This was Grandma Hale.

"Edward, dear," her voice was strong. "I'm so happy to meet the man who captured my little soldier's heart."

I was going to have to ask Jasper about this nickname later, for now I put on my best polite face.

"Well, ma'am. I do love your grandson, more than anything in this world, and I'm happy to meet the woman who keeps him in designer jeans."

She grinned up at me, and I knew I had her approval.

She insisted that I call her "Granny", gestured for me to come in and make myself at home, and then it was Emmett's turn to pass inspection. Emmett, of course, wowed Granny by lifting her up off the ground when he hugged her, but I could tell that she was a little more skeptical of him. They had met before, but now that his relationship with Rosalie was obviously more serious, the scrutiny was more apparent. It was clear that she was a bit more protective of her granddaughter than her grandson. Once we were inside, Granny started dishing out directions.

"Edward, you'll be sharing with Jasper in his Uncle Peter's old room," Grandma Hale said to us.

I coughed. I was certain that I was going to have to pass these next five days sharing a pull out sofa with Emmett.

"Are you sure it's okay for us to share a room?" I asked.

"Well, can I trust you two not to screw when this house is full of guests?"

I think my mouth dropped open, but Granny was grinning at me as she spoke. I knew that if she could dish it, she could take it.

So, I said, "We've never let that stop us before."

Jasper's face turned a shade of red I had never seen on him before, but Grandma Hale just threw back her head and gave a deep laugh.

Yes, I definitely had an ally in Grandma Hale.

The double standard continued however, because Emmett was relegated to a couch in the den he would share with Chuck, whoever that was, and Rosalie would continue sharing a room with her cousin Victoria, who was close to her in age and visiting from college in Virginia.

The house seemed quiet, and I was informed that Jasper's parents and the other family members that were staying in the house were at another relative's house for the annual family Thirty-one tournament, whatever that is. Jasper grabbed my bag from me, and I followed him upstairs while Grandma Hale led Emmett to the den.

Once inside the room, Jasper tackled me to the bed and straddled my waist.

He kissed me playfully then sat up.

"I can't believe you said that to my Grandmother," he laughed.

"I can't believe she asked about our screwing!"

He laughed and leaned forward to kiss me more deeply this time.

"Jazz," I groaned. "Don't start what you can't finish."

"Oh, I'll finish," he said against my lips. "But, apparently, I have to wait until my entire family is under this roof, cuz that's the way you like it."

Then he jumped off me and hurried toward the door, leaving me in a half-finished state.

Not to be outdone, I quickly leaped to the door and trapped him between my arms against the wall beside the door before he had a chance to pull it open.

I rubbed my pelvis against his as I pressed my entire body into him while snaking my hands behind him to grab his ass. "Not so fast," I paused. "Little soldier."

I gave his ass a final squeeze and then opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

I figured I had won until I felt his arms come around me. I tried to brace myself, because I knew I was in for a wrestling takedown. He got me to the ground, so I was on my hands and knees and he was trying to flip me over when I heard Emmett's voice call up the stairs.

"Stop fooling around and get your butts downstairs!"

It was the cleanest language I had ever heard Emmett use regarding mine and Jasper's relationship. Granny must have been nearby.

We went downstairs to the living room while Grandma Hale gave Emmett and me the third degree. She asked us about our parents, our relatively small extended families, and our childhoods. She seemed impressed when I told her that I was going into cancer research, but Emmett shot me a dirty look.

I had forgotten.

The Hale family was less than impressed that Rosalie was dating a man who was planning on becoming a public school teacher. Emmett was great around high school kids, probably because he was sort of stuck in that mentality and could relate to them, not to mention, he also wanted the chance to coach wrestling. It wasn't that the Hales disapproved of the teaching profession, per se, Emmett had explained to me. Nevertheless, they considered teaching a "feminine"job, and didn't like that Rosalie, who was studying mechanical engineering, would always be the main breadwinner. I guess, they were stuck in the mentality that a man has to bring home the bacon, having his woman cook it up. I wonder which one they consider the "woman" in mine and Jasper's relationship?

I changed the topic as best I could, and Emmett looked grateful to have the heat off him. After the questions stalled, Granny got up to get us some cider. I cleared my throat, and thankfully Emmett took the bait, hopping up to help.

I was sitting in a big, overstuffed chair, and I was sort of shocked when Jasper came and sat down with me, between my legs and leaning back against my chest. We often sat that way, but it felt very intimate to be doing so with Jasper's Grandma in the room.

"Are you trying to prove something?" I whispered into his ear.

"Relax, babe," was all he whispered back, and he snuggled further back.

Emmett and Granny had only been gone a minute when we heard the front door swing open and the stamping of feet reverberating on the wooden floor as the returning family members entered the house.

I made a move to get up, but the weight of Jasper held me back.

Jasper's voice was low, "You don't have to put on a front for them."

"But Em said..."

"It's different with Em and Rosie. I'm the black sheep, remember?"

I was about to scold him for his obviously reactive behavior, but he could sense it.

"I'm not saying that we should go out of our way to shock them, but I'm not going to spend my holiday trying not to touch my boyfriend. I think we can keep it PG."

I snorted, "I think being gay automatically puts us at PG-13 according to the Motion Picture Association of America."

"Well, in that case," he turned his head back further to kiss me deeply.

We broke apart for breath and I nuzzled against his neck, drinking in his scent.

A thick southern accent broke the moment.

"Well, aren't ya'll just adorable." A buxom middle-aged, bottle-blond woman was standing in the doorway looking at us.

Jasper sighed and stood up, giving his hand to me, and I stood up slowly after him.

"Aunt Mary, this is Edward. Edward, this is my Aunt Mary."

Emmett and I had taken a crash course in the Hale family tree before flying down here. Somehow Alice was able to keep all the Hale's straight, even though she hadn't met them, so she quizzed us mercilessly for the past week. It may have involved flashcards. Still, I knew I was going to get confused because Jasper's mother's name was also Mary; though, Jasper told me that all the Hales called his mom Betty.

I gave Mary a firm handshake, which she used as an opportunity to pull me in for a big hug, and I could feel her giant bosoms pressed against me. I had been prepared for bigotry and the cold shoulder. I hadn't been prepared for tits. Jasper snickered softly as she pulled away, and I tried to wipe the horrified look off my face.

I was then introduced to her husband, Uncle Charles. He shook my hand and eyed me up and down. He seemed reserved, but not unfriendly. It didn't take me long to figure out that being married to Mary meant he didn't really have a choice; he kept his mouth shut because he wasn't going to get a word in edgewise.

Following into the living room behind their parents were Victoria and Charles Jr., Jasper's cousins. Victoria seemed friendly, she and Rosalie had been close growing up, and Emmett had met her a few times before. Charles Jr., the Chuck that Emmett was sharing the den with, on the other hand, was something else. He was decked out in black from head to toe. Black hair, a black long-sleeved t-shirt with holes at the wrists that had some band name I'd never heard of across the front, wide-legged black jeans, and black Doc Marten boots. He was a senior in high school and seemed utterly indifferent to me, to his family, to holidays and probably to the world. This was fine by me.

I shook hands with Colonel and Mrs. Hale, who surprised me by pulling me into a big hug. She whispered into my ear, "We non-Hales need to stick together."

I laughed. I guess this made me one of the in-laws now.

It was late, so Jasper's parents went up to bed. Chuck also disappeared with his ipod and cell phone in hand. Everyone else settled into the living room, Emmett carrying a tray as Granny handed out cups of hot cider to us. Jasper took his cup and settled back down into the chair, between my legs.

"My hairstylist Marcie, well, her boy is also a gay. It's no wonder, he practically grew up in that salon," Mary started.

Ah, I made the connection that this was the aunt who thought Jasper was going through a phase. The one he told that he was going to cosmetology school. He claimed that she didn't believe him, but I wondered if she thought that all gay men were stylists. Jasper and I both refrained from correcting her on her assumption that curlers and hairspray could make someone gay, but I could feel him tense in front of me.

"So, you go to school with Jasper then, honey?"

I had tuned out her story about her stylist's son, but assumed that I was being addressed.

"Yes, we both go to University of Washington," I emphasized the words "university" and "Washington."

"Jasper's mother told me that he was studying..."

"History," Jasper offered.

"Yes, that's it, history," she said the word as if it were foreign.

I was starting to understand Jasper a little more.

"Are you studying history too, dear?"

I wasn't about to explain that I was planning to go into a joint MD/PhD program and eventually end up into oncology research, so I abbreviated.

"No, I'm studying to be a doctor."

She beamed at me, then winked at Jasper.

"So you snagged yourself a doctor then, Jasper."

I could feel Jasper's eyes roll beside me, but he kissed my cheek and threw his arm around me.

"I guess I did, Aunt Mary."

Somehow, I knew this was progress for Jasper, although by the look on Rosalie's face, I could tell that it was also an unspoken dig at my brother for his chosen profession.

Everyone went to bed after some more catching up, and I trudged up the stairs behind Jasper. We had to take turns for the one upstairs bathroom, but eventually I was stripped down to boxer shorts, tucked under a quilt, Jasper's warm body pressed into mine.

"You tired?" he whispered.

"Mmm, a little," I sighed. "Why? What'd you have in mind?"

"What a dirty mind you have, Ed," Jasper hissed back, reaching down under my boxers and grabbing my dick. Just the feel of his hand wrapped around me made me grow hard.

"How thin are these walls?"

"We have the bathroom as buffer," he whispered back.

I wondered if we would ever stop being so horny. Since Jasper had lifted the break, we had been having sex almost daily until Jasper left for Texas. It had only been a week since we had last been intimate, but the electricity between us was as strong as it was the first time. I knew now that our connection had its base on an emotional, almost spiritual, level, but it didn't rob our physical attraction of any of its intensity.

He slipped under the covers, and I watched as his large frame wiggled down toward the foot of the bed. He stopped right where I need him and quickly freed my cock from my boxers. Of course, he had to tease me. He rubbed his stubbled jaw against my thighs as he dipped down to lick my sac. The feel of his warm breath on me felt absolutely delicious, and I tried to keep my moan silent. Then he ran his nose up the length of my hardness, blowing cool air as he went. The temperature contrast was maddening. On the next pass, his warm tongue darted out and traced down and around my now-straining erection. Only then did he fully take me in his mouth.

The bed started squeaking with Jasper's rhythmic movements. In the darkness, I could feel my cheeks reddening. My whole body tensed and I heard a muffled laugh coming from under the covers as he released me from his mouth. Jasper's laughing only made the bed squeak even more, and I was sure that someone in quiet the house could hear it.

I threw the covers off of us.

"I'm glad you find this so funny," I whispered.

His arms were wrapped around his stomach as he doubled over with laughter.

In a huff, I got out of the bed and strode toward the window.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry," he wheezed out. "Come back to bed, I'll keep still."

I shook my head in the dark.

I felt him coming toward me, and then his low voice was at my ear.

"I want to make you feel good, Ed."

I folded my arms across my chest and tried to stand defiantly, but my resolve was weakening. I was putty in Jasper's hands, and he knew it.

When I didn't say anything, he got down on his knees in front of me, and without a word, took my entire length in his mouth. As I hit the back of his throat, I let out a moan that was probably louder than any of the squeaks from the bed. He grabbed my ass cheeks, both for balance and to push me further down his throat.

His ability to relax his throat never ceased to overwhelm me.

He took me deep into his mouth pulling me out slowly and then back in so deep it was almost as if he was trying to swallow me whole. I grasped at his hair, combing my fingers through it roughly. Then I tilted his face back a little so I could see into his eyes. At that moment, he winked.

I fucking lost it.

I couldn't even give him warning, but he didn't need it. He tugged gently at my balls as they released into his mouth. He swallowed around me and the look in his eye was almost greedy. He slowly released me and then wrapped his arms around my waist, pushing his cheek up against my abdomen while I recovered.

I helped him stand up, but when I tried to kneel in front of him, he shook his head.

"I'll take it as penance for laughing at you," he whispered. "And, anyway, you can't be quiet."

"What do you mean?"

"You slurp."

"I slurp?" I asked, incredulously.

"Don't get defensive. I can't imagine a better feeling in the world than your hot, wet mouth around my dick, well, other than..." he grabbed my ass to demonstrate his point. "But, there's no way you could keep quiet, and I refuse to get a non-slurpy blow job from you."

I couldn't tell if he was teasing me or not, his voice was so matter-of-fact, but something about his smugness annoyed me.

"Fine," I shrugged and I made my way back to bed.

"Oh, don't pout, babe," he whispered.

"I'm not pouting. Me and my slurpy mouth are tired. It's been a long day."

So, maybe I was pouting a little, but I wasn't really upset with him for teasing me. Nevertheless, I figured that I could milk it a little. He sighed quietly as he slipped into the bed beside me. I felt him scoot closer to me and then throw his arm around my waist, pulling me in to spoon.

"I love you, Edward," he said before kissing the back of my neck. "You can't be mad at me for loving the way you suck me off."

I rolled onto my back so I could kiss him.

"I'm not mad," I said, because I couldn't even pretend to stay mad at the man I loved for longer than a minute. "And, I love you, too."

"Good," he whispered against me.

After another kiss, I turned back to my side and pressed back against him.

The next two days passed surprisingly quickly. I met Jasper's father's two brothers, including the ultra-conservative one who lived nearby, Benjamin. He shook my hand very forcefully and told me that it was nice to meet me, and that was the last he spoke to me. His wife and their three girls pretty much ignored me as well, and that was fine by me. Jasper's uncle Peter, on the other hand, was immediately my favorite of the Colonel's three siblings, though between Mary and Benjamin there wasn't much competition. Peter was also career military, but he was more laid back, he shared my love of classical music, and his wife, Charlotte was a concert cellist. They were staying with friends in the area but came for breakfast on Christmas Eve morning, promising they would be back the next day.

Grandma Hale had found out that I liked to cook and knew my way around a kitchen, so she kept me busy helping her prepare meals. I was more than grateful. Jasper's mother would often join us, and, even though he didn't cook at all, Emmett. It was like a beacon of respite for the non-Hales. I had never seen Emmett so meek, even after he had gained Grandma Hale's approval he was still a nervous wreck about proposing. He was trying to work out a way so that he could get Rosalie aside the next day and propose privately, but with the house potentially crawling with Hales, it was unlikely.

Christmas morning I awoke to a shrill shriek and a "yes!" that sound like it was coming from outside, and a few minutes later a blond blur burst into the room and jumped on the bed, throwing her arms around a very confused and sleepy Jasper. I looked up and saw my big brother beaming from the doorway.

"Come here you big lug," I said, he ambled over to the bed and I gave him a big hug.

"So he finally popped the question?" Jasper was finally looking a little more with it.

"How'd he do it?" I asked Rosalie, knowing I'd get a better version of the story from her.

"Well, he woke me up this morning, and told me that he wanted to watch the sunrise with me. So we bundled up and went out to the back porch and watched the sunrise, and just as the sky was beginning to change color, he got down on one knee..." she was sniffling.

I had never seen Rosalie this emotional.

"Then he told me how much I changed him and how I not only complimented him in every way but made him a better man. Then he told me he couldn't imagine his life without me."

I looked up at Emmett and he looked absolutely sheepish, as if he had been caught in the act.

Rosalie paused.

"And then he showed me the ring!"

She pulled out her left hand and showed us a sparkling diamond.

"I have to go tell mom and dad!"

She grabbed Emmett's hand and pulled him out of the room.

Jasper looked at me and grinned. Even though he didn't know that today was the day of the proposal, he knew it was immanent. I wrapped my arms around him. He pulled back,

"And you're sure this doesn't make us brothers?"

"Would a brother do this?"

I pinned him underneath me and smothered him with sloppy kisses all over his face and neck until he was practically giggling beneath me.

"Merry Christmas," I pulled back with a grin.

"Merry Christmas," he brought his arms up and pulled me down, holding me so my head rested on his chest and I could hear his heart in his chest.

We lay like that until we heard stirring in the rest of the house. I had promised to help Granny with breakfast, and she entrusted me with making biscuits to go with her sausage gravy.

After breakfast, and a lot of oohing and aahing over both Rosalie's ring and my baking skills, the visiting Hales all went into the living room to exchange gifts. I felt a little awkward being involved in a family gift exchange, although I did have part of Jasper's gift for him to open and contributed to the gift for his parents.

I learned a lot about the Hales watching them open presents from one another. I learned that even Chuck's pajamas were black. I learned that Aunt Mary had a fondness for John Wayne movie boxsets. I learned that Colonel Hale, surprise, surprise, liked power tools, and Jasper's mother collected antique tea cups.

When everyone seemed absorbed in their own exchanges, I handed Jasper his present, telling him that it was only part of his gift and he handed me a small square box telling me the same.

"You first," I said.

He tore open the paper and opened the box. He peered inside and smiled softly. He slid out three large, matching picture frames, taking his time looking at each one. The first matted photograph was a landscape shot of Paris, taken by Jasper from the Eiffel Tower at sunset. The second was a picture I took on a weekend trip to Stonehenge, the morning sun coming brightly through one of the stone arches. The third was a picture of me and Jasper. It was a candid, taken by Angela one sunny day in Oxford. Jasper had come up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, causing us both to bend forward a little at the waist. In the picture my face was turned almost profile about to give Jasper a kiss on the cheek, but he was looking toward the camera with a big grin on his face, the sunlight sparkling in his eyes.

Though they were all from the trip, I had specifically chosen pictures where sunlight was prominent making them all united under one motif.

As he got to the third picture of us together, he looked up to meet my eyes, and I could see tears welling in them.

"They're perfect," he said, climbing into my lap and wrapping his arms around me, rest of the room forgotten.

He remained on my lap as I opened the small box. In it was a pendant on a leather cord. I hardly ever wore jewelry but this looked exactly like me, as I took a closer look at the pendant and I saw it was the rod of Asclepius with a single snake wrapped around it – the ancient symbol for medicine.

I looked up and grinned.

"I love it. Put it on me."

He picked the pendant up and had me lean forward as he tied the cord around my neck. He let his right hand linger at the back of my neck and I grabbed his left with my right and pulled it to my chest. I leaned my forehead to touch his and closed my eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

It was only Jasper's mom's sniffling that made me realize we weren't alone. Not only were we not alone, but nine sets of eyes were staring at us.

Emmett snorted at our sappiness, and I threw a wad of wrapping paper at his face as a reflex. He was so startled by my willingness to loosen up around the in-laws that I hit him square between the eyes.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Colonel stifle a chuckle.

Emmett's eyes narrowed. Jasper recognized his expression and scrambled off my lap just as Emmett launched himself at me. I was often treated as a wrestling dummy by Emmett growing up, and sometimes by Jasper more recently, but in his case it was just an excuse to touch me. Emmett was out for blood. Apparently the Hale family approved of a Christmas morning wrastle, because no one, not even Rosalie, made a move to stop us. In fact, I think I heard Chuck taking bets. It was the most I'd heard him speak in two and a half days.

All was going well until Emmett started playing dirty, and I had to retaliate.

"Ow, dammit!" Emmett cried out.

"Emmett," Rosalie hissed at Emmett's language.

"But he fucking bit me!" He turned to look at me. "You fucking bit me!"

"You kneed me in the balls!" I gasped out.

"Oh, shit, sorry bro, it was an accident," Emmett untangled himself from me.

"So was biting you," I wheezed out, still making sure the sarcasm came forth.

Jasper glared at Emmett for the hit to my genitals as he helped pull me off the ground.

The Hale clan was gawking at us, all with various levels of amusement in their faces.

Finally, Grandma Hale stepped in and took control.

"You," she pointed at me. "Go get cleaned up, I need you in the kitchen in a half hour."

"Yes, Granny," I said.

I still felt like I was going to puke from being hit in the balls, so Granny ordered Jasper to help me even though I didn't really need it. When she winked at us, I understood.

"What is it about our mothers and grandmothers telling us to get naked together?" I asked, as I climbed into the shower.

Jasper just laughed and climbed in after me.

"The boys okay?" he asked me.

I nodded, and he reached around to cup them gently as he kissed my back lightly.

"We have to be quick or no one else is getting a hot shower," I moaned.

"I was fast yesterday morning," he replied.

I turned back to look at him.

"You rubbed one out in the shower yesterday morning?"

He nodded, "Family keeps cockblocking me."

I laughed.

"You better have been thinking of me."

"Mmm... actually, I was thinking about your pouty lips wrapped around my cock."

"Slurping?" I asked him.

"Always," he said with a small moan. He really hadn't been kidding about the slurping.

"Fuck," I groaned in response.

Then, I had an idea.

"I want to watch you."

"What?"

"I want to watch you touch yourself."

"But you're right here," he murmured, as he traced a finger down my back all the way to the crack of my ass.

I turned toward him.

"You mean, you've never once wanted to watch me stroking my dick, while I'm thinking about all the things I want you to do to me, when there's no one else around," I put a hand against the wall to steady myself as the other hand wandered over to my already very alert manhood. "You've never been curious as to how I touch myself when I'm thinking about your lips wrapped around me? Your hot mouth swallowing around my cock?" I gripped tightly and began to stroke myself before looking up to see him watching me with his jaw open.

"That's so hot, babe," he moaned softly.

"Then let me watch you, love" though I didn't need to say it, his hand was already firmly gripped around his shaft.

He used his left hand so he could face me. Our strokes matched each other in rhythm, but I continued to speak in a low whisper, describing to him all the things I thought about as I touched myself. My fantasy changed to one of Jasper bending me over the kitchen counter in my apartment. I described how I wanted Jasper to push my legs apart and spread my ass cheeks wide. How he would dip his tongue into my puckered hole. Then, how he would slowly press into me, stretching me and filling me completely.

"And, now you're pumping in and out of me, so hard and fast that you're taking my breath away. Ungh, I'm gonna cum..."

Jasper took a slight step toward me and said, "I wanna feel it. Cum on me. I want to feel your cum all over my chest," his eyes were piercing.

That did it. With another stroke I was done, I stepped in closer to Jasper and aimed my spray on him, and I watched it splatter all over his torso as the waves of pleasure overtook me. I saw Jasper's eyes roll back a little, as if it was his climax he just experienced and not mine. I could almost see him replaying it in his head. He moved in one step closer until his forehead met mine as we both looked down, I could feel his hand moving and then he moved his hand from the wall to grip my shoulder for balance.

Then, he bit his lip and closed his eyes, and I watched as his body tightened and the spurts released, getting on both our stomachs.

"God damn," Jasper said and threw his arms around my shoulders for support even though my own knees were still weak.

We stood for a moment to calm down, but then cleaned up quickly, taking turns under the shower spray.

Granny smiled knowingly at me as I made my way down to the kitchen, and I couldn't help but be baffled by how enthusiastic she was about my being with her grandson. She handed me an apron, and we got to work preparing a very traditional Southern Christmas dinner. I more than happily took orders from her, trying to absorb as much information as I could. Cooking was almost a reflex for her, and I could tell she really took pleasure in feeding her family. People drifted in and out of the kitchen, and soon after we started, the doorbell started ringing as the rest of the Hale clan arrived.

At one point in the afternoon Grandma Hale announced that she was kicking everyone out of the kitchen, as I made my move to remove my apron she grabbed my arm.

"Not you, Edward, I need your help."

Apparently this happened every year when Grandma Hale went to make her award-winning, top secret, cornbread recipe, but I was informed later that not once had anyone been asked to stay and help her. Even her own children did not know the famous recipe. I was touched beyond belief that she let me in on something so important to her.

Once I could recite the recipe to her by heart, she hugged me, thanked me for my help, and told me that since everything was coming together she could finish up without me.

"Go, find my grandson. Tell him I'm sorry for keeping his man from him all afternoon."

I thought I had met all the Hales and had everyone straight, but when I left the kitchen, I realized that the house was swarming. I quickly found Jasper, and when I asked him what was going on, he laughed.

"Grandma's sister, three of her four kids, their spouses, and all their kids."

I groaned and buried my face in his shoulder.

"Oh, and she usually invites her next door neighbor and her husband since all their children live far away. Last year Grandma's brother's family was here too, so you're getting off easy."

There were at least 35, maybe 40, people in the house and I had only met about half of them, but with younger and younger children starting to appear it felt like a lot more, so I clung to Jasper and tried to stay out of the way.

Luckily for me, Emmett and Rosalie were the center of attention, which Rosalie seemed to enjoy and Emmett seemed to tolerate.

When it finally came time to eat, we all gathered in the living room for a prayer. There were tables set up in two rooms; though, I was sure we were going to have to eat in shifts. After the prayer, Granny proposed a toast, to Emmett, the soon-to-be newest member of the Hale family.

Then, she turned toward me and said, "And to Edward. Even though some of my own ungrateful children would vote against you and Jasper having rights, I think you're the perfect match for my grandson. And, you're the only person in this damn room who I trust with my cornbread recipe."

Though there were a few chuckles from the less conservative family members, I heard a huff from somewhere in the room, probably over the famed cornbread recipe, until Uncle Peter raised his glass and said, "Here, here!" Jasper snaked his arm around my waist and toasted with his water glass along with everyone else, some more wholeheartedly than others.

I felt Emmett's hand clamp down on my shoulder after the toast, and he leaned in to whisper to me but loud enough for Jasper to hear, "I don't know, I'm pretty sure you don't want to be marrying into this."

Rosalie smacked him. Apparently, he was loud enough for her to hear too.

Over the course of dinner and dessert, I met a lot of people I didn't know and answered a lot of the same questions over and over again. I was almost baited twice into getting into a "discussion" about gay marriage. Finally, Uncle Benjamin's wife, whose name I didn't care to remember, plopped down in Emmett's vacant seat in front of me and began quoting scripture to Jasper and I.

At first I tried to tune her out, but she kept at it. I was about ready to lose it, but I managed to control my rage. Instead, I spoke very loudly but surprisingly calmly,

"Judge not, and you will not be judged. Condemn not, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37."

The room went silent. I stood up, picked up my empty plate and silverware, gathered Jasper's as well and carried them to the kitchen sink.

I heard Jasper say, "Men are holy if they stay away from women. Samuel 21, verse 4." Where my voice was calm, his dripped with poison, and you could almost hear the word "bitch" lingering on his lips after he spoke. Even though, he was fully aware that he was taking the verse out of context.

Grandma Hale, who had been filling the dishwasher, looked at me and nodded, then wiped her hands off on a towel and followed me as I walked back into the room to see Jasper standing at the table, looking down menacingly at his aunt who was glaring back at him with an equally angry expression. I moved toward him and wrapped my arm around his waist. He relaxed back almost instantly at my touch.

Then, Grandma Hale put her hand on Aunt Bigot's shoulder and said, "If you were my own child, I'd beat you senseless. If I didn't spend the 30 hours in labor I'd think Benji was the spawn of someone else's loins. I obviously could've taught him more about choosing a spouse, but at least I raised him not to antagonize family members with his ignorant hatred."

The woman who was zealous and angry moment before had shrunk into a childlike pout under the death glare of her mother-in-law.

"If you can't keep your trap shut you can get the hell out of my house. Just so you know, you're never getting my cornbread recipe, and I'm pretty sure after this display, Edward's not going to share it with you either."

I didn't hear the woman utter another word for the rest of the day.

After Aunt Bigot went to sulk in the corner, I released Jasper and threw my arms around Grandma Hale, she hugged me and patted my cheek as she released me.

After the elephant in the room had been addressed, I spent the rest of the evening tucked comfortably under Jasper's arm on the sofa in the living room, talking to Peter, Charlotte and Emmett, when he was able to sneak away from talk of wedding plans.

The next couple days went by quickly, and before I knew it, we were back on a plane heading toward Seattle. Jasper and Rosalie flew home with us. They were both going to stay at our house until we returned to school. I think overall my first true exposure to Jasper's family went well. Even he was pleasantly surprised by how fast Grandma Hale took to me. I think it's because I didn't try to suck up to her the way Emmett did. She may have worn bifocals, but she could see through bullshit a mile away. Eventually, Emmett relaxed, and I was positive that she approved of him as a match for Rosalie by the end of the five days. I had also bonded with Jasper's mother, especially when we were hiding from the Hales. Even Jasper's father was friendly to me. I think it took a little pushing from his wife and his son, but the more he saw me with Jasper, the more he seemed to warm up to me.

When his parents dropped us all off at the airport, he even shook my hand and said, "You're real good for my boy, Edward."

"He's good for me too, sir," I replied.

We left it at that.

I felt a lot more relaxed at my house, and by Jasper's demeanor, I think he did too. Some of my mom's family flew in, but it was only her brother, Randall, and his wife and their six-year old girl, Carlie, along with my mom's best friend whose husband had recently died.

Before the extended family arrived, my family had a small gift exchange with the five of us Cullens as well as our three significant others. My mother couldn't help herself and bought Seth, Jasper and Rosalie all gifts. Actually, she got them more than she got us. We never really went all out at Christmas, the way someone might expect from a doctor's family. We all got each other something small, often homemade, and that was the extent of it.

My mother forced us to take turns opening presents so she could take pictures. We all tolerated it, but it made me a little uncomfortable to have everyone watching as I gave Jasper his second present. He looked at the wrapping and raised an eyebrow at Alice. She nodded. It was obvious that I had nothing to do with the wrapping. He didn't seem self-conscious though, being stared at by my family, as he tore the paper off the box. He gingerly lifted the lid from the box, as if sensing that the gift required gentleness. It was a first edition, second printing copy of Stephen Crane's _The Red Badge of Courage_. I had found it through a book dealer online who lowered the price when I traded him some of my dad's old anatomy books he wasn't attached to. Apparently there was a big market for them.

Jasper's jaw dropped. He hesitantly picked up the book, turning it over in his hands. Then, he put it gently back in the box and wrapped his arms around me.

"Thank you, babe. I can't tell you how amazing this is."

I pulled back from him and beamed. I had been worried that he wouldn't like it, or would think it was lame, but I could see the glint in his eyes and knew he was thrilled. In spite of the fact that my entirely family was watching us, he swiftly brought his lips to mine to show me his appreciation with a deep kiss.

When he broke away from my lips, he got up from the love seat and pulled a large, flat parcel from behind the tree. He looked timid as he handed it to me, and sat back down next to me without a word.

I looked at him curiously, and tore open the wrapping paper.

I could tell that it was a frame, but when I tore off the paper to reveal what was in it, I was stunned.

It was a print of my favorite Titian painting, the one that moved me so much in the Louvre this summer.

"They don't make prints of this. I checked!" I blurted out.

"I had a print made special."

"You sweet, wonderful man," I murmured as I turned to meet his eyes. "Thank you, love. You're too good to me."

He laughed, and I was about to lean in to kiss him when my mother interrupted us with her camera.

We spent the next couple days lounging around the house, spending some time with my family, watching movies, sneaking away to make out in my old bedroom, and making love quietly under the covers at night.

My parents had a small party at New Year's. The guest list was mostly my parent's friends from the hospital and from all the volunteer organizations my mother worked with. So, after saying our hellos and having a bunch of strangers ask us how our studies were going, we "kids" had our own separate party down in the basement. I had invited Bella and Jake, and Alice had invited some of Seth and Jake's friends from the reservation.

Emmett had wrestled with some of the Rez kids in high school. So, when his old rival, Sam, showed up, he insisted on a rematch. They moved the furniture around while Rosalie and Sam's wife, Emily, tried to talk them out of it.

Other than the wrestling incident, we passed the evening easily, shooting the shit. When it got time for the ball drop, we turned on the T.V. and all stood, counting down. I felt Jasper reach for my hand, giving it a squeeze.

3

.

.

.

2

.

.

.

1

.

.

.

I slid my hands up Jasper's chest and around his shoulders as his lips found mine. Slowly and tenderly, he took my lower lip in his. The stubble on his upper lip was rough against my lips, but it added another dimension to the sensation. He pulled back slightly, and I parted my lips, giving entrance for his tongue to circle my mouth before I pushed my own against his. My right hand slid up his neck, and I ran my fingers through his hair while his hands slid down my back toward my ass. He pulled me in a touch closer to him, and I had to break the connection at our lips to moan gently.

I forgot that we were in a room full of people until I felt something cold at the back of my neck.

"Shit!" I was shocked out of my moment of bliss, as I turned to see Emmett pulling a chilled champagne bottle back from where he had placed it against my neck.

"You can play ass bandits later," Emmett scolded, handing me a glass of champagne.

"Champagne?" I asked Jasper. He hadn't had anything to drink the whole time he was in Texas, but I didn't know where he stood on the champagne issue.

"I think this qualifies as a special occasion," he gave me the sexy smile designed for me and no one else. I handed him my glass and took another from Emmett.

Glasses in hand, Jasper tapped his to mine and said,

"To us."

I grinned, "To us. Happy New Year, Jazz."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I _do_ own an Emmett/Charlie slash fic that's never going to see the light of day.

**A/N:** See end. It's gonna be long and gushy. But, as always, I have to thank PerfectlyPersuasive for being beta-tastic with this chapter! I also have to thank OnTheTurningAway for sharing some picspiration with me. ;)

* * *

_Our place_.

Alice, Jasper and I all drove back to Seattle together a few days before classes started, both to get re-settled and to enjoy some vacation parent free. Over the course of the drive, Jasper and I were lamenting about school work and not being able to see each other as often as we'd like when Miss Clairvoyant made the suggestion of proposing a switch to Bella. That is, Alice could move in with Bella, and I could move in with Jasper.

Since dating Jake's friend Seth, Alice and Bella had started spending a lot of time together, and Alice knew they'd get along. Furthermore, since Bella was often at Jake's, it would give Alice the apartment to herself, and I assumed Seth, a few days a week. Leaving Jasper and I together in our own apartment.

Bella agreed readily. Even though she would miss me, I think she knew that this was a step that Jasper and I were ready to take. The only real reluctance about moving in with Jasper I had was the lack of time I'd get to spend with Bella. Even though both she and Alice insisted that I could come over anytime and our weekly dinners weren't going to stop, Bella had been my best friend since we were kids; I didn't want to lose her. So far, we had been able to maintain our friendship even as we grew up, as her relationship with Jake became serious and as I began seeing Jasper. I couldn't help feeling like it would never really be the same again, but I reconciled that this was part of the territory of growing up.

Jasper and I had been dating for almost two years and had lived together for the past two summers, so I knew we would get along. I still had some hesitance about being able to get work done without a buffer zone between us. Now that Jasper was a lot more serious about school, I knew that he would be around more but have less free time than he had in the past, but it wasn't Jasper I was worried about. I could see myself trying to distract Jasper out of his work, getting in his way, but then I realized that this was a compliment to Jasper's maturity. I respected him enough that I was determined I could keep my hands off of him when he was busy.

I could try anyway.

We decided not to tell the leasing office that Alice and I were switching, because it didn't really matter. Our rent was the same, and it all went to the same place. We assumed they'd make us sign new leases if we tried, and we weren't sure we wanted to stay another year.

Alice moved into my old room, and Jasper and I turned her room into an office. I had suggested sharing Jasper's closet with him. Both he and Alice looked at me as if I had sprouted a second head, so I kept my hanging clothes in Alice's old closet, putting everything else in my bureau, which was moved into the bedroom.

_Our bedroom_.

I didn't care about the way it was decorated, but both Jasper and my twin double-teamed me, convincing me that it would feel more like "our place" if we made some decorative changes that "reflected our personalities."

Since we couldn't paint the walls due to the terms of the lease, this meant we had to rearrange the furniture, along with putting up new curtains, throw pillows and artwork and photographs. I could at least get on board with the last part. Jasper insisted I hang the Titian print in the living room, but when Jasper started asking me about what color throw pillows to put on the couch to best compliment the colors in the painting, I was out of my element. I tried to appease him, telling him that whatever he picked out would be perfect. He knew I was patronizing him a little but just shook his head and muttered something about me being a poor excuse for a gay man. I let him fuck me bent over the kitchen table shortly thereafter, just to get my gay cred back.

Not that I didn't enjoy it.

On the contrary, I rather loved the fact that every surface of the apartment was now fair game.

I tried to be a little more enthusiastic about arranging the bedroom. We decided to be on the look out for cheap bedroom furniture, because nothing we had matched. Apparently, matching was important. Though, I did kind of understand why co-buying furniture would make our living together feel more permanent. Since we didn't have a headboard of any sort, I agreed immediately when he told me he wanted to put the three photographs I gave him for Christmas to hang above our bed.

_Our bed._

We got rid of both of our full size mattresses and bought a queen, getting a deal on the floor model at a discount furniture store. Alice and Jasper forced me into a Bed, Bath and Beyond so I could help choose bedding. I insisted that I would like, and by like I meant hardly notice, whatever Jasper picked out, but I could tell that he really wanted me along. So, I caved.

We spent at least two hours in that damn store.

Though, admittedly, I did enjoy looking at the wall of kitchen tools.

I may have even bought a new microplane.

I nodded agreeably to the first comforter that Jasper picked up, and he rolled his eyes. I could sense that the afternoon was likely to end in him snapping at me for not taking this seriously, so I forced myself into choosing a favorite color.

Eventually, we settled on bedding in various shades of gray, even though, Alice kept trying to force purple on us, insisting that it was the color of royalty. I told her that if were going purple, we may as well just decorate the whole apartment in rainbows. She got a devilish gleam in her eye. Instead of yelling at me like I thought she would, she told me that she had the perfect idea for our housewarming present.

Now, I was worried.

I had to admit, after the few decorating changes we made, I no longer felt like I was in Alice and Jasper's old apartment.

It felt like ours.

Like, this was a preview for the rest of my life.

It felt... right.

It took a couple weeks after the start of the semester for us to fall into a routine that was agreeable to both of us. Luckily, we were both night owls, because one of my favorite things to do in the world was fall asleep next to Jasper and wake up with him the next morning. We usually ate breakfast together then walked to campus together, separating for our respective schedules. I tried to get work done on my breaks between classes, so I'd have more time with him in the evenings. Though, I had to work at least one evening a week for my internship, most days we would eat dinner together, and once a week, I would go up to my old apartment and cook a group dinner with Bella.

I quickly found that one of my favorite things about living with Jasper was going grocery shopping with him. We would go late at night, and it would turn into an hour long event. With a practically empty grocery store, we would get fewer dirty looks when I would grab Jasper's ass as he bent down to retrieve something from a low shelf or when he would come up behind me, pressing his body flush with mine, helping me steer the cart.

He didn't cook much, other than breakfast foods, so I would have to stop him from putting all kinds of pre-packaged, preservative-packed foods into the cart. He would pout when I insisted that Hot Pockets weren't real food. I agreed to a compromise though, so I turned a blind eye when he put several cans of SpaghettiOs into the cart. He claimed it was for the times when I wasn't around to make fresh marinara sauce, but from the way he batted his eyelashes at me when he said so, I knew he was mostly just trying to butter me up.

He accused me a being a food snob from time to time, but I never heard him complain when I fed him.

I, in turn, accused Jasper of being a neat freak. Before I moved in with him, I thought I was a neat person, and, admittedly, even a bit of a germophobe. I did do most of the actual cleaning, but Jasper was almost obsessive about putting everything in its proper place. He couldn't deal with the stacks of papers and books I would leave on the coffee table.

The first time it happened, I was getting ready to go to bed and had left my biology book and notes in a stack on the coffee table. As I stood up, I heard a huff.

"What do you think you're doing?" His arms were folded across his chest.

"Uh, going to bed?"

"You're leaving your books there?" I could hear the horror in his voice.

"Yes...?" I brought my voice up to ask.

His eyes grew as wide as saucers.

"I mean, no?" I questioned tentatively.

"I just want to keep the living room neat."

"You're going to be the mean parent, aren't you?" Neither of us were sure we wanted kids, in the very distant future maybe, but it seemed to come up in conversation a lot, even if in jest.

"Without everything having a place there'd be chaos," he smirked at me. Then he muttered, "you're obviously going to be the pushover."

Eventually, we compromised, and I agreed that I would take all of my work back to my desk instead of leaving it sitting out. I was not about to keep my desk as anally organized as Jasper's. That was my personal space. He blamed the military upbringing. I wondered how he and Alice got along, and when I asked her about it she said,

"I kept my bedroom door closed and told him there would be severe repercussions if he touched any of my makeup in the bathroom."

The only other issue we ran across was the fact that he would sneak his dirty laundry in with mine, and I would end up washing it unwittingly, noticing it only when I started folding. Though it bugged me a little that he tried to trick me, I also found it a bit endearing.

I decided to let him play his game for awhile and not tell him that I would be willing to do his laundry for him if he would just ask. I already did his ironing, before we even lived together.

After we had been settled in for almost a month, Alice came over one night and insisted that we throw a house warming party the next weekend. Of course, she took over most of the details, including invitations, decorating and food, which I was roped into preparing. Since it was close to Valentine's Day, she decided that would be the "theme." This wasn't entirely disagreeable, though both Jasper and I cringed a little at the idea of having our apartment covered in pink hearts.

Jasper promised he would accompany her to any and all trips to the party store to minimize the sickening cuteness Alice insisted upon.

"But it's Valentine's Day! It's about love and hearts and red and pink!"

"We're gay, but we aren't _that_ gay, Ali," Jasper said.

I snickered as Alice glared at me.

She turned back to Jasper. "Well, what's your brilliant color scheme then?"

"Red and white, with black accents."

"Black?" Alice sounded almost disgusted.

"Black is sexy," Jasper said, coming over to where I was sitting and leaning forward to plant a less than chaste kiss on my lips, as he ran his hands down my black t-shirt covered chest. My own hands snaked around his neck, and I started running my fingers through his hair, forgetting the smartass comment about color schemes that had been on the tip of my tongue. I was trying to pull him down onto my lap when we were rudely interrupted.

"Ahem. Twin still in the room."

We both turned to Alice. I had honestly forgotten that she was still here.

"No pink," Jasper said pointedly.

"Diva," Alice muttered. Then, louder, she said, "Fine, but for the record, I am dissatisfied."

"Oh, Ali," I said, hating the disappointed expression on her face. "How about I use pink frosting on your cupcakes?"

She considered it for a moment.

"That's a start," she said.

Since most of our friends were coupled and had plans for Valentine's Day, we decided to hold the party two days before. The morning of the party Jasper went out with Alice to pick up supplies, and as soon as they got back I was shoved into the kitchen by my twin after Jasper reassured me that no pink hearts made their way into the shopping cart. Shortly thereafter, I called Bella to see if she would help me put together my twin's crazy menu.

"Did Alice come up with this?" Bella laughed as soon as she came into the kitchen.

"What gave it away? The fact that even the _food_ matches the 'color scheme?'" I asked, as I chopped red bell pepper into strips that would be used as vessels for the white bean dip.

I put Bella to work assembling skewers that contained balls of fresh mozzarella, cherry tomatoes and black olives. After we had completed hors d'oeuvres, we set to work dipping strawberries in both very dark chocolate and white chocolate. While those set, Bella and I filled bowls with normal snack foods that I had convinced Alice to buy in order to appease our guests, namely Emmett. Then, Bella arranged a white-cheese-only cheese plate to serve along side red grapes. Meanwhile, I set to work on the final task of frosting the dark chocolate cupcakes with bright pink frosting; because as crazy as she was, I loved my twin and wanted to humor her love of the color pink.

After the food was prepared, covered, or tucked into the fridge to keep fresh before the guests arrived, Bella and I went out into the living room. I had to hand it to Jasper, it was probably the most butch Valentine's Day decorations at a party hosted by a gay couple could possibly look. Alice looked more than pleased with the results as well.

They had draped a thin red material over the lamp shades and over the curtain rods. Twinkling red and white strings of lights hung from the ceiling around the perimeter of the room. Slick black, red, and white heart-shaped balloons were tied to some of the heavier pieces of furniture. The coffee table, as well as the kitchen table, was draped in black cloth. Both were outfitted with white tea candles and red rose petals in the center.

I had to laugh when my eyes rested on the stove pipe hat sitting on top of the entertainment center.

"Inside joke?" Bella asked me, when she saw that it was the object of my gaze.

I shook my head.

"Today is technically Lincoln's birthday, not Valentine's Day."

"I told you he'd get it!" Jasper looked pointedly at Alice, who merely rolled her eyes at our nerdiness.

"I love it," I said to Jasper.

His eyes lit up. "That's why I love you."

Once Alice was certain that everything was in place, she and Bella went back upstairs to relax for a bit before changing for the party. Though, knowing Alice, she was probably setting Bella's hair in rollers at this very instant.

All the tedious preparation had already exhausted me, so I crashed on the couch and watched TV while rubbing Jasper's feet as he worked on a history paper from his laptop.

I hopped into the shower about an hour before the guests would arrive. As I stood in front of my closet with the towel wrapped around me, I decided that I was out of my element and called Jasper in so he could dress me. Though he didn't squeal like Alice did when I indulged her fashion sense, I knew he enjoyed it just as much as she always did.

He looked me up and down briefly and then said, "Wait right here."

He came back into the office carrying a small shopping bag that he thrust into my arms.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Valentine's Day present," was all he said.

I opened the bag and pulled out a pair of dark blue low-rise, rather revealing briefs that I would never, ever pick out for myself in a million years. I was a boxers kind of guy. Even though I zoned out when Jasper attempted to talk to me about or show me clothes, I had notice that his underwear had become increasingly less covering. I hadn't said anything to him about it, but I knew he could tell that I noticed. I certainly ogled him more than I did before, if that were even possible. I guess it made sense, if women could have sexy lingerie, why couldn't men? But, he had never once suggested to me that I go this route.

I saw the gleam in his eyes as his gaze roamed my body.

"For me to wear or for you to drool over?" I asked as I watched his eyes hone in on my package pressing against the towel.

"Mmm... both," he said in approval as his eyes lazily combed over my body.

I dropped my towel and slipped on my present. It was going to take some getting used to feeling so constricted, but when I looked down, my junk was emphasized quite nicely.

I caught Jasper rearranging himself as I looked up.

"Almost as good as seeing them come off," he murmured, shaking himself out whatever little fantasy he had playing in his head.

Call me vain, but I loved being able to have that effect on him.

He went to work in my closet, pulling out my motorcycle boots, a pair of black jeans, and a white button down, with the sleeves rolled up. Even I thought the ensemble was a little blasé until he brought me a pin-striped vest from his own closet to put over the shirt. The vest was too snug for Jasper, but it fit my slightly narrower frame perfectly. Jasper told me that I may as well keep the vest as he circled around me like I was a statue on display, eventually nodding in approval.

I looked way over-dressed from my usually routine of jeans and t-shirts, but Jasper was grinning at me like he had won the lottery. So, I thanked him with a kiss, and then went into the kitchen to put the finishing touches on Alice's menu.

Emmett, knowing that there would be free food, arrived with Rosalie just before seven. I took their coats and hung them up in the front closet. Rosalie complimented Jasper on the decorations, and Emmett just snorted and said sarcastically,

"You'd almost believe the two of you weren't a couple of buttpokers."

I rolled my eyes and led my wonderful older brother to the food.

Alice and Bella arrived shortly thereafter. Bella was wearing a simple blue v-neck sweater with skinny jeans. Alice, on the other hand, was deck out in a short pink dress. The color was so loud, it was all I could do not to crack a Pepto Bismol joke, but I figured Emmett would get to it once he could pull himself away from the refreshments.

I just raised an eyebrow and said, "Your way of getting more pink into the room?"

Alice beamed at me in silent twin assent.

After taking the girls' coats, I noticed that Alice was carrying a huge gift bag. She handed it to me. It weighed next to nothing, and horrible visions of sheer fabric and Jasper making me hang yet another set of curtains danced through my head.

"Open it!" Alice insisted.

"We were supposed to bring gifts?" Emmett asked, his mouth full of food.

"Uh, you've known Alice for how long?" I teased him.

"Anyway, it's not anything you _need_, I just saw it and knew you had to have it," the tone of her voice told me that this was Alice's revenge for not choosing her preferred colors for _our_ bedroom.

Jasper grabbed the bag from my hands, tossed the tissue paper aside, peered into the bag, and started laughing. He held the bag open for me before taking it out.

I groaned when I saw it.

Jasper pulled out the gift to show everyone else the giant pillow shaped and colored like a rainbow Alice thought screamed Edward and Jasper. Emmett started guffawing, but Alice just ignored him, jumped up and darted into our bedroom. Jasper followed, dragging me behind him.

"See! I knew it! It looks perfect against the gray!"

"It actually does brighten the room a little," I said from the doorway. "In a whimsical sort of way."

Jasper and Alice gave me matching looks of incredulity. You would have thought _they_ were the twins.

"Shit. Did I say that out loud?" I asked as my cheeks reddened.

Alice danced over to me and threw her arms around me.

"There's hope for you yet, Eddie."

Jake and Seth arrived then, along with Seth's sister Leah. I didn't know her very well; though, she was also a junior at UW. She had apparently just broken up with her boyfriend, and Seth was trying to get her out of the house. I wasn't sure a Valentine's themed party was the best idea, but once Tyler arrived and he and Emmett had all of us in stitches, I caught her laughing at the overgrown man-boys.

Jared was the next to arrive, along with Paul with his girlfriend Rachel.

Jane surprised me by coming along with Irina. Jane had been a serial dater up until this, so that they were together for over a year was pretty epic. I was sort of shocked when Irina squealed at seeing Rosalie and rushed in for a hug. I forgot that they were sorority sisters. They started gushing about wedding plans, and I hardly noticed either for the rest of the evening. Jane told me that Alec wanted to come, but had just started seeing a new girl and was already "pussy-whipped."

"Funny, I could say the same thing about you," I teased, when I saw her gazing across the room at Irina. She smacked me across the chest and walked over to hop up into Irina's lap.

I was thrilled when Angela arrived. She was still very shy, but since she already knew Jasper and Bella, and had met Jake, Seth, and Alice, she seemed a lot more comfortable than the girl I met on the first day in Oxford.

Ben was the last to arrive. As soon as he walked into the room, Emmett, mocking his fiancée, gave the most girlie squeal I had ever heard and slow motion ran over to Ben who opened his arms for the incoming hug. Emmett jumped up as he threw his arms around Ben's neck, and though it defied the laws of physics, Ben somehow not only didn't buckle under my brother's weight but managed to lift him off the ground.

Their comedic timing brought everyone in the room together for a laugh, breaking the ice for all the people in the room whose only connection was their acquaintance with either Jasper or me. With people from various areas of our lives all coming together I had my doubts at how well everyone would get along. I had visions of cliques forming, even among our small guest list, but as I mingled with everyone and kept drinks full and refreshments stocked. It seemed that everyone was having a good time, despite not all being previously acquainted.

I saw Tyler trying to teach the tiny Jane Taekwondo moves. Jared and Jake seemed to be in a heated debate about the current college basketball rankings. Irina challenged Seth to a game of Mario Kart Wii. after she heard him bragging about his times. This turned into a mini-tournament along with Paul and Emmett that Irina ultimately won.

The most shocking thing that happened was seeing Angela leaving with Ben. I had gotten to know Ben pretty well over the past three years. He was a nice guy, but it was still shocking to see Angela practically flirting with him.

As the night wore on, most of the other guests started heading out as well. Eventually, it was just Alice, Bella, Jake, Seth, Jasper and me. I was feeling worn out from playing host and had taken residence on Jasper's lap on the couch. The six of us we were shooting the shit, talking about what some of the people we had gone to high school with were up to now.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you guys," Seth said. "When I was home last weekend, I went grocery shopping with my mom and ran into Mike Newton there."

"Ugh," I groaned. That kid was never going to get out of Forks.

"I used to think he had a crush on you," Jasper laughed into my back. "I hated him for that."

"Really?" I was always surprised when Jasper told me that he had admired me from afar in high school. "Wait, you thought I'd go for Newton?"

Jasper laughed, "Well, when you put it that way, I guess it was pretty ridiculous. But, he did follow you around sometimes like a puppy dog."

"He followed _everyone_ around like that," Bella broke in. Mike Newton had asked Bella out on almost a weekly basis until she started dating Jake.

"What is that loser up to anyway?" Jake growled, and I stifled a laugh, forgetting the weekly requests didn't stop immediately after Jake and Bella started dating.

"Get this," Seth continued. "He asked me what I was up to, and we made the usual small talk. I asked if he was still dating Jessica. He is, and she's pregnant, by the way."

"Oh, god," I smacked my hand to my forehead. "The last thing the world needs is more Newtons!"

"Yeah, I threw up in my mouth a little when he told me," Seth grimaced. "He asked me if I had met any cute girls at UW, and when I told him that I was dating Alice, he about shit a brick. He asked me when she and Jasper broke up."

"What?!?" Jasper shrieked into my ear.

"Well, you two did hang out a lot in high school," I reasoned; though, I felt a twinge of totally unfounded jealousy. I just didn't like people thinking that Jasper was something he wasn't; especially, when that something was supposedly dating my sister.

"Yeah, and we spent most of that time shopping," Alice snorted.

"What'd you tell him?" Jasper asked.

"Uh, I hope this is okay, but I told him that he was thinking of the wrong twin."

"I bet that went over his head," I smirked.

Seth laughed, "It did! So, I said point blank that the two of you were together. I'm sorry; I was sort of caught off guard."

"Doesn't bother me at all," I said. I actually felt a little relieved.

I felt Jasper's lips on the back of my neck.

"Me neither," Jasper responded. "Though, it will make the 10 year reunion somewhat less entertaining now that our whole class probably knows."

Seth exhaled with relief.

"Well, I don't know if your whole class knows, because Mike looked really uncomfortable with the information."

"I knew it! He _did_ have a crush on you," Jasper teased.

"No, it's probably because he was in my gym class, and now, he's worried that I've seen his dick."

"You didn't sneak a peak at _Newton_, did you?"

"Are you kidding me? I kept my eyes up higher than anyone. Though, if _you_ had been in my gym class, then all bets would have been off."

I turned to capture Jasper's lips in mine as he pulled me into him a little tighter, humming in agreement.

I had to admit I was a little surprised. I always kind of assumed that everyone had figured out that I was gay during high school. I never dated any girls, and I stopped letting girls make out with me at parties around the time a certain blond moved into town. Then again, since graduating, I hadn't spent any significant amount of time in Forks, so no one had ever seen Jasper and I together. I'm sure the Hales weren't shouting from the rooftops that their son was gay, and my own parents probably didn't think it was anyone's business.

I got up to freshen drinks, and Jasper followed me with empty glasses into the kitchen. I took the opportunity to deepen the kiss we had started in the living room. Once we parted for a breath, I pulled away and searched his eyes.

"So, you really don't care if people in Forks, people we went to high school with, know we're together?" I asked Jasper.

"I'm _glad_ they know," he responded immediately.

I must have had a questioning look on my face, because he continued.

"I know I tried to hide in high school, and you did too. I'm not really proud of it, but it was necessary. I mean, I was on the wrestling team. Can you imagine what would have happened to me if anyone found out? But, the older I get, the less I feel like that kid who was afraid revealing my true self. Being gay is part of who I am. You, Edward Cullen, are a part of who I am, too. I don't care what the people of Forks think, but I'd much rather they know the truth than not. I always feel like I'm hiding something whenever I go home, and I think that feeling will go away now."

I loved this man.

I almost kicked our remaining friends out of our apartment so I could have my way with him.

I had to force horny Edward to wait.

I did the next best thing and spun a startled Jasper around, so I could grab his hips and rub my growing arousal against his backside.

"Why would you do that?" Jasper whimpered.

"If I have to suffer, so do you," I breathed into his ear before walking out into the living room.

Eventually, after reminiscing for another hour, the respective couples decided to break apart for the evening.

Even though it was pretty late, after we cleaned things up from the party, I was surprised to find that I was still wide awake. After I started the final load of dishes, I found that Jasper, too, was still up, sitting on our couch, watching an infomercial for an ice cream maker.

That gave me an idea.

I leaned over the couch and whispered in his ear,

"Meet me in the bedroom."

He turned around to look at me with wide eyes but grinned and nodded back at me.

I nearly skipped into the kitchen and quickly went to the fridge to retrieve a few items. I walked into the bedroom holding my supplies behind my back. Jasper was lying in bed in nothing but a pair of rather skimpy black briefs, his arms behind his head and his ankles crossed.

"What have you got planned?" He nodded toward my arms.

"What have _you_ got planned?" I asked back. "You had on a lot more clothing a minute ago."

He looked at me and licked his lips. Then, making sure my eyes were on him, he sat up slowly as he uncrossed his ankles, rising up to his knees. He slowly hooked his thumbs under the waistband of the briefs and ever so slowly slid them down his thighs. My eyes honed in on his swollen cock as he settled back down onto the bed, fully removing the piece of black cloth and tossing it aside.

Jasper's strip teases killed me.

He knew it.

Slowly, I revealed the chocolate syrup and can of whipped cream from behind my back.

Jasper's eyes grew first wide, then hooded with desire.

"Lay back," I whispered, my breath catching in my throat at the sight of his naked form.

He leaned back, propping himself up against the pillows so he could watch me. I crawled toward him, raking his body with my eyes, trying to decide where to start. I turned the bottle of chocolate over and drew a line of syrup up his inner thigh, then licked my way up it, lapping up the chocolate as I went. When I reached the end, my nose was almost buried in his ball sack, and I took a moment to inhale his musk. I turned the chocolate bottle over a second time and dribbled a few drops of chocolate on the delicate area. I gently ran my tongue across and around each nut, tugging them gently into my mouth one at a time.

Jasper hissed in approval.

I handed the can of whipped cream to him.

"You spray. I lick." I ordered.

He grinned at me.

He started high, squirting a dab of fluffy cream on each of his nipples; which, I greedily licked off him, nibbling a little at the peaks, hardened from his arousal and from the colder temperature of the whipped cream. Then, he drew a trail down the front of his body, stopping with a large glob in his belly button.

Jasper knew how much I loved his chest. Even after nearly two years of being able to rub my hands across his broad chest and firm washboard whenever I wanted, I still ogled him on a daily basis. So, I took my time, licking down the front of his body, reveling in the feeling of his shivering against the feather-light touches of my tongue. I let my fingertips graze his pecs and trailed down lower, ending at his belly button; which, I dipped into hungrily, thoroughly lapping up any trace of the whipped cream.

Jasper giggled as I finished making work of his navel.

It was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard come out of his mouth.

"You're going to make yourself sick if I put this everywhere I want your tongue," he said flirtatiously.

"Try me."

It had been a long time since I had taken my time to worship his beautiful body. I wasn't about to stop.

"Okay," he bit his lip seductively. "But, you're going to have to help."

He pushed himself up to a sitting position, then turned around and got on all fours in front of me. He balanced on one arm then reached the can around behind him.

"Tell me if I'm getting it in the right places."

He started at the top of his ass crack, but hesitated because he couldn't see where it was going.

"Just put it everywhere," I whispered.

He moved the can back and forth in a sweeping motion. Then he dropped onto his elbows, gripping his pillow tight in anticipation.

I started at his left ass cheek. I traced slowly over the beautiful curve of his buttocks, lapping at the whipped cream as Jasper moaned softly into the pillow. I moved over to the center of his beautiful fleshy mounds and traced down the crack. His body began to quiver. I continued my path over to the right. I couldn't help it; I lowered my lips, sucking and biting at his perfect flesh. It was going to leave a mark, but I didn't care. Also, Jasper wasn't complaining. In fact, he had reached underneath his body and had his hand wrapped around his manhood.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" I scolded.

"Feels... so... good..." he moaned.

His noises spurred me on. I grabbed both of his ass cheeks and spread them apart slightly, so I could flatten my tongue and lick roughly up his crack.

"Fuck, babe," Jasper cried out.

I reached around to grab his wrist, stopping his ministrations.

I wasn't ready for this to end.

"Please," he whimpered.

As if I could deny him anything.

"Okay," I whispered, as I sat back and returned my tongue to his tight hole. I kneaded both of his ass cheeks, licking around the rim. His hips bucked slightly as his hand kept up its rhythmic pumping. No sooner than the first dip into his pucker, I could feel him tense and release with a loud, "Oh, Ed."

I couldn't help smiling when he screamed my name like that.

He buried his face into the pillow, but I could hear him panting loudly. I licked the remnants of the whipped cream off his cheeks, then sat back on my heels, watching him come down from his orgasm.

Eventually, he turned around to face me and my amused expression.

"How do last so long when I tease you?" He shook his head, "Being on the other side of things, I don't know how you stand it."

"I love the way you tease me," I smirked.

"Not this time," he said, and then, he pounced.

In one swift movement, I was on my back, my pants were unzipped and my dick was free from its dark blue enclosure. A second later, Jasper's lips were parting.

He immediately took me deep into his throat.

There was no teasing about it.

* * *

**A/N:** Incidentally, I love SpaghettiOs. I grew up on that stuff.

First, I have to say how absolutely floored I am that this story was reviewed on PPSS. (That's http://www(dot)pervpackssmutshack(dot)com.) I'm still stunned that some of the writers I love and adore have read my little story. Thank you so, so much for the rec and review!

Second, thank you to all of the readers of this story, both old and new, for your reviews and adding this to favorite and alert lists. I've reached an awful period of writer's block and am dealing with some personal issues, and I'd probably give up were it not for all of you. The good news is, I think I'm slowly starting to come out of it and will be able to finish SMIH in a timely fashion. We're nearing the home stretch.

Third, I've decided that I don't mind if I am e-stalked on Twitter, even though I'm the most boring person in the world. I'm there as tuesdaymidnight, so find me if you'd like. I like to tweet obscure song lyrics.

Fourth, if you read and liked "Permanent," one of my one-shot entries to the Slash Backslash Contest, you should know that I am turning it into a three-shot. The second installment was posted last week (or so), and the upcoming third part will include my first threesome ever. Yikes!

/end epic A/N.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I don't own The Princess Bride either, but Wesley was totally my first crush. "As...... you...... wish......"

**A/N:** As always, I have to thank the beautiful and talented PerfectlyPersuasive for being an awesome beta. I also have to thank all of you lovely readers who review and add this story to alert and favorite lists. Links to my random pop culture references on my profile.

* * *

Jasper cooked me dinner on Valentine's Day.

He had wanted it to be a surprise, but I overheard him getting instructions from Grandma Hale on the phone. I then insisted on being around in case he set something on fire. He relented, only after I swore up and down that I wouldn't hover and that I would sit at the counter while he worked and keep my mouth shut about his cooking techniques.

It was hard not to tell him the better way to hold the santoku knife or that béchamel sauce was always better with a touch of freshly ground nutmeg, but I managed to hold my tongue.

He made Grandma Hale's chicken and dumplings. It was very down home, very comforting, and very delicious. I was glad I had kept my mouth shut.

He offered to run up to Bella and Alice's to get a bottle of wine so I could have a glass with dessert, but I declined. I noticed at New Year's that while Jasper took a glass of champagne to toast with, he didn't drink any of it. He confessed to me that he thought not even considering champagne an option helped him stay in the sobriety mentality. He seemed so apologetic; it took a lot of reassurance on my part to tell him that we didn't need champagne to celebrate. I was perfectly happy not drinking or keeping any alcohol in the house. I occasionally had a beer at Emmett's or a glass of wine with one of Bella's meals, but I didn't feel like I was depriving myself of anything. It was hard to convince Jasper of that, though, and I knew he felt guilty about it.

"Jazz, do you remember back during freshman year, when I saw you at that party?"

He winced. This probably wasn't the best thing to bring up on Valentine's Day, but I had to make him understand.

"Listen to me, Jasper, please. It's in the past, now. You weren't ready to be in a relationship with me, and I think we both had some growing to do. But, did I ever tell you that that night I drank myself into fucking oblivion?"

Jasper bit down on his lip and shook his head. "I'll never make it up to you, breaking your heart the way I did," he said softly, his pain echoing through the room.

I got up out of my chair, crossed the room and knelt beside him.

"Don't you dare apologize or feel guilty. Everything we went through made us who we are and made us both stronger, and I wouldn't trade what I have with you now for anything in the world. You're a different person than you were back then."

He nodded almost imperceptibly.

I got up and pulled him out of his chair. I led him into the living room and pulled him onto the couch where I could hold onto him. I leaned back in the corner of the couch and guided him to sit with his back to me. I knew it would be harder for him if we were face to face.

"You listen to me, Jasper Hale," I said firmly next to his ear. "There is nothing for you to make up to me. I could have gone to you and talked to you and told you how I felt. I didn't have to wait for you to do it, you know. But, baby, it doesn't matter now. That feels like so long ago, and you're stuck with me now. I love you whether you like it or not."

I could feel his body relax against me.

"I love you, too, Ed," he paused. "It's just hard to talk about."

"I know," I agreed, running the tips of my fingers along his arm to sooth him. "But, hear me out."

He nodded.

"I drank myself into a stupor that night. It was partly because of you, but it was partly because I was overwhelmed with everything. I know you think I transitioned to college really easily, but you know I let the stress get to me. Seeing you, well, it just pushed me over the edge."

He tensed again.

"I spent most of my night in the dorm bathroom hunched over a toilet, puking my guts out. I know what it's like to use alcohol to escape or avoid your problems. I've been tempted to since then. Then, I remember that night, though, and I know I don't want to do that ever again. I don't want to lose myself like that. I like having control of my faculties," I paused. "I've talked to my dad about this, and with my anxiety and panic attacks, it's really better for me if I keep myself as physically healthy as possible – a balanced diet with regular exercise, blah, blah, blah. So, I don't just agree to not keep alcohol in the house for your sake; it's for mine, too."

He turned to look at me, but I put a finger to his lips.

"I have a beer occasionally, or wine with dinner, but I treat it like a special occasion and I don't do it to get drunk. I can't. It's not a sacrifice for me at all to not have alcohol always on hand, even though Emmett would be more than happy to supply it. You are infinitely more important to me than any silly frat boy shit. Besides, Emmett does his best to get us into enough trouble sober."

Jasper turned fully then, so that he was sitting on his knees between my legs. He wrapped his arms around my neck tightly and murmured into my neck,

"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you."

"You probably saved children from burning buildings and found homes for lost puppies in a past life," I teased.

"Mmm, probably," he said, gently pressing his lips to mine in a tender kiss.

After he pulled away, I broke in, "Can we have dessert now? With coffee?"

He laughed and grabbed my hand as we went back into the kitchen.

I was shocked beyond belief when Jasper pulled a pecan pie out of the oven. He confessed that Bella had put it together, leaving only the baking for him to pull off, but it was still terribly sweet of him to go out of his way to get me my favorite dessert. It was all I could do not to just jump him in the kitchen, but that would have been a waste of freshly baked pecan pie.

When we began to make love that night, it was clear that something had shifted in our relationship. Jasper was neither playful nor firm as he often was. Instead, he was completely and utterly loving. The way he caressed my body with his fingertips and his tongue spoke the words he hadn't vocalized earlier.

Neither of us were in any hurry to rush things, but when he coated his fingers with lube, I was more than ready to receive him. I was anticipating his two slick fingers entering my hole, but instead. he shocked me by sitting back, spreading his legs and pressing them into his own. If there was anything more erotic than Jasper finger-fucking himself, I have yet to see it. I sat agape from the head of the bed while I watched him thrust into himself, his eyes set on my face and its likely agog expression. I finally managed to pull my eyes up to meet his.

"Fuck," was the only word that whispered out of my mouth.

"In a minute, babe," his silky drawl responded.

As much as I was enjoying the show, I couldn't refrain any longer. I crawled gracelessly toward him and fastened my lips to his neck.

"You enjoy the show I take it?" he breathed into my ear.

"You have no idea--" I trailed off when the cool feeling of lubricant hit my erection as Jasper began to coat me.

I couldn't speak any longer as Jasper guided me into his waiting body. He relinquished control then, and I couldn't contain myself. What could have continued as a romantic evening of hushed words and passionate caresses, turned into hard, intense fucking that left both of us so spent, neither one of our anal retentive tendencies kicked in when I picked my t-shirt up from the floor, wiped us both off, and threw it in the corner. I think we both passed out less than a minute later.

I woke up in a thoughtful mood the next morning. When I reflected on the night before, I realized that we still had room to grow, but that growth was a good thing. Despite the point we reached in our relationship, it would always keep evolving. The dynamic would shift. Right now, Jasper needed me to be strong for him because he was still trying to overcome his past wrongs, and I had to show him that my love for him was unconditional. That, I needed him just as much as he needed me.

When he shifted beside me, I looked down at him and smiled into his just waking gray-blue eyes.

"What are you so happy about?" his sleep-filled voice was dry and gravelly, and I found it way sexier than I should.

"Just thinking about us."

"What about us?" he smirked, his eyes still trying to focus.

"Oh, just how good we are for each other." I leaned in to press my lips against his, morning breath be damned. "And, how well we fit together," I finished in a whisper.

I could feel his lips curve up before he spoke, "We do fit nicely together, don't we?"

It was just as his morning wood pressed into my hip when an obnoxious buzz came from his bedside table.

"Dammit!" he groaned at his alarm clock.

"The real world awaits," I echoed his groan.

We lay in silence for a minute, not wanting to be the first one to break the magic spell of bed and admit that it was a weekday morning and we had obligations to get to.

Finally, Jasper spoke.

"How about we skip our morning run and fuck in the shower instead?"

"I'd say that counts as aerobic activity," I said slowly, grinning at the sexy man beside me.

"I think we can probably work some balance and flexibility training in there, too," he said matter-of-factly.

Without saying a word, I got out of bed and pulled Jasper into the bathroom, where we proceeded to enjoy a morning workout. All in all, it was a damn good way to start my day.

Later that week, I was summoned to Alice and Bella's place for a movie night. My week had gone downhill since Valentine's Day, and I really wasn't in the mood to be social. Alice managed to twist my arm, anyway. Once I got there and found Alice and Rosalie in sweatpants and no makeup, I quickly realized that I had been invited for a girl's night. I didn't know exactly how to feel about that, but I didn't think I liked it.

Sensing my annoyance, Alice herded me into the kitchen almost immediately.

"What?" she asked me, standing in what Emmett always referred to as "girl stance," with hands on hips and weight shifted on one foot.

"Nothing, Ali," I snapped.

"Don't 'nothing' me. I know what's bothering you, and you know what's bothering you. So, just say it. Don't do the 'Edward bottling things up' thing."

For a moment, I considered being petulant, but there was really no getting around my twin's wrath.

"I just... I know you and Bella and I used to do movie nights, but... when did I become one of the girls?" I finally just let it come out in a rush.

"Where is this coming from, Eddie?"

"I don't know, really," I said honestly. "It's just that people always expect me to be a certain way, just because I'm gay. I know that you love me, and I'm always going to be your dopey twin brother... and that you don't mean anything by it..." I trailed off.

"What aren't you telling me?" Alice said, clearly still irritated.

I knew that she wouldn't lay off me until she got to the heart of the matter. I was trying to get better at not keeping things bottled up until they all imploded on me in a panic attack, but it was still no easy task for me.

"Oh, at work, at my internship, one the other interns just found out that I was gay."

"Did... he?" she asked. I nodded in confirmation of the gender. She continued, "Did he give you a hard time about it? Because you can talk to your professor or report it to the lab. It's illegal to discriminate."

"No, no, Ali, it wasn't like that. Blatant bigotry I can handle."

I fidgeted, and Alice relaxed her position, waiting for me to let it out.

"He, Stefan's his name, was just so... so incredulous to the fact that I was gay. He kept going on and on about how I don't _seem_ gay. I dress like a "normal" guy. I like sports. I don't talk like a gay guy. He just wouldn't let up about it!"

"Well, he's an ignorant, obnoxious asshole!" Alice was always good at reacting the way I wanted to.

"I know! I know! And, I shouldn't let him get to me. I just, felt like a sideshow exhibit all day. Like, I was the endangered gay straight guy or something."

"Did you say anything to him?"

"Well, I shrugged off most of his questions, but then, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I said yes, I think he just assumed that my boyfriend must be the stereotypical 'bitch' in the relationship, so he eased up. That made me madder, though, because Jasper's way more stereotypically _straight_ than I am! He has a hunting license for heaven's sake."

Alice sighed, but maintained her angry posture. "I can understand why that would make you mad, but that doesn't explain why you snapped at me."

"It's just hard to know who I am when I'm treated so differently by different people. I mean, he was treating me like he would any guy he presumed straight until he found out, and now he treats me like I'm freak because I don't 'act gay,' whatever that means. Then tonight, I'm the only one with a dick at a girl's night! It doesn't get much gayer than that. So, what am I?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Are you accusing me of something?"

"No, Ali. No," I sighed. "I just, sometimes, I still don't know where I fit in."

She paused for a moment and tilted her head in thought. Then, her eyes softened, and I knew she understood me. "Would it make you feel any better to know that when I shop with Jasper I force him to watch me model every outfit I try on?"

"Oh, please, he loves shopping with you."

"You've gone shopping with me before, Eddie. _No one_ likes shopping as much as I do."

"Okay, yeah, I would feel emasculated if you did that to me."

"He's gotten better at it over the years, and being in a relationship with you has made him a lot more confident. He still gets uncomfortable, though, being the gay best friend."

I nodded. Sometimes, hanging out with Bella became uncomfortable in public. She didn't really fit the bill of a "fag hag," either.

"Sometimes, the sales girls treat him like _their_ gay best friend. I think that's what irritates him the most. Women assuming that he's like a character they know from _Sex in the City_ and not a unique individual who might not want to bitch about boys. So, I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell him."

"What's that?"

"Honey, all you have to be is yourself."

"You sound like an after school special."

"I can't help it when the clichés are true!"

"That's not a cliché; you're quoting Ethan Hawke!"

Alice put her hands up in the air.

"Okay, you caught me. I should know better than to quote a 90s movie in front you. Seriously though, brother, so what if you fill the stereotype or you don't? You love Jasper, right?"

"More than anything," I responded immediately.

"And, you love him just the way he is, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, then isn't that all that really matters?"

"I know you're right. Loving Jasper is the easiest thing in the world. When I'm with him, it doesn't matter to me what other people think about us. I just don't know how to act around people sometimes when I'm by myself, or with Bella or Angela..." I trailed off.

Alice just smiled at me for a minute without speaking. She had a glint in her eye, and I knew what she meant.

"You and Jasper just get lost in your own little world together sometimes. You've been together almost two years now, and you still look like you can't get enough of each other."

Thinking about Jasper took me out of my melancholy, and a goofy grin was suddenly plastered on my face.

"And, you know what?" Ali continued. "Don't fight it if you do fit the stereotype sometimes. I mean, so what if you let Bella paint your toenails when you lived together."

"She told you that?" I could feel my cheeks turning red.

"Who told who what?" As if on cue, Bella waltzed into the kitchen.

"You told Alice that I let you paint my toenails."

"You should know by now that there's no hiding anything from Alice! I recommended a color to her, and she wanted to know why I knew it would go with her skin tone. Besides, she wouldn't say anything to anyone."

I just shook my head at her, but she knew I wasn't really mad.

"More importantly, do you notice anything different about me?" Bella asked coyly.

I eyed her up and down. Her hair was the same. Her outfit fell under what she called her "extreme casual" style.

And then something on her hand caught the light and shimmered.

"He finally did it!" I nearly shouted.

"You knew?" she gasped.

"I helped him pick out that hunk of rock on your finger, silly."

"I knew he didn't pick it out on his own!"

"He mostly did," I said scooping Bella up into a bear hug. "I just pointed him in the right direction."

"Well, you both have excellent taste," Bella grinned as I released her.

Alice sniffed.

"Oh, Alice, this ring is perfect for me and you know it. We don't all want our hand to be weighed down in carats."

"I know, I know," Alice said. "I just thought I would have been consulted."

"Sharing a womb and then living 18 years with you prepared me well enough, Ali."

"Oh, get over it, Alice!" Rosalie entered the kitchen. "You did a fabulous job helping Emmett pick out mine. Now, come on, I want to ogle Ryan Reynolds while I'm still single."

I popped some popcorn and then joined the girls out in the living room. Though we did put in a movie and we did ogle Ryan Reynolds, we spent a lot of the evening talking about what our respective significant others did for us for Valentine's Day. It made me feel like one of the girls, but after my talk with Alice, I realized I really didn't mind. I made Bella relay the way Jake proposed to her in detail, and even though she didn't really enjoy being the center of attention most of the time, I knew she was happy to share her engagement with us.

Despite feeling like I was succumbing to girliness by the end of the evening, I had a nice time just relaxing and talking about frivolous things. I may have even let Alice paint my toenails, which made her so strangely joyous, I had to ask.

"Eddie, I grew up with two brothers. Do you know how many times I wanted to give you a makeover?"

"We played dress-up when we were kids!"

"Yeah, and you stopped playing with me when you were about 10. Had I known you would have been open to nail polish, my whole adolescence might have been different."

I looked up at Bella, who just shook her head, trying not to laugh.

"Well, there wouldn't have been a soul at Forks High who didn't know that I was gay, that's for sure, but you realize, I'm drawing the line at the toe nails, right?"

"Not even a clear coat for your fingernails?" Alice pouted.

She knew I still felt guilty for snapping at her earlier, so it didn't take a lot for me to give in.

When I returned home that night, Jasper had laughed at my nails for a good solid five minutes before he was calm enough to speak. After he made fun of me and called Emmett to have him make fun of me, I made him get serious. We talked about my conversation with Alice, and I told Jasper about Stefan's reaction to me in the lab.

I knew that even though he was a proud gay man, he felt like a square peg in a round hole sometimes, too, but he did confirm that it always seemed easier to deal with when we were together.

"Shopping sometimes," he shook his head. "Once the conversation veers off of fashion, it just gets irritating. I don't care about celebrity gossip or who cheated on who or tiny rat dogs that you can carry in your purse."

"Don't care about celebrities? You read _In Style_!"

"Just because there are celebrities in it, doesn't mean it's gossip. Wait, how do you know that there are celebrities in _In Style_?"

"Well, sometimes they have recipes in there for entertaining," I said meekly. "Bella showed me."

Jasper, thankfully, knew better than to tease me further, so he just gave me a knowing smirk.

"So, you want me to come visit you at the lab sometime, babe?" he asked.

"What are you suggesting?" A brief image of Jasper wearing a white coat bending me over a lab table flickered in my head.

"What are _you_ thinking?"

I sighed, "Something that can't happen. I don't want to lose my internship."

"Nothing like that," Jasper snickered. "But, maybe, I ought to meet this clown you work with."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

He sighed. "You know, he probably doesn't know very many openly gay people. Maybe, he needs to see that not all of the stereotypes are true."

"Says my extremely well-dressed boyfriend," I couldn't stop myself, and before I knew it, I was wedged into a headlock.

"Okay, okay," I relented as I tried to wiggle myself out of his grip. "That's actually a much more reasonable way to handle it than anything I thought of."

Jasper released me and smiled at me smugly as I continued. "He probably doesn't know many gay guys. I mean, he's a Bio nerd like me. The only time sex comes up is when it has to do with cell reproduction."

Jasper got a gleam in his eye then, and effectively ended the conversation,

"Maybe you need a refresher course then?"

He proceeded to pin me down again with an entirely different intent, and this time, I didn't try to squirm out of it.

Even though I said I'd bring Jasper by the lab sometime. I successfully avoided it for a few weeks. We were both busy, trying to get ahead on our school work before we left for Spring Break. Though Jasper promised that we would go to Mexico, we both decided that we should save our money in case we didn't get steady work this summer. Odds were that I was going to be stuck with an unpaid internship, so I couldn't really afford to be traipsing around Mexico for a week. Especially since, we didn't want to go to any place like Cancun where there were always cheap Spring Break prices. Not to mention, we were also putting money aside to throw Emmett a bachelor party.

Instead, we just decided to go camping in Canada for a few days and planned to drive up to Garibaldi Park, north of Vancouver. It was close to our two year anniversary, and we both really wanted to spend some time alone, away from school, away from family, away from strangers and their prying assumptions, and away from all of the crazy women in our life talking about wedding plans. Even though Bella and Jake were planning on a long engagement, because Rosalie was in the throes of planning her summer wedding, which apparently was a short engagement, conversation generally tended in that direction. Emmett had been spending a lot of time hiding out in our apartment.

So, the last Friday before break, I was finishing up some work in the lab when Jasper came to pick me up. We were going to drive up to Vancouver, stay the night in a motel, and then make our way to the park in the morning.

He knocked on the partly ajar door to the makeshift office the interning students shared as I was just finishing entering some data. Chelsea and Stefan who were also completing some data entry looked up. Chelsea's jaw dropped a little, but Jasper, always unaware of how gorgeous he was didn't notice because his eyes were locked on mine. I knew that it was my call how to act with Jasper around my labmates, but his gray-blue gaze decided it for me. I stood up from my desk and walked up to Jasper, giving him a quick hug and a gentle kiss on the lips.

That was enough to get Stefan's attention as well, so I turned to both of them and introduced Jasper.

"Guys, this is my boyfriend, Jasper."

"Jasper, this is Chelsea and Stefan."

Jasper nodded to both of them.

"Nice to meet you both," a twinge of drawl in his voice.

I could see Stefan sizing Jasper up, clearly not sure what to do with this new development. Jasper was well-dressed, not to mention hot, but he wasn't a twink. If Jasper was aware that he was being scrutinized, which I'm sure he was, he chose to ignore it.

"You about ready to go?"

"Yep," I answered. "I just finished entering my data about a minute ago. I'm ready to get the hell out of here."

"Are you two going somewhere for Spring Break?" Chelsea managed to regain her voice.

"Yeah, we're going up to Canada," I answered.

"Skiing?" she suggested.

"Nah, we're going camping."

I turned to see how Stefan was taking in the information. Much to my amusement, he looked confused.

"Edward, I didn't take you for an outdoorsman," he said awkwardly.

Jasper snorted at me, because I really wasn't.

"Well, I wouldn't call myself an outdoorsman, not like Jasper. But, I used to go camping a lot growing up."

"Oh, yeah?" he looked back and forth to both Jasper and me, trying to process this new development. "You're an outdoorsman?"

Jasper just shrugged. "I don't know about all that. I fish; I hunt; I hike; I camp; I used to work summers on a cattle ranch. I guess I know my way around the outdoors."

Jasper turned away from Stefan's confused face and back to me, "Ready, babe?"

"Yeah, let's go." I grabbed my coat and turned to my two labmates – one confused and one fighting her curious arousal. "Bye, guys! Have a good break!"

As soon as we were out of earshot, Jasper started chuckling.

"Wow, that boy is sheltered."

"No kidding," I agreed. "I think his parents are from somewhere in Eastern Europe where there's not a lot of open homosexuality."

"It's a good thing I didn't do this then."

He turned toward me and pressed me against a wall, kissing me languidly.

"Mmm..." I said after he broke away. "That probably would have made his head explode. Now, come on, let's get away from this place."

Everything went according to plan, and Saturday morning, we found ourselves entering the park. We spent the first day hiking to the campsite. I wasn't lying to Stefan. My dad took us camping all the time when Em and I were kids, but this was something different entirely. When Jasper Hale camped, he didn't go half-assed. Even though we were in a provincial park with designated campsites, he still went out into the wilderness in as remote a location as possible. I was a little worried because even though it was mild during the day, temperatures dipped quite a bit at night. Jasper insisted that winter camping was "fun," and that I should just sit back and enjoy it.

I was exhausted by the time we reached camp. I begrudgingly helped him set up our four season tent, but I could only watch, wrapped in a thermal blanket, as he set up a fire and his camping stove to boil some water. I didn't know how Les Stroud could do this with only a pocket tool and a harmonica. I was starting to worry that Jasper was going to start setting animal traps when he procured some freeze-dried noodle soup and peanut butter sandwiches he made before we set out for the campsite.

We should have slept in mummy-style sleeping bags, separately, Jasper said, but I couldn't bear the thought of not curling up next to him. So, we had sort of a makeshift sleeping bag that we fashioned out of two traditionally-shaped sleeping bags and put sleeping pads underneath. Everything was made out of some high tech material, and I figured our body heat would make up for it. We'd have to sleep close, which I had no problem with.

I was so tired that first night, that I fell asleep almost immediately after tucking myself against Jasper's side, barely noticing the hard ground beneath me.

I woke up a little stiff and sore the next morning, but hearing the birds chirping and seeing the sun make its way over the horizon and up over the trees made it worth it. Jasper and I had a relaxing morning, sipping instant coffee and eating reconstituted scrambled eggs and frying pan biscuits which were remarkably good.

It warmed up enough during the day that we went for a long hike. There wasn't a lot of gradation in the elevation, for which I was grateful. Even though Jasper scoffed a little, we hiked along a marked trail up to one of the lakes in the park.

Breathtaking didn't even come close to describing the still water of the lake. The surrounding trees were reflected in a near-perfect mirror image in the water. Even though the deciduous trees had yet to sprout leaves, the pine and fir trees added a bit of color to the scene. It made me wish that I had brought a camera, because it was an image I never wanted to forget. Luckily, Jasper had anticipated potential photo ops, and he pulled his small camera out of one of his many cargo pockets.

We spent an hour at the lake. The sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, so it was almost warm as we lounged around on its banks. We had been eating what Jasper called "gorp" as we hiked, but I was still famished. We ate a quick lunch that consisted of energy bars and jerky. I found that I was quickly discovering a love for turkey jerky.

Jasper took a few more pictures before we left, when the sun was lower and creating shadows. He looked so thoughtful as he tried out different angles.

"I think I want to start drawing again," he said thoughtfully. "I used to really enjoy it. It was a good outlet."

I knew that Jasper sketched. Alice told me he was talented, but he didn't like showing me his drawings. They were mostly fashion designs and I think he was a little embarrassed about them. He told me that father found his sketchbook once and pretended he didn't exist for about a week.

After he set the camera down, I got up and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Going to try your hand at landscapes?" we were standing on an incline, so I was able to rest my chin on his shoulder.

"I think so," he said, looking out at the trees and their perfect reflection in the still water.

"I think that's a great idea, to start drawing again," I said. "I know it's not quite the same thing, but playing the piano has really helped keep me sane."

"Will you play for me sometime?" he turned to capture my lips in his.

"Will you show me your drawings?"

"If you play the piano for me."

"Well, then, yes. Whenever you want."

The way he smiled at me in response made my heart melt. I don't know why I hadn't played for him before. I always went to the practice rooms at weird times, usually when I wanted to be alone and often late at night when Jasper was buried in history books. I never really got used to playing in front of people, other than my mom. It was something important about me, though. I wanted to share my life with Jasper, and that included everything about me.

When we got back to our camp, I offered to make dinner so Jasper could have some time to draw before we lost the sunlight. It was weird having Jasper cook for me the night before anyway.

That second night, despite the hiking we did during the day, I wasn't tired enough to fall asleep right away. At first, I really enjoyed the silence, until I heard the sounds of the forest come alive. Jasper was out cold next to me, and I didn't want to wake him. When something howled for the second time, though, I threw myself against his body.

"Wha- what? What's wrong, babe?" a startled Jasper awoke.

I didn't say anything as I debated about whether or not I wanted to own up to my cowardliness.

The third howl made the decision for me.

I threw my arm around Jasper and buried my face in his warm neck.

"What was that?" I whispered.

His body started shaking, and I could feel him trying not to laugh.

"Probably just a coyote."

"You think this is funny?"

"No, no. But the odds of a coyote attacking us are really small, and we've stored all the food really tightly."

"Okay," I whispered, but my hesitation was obvious. "And, you... you're sure it wasn't a cougar?"

"Most of the Canadian cougars left in the wild are on Vancouver island."

"That's not very reassuring," I squeaked out.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, cougars definitely don't sound like that, babe."

We lay in silence for a moment as Jasper wrapped his arms around me. He stopped laughing when he realized that I was actually scared.

"Jasper," I whispered.

"Yes, Ed?"

"When do bears come out of hibernation?"

He chuckled softly. "I told you not to watch that show on bear attacks."

"They randomly attack sometimes, you know, black bears and grizzly bears, and wouldn't they be more irritable when they are waking up out of hibernation?"

"You don't need to worry about irritable grizzlies, babe."

"Are you sure?"

He silenced my question by rolling us over so that he was on top of me and his tongue was doing a quick tango with the sensitive flesh of my ear.

"Yes," he whispered breathily into my ear. "I'm sure."

"Okay," I squeaked out.

He kissed me until I was a senseless puddle underneath him. He pulled away until he was balanced on his elbows on top of me, looking down into my eyes with such an intense expression that it went straight to my dick. Unfortunately, another howl in the distance broke the spell, and I think he could see the irrational fear in my eyes battling with the lust. He leaned down and murmured, "I'll keep you safe," into my ear. Then he lay back down and wrapped himself protectively around me.

"I'm sorry I'm acting like such a pussy," I whispered to him.

"Don't worry about it, love. There are a lot of strange noises in the woods at night. Anyway, you're making me feel really manly."

"Hmph," I murmured sleepily into his chest. "You already are manly."

If he responded, I didn't hear him, because the next thing I remember was waking up still tucked in his arms.

"See?" his voice broke the morning silence. "I kept the bears away for you."

I groaned.

"You're not going to let me forget about this, are you?"

"I thought you were cute last night," he teased. "But, don't worry, I won't tell Em."

A cackle escaped my lips. "Go ahead. I own Em on embarrassing camping stories."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, I probably shouldn't tell you, but one of the last times we went camping with Dad... we were probably 14 and 15, he freaked the fuck out over a possum."

Jasper burst out laughing.

"A possum?"

"Yeah, this was during the summer, and it was unseasonably hot. So, one night, Em was just sleeping on top of his sleeping bag. Anyway, this possum managed to get into our tent, and it brushed past his feet. He shrieked like Alice and ran out of the tent."

Jasper was practically guffawing at this point.

"That's not the best part. It was a new moon so there wasn't much light outside, and he tripped over our fire pit and face-planted in the ash pile from our fire. In his defense, once we figured out what was going on and found a flashlight, we eventually found the possum trying to get into our food. It was the biggest possum I've ever seen in my life. It was like an R.O.U.S."

"An R.O.U.S.?" Jasper gasped, trying to catch his breath.

"A rodent of unusual size." I filled in.

"Oh yeah! Rosie made me watch that movie all the time growing up," Jasper's laughter was starting to calm down.

"Yeah, Dad and I have been teasing him about the R.O.U.S. for years."

"Remind me to bring that out on a special occasion," Jasper said maliciously.

"Just tell him that my dad told you," I said.

Eventually, we crawled out of our warm cocoon and had breakfast. That day, Jasper decided that he wanted to go tracking. I think he was partly trying to prove to me that there were no bears in the area, and that the coyote we heard the night before didn't come anywhere near our camp. With Jasper's knowledge and keen eye, we found a lot of deer tracks and some elk prints in a grassy area. We even found what Jasper guessed was a fox den.

Eventually, we did uncover some coyote tracks. They weren't far enough from our campsite for me to be completely comforted, but Jasper did show me the snowshoe hare tracks that the coyotes had been following.

"See, babe," he reasoned. "There's no way a coyote would bother us when it could have a nice, juicy hare."

I teased him about setting traps, and he said, in all seriousness, "I would, but since we're in a provincial park, trapping is prohibited."

"I was kidding," I said.

"I know," he said with a nod. "I wasn't."

"Well, maybe next time we can just go out in the middle of nowhere and live off the land."

"Aw, I love you for suggesting it, but I'm willing to stick to parks, babe."

"Good," I exhaled. "I don't think I could bring myself to eat a bunny."

He just laughed and shook his head.

By the third night, I was beginning to feel a little more energized. When we laid down to go to sleep, I couldn't keep my hands to myself and, quickly, had Jasper matching my aroused state. I shoved my hand underneath his long johns and wrapped it around his length. A moment later, I felt his lips attach to my neck.

It was pitch black in the tent, which only served to heighten the sensation of Jasper's lips and hands peppering my body. I decided that when we got back home, we were going to have to play with blindfolds. The air outside our tent was chilly, but the heat we were creating in the tent was enough for me to break apart from Jasper and whip off the sweatshirt I was wearing over my long-sleeved thermal. It was all the break Jasper needed to roll us over so he was on top of me making quick work of my sweatpants and long underwear in a swift motion.

"Shit!" I exclaimed, once my brain caught up to what was going to happen.

"What, babe?" Jasper panted. "Are you too cold?"

"No, no, that's not it," I sat up and frantically started scrambling for my backpack. "We need lube."

He pulled me back down and silence me with a kiss.

"I'll get it, babe. You stay warm."

After some bumping noises and softly muttered curses, Jasper returned to our sleeping bag nest and was placing wet kisses down my body.

I groaned. "No teasing, Jazz. I want you, now."

He made a small humming noise in agreement and the next thing I knew, a wet finger was pushing into me. When he slid his thickness into me a minute later, I nearly cried with the sensation.

"God damn, you feel so good inside me."

He leaned forward to kiss me while he pumped in and out of me, my dick sandwiched between our bodies, but eventually my moans ceased being entirely pleasurable.

"Are you all right, Ed?" Jasper questioned as he propped himself up.

"The ground's a little hard on my back," I admitted. "But, it felt so good."

He kissed my forehead gently.

"You should have said something sooner, babe."

He pulled out of me and gently guided me until I was on my elbows and knees, my ass sticking up in the air.

"Think your knees can take it?" he asked into my ear as his warm body pressed against mine and he re-entered my waiting hole.

"Mmm hmm," I nodded, even though I knew Jasper couldn't see me in the dark. "Not gonna last long."

"Ugh, me neither," he said, resuming his rhythm.

As predicted, it wasn't much longer before Jasper's hand reached around and began to pump me as his thrusts sped up erratically. I could feel myself getting increasingly louder as I felt the approach of orgasm. Something about being in the dark, all alone in the woods, feeling Jasper's ministrations so acutely, made me just let myself go. I came into Jasper's hand with a scream that would have probably scared away both coyotes and grizzly bears, not to mention any other human beings crazy enough to be camping in early March.

"Fuck... That was... so hot... babe," Jasper panted out as he continued thrusting into me.

I could feel my knees starting to give out, so I gave him warning and lowered down onto my stomach. Apparently the change in position was all it took, because Jasper's own release came with a babbling slew of words. He lowered himself gently onto me, and I welcomed his weight.

I couldn't help it and started laughing after Jasper and I rolled apart.

"You gonna let me in?" he asked, a twinge of annoyance in his voice.

"We just had tent sex. We really are a Brokeback Mountain joke now."

Jasper snickered.

"You still have a lot to learn about being a cowboy," he teased.

"You could always show me,"

"Why would I do that? You already roped yourself a bull."

I groaned at his bad joke, but didn't say anything, because I appreciated the sweet sentiment behind it.

I slept like a baby that night and forgot all about the coyotes.

When the time came for us to pack up the camp and head home, I was actually a little depressed about it. It had been nice for it to just be me and Jasper together, and nice to just enjoy the silence. Admittedly, though, it would be nice to take a shower and sleep in our bed.

Still, it was with reluctance that I helped Jasper pile our gear into the car.

As soon as I had cell reception, I called Emmett.

"Hey, bro," he said.

"Four!" I said cheerfully, not bothering with a greeting.

"What?"

"Four _plus_ international waters."

"You son of a bitch," he said slowly.

"And don't tell me that Canada doesn't count. You need passports to get in now."

"I'll catch up eventually, little bro, mark my words."

"Emmett, you're getting married in a few months, doesn't that mean the end of your sex life as you know it?" I couldn't help but rib him about it; it helped hide my bitterness that Jasper and I didn't have the opportunity to get married.

"You underestimate your future sister-in-law," Emmett started.

I groaned. "Too much, Em. Too much."

"Says the man who lost his virginity ON MY BED!" I had to pull the phone away from my ear. It was loud enough that Jasper heard it from his position in the driver's seat, and he started laughing.

"Love you, too, Emmy," I said as I hung up the phone.

"He's not really still pissed about that, is he?" Jasper asked.

"Wouldn't you be?" I asked.

He looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I guess," he started. "But, I'm really glad I didn't lose my virginity in a dorm room."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Anyway, it was worth it. You're worth it."

He turned his head to me and smiled at me almost shyly before he spoke, "I wouldn't change it for anything."


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... but I'd love to take a crack at the Breaking Dawn script... of course, I'd turn it into a gay porn. *shrugs*

**A/N:** What's this? An update? I really have no good excuse, but luckily with the episodic nature of this story, I hope you don't feel like I've abandoned you. However, I am happy to say that SMIH has been completed. There are two more chapters that will be posted in the very, very near future...

Thank you to all the lovely ladies I've WC-ed with during the past three months, and a special thank you to OnTheTurningAway and egregiousgirl for reminding me of what happens in a wedding (Heh. Girlfail on my part) and to MissJend for finding me a minister who looks like James Bond. ;)

* * *

Summer vacation.

Those words were music to my ears. The last three summers had provided some of the best memories of my life, because they were memories with Jasper. This summer was a little different, though, because Jasper and I were both working. I wasn't taking any classes, but one of my professors in the Biology department had been impressed with my work all year that he recommended me for an internship in the Pediatric Oncology Department at one of Seattle's teaching hospitals. Though, I was doing a lot more sitting in seminars than actual lab work, I really enjoyed it and was learning a ton.

Jasper was still taking two classes during the summer term, so he would be able to graduate on time next May, but, as it turns out, he was able to find a job on campus that had a flexible schedule and was right up his alley. I had no idea that such jobs existed, but my sexy, rugged, camping-enthusiast boyfriend was working in the university library of all places, and not just the library, but in the university archives. Of course, this brought out a whole bunch of nerdy fantasies I never knew I had, but even better was that he really seemed to enjoy the work.

We settled into a pattern of getting up in the morning, working out, going to work, then spending the evenings together. Jasper often studied on campus after he got off work for an hour or two, so I usually got home before him and made dinner. I couldn't help but wonder if this was what our lives would be like once we were done with our schooling.

He came home one day during his second week of working, really excited about some letters he had found from a soldier written to his sweetheart during WWI. It did sound really interesting, but I was getting distracted. Jasper had worn contacts for as long as I had known him, but working around all the dust in the archives irritated them, so he switched to glasses. Even though he rarely wore them, Jasper, of course, had fashionable glasses. They were bold, black frames that somehow made his gray-blue eyes look even stormier.

"I have no idea why they're in our library of all places-"

I was trying to keep up with his explanation, but my mind couldn't help but wander a little, thinking about Jasper pulling the glasses slowly off his face, sucking the ear piece into his mouth.

"Babe," Jasper said loudly.

"Wha-" I snapped my head up to his eyes, and those sexy glasses.

"You were zoning out."

He looked a little put out, and I couldn't have that. So, I bore my eyes into his and took three quick steps to where he was standing. I palmed his dick through his khakis before carefully yanking the glasses off his face.

"Sorry, Mr. Hale," I murmured before I kissed him.

He snickered against my lips.

"Librarian fantasy?" He asked as he pulled away slightly, looking at my sheepish expression, the blush rising in my cheeks. "Really, Ed?"

"You look really hot in your glasses." My blush deepened. "And, you always come home smelling like old books."

He cupped my face in his hands and searched my eyes for a second. Then, he grinned and snatched his glasses back from me. When he put them on and pushed them up on the bridge of his nose, I moaned as my cock sprang to life.

He reached around to cup my ass, pulling me against him. His lips found my neck, and he rubbed himself against me, his dick also hardening between us.

"Only you would find the smell of old books arousing," he said quietly into my neck, his voice full of affection.

He began to unbuckle my belt, when I remembered what I had been doing before he came home.

"We don't have time," I groaned. "Emmett'll be here any minute for dinner."

"Frankly," Jasper said. "I don't give a shit if Emmett walks in to see his little brother sucking me off in the kitchen."

"What makes you think I'm going to be doing that?" I asked coyly.

"Because you disrupted _my_ library," he whispered in my ear.

Fuck.

I was on my knees seconds later and was unzipping his pants, finally freeing Jasper's length from the confines of some ridiculous blue, striped y-fronts. I licked him up and down enjoying his musky flavor, before finally taking him as deeply as I could. I concentrated on my ministrations for a few minutes, getting into a rhythm, before I looked up to see his bespectacled face gazing down at me with a look of pure adoration.

I let my left hand take the place of my right, where it had been wrapped at the base of Jasper's cock, and then allowed my right hand to drift down to my own erection. After getting my own trousers and boxers out of the way, I matched my strokes to the pace of my mouth working on Jasper.

"Yes, touch yourself, babe," Jasper's voice was practically breathless.

He was getting close, so I increased the suction and tried to take him deep in the back of my throat. The noises he made as he got closer and closer were causing my own body to react in turn.

I looked up at him once more and his eyes met mine.

"I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum," he panted, before I felt him pulse, then spill into my mouth.

It took a few more strokes of my hand before I was releasing Jasper from my mouth, so I could throw my head back as I came hard into my hand.

I sat back on my heels for a second as Jasper caught his breath against the counter. After he calmed down, Jasper leaned down and gently wrapped his fingers around the wrist of my spunk-covered hand, helping me up to my feet. He held my hand up to his face, and then his tongue darted out to lick my palm, lapping at my cum.

"Hey you guys!" Emmett gave his customary greeting and bounded into the kitchen. He stopped dead in his tracks. "Shit! I'm pretty sure I know what Jazz is licking off your hand, but can't you at least put your junk away while I'm here."

I had been so distracted by Jasper's tongue, I had forgotten that neither of us had zipped up.

"Oops," I said dryly.

Instead of immediately putting our stuff away, I took my free hand and slid it across Jasper's abdomen, then gave his still-sensitive dick a few gentle strokes before he helped me tuck himself back in. He finished cleaning off my hand before doing the same for me, even carefully zipping up my black pants. We both buckled our own belts while sharing a final kiss.

Only then did we turn to Emmett, who was standing with his eyes squinted shut, shaking his head slowly.

"It's safe," I told him.

He cautiously opened his eyes. "I deserved that, didn't I?" Emmett said.

"Yes," Jasper said. "But, don't think that even remotely covers for the time I walked into _my _bedroom to find your ugly mug eye-level with my sister's crotch while she was sitting spread eagle on _my_ desk."

"Emmett!" I scolded.

"Well, your mom was home, and we knew she'd never check for us in your room."

"Dude, I've seen my sister's pussy because of you!" Jasper looked horrified as he recollected the incident.

Emmett just laughed.

"Actually, I've seen your sister's pussy because of Em, too," I said to Jasper with a shudder.

"What? When was that?" Emmett asked.

"Well, technically I've just seen you two mid-fuck, but still - it was traumatizing." Jasper patted my back sympathetically.

"When WAS this?" Emmett insisted again.

"Does the hood of my Volvo ring any bells for you?"

"Oh yeah!" Emmett exclaimed, the glee apparent in his voice. "I forgot all about that!"

Jasper and I just groaned.

"Anyway, speaking of the future Mrs. Emmett Cullen, she wanted me to ask you how your toast was coming along."

Jasper and I both looked at each other with scared looks on our faces.

"You can tell her that it's coming along just fine," Jasper finally said, even though all three of us knew he was lying.

"Say no more," Emmett said. "I only promised I would ask. Now, Eddie, my boy, what's for dinner?"

All talk of wedding and Rosalie's anatomy thankfully stopped after that.

Shortly after Emmett had proposed last Christmas, he pulled Jasper and I aside, away from the swarm of Hales. He had looked startlingly solemn for Emmett.

"I have something to ask you guys."

Since he had on his rare, serious face, Jazz and I both just nodded for him to continue.

"Rosie and I are planning on getting hitched this summer. You know I love you, Eddie, and I love you like a brother, too, Jasper, so I want both of you to be my best men."

I, of course, agreed heartily, and I could tell by the glazed-over expression in Jasper's eyes, he was overwhelmed by the invitation.

"I always thought of you as a brother," Jazz finally said softly.

Emmett gave us each a brief and awkward man hug, pulling away quickly, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw him wipe his eyes. I filed it away for ammunition to use later.

Luckily, as best men, we didn't have a lot of responsibilities. Alice was just a bridesmaid, but since maid of honor Victoria was in Texas, my twin took over most of her duties. Not that she minded, and thankfully, Victoria was laid back enough to let Alice do her thing.

It was Alice who dragged Em and me to try on tuxedos later in May. Jasper, of course, was gleeful at the prospect and took the opportunity to try on more tuxes and suits than I thought existed in the entire world. I thought all tuxedos were essentially the same, other than the color, but apparently I was wrong. To make matters worse, not only were we supposedly waiting until the "last minute," but Rosalie still wasn't sure if she wanted us all in tuxes or if we should go with something a little less formal and lighter, since the wedding was in the summer. So, she let Alice and Jasper force all the groomsmen into a host of monkey suits and decide which was most universally flattering. Alice and Jasper had gone with Ben and Tyler, the other groomsmen, already, but Jasper insisted that he had only been there to consult and hadn't tried on anything himself.

Emmett and I grumbled through the entire process. Emmett maybe even more so than me. His get up was going to be slightly different from ours, so he had even more to try on. I was slowly getting used to shopping with Jasper, but seeing him around all the jackets, vests and ties was something else. He was like a kid in a candy store, wandering around wide-eyed at everything, feeling fabric between his fingers.

While I was trying on my third, or maybe fourth, tuxedo combination, Jasper slipped into the dressing room with me. He didn't say a word, instead pushing me up against the wall and kissing me to within an inch of my sanity. Just when I was about to rip off his street clothes, so he'd have to buy something to go home in, he pulled away from me. A pathetic whimper escaped my lips.

"What was that for?" I gasped.

"You look so fucking hot in a tux, I can barely stand it," he whispered.

Then, he was out of the dressing room like a dart, presumably before he did something stupid, like let me rip his clothes off. I sighed and went back to trying on whatever Alice shoved at me.

I was taking a break while Alice was fussing over Emmett, when Jasper came up to me wearing a very slim-fitting, dark gray, houndstooth number. The pants were snug against his strong legs and the jacket fit him like a glove, without making him look bulky the way a lot of men's suits did. Even I could tell it looked damn good on him. My boy could have been a model.

"You look hot, love," I said with an exhale.

He spun around for me slowly.

"I know," he said with a wink.

"That's not one of Alice and Rosalie's choices is it?"

"No, no. This is from the Gucci line. It's made with super 120 wool, so it's extremely soft. See, the longer lapel line makes the waist look narrower and the British rolled-shoulder pads make the shoulders broader."

I think my jaw dropped a little after his explanation.

"And, people don't think you're gay?" I teased.

"I'd punish you for that if this suit didn't cost more than three month's rent."

"Holy shit! I'd be afraid to try that on!"

"The clerk saw me admiring it. Once he realized I knew my shit, he insisted I try it on."

"Well, it does look amazing on you."

He gave a soft, wistful sigh and then returned to the fitting room.

Eventually, after being paraded around and prodded by Alice, she and Jasper conferred while Em and I changed back into our regular clothes. Once we came out of the dressing rooms, they announced that upon Rosalie's final approval, a decision had been made.

We Cullen brothers let out a collective "whoop" and high-fived.

"Don't get too excited," Alice smirked.

"Oh, Rose will trust the two of you's decision," Em said with remarkable confidence.

"It's not that, brother dear." Alice looked smugly at both of us. "You still have to come back for final fittings."

"Aw, man," Emmett whined.

I heaved a sigh. "Well, are you at least going to tell us what you chose?"

Jasper beamed at me, and I knew I said the right thing. He gestured to Alice to make the announcement while he went to grab the winning suits off the rack we had hung them on.

"We went with the classic black tuxedo, worsted wool, to save money, with the peak lapel jacket, silver vest and neck tie. White wingtip shirt underneath, of course. Emmett will be in tails and a striped tie to set him apart from the groomsmen."

Alice, who was bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, broke in: "We figure that it can still get pretty cool in the evening in June, and even though she denies it up and down, Rosalie wants a traditional wedding. Her dress will look too formal if you aren't in tuxes."

I nodded and smiled appropriately, but I was grateful when Emmett interrupted Alice by telling her she wasn't allowed to say anything else, because he didn't want to know what Rosalie's dress looked like.

He had it bad, but the shy smile he got on his face after the words were out of his mouth was enough to keep me quiet. Alice beamed.

"Aw, I knew you were a romantic at heart, Emmy."

"I'm a regular Don Juan," Emmett said dryly, ending the moment. "Now, I believe I was promised dinner at Vito's."

Vito's was a pizza place we had been going to our whole lives. My mom knew the owners, the Puccinis, and when our parents brought us to Seattle growing up, they would always take us there. Once we were old enough, they would leave us under the watchful eye of Mrs. Puccini, so they could have some kid-free time to themselves.

"Ah," Emmett said as we slide into the booth. "We haven't done this in a long time - a famous Cullen sibling dinner at Vito's."

"Does that mean I have to leave?" Jasper joked.

"Oh, come on, Jazz, you've been an honorary Cullen since you flour-bombed Mike Newton's car after the 'accidental' boob grab incident with Bella." Emmett clapped him on the back.

"That was you?" I gasped.

Jasper chuckled. "You never knew?"

"I always thought it was Jake!"

"Jake would never do something like that," Alice insisted. "He's more of a punch-Newton-in-the-face kind of guy."

"You knew about this, Ali?" I knew it was a dumb question as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Alice knew everything. "You weren't in on it, were you?"

She shook her head. "This was all Jasper, with a little help from Em."

I knew that Emmett had always been protective of Bella, because it was just hard not to be, but as far as I knew, Jasper and Bella had never been more than casual acquaintances until we started dating. "Why were you so concerned about Bella's honor?"

Jasper looked at me sheepishly. "She was your best friend," he finally answered.

I shook my head gently in dismay; he never ceased to amaze me. I just stared into his eyes for a moment, to have my gaze returned with an overflowing sense of love. Restaurant forgotten, I leaned in for a more-than-G-rated kiss.

"So, do you have your vows written yet, Emmy?" Alice's loud voice pulled me out of my Jasper-filled haze.

Even Jasper joined in on Em and my groan as the talk of the evening returned to the wedding.

Other than the final suit-fittings and writing the toast, we really only had one more task as best men until the day of the wedding.

So, the weekend before the wedding weekend, we had a bachelor party for Emmett. I'd seen enough movies to get an idea of what NOT to do at a bachelor party, but one evening the week prior, Alice had cornered us at home and asked what we were planning. So, we were forced to come up with something. Of course, Alice had to go into a million details about what she and Rosalie's other bridesmaids and maid of honor were planning for the hen party that was occurring the same evening. Frankly, it sounded like it could have been one of Dante's circles of Hell. It involved matching t-shirts and tiaras and Lord knows what else.

We were going to be a little more laid back than that, so the next day when Jasper suggested going to a strip club, I thought he was joking. Until, he admitted that it was actually Rosalie's idea.

"Your sister suggested that her future husband to go to a strip club?"

"Rosie isn't threatened by any of that. She gets a kick out of strip clubs."

"Rosalie goes to strip clubs?" I'm fairly certain my voice came out as a shriek.

Jasper laughed. "I know she's gone with Emmett before."

"How did this escape my attention? She goes _with_ Em. To strip clubs. To watch women take off their clothes and.. and gyrate?"

Jasper could barely stop laughing enough to respond. "I don't know if you've noticed this, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but my sister is stacked. She's got a killer body and she knows it. She isn't threatened if Emmett wants to sneak a peek. Frankly, I think she gets off on it."

So, that's how I found myself, with my brother, a group of his friends, my _dad_ and my boyfriend in a strip club on Saturday evening. Jasper's dad had politely declined our invitation. Jasper knew he would, but I didn't want to be rude, so we lucked out in that regard.

To make matters even more awkward, my father thought it would be funny to buy me a lap dance. I asked him how much he had been drinking, but he just laughed at me.

"You just want to make me uncomfortable, don't you?" I huffed.

"I admit it, Edward," he smirked. "I like seeing my cool and confident son get a little nonplussed. It's good for you to not be in control of everything."

"Don't you think my boyfriend might have a problem with this?"

I figured that Jasper, the love of my life, and the only other sober one at the table besides myself, would be on my side, but he just grinned at my dad and I. Carlisle took that as consent, and then called over a skinny, top-heavy redhead who was wearing what could best be described as black dental floss.

My dad did the talking. "He's too shy to ask, but my son here would like to request a dance."

I glared at my father and then at Jasper, who was struggling to keep a straight face. Unfortunately, I was just barely underage, because a drink surely would have helped in this situation.

The woman in front of me just gave me what I assumed was supposed to be a sexy smile and proceeded to wiggle her hips in front of me, slowly coming forward toward me.

I clamped my eyes shut and let my body go limp, hoping to endure the torture.

"Hey!" I heard Emmett's booming voice call out. "Look at Eddie! Getting some tail."

Great, now everyone in our group, and probably everyone within earshot of my brother's big mouth was focusing their attention on me and what was obviously my first, and god willing, last, lap dance.

I sneaked a peek every now and then. She had her back to me now and was swirling her hips, lowering them to where she was almost sitting in my lap, but not quite touching it.

I think my penis retracted inside my body.

"You're not enjoying yourself, sugar?" She leaned her body back and whispered into my ear, forcing me to open my eyes all the way to look at her.

I heard Jasper snicker.

"Well, it's nothing personal," I said as politely as I could to the stripper, Amber, I think her name was.

She turned around to face me, standing with her legs straddling my lap once again, thrusting her large, and clearly silicone breasts directly into my line of vision.

"You don't like redheads?" She guessed.

"I do prefer blonds," I said, sneaking a glance at Jasper. "But, it's not that."

"I bet I know your type. You look like a strong man who likes a like a thicker gal beneath him."

"You could say that," I said.

For some reason, she took that as a sign that I wanted her to rub her disproportionately large boobs in my face. That was the last straw. I had had enough. I threw my father a dirty look and raised my voice slightly,

"In fact, you could say I prefer my blonds about 6'3", with a broad chest," I reached out my hand to clasp Jasper's. "And a huge cock," I finished.

The stripper's mouth formed a perfect "o," then she backed away from me. My dad gave her an apologetic but reassuring grin, and handed her a wad of bills, what denomination I don't know. She gave a toothy smile, then shook her head playfully at Carlisle, winked at Jasper and I, and went back to work.

Only then did my dad lose it beside me, and then our whole table's laughter could be heard echoing through the room. Even Jasper was laughing beside me.

I pulled my hand out of his grasp and folded my arms across my chest.

He scooted his chair closer to mine so that our legs were touching.

"Don't pout, babe," he leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"It wasn't funny," I shook my head, but I couldn't help the corner of my lips from curling up.

"You looked repulsed! Then when she shoved her tits in your face," Jasper had to trail off because he started laughing too hard to continue.

I tried to picture Jasper in my place, and I couldn't help letting a laugh escape. It actually was kind of funny. I really did hope that the stripper wasn't offended, though, by my clear aversion to her.

We stayed so long, I thought we were going to get tossed out. Jasper and I had to pour everyone else into our cars. We took everyone back to their respective homes, which were luckily all close to campus, but we brought Em and my dad back to our place.

My dad was lit, but Emmett was loaded. I'd seen him worse, but I knew it had been awhile since he'd had so much to drink. Fortunately, though, he seemed to be falling asleep. We managed to get him on the couch and took off his shoes and socks, putting a garbage can beside the couch just in case.

The three of us were still awake and alert, so we went into the kitchen. I got my dad a glass of water, then brought out the tin of cookies I had baked earlier.

"Are you sure you're okay with the air-mattress, dad?" I asked. "Because Jazz and I can take it and you can have our bed."

"It's fine, Edward," my dad assured me. "It's only a full. You'd be uncomfortable sharing. Plus, I don't know how often you clean your sheets."

"Dad!" I hissed. "I wash them at least once a week!"

"He'd wash them every day if we didn't have to pay to use the washer and dryer."

My dad laughed. "Even so, I'm fine on the air mattress. Really."

I shook my head at my dad. I knew that there was an unspoken joke about the activities that happened in our bed, so I quickly changed the subject.

"Can you believe Emmett is getting married in a week? I mean, last month he almost drove to Forks to retrieve his old Legos when mom said she wanted to get rid of them to free up space in the attic."

Jasper snorted as my dad spoke, "You're telling me. I feel so old. My oldest son is getting married and is probably going to make me a grandfather before I turn 50. My twins are finishing college next year. I swear it was just yesterday that Ali was shoving you into one of your mother's white dresses, and forcing Emmett to be the groom so she could play 'wedding planner.'"

Jasper looked at my horrified expression and cracked up.

"You married Emmett?"

"Dad!"

My dad just grinned sloppily at me and reached over to ruffle my hair.

"You know how pushy Alice can be," I said defensively. "It was either that or Barbies."

"Please tell me there are pictures," Jasper ignored me and addressed my dad.

My dad gave a slight nod and mouthed "remind me" to my boyfriend.

"What is this? Pick on Edward day?" I huffed.

"Aw, don't be mad, babe. I won't tell anyone. I'm sure you were an adorable bride." He snaked his arms around me. I couldn't be mad with my beautiful man wrapped around me and my dad beaming up proudly, albeit drunkenly, at us.

We shot the shit with my dad for awhile before he grumbled about being too old to stay up any later. I drifted off to sleep that night thinking about how well Jasper fit into our family. He and my dad seemed so at ease with each other, more like friends than anything else.

The week passed by quickly. Alice, my mom, Rosalie and Mrs. Hale were all frenzied, so Emmett was a permanent fixture hiding in our apartment. Rosalie had moved out of the sorority house and in with Em after graduation, and they were planning to move closer to their respective jobs later in the summer. For the week before the wedding, however, Mrs. Hale had been staying with them to help with last minute preparations

It wasn't hard for Rosalie, with some help from Alice, to find Emmett's hiding spot, though. One day, I swear Alice came bursting in and dragged Em off our sofa by his ear.

The night before the wedding, after the rehearsal dinner, Emmett stayed the night at our place. Even though they had been going at it like bunnies for the past four years, for some reason Rosalie wanted to spend the night apart from Emmett.

When she dropped Em off at our apartment Jasper had said to her, "You think one night is going to miraculously restore your hymen? I think that ship sailed away from the backseat of Bobby Walker's LeBaron when you were 15."

Emmett had to grab Rosalie to stop her from launching at Jasper. I think the only thing that really stopped her from decking him was the fact that she didn't want a member of her bridal party to have a black eye in the wedding photos.

After she had been sufficiently placated by her fiancé, and I promised that there was no alcohol in the house for Emmett to consume, and Jasper apologized profusely, she left us for the evening. Jasper's phone rang about a minute later. He groaned, showing me Rosie's name and wandered into the kitchen. I heard him say, "I promise we'll go to bed early," before coming to join us in the living room.

"Bobby Walker, you say?" Emmett asked slowly, as Jasper settled down on the couch beside me. "Rosie would never tell me his name."

"As if you have room to get mad," I broke in. "You gave it up in all of 15 seconds to Christy Newton when you were a freshman."

Emmett laughed. "I resent that! It was easily 30 seconds."

"I still can't believe you're getting married tomorrow, big brother."

Emmett shrugged his shoulders casually. "It won't be so different than it is now. Rosie was already practically living with me."

"That's not what I mean, though," I insisted. "It's not just that you'll be living together. You'll be someone's husband. You're officially going to be, in part, responsible for the well-being of another person. You're sharing your whole life with another human being. It's a lifelong commitment."

Emmett punched me gently in the arm.

"I love Rosie," he said softly. He turned to look at Jasper before continuing. "I love your sister more than anything in the world, more than my own life. I'd do anything I could to protect her and make her happy."

"I know," Jasper replied with surety. Then his eyes bore into mine and he repeated himself, louder this time, "I know."

My heart skipped a beat.

Because, I knew exactly what Em meant.

Dense as he was sometimes, Emmett didn't miss what transpired between me and Jasper. All of the wedding preparations going on around us, we couldn't help but think about our relationship and our love for one another. But, Emmett being Emmett had reached his quota of sappiness for the day and cleared his throat, insisting that he wanted to spend the last night of his life as a bachelor playing video games. That's exactly what we did, and Emmett was kind of enough not to mock Jasper and I for the stolen glances and kisses we shared in between rounds.

The next morning a demon-like creature I occasionally admitted was my twin came barreling into our apartment at an ungodly hour.

"Why did we ever give her a spare key," Jasper groaned into his pillow as Alice came charging into the bedroom, swiftly pulled our comforter off of us.

"Hey!" I screeched. "What if we were naked under there?"

"Oh, come on!" Alice said sternly. "We shared a womb. It's not like I haven't seen it."

"You couldn't see it in the womb," I pouted.

"Listen to me, and listen to me good." I didn't need to look up to know that Alice was standing at the edge of our bed, looking much taller than her 4 feet 11 inches, with her hands on her hips. "This is an important day, and I am in no mood for your grumbling and groaning. Now, get up. You are in charge of getting Emmett and his tux to the venue. If you are not there on time, you are in so much trouble, you'll wish you never came out of the womb."

"Yes, Alice," Jasper and I said in unison.

We all showered, then had breakfast. The wedding and reception were going to be held at a chapel and reception hall that was a little outside the city, right on the waterfront. It was built in the late 1800s and felt like a total escape from the city's bustle. Living in the Pacific Northwest, there was always the risk of rain, so the ceremony was held in the chapel. The dinner portion of the reception would be inside the hall, but there were a series of glass double doors that opened out onto a stone patio; so, guests could wander in and out as they pleased.

Since Rosalie's maid of honor was Victoria, I was going to be walking into the ceremony with her. Bridesmaid Alice and Jasper followed us. One of Rosalie's sorority sisters, Stephenie, followed with Emmett's friend Tyler, and the final pair was Ben and Irina. I had no idea Rosalie and Irina were friends, let alone close enough friends for her to be a bridesmaid until our housewarming party, but I was happy that Jane would be in attendance. She brought out my inner bitchiness, which I was going to need to get through a wedding reception full of Hales.

I had tried to make Emmett do a coin toss to determine which one of his best men should enter first, but Jasper insisted that, as brother, I earned the top-billing. So, Victoria and I were the first to enter the chapel.

We had walked in to different music during the rehearsal the day before, because Emmett insisted on the actual music being surprise. It took me a second before I realized what it was, and I almost burst out laughing as I caught Emmett's eye up at the alter.

We were walking in to the theme song from Thundercats, played by an orchestra.

The music switched to the traditional wedding march as Rosalie entered. She looked absolutely stunning in her gown. I didn't know a damn thing about dresses, but I could tell that she belonged in the dress she was wearing. She practically floated up the aisle on Colonel Hale's arm. I looked over at Emmett, and I could see tears forming at the corners of his eyes. I nudged Jasper and he followed my eyes, sharing a knowing smile with me.

The ceremony was short, but I had to admit, it was really touching.

They started out by lighting a candle to symbolize their unity. As I looked out into the chapel, I could already see my mom and Mrs. Hale dabbing at tears. Then, Alice got up and read a passage from Plato's _Symposium_ about the origins of love.

Their vows were pretty traditional; though, they added a few caveats of their own in, including the notoriously tone-deaf Emmett's vowing never to sing lullabies to their future children. You couldn't mistake the sincerity in their voices as they recited them to one another. After the minister, who looked an awful lot like James Bond, pronounced them man and wife, he told Emmett he could kiss the bride. Emmett, being Emmett, made a huge show of dipping Rosalie deeply before planting a searing kiss on her. Shockingly, the Hales all hooted and hollered, the loudest among them being Granny.

After the ceremony, the damn pictures took forever. I almost throttled Alice when she informed me that we were having some taken outside after about what felt like an hour of Rosalie and Emmett posing inside. I don't care how charming the chapel was, no one needed 300 wedding pictures. Once the wedding party took their group shots outside, I told Alice under no uncertain terms that I was throwing myself in the bay if I was forced into any more pictures.

She shot Jasper a glance, and he lead me away from the photographer, taking me on a walk around the grounds. I don't know why it was making me so hostile, but I'm sure it had something to do with my nervousness at giving a toast in front of a roomful of wedding guests.

As co-best men, we decided that we would do a co-speech for Emmett and Rosalie, because we had limited G-rated material to use in a toast. Not to mention, I was positive I couldn't speak in front of a room full of people without Jasper by my side, keeping me calm.

Once every was seated and had a drink in hand, I clinked my knife to the side of my glass as Jasper rose to stand beside me. The room grew quiet, and I swear my stomach did a full 360. Luckily, sensing my uneasiness, Jasper was right there with a hand on my lower back, as if steadying me. I took a deep breath.

"When Emmett asked me to share in being his best man, I was reluctant, but I really had no choice. I've been stuck with this ox for 21 years."

The crowd snickered as Emmett rolled his eyes up at me.

Jasper broke in, "And, even though he claims me as his best friend, we all know I only became friends with Emmett in the first place because he had a hot younger brother."

The room erupted in laughter, and even I couldn't help but laugh. Jasper had never rehearsed that line in front of me. I felt his hand grasp mine, and I beamed that he was so willing to be open about his relationship with me in a room full of people that contained old army buddies and conservative family members who thought Jasper and I had a a first-class ticket to Hell in a hand basket, including Aunt Bigot, who was going to harass me until the end of her days for Grandma Hale's cornbread recipe.

She wasn't going to get it. But, since I promised Granny that I would never write it down, Aunt Bigot's only hope was to be nice to me. She could give me a kidney if she wanted, she still wasn't getting the damn recipe.

After the laughter died down, Jasper continued, "When Rosalie and I first moved to Forks, the first person we met at school was this huge dude who looked old enough to be one of the teachers. He introduced himself and shook my hand, and then he bowed and kissed Rosie's hand. I think that's what did her in, and she never had a chance. That day as we were driving back home from school, her eyes were all glazed over and she asked me if I could find another ride to school in the morning, because Emmett was going to pick her up. I'll never forget the look on her face when I asked why he couldn't just give me a ride, too. I rode the school bus for three months before I got my driver's license because of you two, and I'm still traumatized."

The room laughed.

"Seriously, you have no idea how disgusting teenage boys can be when left largely unsupervised in the back of a bus. Do you know what 'stink-palming' is? Because, I really wish I didn't."

At this point, Emmett, who was somehow already a couple drinks in, was laughing his ass off.

"Rosalie has always been stubborn and headstrong and horribly intimidating to boys, which was great for dad and I, because we never had to pull the over-protective, what are your intentions schpeal on any unsuspecting suitors. But, there's something that's always been... different about you, Em." The audience tittered. "You're loud and boisterous, but completely disarming and genuine, and I know with my heart that you would never hurt Rosie, and you'd do anything and everything you possibly could to protect her. Not that she needs it."

There were a few hoots of approval from the Hales.

"Even though Rosie was smitten from that first day, I didn't realize she was in love with you until she was trying to decide where to go to college. I lost my high-frequency hearing when she found out you were going to UW, too, but it was then I realized that she was seriously thinking about your relationship in the long term. Of course, when I asked her about it, she stuck her tongue out at me and told me mind my own business. Glad you've grown up since then, Rosie."

She turned to Jasper and stuck her tongue out at him.

As I waited for the laughter to die down, I sneaked a glance at my older brother, he was looking at Rosalie with a googly-eyed expression that had nothing to do with the champagne.

I began. "There was never a dull moment growing up with an older brother like Emmett. When you've seen someone try to build a campfire in the garage, get kicked out of the zoo for taunting the ostriches, and have a water balloon fight on his 19th birthday, it's hard to imagine him getting married. But, I think it became clear to me that Emmett was serious about Rosalie when we went to check on his apartment two years ago." I squeezed Jasper's hand. "There weren't any dishes in the sink. He didn't have any dirty clothes lying around, and even his bed was made."

Emmett snorted loudly. Jasper reached over and smacked him playfully upside the head. It was an inside joke between the three of us, but the room tittered with laughter at Jasper's gesture anyway.

"Without my mom around to nag- er- I mean, _suggest_ that he clean up after himself, I knew that he had to be doing it for Rosalie."

The Cullen portion of the guests all laughed as Rosalie beamed at Emmett.

"Emmett's always had a personality to match his size, and it takes a certain kind of person to keep up with him, and rein him in, and put him in his place. I knew that woman was you, Rosalie, when you not only agreed to go with him to a Seahawks game, but convinced him not to paint his chest. We Cullens have been avoiding going to professional sporting events with Emmett ever since he discovered body paint."

The body-painting had been a point of contention in our family for years. One of the reasons why Em liked going to Seahawks games was to try to get on TV by looking like as big an idiot as possible.

"I don't think I want to know what it took for you to convince him not to paint his chest and wear his homemade Blitz hat, but I thank you for saving us from having a body-painter in the family. You have a strength of character, Rosalie, and an integrity and a confidence that's admirable. Sometimes I wonder what on Earth you're doing with my brother."

The crowd tittered as Emmett got a very indignant expression on his face.

"Oh, I give you a hard time, Em, but I couldn't ask for a better older brother. And you, big brother, you couldn't ask for a better wife."

Jasper leaned in for the closing toast.

"You've met your match, Rosie, and I wish you a lifetime of happiness, even though I know you don't need luck."

We both raised our glasses of champagne to the crowd, even though Jasper's was just symbolic.

"To the Rosie and Em," Jasper said.

"Here, here!" was the overwhelming response from the room.

Glasses were barely off everyone's lips when Em stood up and snatched the mic from the stand.

"I know I'm supposed to keep my mouth shut, my shirt tucked in, and smile at the right times, but I just needed everyone here to know how much I love both of you. And, I truly hope that someday I'll be able to give a best man speech at your giant blow-out of a _legal_ wedding."

I couldn't hold back my tears any longer. Emmett crushed both Jasper and I to him, each of us under one of his arms, and the whole room burst into applause.

When Emmett let us go I could see that even Jasper's eyes were shining with tears. Rosalie stood up next and mimicked Emmett's hug, taking each of us under an arm. Jasper and I simultaneously leaned in and gave her a kiss on either cheek, to which Emmett said loudly,

"Hey, hey, that's enough of that!" pulling his new wife from our grasp.

After the toast was out of the way, we settled down to the meal, which was surprisingly quite good, some kind of chicken dish cooked in a wine sauce. I'm pretty sure it had _herbes de provence_ in it, but there was some other spice I couldn't quite place. After the meal came the cake cutting. Thankfully, Rosalie threatened to castrate Emmett if he smashed cake in her face, and Emmett was inclined to believe her. I never understood that tradition, either.

I danced with Alice after Emmett and Rosalie took their first turn on the floor, and we showed off our ballroom dancing skills to the sick glee of my beaming mother.

Then, I danced with my mom, followed by Jane and Irina, as well.

Once the booze started flowing and people quit paying attention, I pulled Jasper onto the dance floor, ready to give any disgusted onlookers a show. For all Jasper insisted he couldn't dance, he was doing a damn good job of it, if you asked me. We had such a good rhythm together in the sex department, that our compatibility easily transferred to the dance floor. I couldn't help myself and threw caution to the wind, starting to grind up against Jasper like we were in a club, and not in a room with a large number of his conservative family members.

I didn't care in the least.

We were already in a state of foreplay when we surreptitiously left the hall. Jasper's lips were all over me as we stumbled down a hallway.

"Men's room?" Jasper asked.

"Nah, too easy," I panted.

We frantically and messily clamored down the hallway a little further, until Jasper led me through a doorway.

"Here."

"What's this?" I asked as my eyes adjusted to the dim room.

"Closet, maybe," Jasper said with a shrug.

"Works for me." I needed no further explanation. I was too busy eliminating as many clothes as possible from Jasper's body.

We were of one mind, it seemed, because it was only a moment later when Jasper had me stepping out of my tuxedo pants which had pooled at my feet. My boxer briefs followed quickly, and Jasper had turned me around so I was facing the wall. He pushed my legs apart then reached his hands up to spread my ass cheeks open, and then his warm breath was on me.

"Your ass grinding up against my cock on the dance floor," he exhaled. "I was about ready to take you right there."

"What is it about weddings?" I groaned, as Jasper's warm tongue slipped inside me.

"The sexy suits," he whispered against my flushed skin.

His pulled his tongue back to trace around the rim of my hole, then dipped his wet tongue back in and out.

"The declarations of love," he continued breathily.

He tugged at my hips, turning me around so I faced him once again. I had barely stopped moving, when he pressed his tongue flatly and roughly against my perineum.

"The music."

He ran his talented tongue in a circle around each of my balls, sucking each one greedily into his wet, inviting mouth.

"The dancing."

He licked up the length of my now throbbing penis.

"The sneaking away to fuck in the coat closet."

"Jasper," my voice was heavy with need. "Jasper, I need you. Now."

As much as I loved being teased and licked and stimulated until I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted Jasper, and I wanted him now.

"Turn around, love," Jasper said as he stood.

I spun around and put my hands against the wall, listening to Jasper fumbling around behind me. Within moments, a slick finger breached me, and the noises I had been trying to decipher made sense.

"I love how presumptuous you are," I teased.

"Mmm..." was all he responded. He kissed the back of my neck as a second finger joined the first. "You _do_ love it."

I couldn't argue with that.

We finished not-so-surprisingly quickly and stumbled back into the reception hall looking freshly fucked and fully satisfied. If no one noticed our absence, a couple heads turned at our arrival. My dad, who was clearly a few in, even had the gall to give Jasper a high five.

It was warm inside the reception hall, so Jasper and I went outside for some air. We stood in silence for awhile, leaning against a railing, looking out at the moon being reflected in the bay.

"You ever think about this?" Jasper's voice broke through the quiet evening.

"This what?" I asked him.

"You know, getting married." His voice was confident, but when I looked over at him, he was looking down at his shoes, shyly sneaking glances up at me.

My heart started pounding frantically in my chest. I was afraid Jasper could hear it, but my face betrayed my excitement with a grin. He thought about spending the rest of his life with me. He thought about marrying me.

"We'd have to go to Canada," I said as smoothly as I could, turning to face him.

His face lit up like the sun, and I could only imagine how we looked, grinning at each other like fools.

"You've thought about it?" Jasper's voice was saturated with hope.

"Of course, love."

"Good," he whispered back.

"Yes," I responded softly. "Good."


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... but I do throw lame dialog from the movies into my writing.

**A/N:** I really and truly do appreciate all of you for reading, alerting, reviewing, and for loving my version of these boys. Please excuse any grammar errors in this chapter... I was serious about posting "in the very, very near future..."

* * *

Senior year of college was flying by.

After Emmett and Rosalie's wedding, the rest of the summer seemed to vaporize. Jasper passed both his classes, and the library was so pleased with his work, they offered to keep him during the school year but with reduced hours.

We were even able to take a week to ourselves before classes started back in August.

One of the highlights of the week was seeing Marcus and Demetri. They were on their holiday from university and had come to the states. They mostly spent time in California, but they went out of their way to come up to Seattle to visit us for a couple days. So, of course, we had to show them a good time.

For some reason, Marcus got it in his head that he wanted to go to a gay club. Jasper and I never went clubbing. I had gone once or twice to the gay-friendly club near campus my freshman year, but it just wasn't for me. I didn't really like crowds, for one, but most of the guys in places like that were looking to hookup. I was already taken care of in that department, now. Not to mention, since Jasper didn't drink, we tended to avoid places like bars and clubs. No matter how many times he insisted that he was okay around people drinking, it still made _me _uncomfortable. I didn't think Jasper would be tempted, it just didn't really feel right to me, being in such a different frame of mind from everyone else in the club.

But, we couldn't say 'no' to our friends when they crossed an ocean to come visit.

Even I had noticed that by default, it seemed like European men were more well-dressed and put together than most straight, American men. Marcus and Demetri were no exception and told us that since coming to the states they had gotten both hit on and called "faggot" so many times they lost count. Even so, when they both announced that they were ready to head out for the evening, I just about died.

They were both wearing skin tight jeans and vests. No shirts. Just vests.

Where Marcus's was a pinstriped vest that looked like it was nicked from a three-piece suit, Demetri's was black and leather.

Jasper and I both stared at them agog.

No one could ever hold a candle to Jasper in the sexiness department, but they both looked damn good.

"You know you're both going to be pulling guys off you, right?" I groaned.

"If anyone tries to drag us down to the sex dungeon, we'll just say we are together, no?" Marcus raised an eyebrow at Demetri.

Jasper just shook his head and laughed.

"I don't think there's a sex dungeon, but if you want people to think you're together, you'll have to be convincing."

They both shrugged.

The club was crowded when we got there. The walls were nearly shaking with the beat of house music, and the floor was packed with sweating, writhing, scantily clad bodies. The air was thick with the scent of sweat and sex. Marcus and Demetri both seemed completely not phased by the action taking place on the dance floor. Jasper and I were more taken in by it.

Unfortunately, a lot of eyes were on us the further was got inside the club. Jasper was just wearing faded jeans that were low slung on his hips and a tight, white t-shirt, but he looked absolutely fuckable.

I was obviously not the only one who thought so.

I felt Jasper's body press against mine almost as soon as we found a small table to take in the scene from. He wrapped his arms around me from behind as a waiter wearing nothing but a pair of very short shorts and a bow tie came to take our drink orders.

"You are too sexy for your own good," he whispered in my ear, after insisting to the waiter that he just wanted a soda. His hands slid down the front of my body until his fingertips skimmed underneath the waistband of my jeans.

It was Marcus's laughter that stopped them from drifting further down.

"You are going to fuck here," he said matter-of-factly.

"If I'm lucky," Jasper replied with a nod.

I didn't know whether to blush or moan.

Luckily Marcus continued to laugh at us while Demetri just shook his head.

After a round of drinks, we decided to hit the dance floor. It didn't take long before I gave into the beat and the music and the bodies around me. Jasper's hand never left me as we moved in tandem, our hips were practically connected as we danced to the pulsing music. Other men approached us as we danced, but it eventually became obvious that we weren't there to play.

I was turned with my back to Jasper's chest, circling my hips against the hardness in his jeans, when a big bear came up and tried to sandwich me between himself and Jasper. I didn't have a problem when someone danced with us, but this wasn't dancing. The bulky man was trying to grind his dick into mine. Jasper growled at the intrusion, and I could see him about ready to push the bigger man away. Instead I just spun around quickly, threw my arms around Jasper's neck, and pressed my entire body up against his.

Jasper just smirked and leaned in for a kiss.

Once we came up for air, the bear was gone.

I really did try to keep an eye on our friends, but I was getting distracted, and anyway, they seemed to be enjoying the attention they were receiving. I tried to imagine any of my other straight friends in this setting, and I couldn't do it. But, the energy pulsing around in the club was almost hypnotic. Other than the few overly eager, most of the men on the dance floor were just looking for a catharsis.

Jasper and I, however, were both obviously seeking a different kind of release.

"I want your dick in my mouth," he muttered into my ear.

I didn't need any other prodding. I grabbed his hand tightly and pulled him off the floor. I scanned the room quickly, trying to remember where the men's room was. I remembered there being one on the second floor, so I hurried toward the stairs dodging elbows and hips and feet along the way.

Once we reached the destination, I banged the swinging door open.

Inside, there were two men wrapped around each other in a heated makeout session.

They didn't seem to notice us, and frankly, I didn't care at this point. I swear they must pump pheromones into the air, or something. If I'd had more to drink than the "cum shot" Marcus made me order, I'd swear I was drunk.

I grabbed Jasper and pressed my lips hard against his, one hand firmly around the back of his neck. He gave into my assault easily and started walking backward until I heard his body collide with a stall door.

We nearly toppled over as we entered the stall, but once we regained our balance, Jasper took control and had me pressed up against the side wall, his lips ravaging my neck.

I couldn't contain my moans as Jasper started pushing my shirt away and attacking my nipples with his tongue and teeth. I was trying to put my hands everywhere I could. Eventually, I settled for trying to open Jasper's button fly. I was fumbling around like a horny teenager when Jasper finally stepped back, releasing my nipple. His gaze burned into mine; then, he rake his eyes down to my hard on pushing against my denim.

"I want you so fucking bad," Jasper murmured, still looking at my crotch.

I started to reach for my zipper when he sprung back into action, swatting my hands away and taking over. My cock literally sprang out of my jeans. I was so hard, I almost heard a cartoon spring noise as it bounced free. Jasper licked his lips and was obviously about to kneel down when he paused.

I watched as he took a look at the floor by my feet, and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

Favorite jeans? Dirty bathroom floor?

He looked up at me with a mix of desire and disgust.

I finally put him out of his misery and spun him around, sinking to my knees and releasing the final button of his fly.

"Ed, what are-?"

I took a deep mouthful of his cock, effectively silencing his protest.

I sucked his dick deep into the back of my throat, running my tongue along the underside. He was salty and musky, but his taste and his scent was designed for me, and I couldn't get enough. I was on sensory overload, and hearing the couple making out on the other side of the bathroom stall only spurned me on further. I was being slurpy and messy as I licked and sucked Jasper with abandon. He started thrusting his hips forward in a steady rhythm, and I knew he wouldn't be much longer. I couldn't handle how turned on I was getting any longer, so I took my right hand and grabbed my own dick and began pumping.

"Edward. Edward, Ed-" he chanted.

I looked up to meet his stormy eyes. He glanced down at my right hand, fisting my cock, then his eyes widened and rolled back, his head made a soft "thud" against the stall. I felt him tense, and with a muttered "damn, so fucking sexy, can't, can't-" hot cum starting spurting into my mouth.

I felt a hand on my arm as Jasper leaned forward to help me up. As soon as I was standing, he crashed his lips against mine and starting penetrating my mouth with his tongue. Meanwhile, his hand joined mine and together we stroked my hardness. I always came quicker than usual when we were in public, and this time was no different. With the taste of Jasper's release still on my tongue, and his body pressed up against mine. It wasn't long before I came with a cry against Jasper's lips.

When we cleaned up and returned to the main area of the club, I tried to look for Demetri. Being taller, he would be easier to spot than Marcus. Eventually, I spotted his head of shaggy black hair being grinded on by two blond boys who looked like they were in seventh heaven and not a day over 18. Demetri, on the other hand, looked like he was finally reaching his limit.

I looked at Jasper and raised an eyebrow. He nodded.

We both squared our shoulders and strutted toward Demetri.

Eventually, he saw us coming and looked like he was going to break out into a run toward us, but I just winked at him and shook my head. Jasper reached him first and huffed a loud, "Excuse me" to the twink who was attempting to grind his dick into Demetri's ass. He looked startled and gazed up at Jasper in awe. Then, he nodded with a sigh and turned around to survey the rest of the dance floor. The blond who was practically humping Demetri's leg, on the other hand, looked up at Jasper and faltered for a moment before rolling his eyes and continuing to dance.

I stepped up on Demetri's other side, keeping in time with the beat as I attempted to gently push the twink away.

"Sorry, sweetie," I said, obviously not sorry at all. "This one is mine."

The blond stopped dancing and turned to face the three of us.

"I saw you earlier with him," he pointed to Jasper. "I know you're together."

"We like to open our bedroom up to other... flavors," Jasper said as he put his hand up to caress Demetri's chest.

Demetri was biting his lip in an effort not to laugh, but unfortunately, it only made him look shy and more than a little seductive.

The blond gave a lustful look at Demetri, then turned to look from me to Jasper and back to me.

He stamped his foot. "It's not fair! Just because you're hot you think you think you can get any guy in the club. You have each other! You don't need him!"

"Don't I get a choice in this?" Demetri raised his voice.

Blondie huffed at him and then spun around on his heel with a "Fine. The Euro-trash look is so played anyway."

"Well, the joke's on you!" Demetri called after him. "I'm not even gay! I'm Italian!"

He then put an arm around each of our shoulders, and kissed us both on the cheek.

"You are my heroes. My homosexual heroes."

"Now, where's Marcus?" Jasper asked.

I heard his laugh before I saw him, mostly because he was doubled over and hidden from my direct line of vision.

"I thought you were going to be taken into a bathroom stall like our American friends, here!"

Demetri just rolled his eyes at Marcus and we left the club without incident.

Other than almost getting into a bar fight the next night after someone made a completely unwarranted slight against Marcus's mother, the rest of our mini-break was relaxing.

I was lulled into a false sense of security.

The reality of senior year came crashing down on me eventually.

I had a meeting with my adviser the first week of classes to talk about grad school, and it brought me back down to earth. There was so much work that went into applications – letters of recommendation, statements of intent, transcripts, MCAT scores. But first, I had to decide what programs to apply to.

I was sitting at my desk in our office at home, wading my way through all my research on dual degree programs. I had no intention of practicing medicine, I just wanted to do research. Unfortunately, this meant I had very specific criteria when looking for schools.

The University of Washington had a good MD/PhD program, but it wouldn't look good for me to have all my degrees from the same school. You needed to show diversity and an ability to work with different researchers and situations.

I could narrow my list down in a lot of ways. For one thing, I was a West-Coaster. Even though Alice and I were born in Chicago, where my dad went to school, I was so young when we moved that I never felt any kinship with the Midwest. We hadn't been back since we moved to Forks, and my memories of it were very dim.

And the East Coast? Forget about it. There was no way I was going to be near an area where a hurricane could reach me.

I just couldn't leave the Pacific Ocean behind entirely.

Even so, it wasn't going to be an easy decision. Wherever I ended up going would change the course of my entire life.

Once I had looked at all the information from my adviser and done some extensive research online, I determined that in all likelihood, I was going to end up somewhere in California. Knowing that much, I finally had to confront the thing that was holding me back from making a decision and narrowing down my list – Jasper. I hadn't told my adviser that my choices depended on my partner's future plans as well. But, in reality, it certainly complicated matters.

Jasper was always really supportive of my plans for the future, and I was of his, especially after he finally made the important decision to pursue History. No one in his family, even Rosalie, really understood Jasper's motivation and dedication. The problem was that both of us were planning on furthering our education, and there was no guarantee that we would wind up in the same city, let alone the same school.

I knew that we could do long distance if we had to, but it would be hard.

Not being able to wake up next to Jasper every morning, or to curl up next to him on the couch after a long day. Not to be able to steal a kiss whenever I wanted, or to discuss how to deal with a homophobic co-worker. Not to see that look in his eye when I knew he wanted me so much he was just going to take me wherever we were.

How could I possibly live without him?

My heart started to race.

Shit. I didn't need this.

My chest started to tighten, and I was gasping for breath.

I knew I was having a panic attack, but I couldn't stop it. When I tried to take deep breaths, they came out as strangled pants.

I'm not sure how long it lasted, all I knew was that I was going to die – that everything in the world was going to collapse on top of me.

Jasper found me curled up in ball on our bed, sobbing and shaking.

I didn't register his presence immediately, but I heard a gasp and felt the bed dip right before strong arms wrapped around me.

"Ed? Ed, what's wrong, baby?"

"M- m- med school applications," I spit out.

I started clutching at Jasper for dear life. The drowning sensation was starting to resurge, and Jasper was my life boat.

"Can't go without you," I said as I buried my face in his chest.

His posture tensed. He didn't speak for a few minutes, instead resting his cheek on the top of my head and stroking my back, until I stopped shaking and my breathing returned to normal.

"That's what has you worried?" He whispered against my hair.

I nodded.

"That I won't follow you wherever you go?"

There was a tightness in his voice that I didn't like. I could feel him taking slow deep breaths as if he were trying to calm himself down.

"No, no, no. It's not like that, Jazz," I was taken aback by his question. He had it all wrong, so I tried to think of the right way to put it. It seemed that regardless of what I said, Jasper was going to react badly. What I wasn't sure of was why. "You're just a part of my decision. My choice depends on what you're doing next year."

He didn't respond.

I gave him a few minutes before I asked, "Jazz?"

"Can we talk about this later?" His voice was stiff.

"Of course," I whispered. I wanted to push him on it, but I just couldn't deal with it right then. Instead, Jasper helped put me to bed and we clung to each other until we both drifted off into restless sleep.

After that night, though, things were tense between us, and I wasn't exactly sure why.

I kept thinking of what Jasper had said to me that night. I went over all of our conversations about the future we had had recently. I was only able to determine that there was no way he could think that I expected him to follow me, or that I didn't want his input on my decision process.

I tried to bring it up a few times. I wanted to talk to Jasper about where I was applying, and I wanted to know what his plans were for after graduation. But, every time I tried to bring it up, he would freak out or change the subject awkwardly.

I went to Alice for counsel.

"I know that he's planning on applying to grad schools, but he won't talk to me about it," I explained to her.

"He's probably just worried about getting in himself."

"But, I don't even know where he's applying! I know he got good GRE scores, but he won't talk to me about it. We agreed to stay near the West Coast, but I don't know what his top choices are or where he'll get funding or even if he thinks he'll get in anywhere. Ali, what if he gets in somewhere that's not close to where I get in? What if he gets in to somewhere I don't?"

"Edward, there's no way you won't get in to the schools you're applying to."

I knew that wasn't true. I was planning on applying to highly competitive programs, but I let Alice voice her confidence in me.

"So, why is he pulling away from me? I want us to make this decision together. I don't expect him to just follow me around. Why would he think that? Does he really still feel emasculated about me wanting to be a doctor?"

"I don't think it's that exactly, Edward. He wants to go with you. I know he does. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Did you ever think that maybe he's scared that you don't want him to?" Alice retorted.

"That doesn't make any sense. Why would he ask if I was worried about him not following me? He sounded like he thought I just assumed he would." I was starting to get exasperated.

"He's devaluing himself, Edward. He would follow you, but he doesn't want to do it if it means that he can't stand on his own."

"But, I never-"

"It's nothing you did or didn't do," Alice cut me off. "He needs to work through it on his own. For all he's grown the last four years, he's still trying to figure out who he is."

I knew there was some truth in it. I just didn't like it.

"Well, he shouldn't push me away in the process," I pouted.

"Maybe not, but he does have to sort through some things."

I thought about everything Alice said, and it did make sense, but I couldn't help feeling a little resentful toward Jasper. He would go through the motions at home. He would kiss me and make love to me with nothing but sincerity. But, his eyes were far away most of the time. Like he was trying to watch his life from a third-party perspective and not really participate in it.

Then, one night, he wasn't home. I wasn't too worried at first, sometimes he worked late, or stropped by Paul and Jared's on his way home. But, Jasper would always call.

It was about 11 when I started really worrying.

I called Alice.

"He's not here," I blurted out.

"I know we're twins, but you're going to have to explain that a little more to me," Alice's voice was light, and I knew at once she was just trying to put me at ease.

"Jasper never came home."

"When was he supposed to back?"

"He always comes home right after work. If he stays late to work or hangs out with friends or something, he always calls. He's either hurt somewhere, or-" I sobbed. "He doesn't want to come home."

I was crying, now. Whatever Alice said didn't register to me.

I did hear a knock on the door a few minutes later, and felt Alice's arms wrap around me. She steered me into the living room and made me sit down on the couch as she rubbed my back comfortingly, while I continued to blubber, and she insisted that he was okay.

I tried to think about where he would go. Jasper hadn't pulled away from me like this for a long time. There was our break when he was trying to get himself together, but that was different. This was more like the time he was so preoccupied he forgot our anniversary.

It hit me then, I needed to look for a bar.

"I think I know where he is," I whispered to Alice.

I hopped off the couch and rushed into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. Once I looked less like I had been crying, I threw on a jacket and shoes.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Alice asked, as she handed me my car keys.

"No, I'll be okay, Ali."

She nodded and walked me to my car. After giving my twin one last hug, I headed toward the row of bars nearest campus.

I knew he wouldn't have gone to any of the more crowded places, and none where there was dancing or drink specials or ladies nights going on. So, I started with the one that most like a dive.

That's exactly where I found him.

He was sitting on a bar stool, his hands wrapped around a glass of what looked like whiskey. His head was hanging down and his blond curls, which he had let grow out over the summer, were hiding his eyes. He looked so despondent, my anger and irritation subsided almost immediately.

I sat down on the stool beside him silently.

If he was alerted to my presence, he didn't acknowledge it immediately.

"I haven't drank any of it," eventually he spoke without looking up at me. His voice was dry and ragged. "I just wanted to feel it in my hands."

"I know," I said. I didn't know why I said it, other than that I knew it was true. I never fully understood Jasper's relationship to alcohol, but I think he appreciated something ritualistic about drinking. There was something about whiskey in particular that made it the object of country songs and the elixir of the downtrodden that he identified with.

"You ready to talk to me?" I asked quietly.

He turned to look at me then. His eyes were frantic as he searched mine. I don't know what he was looking for, but whatever it was, eventually he stopped and turned back to stare at the wall behind the bar.

"Not here," he said softly.

"You want to come home?" I asked softly.

He shook his head, "Not really, but I will."

"I'm not going to make you," I said, trying not to let my desperation show.

"No, it's okay, Ed. Trying to hide isn't going to make it go away."

He stood and nodded to the bartender, then he gestured for me to lead the way.

Once outside of the bar, he grabbed my hand and we walked silently to the car. We didn't speak on the short ride home.

I went into the kitchen when we got back. It seemed to be the best place, for some reason. There were a lot of good distractions in the kitchen, things to focus on and fidget with. I sat down on one of our bar stools. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and then sat next to me, mimicking the position we had started at the bar.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It would help if I knew what you were sorry for," I responded.

"I've been pulling away, and I didn't mean to. I just didn't know how to talk to you about what was going on," he blurted out in a rush.

"But why?"

He rolled the cap of the water bottle back and forth on the counter.

"Everything's going to change," he offered. "And, it scares me."

I knew how hard it was for Jasper to admit that.

"What's so scary about it?" I asked gently.

"I don't know. Everything, really. I always knew you were going to do this, but still, going to med school is huge step and it's so... adult and responsible, and I'm just sort of tagging along with you. Like you're moving forward, and I'm just treading water."

"I'm not moving on without you! It's not like you've never thought about your future. I'm trying to make decisions about our future together, but you won't talk to me!" I was struggling to keep my voice down.

"I'm sorry, Ed. I really didn't want to push you away. It's just- I guess- talking about it made everything I'm afraid of become more real."

"What is it that you're afraid of exactly?"

"What if I don't get in anywhere?" His voice was barely at a whisper.

"You will, Jasper. Don't think like that."

He was quiet for a moment, the wheels turning.

"Okay. So, what if I get in somewhere, and it's not where you want to go."

"I don't know," I whispered. I hadn't really wanted to honestly think about all these possibilities, either.

I put my elbows on the counter, resting my head in my hands. My thoughts were racing, and I couldn't take it anymore. I hopped up and started pacing. Jasper got up and stood in the doorway as he watched me make a loop from the kitchen, out into the living room and back. Eventually, I collapsed unceremoniously on the couch.

Jasper remained leaning in the doorway, with his arms crossed over his chest.

"So, this is what I've been thinking about for the past few weeks. Weighing all of this on my mind. I really am sorry for pulling away, but I didn't want you to influence my choice. You put too much pressure and guilt on yourself, and I didn't want that. But, I made a decision tonight. I'll just go wherever you go," Jasper's voice was hollow.

"Jasper-"

"Med school is more important." He kept going.

"Jasper-"

"I could always go back to grad school when I'm older or something."

"Jasper!" I so rarely raised my voice this much, it was enough to stop his ramble.

"What?" he looked nervous.

"Love," I said slowly, patting the cushion next to me.

He came over to me and sat.

"Don't you dare, for a second, think that my school is 'more important' than yours, because it's not, and I don't believe for a second that it is. We'll work something out. We'll do long distance if we have to. There's no way I'm losing us over this or making you put your plans on hold."

"You don't understand, Ed." Jasper's voice was strained. "I _can't_ be away from you. If I can't go to grad school near wherever you go, I'll teach high school or something. In most states I just need to get my teaching certificate or take a course or two."

"I don't want you to give up, Jasper. You'd hate teaching high school."

"I'm not giving up. I'm not delusional, Ed. It's hard to get into grad school for history - really hard. You, on the other hand, are a shoe-in for an assistantship anywhere you apply. If I don't get in, I'll keep applying. Unless, you don't want me to come-"

"No!" I nearly shouted. "Jasper Hale, if I have my way, I'm going to spend every day for the rest of my life by your side. Except maybe when you visit your Uncle's ranch or go to some boring history conference."

He cracked a small smile.

"I just- I don't- I don't want you to resent me," I said quietly.

Jasper turned and cupped my face in his hands. He stared deeply into them, so I could see the truth in his words. "No. No. Being away from you would make me resent myself. I would feel like I was trying to prove myself out of defiance, and that's not what I want. You, Edward Cullen, for some crazy reason love me. If I know anything, I know that much. You own my heart. It's yours, and I can't be away from you. It doesn't make me weak or unambitious." He smiled then, and for the first time in weeks it set his eyes ablaze. "It might make me a hopeless romantic, but I can't seem to help myself around you."

His last words were muffled by a searing kiss as he leaned in to capture my lips.

I broke the kiss before I let myself get completely swept away.

"That's what I was trying to tell you, but I didn't have the words. It's not about you following me or me following you. It's about making decisions for our future together. I want you to help me make my decision when the time comes, because Jasper Hale, you are my life now."

When we made love that night, it was explosive. It was as if we couldn't bear even an inch of space between us. Our bodies were sweat-slicked and Jasper's weight on top of mine was making me so hot I thought I was going to ignite. And, it still wasn't close enough.

I had been so worried about choosing the right program and about Jasper's plans for himself that I didn't appreciate what really mattered. Jasper was more important to me than any of it. The fact that he was willing to go where I chose to go in the fall didn't make me feel at all like I was winning or getting my way, it felt like a tremendous act of love. An act I would gladly make for him in turn.

In the end, I applied to nearly all the UC schools, Stanford, USC and Oregon.

So did Jasper.

Now, all we had to do was wait.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... and I'm okay with that.

**A/N:** My mushy, love-filled babbling will be at the end... because this _is_ the end. *sniffles*

* * *

Graduation day.

I was going to be a college graduate.

My mom insisted that Alice and I attend the graduation ceremony. So, that's how I find myself up at the asscrack of dawn on a Saturday morning, putting on a graduation robe and waiting to sit through a boring commencement address just so my family could see my and Alice's names appear in print. We didn't even get our diplomas at the ceremony. They would mail them to us later in the summer.

I was attempting to fix my hair in such a way that the mortarboard would actually stay on my head, when another robed figure appeared in the mirror behind me. I tilted my head so he could reach my neck.

After swatting him away before I wound up with a huge, highly visible hickey, he decided instead to slide his hands tortuously slow down my body.

"Are you wearing anything under those robes?" Jasper teased me with another kiss to my neck..

"Mmm... are you wearing anything under yours?"

He pulled away from me and unzipped the robe, letting the sides fall away to reveal, well, a fully-clothed Jasper.

"This is Hugo Boss and Prada, babe. Got a good deal on markdowns."

"I love you," I blurted out. "I love you and your snooty clothes."

Jasper huffed.

"My clothes are not snooty. I look damn good, and you know it."

I broke out in a grin and threw my arms around him.

He did look damn good, but that's not why I was so happy. After all of the problems Jasper went through adjusting to college and figuring out what he wanted to do, he had managed to catch up and graduate on time, with a solid GPA and graduate school on the horizon.

"I'm so proud of you, Jazz," I murmured into his ear.

"I love you, Ed," he whispered back. "Couldn't have done it without you."

So, as I sat next to Chelsea during the – surprise, surprise – positively boring ceremony, I let my mind wander back to the past few months.

I had been a wreck for most of the Spring semester while waiting to hear from med schools. Jasper was also nervous about his applications, but he tried to be the calm one. He did his best to soothe me, and he seemed to be the only one who could. We had a lot of stress relieving sex, which became Jasper's go-to method for getting me to shut up, stop wringing my hands or pacing.

The day I found out that Chelsea got into UPenn, I burst into the door of our apartment, ready to lament to Jasper about how Chelsea was constantly asking me and Stefan for help, when he covered my mouth with his hand and said,

"Unless the next words out of your mouth are 'Fuck me, Jasper,' I don't want to hear it."

Despite my desire to rant about the injustice of the world, suddenly the idea of my world instead revolving around Jasper's dick was much more appealing.

As much as Jasper did his best to distract me, well, distract _us_, my self-confidence was still shot with every passing day. I checked my email obsessively, and on days when I didn't have class, I waited around by the mailboxes at the apartment complex for the mailwoman. One day, Bella found me hovering around outside during the beginning of a late winter snowfall and dragged me back to her and Alice's apartment to force feed me hot cocoa.

Then, one day it happened.

I got an email from the graduate coordinator of the MD-PhD program at UCLA, offering me admittance with an assistantship. I called Jasper immediately, but it went to voicemail. I didn't want to tell him my news in a voicemail, so I called Alice to share the news with her. She squealed and gave her patented, "I knew it!" I knew she would call Mom, so I called Dad at work and he told me how proud of me he was. I knew both of my parents were proud of me, but to hear the words coming from my dad when I was hoping to follow somewhat in his footsteps just made me feel elated.

I was beaming so much, I could barely concentrate on my work, so I left the lab early and nearly skipped home.

I beat Jasper home and started making a saffron risotto to calm myself down. Stirring the rice while slowly adding broth was relaxing and forced me to focus on something other than the anticipation parading through my mind.

When I heard the key turn in the lock, I shut the burner off and raced to the front door. Jasper had barely gotten through the door before I jumped on him. He caught my weight and helped me wrap my legs around his waist as he carried me to the couch. He pressed me down into the cushions and started to kiss me with excited fervor.

Suddenly, he pulled back.

"Wait, why are you so excited? Did Alice squeal?"

"Wait, why are _you _so excited?" I asked.

"Did you?" We asked at the same time.

"I got into UCLA," I blurted out.

The smile that ignited Jasper's face was mesmerizing. Before I could get lost in his positively sparkling gray-blue gaze, he leaned back down and kissed me until I was breathless and gasping for air.

"Wha-?" I asked as he pulled away.

He grinned at me for a second and then finally spoke, "I got into UCLA today, too."

I let out a shriek of Alice proportions and pulled Jasper back down to me, squeezing him as tightly as I could.

"I knew you could do it, love," I whispered into his ear.

He pulled back from me and lit up the entire room with another grin.

That smile didn't leave his face for the next week.

Over the course of the next couple weeks, I got into a few other programs and put on the waiting list of a couple others. Jasper got into a couple other of his schools as well, but they weren't programs he was all that interested in. But, getting into UCLA made the number of rejection letters easier to take.

We went to visit UCLA's campus together. Los Angeles was a little intimidating to a boy from Forks, even after living in Seattle for almost four years, but I loved the campus. Jasper and I were separated for most of the visit, talking to professors, other grad students already along in the program and learning about the ins and outs. I managed to bow out of the last few scheduled events to meet up with Jasper. We walked around campus together and explored Westwood Village a little, talking about what we had done the previous day.

"All right, Ed, out with it," Jasper finally said.

I took a deep breath.

"I like it here, Jazz. I really like it," I said, biting my lip.

"Me too," he responded almost immediately, the excitement clear in his voice.

So, in the end, for all the trouble we went through being terrified about our future, the decision wasn't that difficult.

Even so, truth be told, I was a little nervous about the whole thing. Okay, scratch that, I was terrified.

I wasn't just scared of moving to L.A. I was just afraid of everything changing.

Rosalie and Emmett were firmly established in Seattle. Bella had gotten a job teaching at the same school as Emmett while Jake finished his final year of art school. He pretty much had a job lined up at an advertising firm where he had interned for the past two summers as soon as he graduated. They were going to get married later in the summer, before Bella started showing, but it wasn't a shotgun wedding by any means. Bella had just found out that she was pregnant, a few weeks prior to graduation, and the wedding had already been planned for July.

This time the pregnancy scare was real, but it didn't result in a fight between her and Jake. I knew she was apprehensive about it, because Jake was still in school and she was just starting a new job. But, at the same time, Bella always wanted to have a big family. She grew up as an only child to parents who divorced when she was young. For years it was just her and Charlie, until he and Sue got together, and despite all her fears, she was thrilled about motherhood itself.

We all seemed to be growing up.

The only thing that was saving me from completely freaking out, other than the fact that Jasper would be by my side, was that Alice was moving to California, too. Her degree was in marketing, and she wanted to put it to use in the fashion world. The best place to do that without going to New York was L.A. So, my twin would not be far away. In a move that surprised both the Clearwaters and my family, Seth had decided to transfer to UC Santa Barbara, so he wouldn't be so far away from Alice. They had been together for awhile, but the idea of them being so serious was still sometimes shocking to me.

Having Ali nearby would help. She was always better than me at adjusting to new situations, so I was thrilled she was relocating. But, I was still scared about what the future held.

All of these thoughts put my stomach in knots as I sat in the uncomfortable folding chair pretending to pay attention. Eventually, the torturous ceremony ended. I had shaken hands with the Dean and tossed my cap along with everyone else, immediately seeking out Jasper afterward.

Of course, Alice wanted to throw a big graduation party for us, and my mom couldn't deny her. Since the graduation ceremony was on Saturday in Seattle, Alice and my mom decided to throw the party on Sunday back in Forks. It seemed a little over the top to me, but even my mom's brother Randall had flown in for the ceremony and the party.

The party was a typical Cullen affair. Alice went overboard on decorating and the house was soon filled with a lot of people who I didn't really know but that had been familiar faces at events throughout my childhood. They congratulated both Alice and me, and I repeated my plans to move to L.A. for medical school about fifty times.

After getting caught in the middle of a long reminiscing session between my dad and one of his co-workers at the hospital about their experiences at med school, I managed to break free.

I dodged well-wishers and went out to the porch where I found a contingent of my friends, including Alice and Seth, Bella and Jake, and Emmett. They were all giggling like girls at a slumber party, and I wondered just how many beers in they were. However, there weren't an excessive amount of bottles on the table, and Seth was holding a can of coke but still laughing as hard as anyone else. And, of course, Bella wasn't drinking.

"Eddie," Alice's voice was strained from laughter. "You'll settle this."

"Settle what?"

Emmett pointed his finger at me and said in a very serious voice, "Kill, fuck, or marry. The Police, go."

Oh no, they were playing the game that Emmett had been using to tease me about being gay since I was a teenager. Ever since the time I said that I would fuck Whoopi Goldberg over Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who I would kill after marrying Joy Behar, he used it to make fun of both my taste in men and my non-existent taste in women.

"Uh, kill Stuart, fuck Sting, marry Andy," I rattled off.

"No way! Your damn twin voodoo. It's kill Andy, fuck Sting, marry Stuart," Emmett protested with vehemence. I had no idea why this could possibly matter so much to him, but he seemed quite sure that there was a correct answer to the silly prompt.

"If you're fucking Sting, you won't have time to kill or marry anyone anyway," I offered.

Emmett's booming laugh transformed his face back from disbelief.

"What started this?" I asked. "You don't even like the Police."

"I may have brought up Emmy's crush on the blond from the Dixie Chicks."

Jake snickered, clearly trying not to laugh as Emmett glared at him.

"And, it got us started, but we're running out of trios," Alice finished.

"I know!" Seth broke in. "The Cullen kids!'

"What? No!" I blurted out.

"Oh, come on, it's just a game." Alice playfully smacked my arm.

I resigned and slid down in the remaining chair.

"All right, then. You go first Mr. Clearwater," I insisted.

"You can't get mad at me Alibaby," Seth began, turning to his girlfriend.

"Of course not."

"Um..." he paused for a long time before finally saying, "Kill Emmett, no offense, dude. Fuck Edward. Marry Alice."

My face turned red as the room started filling with laughter. My expression must have been less than amused, because Seth offered an explanation.

"Well, of course I'd marry Alice." He made a show of putting his arm around her shoulders. "And, between you and Emmett, you're the one who knows what to do with a man."

"I can't argue with that logic," Emmett said. "Definitely kill me, fuck Edward and marry Alice."

"I don't know. As Alice's roommate, and the one who has to hear what goes on in her bedroom, I'd definitely reconsider," Bella broke in. "Obviously, it's kill Emmett, sorry, fuck Alice and marry Edward. He's the best cook."

"Wait a minute," I broke in. "How many of us have walked in on Emmett and Rosalie in some state of coitus over the years? If anything, it's kill Alice, fuck Emmett and marry me."

"Hey!" Alice protested. "You and Jazz are _so_ much worse than Em and Rose. You can't even keep it in your pants in public."

"That's true, you guys do have a laundry list of public sex acts," Emmett added, not hiding the gentle jealousy in his tone.

I buried my face in my hands. My family and friends should not know so much about my sex life.

"There's the airplane, at the wedding chapel, the art museum-" Alice started.

"That was just a blow job," I said weakly.

"Oh, I say both blow jobs and hand jobs count," Bella added. "So, there's at least a couple dance clubs – bathrooms and dance floors."

"There's also Safeco Field." I felt his hands slide down my chest as Jasper spoke from behind me, leaning forward to capture a kiss.

"Hey, love," he whispered against my lips. He and Rosalie had both entered the porch without my notice, back from the family dinner they had in celebration of Jasper's graduation.

"What!" Alice shrieked.

"I didn't know about that one!" Bella exclaimed.

"Well, not the field itself, obviously, but the ball park," Jasper rationalized weakly.

"When was this?" Rosalie demanded.

"Mariners game this summer," I said with a grin, finally giving in to the disturbing conversation. "We took the seven inning stretch into the bottom of the ninth."

Both Emmett and Jake snorted at the word "bottom," earning matching smacks to the head from Rosalie and Bella.

Seth shook his head, and Alice was just staring at us with her mouth open.

"All right, I'm impressed. Details?"

"Found an unlocked skybox," I said with a shrug. I neglected to mention the security cameras we noticed only after I had stood behind Jasper and drilled into him with his hands pressed up against the glass. Luckily, we didn't get caught, but I had a feeling our pictures were on a list somewhere of security risks.

"Why are you talking about this?" Jasper asked as he looked around for a place to sit

"We were playing Kill, Fuck and Marry with the three Cullen siblings," Seth broke in.

Jasper eventually grew too lazy to bring out a chair from inside and just plopped down on my lap. Even though he was a touch taller than me, and a little broader, over the years, my lap always seemed his favorite place to sit. I wrapped my arms around his waist and shifted to adjust for the added weight.

"Oh, well then, kill Alice, definitely. Fuck Edward. Marry Emmett." My boyfriend blew a kiss to my older brother with a wink. Em pretended to catch it and put it in his front shirt pocket.

"You wouldn't marry Edward?" Alice balked.

"Well, of course, I'd marry Edward in real life, but, no offense, there's no way I could get it up for either of you two, and I doubt that after we got hitched Em would mind me keeping Ed on the side."

Alice pretended to pout. "Why hasn't anyone wanted to kill Edward?" She asked suddenly.

"Oh, I'd kill Edward!" Rosalie burst in. "Kill Edward, fuck Alice, and marry Emmett."

"You'd _marry_ me?" Emmett scoffed to his wife.

"I already did marry you, you idiot," Rosalie said. "But, been there, done that on the fucking. I'd like a shot at Alice. She seems feisty."

The three heterosexual men in the room all had matching expressions of discomfort on their faces. Jasper, the girls and I just laughed.

I would miss this. Nights when just sat around and joked and laughed. I would even miss the way Emmett teased me. I would miss being so familiar with a group of people that I thought of them all as family.

Everyone was moving or already moved on. Emmett and Rosalie were buying a house out in suburbia. Bella was going to be a mom and a wife. Even my parents had been talking about moving. I didn't know if they were completely serious, but my dad was still young enough that he could advance into an administrative position at a hospital practically anywhere he wanted with little trouble.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

Jasper leaned back against me and his lips brushed my ear.

"You okay? You got quiet all of a sudden."

"Yeah," I whispered back. "Just a little overwhelmed with everything."

"Want to get some air?"

"Sure, my legs are starting to fall asleep anyway."

"You calling me fat?" He asked me jokingly, as he stood up in an exaggerated huff.

I gave his butt a playful slap.

"You're perfect," I said, unable to come up with a witty retort.

He grabbed my hand and helped me up. We gave our excuses to our friends, then Jasper pulled me out of the porch and back into the house. We escaped the party by taking the back way through the kitchen and out the front door.

We started walking down the sidewalk, hands still laced together.

"Talk to me, babe," Jasper prodded gently.

"There won't be any more nights like this, you know?" I began. "Everybody is moving on and we'll never be all together again."

He squeezed my hand, "We'll all be together less often, but it's not going to be _never_."

"I know. It just feels like it."

"We're moving on, too, you know," Jasper replied as he nudged me gently with his shoulder.

We walked a few blocks before I responded.

"I know. I'm just feeling... nostalgic, I guess, because I'm afraid of what's going to happen this fall."

"The unknown is always scary," Jasper reasoned.

"I know that, too."

"At least we'll be facing it together."

I stopped walking then and turned to Jasper, throwing my arms around his neck. He held onto me silently until I finally loosened my grip, turning my head to rest it on his shoulder.

I chuckled when I realized we were standing right in front of the Forks Elementary playground. It reminded me of that first night.

"I think they forgot one," I said, breaking the quietude.

"One what?" Jasper asked.

"This is the place where Edward and Jasper's record of deviant public sex acts first started."

He laughed and then grabbed me for a kiss.

He pulled away suddenly and grabbed my hand, practically running to the fort structure he had climbed four years before. He climbed the ladder quickly, and I followed after him, ducking into the lookout tower. He sat down and leaned against a wall with his legs splayed.

He looked up at me with his shy smile, and so I joined him, leaning back against his chest between his legs just like I had done before.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his lips against the back of my neck. Then, he unbuttoned my shirt slowly, tracing his fingertips down the front of my chest in circular patterns along the way. He nibbled on my neck some more, not increasing the fervor of his movements but showing me without words how much he loved me.

I wanted to show him back.

I turned until I was kneeling between his legs. It hurt my knees, but I ignored that feeling as I unbuttoned his shirt, revealing the fantastic chest I knew was waiting underneath.

"Your chest is still the sexiest thing I've ever seen," I said as I bent forward to drag his right nipple lightly between my teeth.

"More scars now, though," Jasper hissed.

It was true. He had acquired a few new scars over the past four years. Only, now I knew how he earned them. There was a long scar across the front of his shoulder from doing some kind of work on the cattle ranch. His right hand was peppered with scars from when he drunkenly shattered the mirror after our first major fight. His knee had been torn up from a fall when working the docks after high school.

I licked the scar across his shoulder, then traced down to his other nipple. But, I wasn't close enough. So, I shifted until I was straddling his lap, my thighs resting on his. We were chest to chest now, and I could feel every inch of his hard torso pressed against mine all at once. I reveled in the sensation for a moment before leaning back to take a look at my beautiful man.

I couldn't remember him looking more stunning.

I took my hand up to brush a stray wave back behind his ear.

"I remember the first time I saw you," he whispered. "My first day at Forks High, you were leaning against your Volvo with your earbuds in – what were you listening to?"

"What makes you think I remember?"

"Babe, you remember everything," Jasper insisted.

"The Cure. Friday I'm in Love," I said immediately, because I _did_ remember. I remembered everything about that day. "But, I don't remember everything. I just remember everything about you."

"You were wearing skinny jeans, Levi's, a black Clash t-shirt, and scuffed up Vans that I'm sure Alice didn't approve of," he responded with a smile.

Of course Jasper noticed what I had been wearing.

"You looked nervous," I recalled. "But, you were trying to play it off like you were taking in everything around you."

He pulled me forward again and kissed me hard. I needed to tell him one more thing, so I forced myself to pull myself away.

"I've been in love with you since I was 16 years old," I breathed against his lips. "And, I love you more every day."

"Always, Edward. Always more," he whispered back.

We didn't speak anymore for a long while. We didn't grope each other or really get past first base, but it was romantic.

Perfect.

It was just the two of us and nothing else in the world.

The thing about life, and growing up, is that it's always happening, always changing. What started as a silly teenage game one night in my parents' basement, turned into real life love story. It wasn't always perfect, but that isn't the point.

We had both grown so much in four years, and it was true, if you don't keep growing, then you aren't really living.

I was practical to a fault sometimes and often disbelieving about my relationship with Jasper. I always figured that we'd either grow together or grow apart, and I told myself to savor every moment I had with him.

I didn't know exactly what the future would hold, but I now knew that we would always grow together.

And that was enough.

* * *

**A/N:** And there you have it, dear readers - the end of Seven Minutes in Heaven.

I want to thank each and every one of you for reading, alerting, reviewing, and most of all for sticking with this story and continuing to read it after what was supposed to be a one-shot morphed into over 100,000 words. Thank you especially to those of you who have been here since the beginning. I probably wouldn't have continued without getting those first reviews! A special thank you to OnTheTurningAway, who pimped this story almost from the get go (and who, along with my darling rmhale, keeps me in porn and "picspiration"), and, of course, to PerfectlyPersuasive for coming onto beta the better part of this story. She is my comma queen.

This is not the end of these boys, as I will still update Jasper's side of the story, Seven More Minutes, when I can. There is no further epilogue to this story, but I have not ruled out the possibility of returning to their lives in the future. Otherwise, I have a couple new E/J stories in the wings. One is a much, much different kind of story... ;)


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